Chapter Twenty Two Seven Years Earlier
Chapter Twenty Two
Seven Years Earlier
‘Are you having a good time?’
I looked up at Adam and smiled. ‘I really am. I’m a complete sucker for a Christmas market.’
Adam grinned and pulled me a little closer to his side, a place I was fast realising I might be happy to occupy forever. ‘Warm enough?’ he checked, cinching me even closer.
‘I am, but you must be freezing.’
He’d come straight from work, still in his suit and tie, to meet me at the Winter Wonderland extravaganza, knowing how much I’d been looking forward to browsing the market with its festive bars, street food stalls and unique holiday gifts.
‘We don’t have to stay much longer if you’re cold,’ I said, my eyes saying something entirely different when I spotted a whole avenue of artisan stalls which we’d yet to explore.
‘I’m happy to keep browsing,’ Adam said, his eyes warm even if the rest of him wasn’t. ‘It’s fun seeing you all lit up with excitement like this.’
‘If you think this is bad, just wait until Christmas is actually here,’ I warned.
He pulled me towards him, despite the jostling crowds, and kissed me warmly.
‘I can’t wait.’
Even above the Christmas music from the nearby speakers and the buzz of the crowd, I could hear the sincerity in his voice. ‘There isn’t a single thing about you that I don’t love, Lily Williams, except perhaps’ – he paused for half a heartbeat – ‘your surname. That’s something I’d really like us to think about changing.’ Another tiny pause. ‘Someday soon,’ he finished softly.
It wasn’t the first time he’d said that, or something similar. It wasn’t a proposal, not exactly. But it was a testing of the waters, trying to gauge my reaction, to see if the walls I’d once erected were still there. They weren’t. He’d brought them down so effortlessly that I’d hardly noticed them crumbling away to dust.
The past six months had been a joyful time as we wove a space in our lives for each other. I had a drawer in his bedroom; his toiletries were in my bathroom cabinet. He loved my family and liked my friends and hadn’t even minded the extensive grilling Andie had given him over Skype when I’d finally introduced them.
‘I’ve been through tougher job interviews,’ he’d said, only half joking, when we finally ended the call. ‘Do you think I passed the test?’
I climbed on to his lap, curling my body against his – one of my new favourite positions – although there were a couple of new bedroom ones that threatened to knock it off the number one spot.
‘Absolutely,’ I told him, nuzzling his neck and breathing in his aftershave. ‘Andie would have told you if she’d thought you were a waste of space. She has no filter, and she’s always had my back.’
‘For that reason alone, I already love her.’
And when they eventually met, I had no doubt the feeling would be mutual.
‘I want all of your family and friends to realise how much you mean to me and to know that I’d never do anything to hurt you.’
They already knew that. If it came to a jury decision, everyone important in my life had already made up their mind about Adam. There was only one special person who had yet to cast their vote. Josh. But as he remained addicted to travelling and was rarely in the country for more than a few weeks at a time, the two hadn’t yet met.
We meandered from stall to stall, watching ice-carving demonstrations, sampling street food from vendors, and filling the bag he carried for me with unusual Christmas gifts.
‘Fancy a beer?’ Adam suggested, inclining his head towards an Oktoberfest-style beer tent.
I was about to say yes when I felt something tugging me towards one last stall tucked away at the end of the row. It was festooned with large, teardrop-shaped fairy lights which illuminated an array of snow globes set out on a long trestle table.
Adam’s breath was ballooning like a cloud from the cold, but he saw the expression on my face, clasped my hand in his and wordlessly steered us away from the craft beers and towards the stall.
Snow globes. In every shape, size and colour. As the stall holder dealt with another customer who had his back to us, I stepped a little closer, my gaze running over the variety of snow-trapped scenes.
Janette Baker, our old neighbour and Josh’s foster mum, had been an avid collector. ‘ For some people it’s china teapots, but for me it’s snow globes, ’ I could remember her telling me once, when I’d admired the kitchen dresser which displayed her not inconsiderable collection. Even now, years after her death, I couldn’t pass a snow globe without thinking of her.
My eye was caught by a particularly amusing globe near the front of the stand. I plucked it up, smiling broadly at the cheerfully grinning polar bear who was having to endure yet another blizzard.
‘Very cute,’ said Adam.
I’d told him about Josh – well, as much as I thought he needed to know – but I’d never mentioned Janette or her hobby.
‘Would you like it?’ Adam asked, his hand already halfway towards his wallet.
I hesitated for a moment. ‘No. It just made me remember—’
‘Lily!’ The customer who’d been in front of us at the stall turned around so fast it made my own head spin.
‘Lily,’ he cried again, putting down the globe he’d been holding as his arms reached for me.
I didn’t remember letting go of Adam’s hand, but I must have done. Because there wasn’t a tug of war as the man I’d once loved and the one I did now pulled me between them.
‘Josh!’ I exclaimed as he encircled me in an enormous hug, so huge it lifted me off my feet. He held me tighter than Adam did; his cheek was scratchy with stubble, which itched compared to my boyfriend’s smooth skin. There was little difference in their heights, but Josh’s thick parka made him seem broader and taller than Adam.
‘What on earth are you doing here?’ I asked when he eventually released me and allowed some of the missing oxygen to return to my squeezed lungs.
‘Looking at snow globes,’ Josh replied artlessly, his eyes flickering briefly over my left shoulder to where Adam was still standing.
‘I meant in the UK. Weren’t you spending Christmas in Albania, or Lithuania, or . . .’
Josh grinned. ‘Or some other place ending in -ania?’ he teased.
Although my feet were now back on the cobblestones, Josh’s arms were still around my waist. It was a small move, but it felt like a very big one as I wriggled myself out of his hold and took a step back to stand beside Adam. It forced my old friend to swivel his eyes over to the man at my side.
‘Adam,’ I said, turning to him first, because it felt important to get the order of the introduction right. ‘This is my old friend, Josh. Josh, this is Adam . . . my partner.’
It went very quiet for a moment. I felt the passing of every single second as I waited. Adam extended his hand to Josh a split second before Josh lifted his. They shook and I had no idea whose grip had been just a fraction too hard for a polite greeting, but I had no doubt someone’s had been.
‘Nice to meet you,’ Adam said, his voice giving nothing away. ‘Lily has told me all about you.’
Annoyingly, Josh allowed his eyebrows to rise at that. ‘Has she?’ he said, picking up a metaphorical stick and already deciding to poke the bear with it.
I turned and glared at him, and the stick was immediately dropped.
‘Well, I’d only believe half of the nice things she said. She was probably just being kind.’
‘And what about the bad things?’
I whirled around, and this time it was Adam’s turn to be on the receiving end of my glare.
Josh laughed and patted my shoulder in a jovial ‘we’re all mates here’ kind of way. ‘Oh, they were definitely all true.’
I didn’t know who had suggested that Josh should join us in the Oktoberfest tent for a beer. I was fairly sure it hadn’t been me. But then I equally couldn’t imagine one of my companions floating the idea either.
The tent was large and bustling. Long trestle tables were filled with people enjoying the chance to sample the extensive range of craft beers and take a load off for a few minutes. We stood at the entrance for several moments, scanning the tables for a place. Perhaps, if none could be found, we’d have to abandon this plan, I was thinking hopefully, when a foursome sitting on the end of the table nearest the exit got to their feet and Josh swooped in to claim the vacant seats.
Adam waited until I’d slid on to the bench opposite Josh before setting down the bag he was carrying. ‘What would you like?’ he asked Josh, and I held my breath, willing Josh not to give a snarky reply and just choose a damn beer. Perhaps my telepathy skills were better than I realised, because that was what he did.
Josh waited until Adam had stepped away to join the long queue at the bar before turning back to me. His smile was the one that used to melt my internal organs, but for the first time ever I could feel its potency had waned.
‘I can’t believe we’ve randomly run into each other like this,’ Josh said, shrugging out of his heavy jacket and pulling the beanie from his head. Despite my resolve, something kicked inside me as he rolled his shoulders and settled back on to the bench. Old habits die hard, screaming in protest when you deliberately decide to ignore them – or so it seemed.
‘I can’t believe you didn’t tell me you were coming back to the UK for Christmas.’ Josh wasn’t exactly the most reliable of correspondents. He rarely used his phone when travelling and had a habit of turning up unannounced at my door, something I’d always kind of loved, but now I felt unsettled and jangly.
‘It was a last-minute decision. Claire was giving me a hard time about being constantly away, so I thought I’d surprise everyone.’
I allowed my eyes to flicker towards Adam, who was still some distance from the head of the queue.
‘Consider me surprised.’
‘Ditto,’ Josh said, his own eyes also going to Adam. He went to reach for my hand across the beer-sticky tabletop, but I whipped it out of his way. Up went the eyebrows again. ‘You didn’t tell me you were seeing anyone.’
‘Was I meant to?’ My question was all innocence and nonchalance. ‘I mean, I never know who you’re seeing.’
The eyebrows drew closer together. Truly, I could have an entire conversation with Josh without him ever having to say a word. ‘That’s because the people I “see” are all impermanent and unimportant.’
‘I’m sure they’d all love to hear that,’ I said, so sweetly that he winced.
‘You know what I mean. None of them was ever going to be a long-term fixture in my life. The kind you’d want to introduce to your oldest friend as your “partner”.’
Ah, so that was what had stung.
‘Partner, not boyfriend,’ Josh said, a frisson of something like panic flickering across his face when he saw that Adam was now being served. ‘It sounds like it’s serious, Lily.’
I licked my lips nervously. This was a conversation I’d always known would come. What I hadn’t known was how I would feel about it. Surprisingly okay, as it turned out.
‘It is serious, Josh. I think he might be the one.’
His throat visibly tightened at my words, but his face remained impassive. He nodded slowly as he watched the bartender pass Adam three pints of beer.
‘He seems like a nice guy. I’m happy for you. I look forward to getting to know him better.’
That was three lies, one right after the other, but there was no time to challenge him on any of them, as Adam returned to the table and slid into the space beside me.