20. CHARLOTTE
20
I t’s awfully hot for an April day, and I welcome the summer with a sweet tea, enjoying the warmth on my skin. The spring sun creeps onto the wood of the porch, a melody of birds serenading me from my swinging bench.
With a book in my lap and my body settled deeply into the cushions, I read the next sentence, when the rumble of Hunter’s truck comes closer. I’d recognize that sound anywhere, and every time it tingles a giddy feeling alive. Twenty seconds later, he parks in my driveway like he owns the place, and part of me feels like he does.
The last six months, he’s been entwined in my life so deeply that I can barely remember what life looked like without him. He’s been helping me take care of my mom, driving us to the hospital, hanging out with me when I don’t want to leave her alone, helping me study or doing my best to take my mind off everything whenever he gets the chance.
Going for burgers and ice cream with him is my favorite thing to do, even though it rivals simply sitting on this porch with him and looking up at the stars.
He’s my rock, and I don’t know if I’d be able to graduate this year if he wasn’t.
I assess how he gets out of his truck, wearing gray sweats that ride low on his hips, and a white t-shirt that hugs his muscled arms .
Fuck, he’s getting hotter every day.
He seems to get bigger the more he fights, training his ass off when he’s not hanging out with me. The sight of it makes it harder and harder for me to deny I don’t want to explore every inch of his body. Because after imagining it in my fantasies for months now, there’s nothing I’d want to do more.
A smug grin splits his gorgeous face that doesn’t fully reach his eyes as he walks up the porch steps.
Something is up.
“What are you doing?”
I hold up my book.
“Of course.”
“I thought you were going to the creek?” I ask, referring to the conversation we had on the phone this morning. I know the water is still stone cold, but there are always some crazy boys from school that think it’s a good time for a swim whenever it’s above sixty degrees out.
“I am.” He easily lifts my feet, then takes a seat next to me and puts them back on his lap. His hands never let go of my heel, a tight grip burning through my sock.
“But?” I know that look on his face. “You had another fight with your mom?”
“Hmm.” He brushes his hand through his hair, avoiding my gaze as he stares at the wood on the porch. I hope he’d fight less with his mom, considering he wasn’t home much anymore. But lately, she’s been getting into it with him every time their paths cross.
“You wanna talk about it?”
“Maybe later.”
“Okay.”
I could push him, and he would tell me. He’s walked up my porch in this state many times before, but his entire stance right now tells me he just wants to ‘ be ’ instead of talk. We sit there for a few minutes, his hands resting on my legs, while I do my best to read the words in front of me. Which is fucking useless, because I hate seeing him like this, all lost in his own thoughts, looking like he carries the weight of the world on his shoulders.
I’ve been tempted to ask Mama if he could stay with us until we graduate, but ever since Mama’s latest chemo hit her like a ton of bricks, I don’t want to give her the feeling she’s got another kid to take care of, when she can barely take care of her own.
“Come with me?” he finally blurts, and I glance up from my book, then offer him a skeptical look.
“I don’t really like parties, you know this.” I’m not the type of girl who drinks, nor do I enjoy talking to a bunch of strangers. As much as I hate to admit it, half of the people in my class are strangers to me. It happens when you’re too busy taking care of your mother instead of going to social events.
“I know, but I feel like shit, and you’re the only one who makes it better.” He has a pleading look on his face that pulls a loud exhale from my lungs. I don’t take any shit from anyone, having no issues telling people no when I have to... but Hunter Hansen can give me looks that make me forget I even have a spine in my body.
“Come with me. We will hang for a few hours, and then we’ll get some burgers, just you and me. Please. ”
I roll my eyes at his low attempt to entice me with food, even though I know I’m going with him, anyway. I don’t like him being alone in this state. It makes him act like more of an ass than normal, and I’d prefer his black eyes to not come at all or from the fights he actually gets paid for. Letting him go to the creek by himself right now seems like a disaster waiting to happen.
“Fine,” I groan, rolling my neck when my eyes move to the back of my head .
“Thank you.” He takes my hand, pressing a kiss on my palm, shooting me a thankful look. Feeling his scorching lips on my body has a shudder running through me, and I lick my lips before I suck in a deep breath to push the flutter back in his cage.
“Ditch me for one of your bimbos, and I will never talk to you again.” I lift my finger in the air with a reprimanding tone before he snatches it, pulling me closer. My heart is setting a pace that’s as close as a beating drum. Strong, pounding, nerve-wracking. His brown eyes look right through me while I glance at his lips.
“Never, babe.”
We arrive at the creek about fifteen minutes later, and I’m relieved when I notice Julie’s car on the lot, relaxing the muscles in my back a bit. My eyes roam around the grass, looking for her honey blonde head of hair while there are about thirty people from our class, all dressed in swimming gear, either hanging out around the firepit in the middle, or swimming in the water. I exit the truck, letting my body slide down the side of the vehicle.
“Hey,” Hunter booms from the driver’s seat, and I turn around to meet his thoughtful gaze. “Tell me when you want to go, okay?”
The look in his eyes tells me he means it, but I’m determined to do my best to be a normal senior today, instead of wanting to go back home and check on Mama.
I nod, slamming the door shut, and he does the same. He pulls a bag with towels out of the trunk, then he wraps his arm around my shoulder, walking us toward some of his friends.
“Charlie!” The familiar voice of my friend reaches my ears, and I turn around just quick enough to catch her when she launches her body into mine. “You’re here! I thought you didn’t want to come?” Julie screeches.
She lets go of me, putting her feet back on the ground while I look into her cheerful face. Part of me expected her to be a daredevil wearing a bikini, but it’s still hidden by shorts and a thin knitted white top.
“I didn’t.” I chuckle, briefly locking my eyes with Hunter’s.
She frowns, looking over my shoulder.
“Of course.” She gives me a wink, wiggling her eyebrows in a playful way. “He’s hard to resist, isn’t he?”
“Shut up, Julie. He’s my friend.” God, I’m starting to hate that word.
“Ugh, for crying out loud, when are the two of you going to take the plunge, anyway? You’re not getting any younger.” She rolls her eyes, linking her arm in mine, dragging me to the edge of the water. Flicking my head over my shoulder, I give Hunter an apologetic look while I mouth to him that I’ll be right back.
Julie forces us both on our asses, and I take my Converse off to dip my toes in the water. The water is cold as fuck, no surprise there, and I let out a small screech.
“How are people swimming now? It’s fucking cold.” I glance at the boys, who launch themselves into the water by the rope hanging from a tree.
“They say it’s not as bad when you get in.” She pulls a face. “I say they’re crazy.”
I let out a chuckle, and we fall silent, an invisible tension forming between us.
“How are you, girl? Homeboy over there won’t let you out of his sight.” She playfully bumps her shoulder against mine, as she nods her head toward the boys behind us, and I let out a half chuckle. My fingers play with the grass between my legs while my eyes peer into the water in front of me .
We haven’t been hanging out in a while because I’m always taking care of my mother, and Hunter claims every other free minute of my time. I know she doesn’t hold any grudge about the fact that I’m spending most of my time with Hunter, but I still have this guilty feeling inside of me that nags me now and then.
“I know,” I confess. “He’s hard to shake.”
“Do you want to shake him?” She eyes me, her lips pursed in a smug grin.
“No. No, I don’t.” I shake my head, throwing snippets of grass into the water, turning my head to glance behind me. Quickly, my eyes lock with Hunter, who’s giving me a boyish grin and a wink that makes my heart purr in delight before I turn back around. Heat is flushing my neck, and I let out a sigh, torn about the fact that I’m happy when he’s around. Safe.
“How are things with Jacob?”
She volleys me a stink eye, seeing right through my path of deviation.
“Never date a college guy, girl.” A bitter smile crosses her face. “They are fickle as fuck.”
“Not so good then?”
Her entire posture slumps as she fixates on the ground with a vacant stare.
“It’s good. In fact, it’s great.” Bambi brown eyes move back up to me. “When he’s actually with me.”
“What do you mean?”
A deep, weighted sigh puffs up her chest, the gravity audible enough to pinch my heart a bit. “Jacob and I are great together when he’s with me. But when he’s not? I have no clue what we are.”
“That sucks, Jules.”
Unshed tears glimmer in her eyes, but she pushes them away with a tight smile. “I know. I’m gonna talk to him. ”
Within the blink of an eye, her defeated stance evaporates, and she sits up.
Here we go.
“So...” Julie starts, a judging tone etching through her voice while she throws a pebble into the water. “When are the two of you getting your heads out of your asses?” she asks, repeating the question from earlier.
My eyes widen as I turn toward her, throwing my head back with rolling eyes. “I wish everyone would stop asking that. We are just friends, Jules .” A scowl that’s answered with a look that says I’m full of shit.
“You guys are really persistent with your ‘friendship. ’” She brings her hands up, making quotation marks in the air as she emphasizes the word. “Yet, the longing looks say it all.”
“What?” I squeal, a little indignant. “We don’t share longing looks.”
I’m so full of shit.
“Sweetie, you guys share nothing but longing looks.”
I push out a frustrated breath, glancing over my shoulder again to make sure no one can hear us. “It’s complicated, okay?” Maybe if Hunter didn’t have such a fucked-up childhood, I would have taken the plunge by now. But I’m scared it won’t work out and we won’t be able to save our friendship. He’ll be left with nothing. Again.
“Oh, now you’re going with the Facebook status of your relationship?”
“It’s not a relationship,” I hiss, shooting her a glare. “We’re friends. That’s it.”
“Charlotte Roux, you really wanna lie to my pretty face, and tell me you don’t love that boy?” She cocks an eyebrow with a look full of sass .
“Of course I love him.” I shrug. It was never about me not loving him. I think I’ve loved him since the moment I stepped into his truck that night. “He’s my best friend. I love you too.”
It’s one thing to feel more for your best friend than you’re supposed to feel. But actually voicing it makes the world go to shit, because before you know it, everything changes. I can’t handle change. Not right now. Not when I have no clue if my mom will be around next year. Our friendship is all we’ve got. And I can’t lose that. Neither of us can.
“Don’t bullshit me like that. You don’t love me enough to want to kiss me. But you love him enough to do a lot more than that. And I sure as fuck know he does.”
“What do you mean?” I snap my head toward her.
“Are you kidding me? Girl, that boy is head over heels in love with you.”
“No, he’s not,” I blurt, incredulous, my heart galloping away from me.
“Oh, please. You don’t actually believe that, right?”
I blink at her slight scowl, not even knowing what to say, trying to process what she’s telling me.
“What makes you think he’s in love with me?” I finally whisper, glancing at the boys.
“One, it’s written on his face. Two, he doesn’t see any other girl than you. Three, he has been flirting with you from day one. Four, he keeps sabotaging your dates. Five—”
“Okay, okay, I get it,” I interrupt, trying to shut her up, not wanting to hear any more at this point.
“There is a whole list, really.”
“He sees other girls.”
“Not anymore.” She shakes his head. “Trust me, girls are complaining about it.”
“You wanna tell me he hasn’t slept with anyone in the last couple of months?” I find that very hard to believe .
“Where would he find the time, Charlie? He’s with you all the fucking time.”
My lips press together, not wanting to believe her. I mean, I know he’s with me all the time, but I figured he just meets up with girls whenever he leaves my house. Even if that’s at one or two a.m.
“We’re just friends,” I say again when I have no clue what else to say.
“Even if he is? Do you want to be just friends ?” The look on her face grows serious. She reminds me of a young Dolly Parton, a real southern belle with the sass to match. She’s playful, always looking for fun, but the stern expression in her eyes tells me she’s not trying to be funny right now.
I swallow hard, fully aware of the answer to that question.
“Maybe,” I admit, pushing out a breath.
“Well, all I know...?” she says as she looks over her shoulder. “It’s a definitely for him.”