57. Willa
CHAPTER FIFTY-SEVEN
WILLA
“ H ey, sweet pea,” Trevor coos at Lyla when he enters the nursery.
I melt. Goo on the floor, completely dissolved.
I know I should hop in the shower and get ready, but hearing the love for our daughter come out of Trevor so easily always pins me in place.
He doesn’t hold back his feelings about being a father, and Lyla has him wrapped around her cute little fingers.
“I’m jealous you got to spend all day with Mama. ”
Lyla laughs, and I melt again. What the hell have these two done to me ? For the last few months, my insides have been all ooey-gooey. I can’t control it.
“I know, Lyla Belle, but you can’t spit up on her.” Trevor walks out of the room and smirks right at me as if he knew I would still be standing here listening to him talk to the baby. “She is beautiful, huh?” he asks Lyla in a high-pitched, cutesy voice, eyes still locked on me.
Biting my lip, I walk to the bedroom, ready to wash this baby puke out of my twists. It’s about time for Ashlie to pick me up anyway. Just as I’m zipping up my sheer lilac dress, the front door slams.
“OH MY GOD!” Ashlie’s voice travels through the closed door, and I rush to the living room in a panic. Where’s the baby ? “Have you seen the news?”
Lyla’s calmly settled on Trevor’s chest, babbling to herself.
My heart’s pounding so hard, I could slap my sister.
“Stop yelling,” I huff, arms settling across my chest. Ashlie grabs the remote and turns on the TV, but I’m too busy juggling glances between her and the baby to worry about whatever the hell has her dramatic ass in a tizzy.
News Reporter : Carter Zane , a partner at the prestigious Johnson and Associates , has been arrested on charges of felony assault and indecent exposure .
In the complaint filed by the Los Angeles County District Attorney ’ s Office this morning, Zane has been accused of multiple assaults spanning three years , involving three women identified in court documents as Jane Doe one , two , and three. ”
My head whips to the TV, mouth gaping as I watch shit-for-brains being led from his office in handcuffs. He struggles as they try to duck him in the back of a waiting patrol car, hitting his head on the door.
Johnson and Associates has been a champion against domestic violence in the community for fifty years .
The charges follow an Equal Employment Opportunity Commission investigation into allegations stating Zane sent explicit photos of himself from company devices .
According to court documents , this investigation prompted the anonymous victims to come forward .
We ’ ve reached out to Johnson and Associates for comment but have yet to hear back . This is a developing story .
I cackle so loudly, it makes Lyla jump. Dumbass . Caught sending puny dick pics from the law firm. In all the messages he sent me, I’m glad I never had to see that again.
“Should I turn in the mall video?” Ashlie asks through her giggles. “Maybe they’ll put his ass under the jail.”
“Nope.” I laugh, heading back toward the bedroom. He stopped messaging me after our run-in at the mall. The video we have is pretty damning, but I’ve moved on and he’s clearly being taken care of. “I just never want to hear his name again. Let me get my shoes.”
Trevor is hooking up a gaming system to the TV when I come back to the living room.
Ashlie and Hunter are on the sofa, fawning over baby Lyla with animated smiles on their faces.
Auntiehood suits Ash, and Hunter’s taken the uncle role to an extreme.
I regularly get demanding messages from both of them requesting baby pictures during the day.
It’s annoying and adorable, but nice to know my little village of people is legit.
For the first time in forever, I actually believe I’m not alone.
“Ash, stop hogging the baby!” Hunter leans over her lap, putting his face in front of Lyla.
“Get your big-ass head out of her face, Hunt. You get to see her all night.”
“That doesn’t mean you get all the quality time right now.”
I step forward and reach for Lyla, who’s fussing tugs at my insides like the last dissolvable stitch in a healing wound.
“How about you two have your own baby and stop fighting over mine?” Cradling her in my arms, I sway my hips in a figure eight, hoping to settle her before the wailing starts again.
“Sounds good to me.” Hunter’s eyebrows dance suggestively at Ashlie, who rolls her eyes back at him.
“Don’t get him started, Wills. Do you know how many times a day he tells me Lyla needs a cousin?”
“Five?” Trevor offers from across the room, squatting low to reach behind the entertainment center.
“Today it was seven,” she says .
“That’s it? I need to up my game then.” Hunter flashes her a grin and sneaks in a kiss.
“Whatever.” Ashlie uses Hunter’s thigh to help her stand from the couch. “You ready, Wills? I’m not trying to keep you out too late. I know how much of a lightweight you are.” She shimmies her shoulders as she backs up toward the door.
“What exactly are you getting her into, Ash?” Trevor asks.
I shake my head at him, switching to bouncing Lyla once the swaying proves ineffective. “It’s just dress shopping and dinner. I don’t know what her little happy dance is for.”
“Oh, that’s just a thing she does whenever she knows I’m right about us having a bab?—”
“ Ugh ! Hunter!” Ashlie shoots him a glare, but the smile on his face grows.
Trevor slips the baby out of my arms, hands her to Hunter, and wraps his arm around me. She wails immediately, and I try to wiggle free. “Maybe I should stay. Lyla’s been fussy like this all day and?—”
“Nope.” Trevor pulls me into his chest. “You deserve a break, Gem. She’ll be fine.
” He tips his forehead down to mine with a smile.
“Have fun, and good luck dress shopping.” His kiss lingers on my lips, and as much as I say I’m not ready to be intimate with him, the tingling between my thighs reminds me it’s a bold-faced lie. I am ready. I’m just scared.
“Okay, Dad . You gonna give her a curfew, too?” Ashlie mocks. We ignore the sass being thrown at us from the open door and lean in for another embrace.
“Damn, Lyla, you might have a sibling before we get you a cousin,” Hunter says.
Pulling away, I scowl at Hunter. Mostly because he’s cussing in front of my child, but also because I know—with absolute surety—I won’t be having any more babies. I love Lyla more than anything, but I have zero interest in repeating any of this. One and done. And another reason I’m scared .
“Willa, come onnnn . We have to find you a gala dress before your social meter runs out.”
“Okay, okay. Keep your pants on,” I say to Ashlie before turning back to Trevor. “Don’t you spoil her by letting her sleep on your chest.” I poke him right in the spot I’m talking about. “She sleeps in the crib tonight, Tre.”
“But what if she does the lip wobble thing?” He puffs out his lower lip, making a near identical face to Lyla’s.
“She can barely lift her head. You’re the boss.”
“Mmm, nah, I’m pretty sure she is. She’s even got Hunter whipped into shape.” He tips his head over to the couch, where Hunter’s making her laugh with another animated look on his usually schooled expression. It really is adorable .
“Willa!”
“I’m this close to staying home, Ash, I swear…”
“Nuh-uh. Nope. You’re going.” Trevor presses a peck to my lips and turns me toward the door. “I love you. Have fun. Relax.”
“We will!” Ashlie cheers loudly, arm shooting into the air as if she’s still on the cheer squad.
“Not likely.” I scrunch my nose, and she bumps my hip before yanking me out the door.
“So, how’s it going, really?” Ashlie asks, thumbing through the circular rack at Dress Designs Depot.
“Good. Really good.”
“Like wedding bells on the horizon, good?” Her eyes glisten with excitement.
I grimace and shake my head. “No.”
“You just said everything was going well. You don’t want to be married?”
“It’s not that I don’t want to. It’s complicated.
The kid thing was something I dreamed about, but I always envisioned doing it by myself, just like everything else.
I knew I’d have my own career and house and child.
” I pull a black sequined sheath dress from the rack and fold it over my arm.
“As great as he is, it’s an adjustment envisioning a life with a man I couldn’t stand a year ago, who’s more actively involved than I ever could have imagined possible from a partner. ”
“But you’re already living it, Wills. You already have all of that, plus a life with him. You have for months.”
“I know.” I sigh. This sounds like a weak excuse, even to myself. It is one. Right before having Lyla, I had frequent thoughts of marriage. But now that everything’s settling, doubts follow each hope for the future. “I can’t imagine not having him in my life going forward.”
“So, you do want to marry him?”
“I…don’t know.”
“Girl, don’t give me that. You do know. You’re just using your logic to crowd out your emotions. The question is why ?”
“I’m just…not convinced he’s going to like me…”
Ashlie cackles, fully doubling over and hissing like a cat trapped in a burlap sack.
“I’m serious, Ash! Now that the hormones are settling, and I’m starting to feel like myself again, who’s to say he’s going to keep feeling the same?
I’m not the easiest person to live with—you know this.
And don’t get me started on how my body has changed.
I find a new consequence of pregnancy every time I look in the mirror. ”
“Girl. I say this as your loving sister… You’re the dumbest smart person I’ve ever met. That man has been captivated by you for years.”
“Yeah . Okay .”
“Oh, you don’t believe me? Hold this.” Ashlie shoves her collection of dresses into my arms, and I have to steady my feet to keep from tipping over. “Look. He sent this the night we were at dinner before the music festival last year.”
Trevor
What do you think Willa would do if I called her pretty?
Ashlie
Why don’t you do it and find out?
Trevor
Because I think she’d leave, and I really don’t want that to happen.
Ashlie
You could offer to walk her back to the hotel…win-win.
He did ask if he could walk me back to my room that night. I remember thinking I’d rather choke on a dry biscuit.
“How far back do you want me to go, Wills? He liked you before anything happened. It’s been years.
I doubt falling in love and sharing the cutest baby ever would change his mind about anything.
” She puts a hand on my shoulder and squeezes.
“You had a baby, not a lobotomy. I’d say you were more authentic when you were pregnant than you ever have been.
You didn’t hide yourself, Wills. We got the full range of you for nine months, and it was beautiful. ”
I shrug and stare at the fancy gowns in my arms. “I’m just scared, I guess. Everything’s great right now. I don’t want that to change. Not when I’m finally…” My breath catches, my eyes darting to hers to see if she heard.
“ Happy ?” She gives a knowing smile. “It’s okay to say you’re happy. Saying the word won’t make Trev and Lyla evaporate into the ether.” She nudges my elbow. “Say it, girl. You’re happy.”
“I’m happy.” I smile, the sequins gleaming with little starbursts as a watery puddle fills my eyes. Extremely happy. We’ve gotten to a comfortable place, Trevor and I, and I’ve never felt so cherished and understood and…happy.
Ashlie glances at her buzzing phone and rolls her eyes. “Not to burst your bubble, but Mom has been asking how you’re doing.” She holds it up, and reading the message takes away all the warm fuzzies I had a second ago.
“That’s the whole problem, Ash. Instead of fixing things herself, she’s trying to do it through you.”
“That’s what I told her when she called me yesterday, asking for pictures of Lyla. I didn’t send any, by the way.”
“ Oh ? Is the golden child feeling a little tarnished?”
“Maybe a little. Mom won’t shut up about the wedding, and I’m so close to jumping on a plane and eloping.”
“Is that why you’re so interested in me getting married? To get Mom off your back?” I squint at her.
“No, Willa. Some of us just really like seeing you happy for once and want it to become a regular thing.”
“You wanted to be the maid of honor, huh?” I tease.
“Shut up, okay ?” she wails, fanning her face to keep her lovey-dovey tears from spilling. “I just love love, and you and Trevor are so cute. And yeah, maybe I do want to be the MOH .” She pronounces it like Moe . “Is that a crime to want to be there for my sister?”
“Come on, MOH . Help me decide which one of these is gala worthy so I can go home.” I giggle at how emotional she is over this hypothetical wedding.
Trevor and I have only ever had one conversation about it, and he hasn’t brought it up since.
Maybe he’s okay with things staying just as they are too.