Chapter Ten #3
She falls apart for me again, screaming so loud her voice breaks, and I know she can't take any more. She's split open and fucked raw, gasping for breath beneath me, more beautiful than she's ever been.
I roar her name, driving into her a final time before I give her everything I have, spilling into her again and again. And I hope to God that I get her pregnant, that I tie her to me in a way that nothing will ever undo.
I want to leave a little piece of me growing inside of her, so deep she can't ever get me out again. Maybe then she'll realize. Maybe then she'll know. I'm fucking hers. I always have been.
N either of us speaks as we come down, trembling and shaking. I roll her on top of me, holding her tightly. Her face is still damp with tears, but she's calmer now.
"You really aren't leaving?" she finally whispers.
"Not unless it's with you," I murmur, brushing hair out of her face.
Her wide eyes meet mine.
"If you take the job in Los Angeles, I'm going with you. That's what you heard today, Dimples," I say softly. "We were talking about my plan to follow you to LA."
She bites her lip and then drops her gaze, her head bowed. "I'm a jerk."
"You're scared."
She nods solemnly. "I've been waiting for you to ask me to stay."
"I couldn't."
"Oh."
She doesn't ask why, but I hear the question echoing in the silence between us.
"You've already lost too much, Paisley. And you've worked too goddamn hard for me to be selfish and ask you to give up anything else just to be here with me.
Your dreams matter to you." I dry her cheeks with my fingertips. "So I'll go wherever they take you."
"I want to stay here," she whispers.
A grin tugs at my lips. "I know. That's why I went to talk to Alexa Warner today."
Her brows furrow like she remembers the name but doesn't understand the significance of it.
"She's a prosecutor with the DA's office."
Paisley's eyes widen. "W-what did you go to see her about?"
"A job." I tip her head back with a finger beneath her chin. "That's what I was worried wouldn't work out. Not us, the job."
"Oh," she whispers against my lips.
"We're going to work out, Paisley. We would have three years ago if we'd just talked.
And I'm so fucking sorry that I messed it up back then, baby.
It kills me that I hurt you. I can't go back and fix that now.
I wish to God that I could, but I can't," I whisper.
"What I can do is promise you that it won't happen again, baby.
I won't ever walk away again. I won't ever let you down again.
But if you have fears or doubts, I need you to come to me with them, not run from me because of them.
I can't address them if you don't share them. "
"I don't like secrets, Ridley," she whispers. "They make me feel like I don't have any control. I need to feel like I have some control, or I freak out."
"Because of what happened between us last time," I mutter.
"No." She rolls slightly, folding her arms together on my chest and then propping her head on top of them.
"Because of Pierce. His mission was classified.
We didn't even know where he was going until after…
" A shadow passes across her face. "Well, we didn't know.
Even before that, I spent a lot of years and a lot of time not knowing where he was, if he was okay, or when he'd be back.
All I could do was worry. And then, one day he just… didn't come back."
"I'm so fucking sorry, baby," I whisper, wishing like hell I could bring him back for her, but I do understand where she's coming from.
For her, there's safety in control. There's comfort in knowing.
And after a loss like that, where I'm guessing she still doesn't have all the details because the mission was classified, feeling like she has a little bit of control is the one thing that keeps her moving forward.
I love that she gives it up to me so easily.
She trusts me to keep her safe and to protect her.
But there are limits. For her, there probably always will be.
She lost her brother and won't ever have all the answers as to how or why.
I can live with her needing to know what's happening in her life.
If she needs that to feel safe and secure, I can give it to her.
"I talked to Alex today to ask her to hire you on," I murmur. "She couldn't make any promises, and I don't want to get your hopes up, but she's going to float your name in front of the DA and see what she can do."
"I've interviewed in a lot of places," she says.
"Yeah, but you haven't interviewed in the right place, Paisley. Even if the job here doesn't come through, the place you're meant to be will materialize."
She doesn't say anything for a long moment, processing that. "You'd really move to LA with me?"
"If that's where you end up? Absolutely. It's not my favorite city in the world, but anywhere with you is home to me."
She cracks a smile, her gaze flickering across my face. "So…we're really doing this, huh?"
"Fuck yeah, we are," I whisper, slipping my hand into my pocket. I pull out the ring I bought her three years ago, clutching it in my fist. "You want to know where I went the morning after Lucy and Oliver's wedding?"
"I thought you went to the airport?"
"Besides the airport?"
Her gaze flickers across my face again before she nods.
"Hold out your hand."
Her brows furrow, but she doesn't ask any questions before holding her hand out, palm up.
"I was buying this." I drop the ring into her hand.
She glances down at it, and then blinks, a gasp spilling from her lips. "Ridley, this is a ring," she whispers, her voice strangled.
"Yeah, baby."
"You b-bought me a ring?"
"Yep."
Her gaze flies to mine.
She looks so shocked, I can't help but chuckle. "I planned to come back here and put it on you. I was even going to follow you to Stanford. I figured we'd get a place there so you'd be close to school, and I could commute back and forth a few days a week to help out around here."
Her face falls, her chin wobbling. "We messed it all up, didn't we?"
"Nah, Dimples. We just took a little detour getting here."
"What?"
I take the ring from her hand and then brush a kiss across her knuckles before sliding the ring on her finger where it belongs. It fits her perfectly. "We didn't break it. It's not over. This is still yours, and my last name will be, too, just as soon as you're ready to change yours."
"Ridley," she gasps, her lips slightly parted. "Are you…?"
"No. I'm not asking you, Dimples." I cup her cheek, grinning at her. "That was never part of the plan."
"Oh, really?" She arches a brow at me. "Then what was the plan?"
"To slip it on your finger while you were sleeping and then tell everyone you said yes so you felt like you had to follow through and marry me."
That was the plan. And if it didn't work, Plan B involved begging on my knees until she agreed.
Whatever it took to make her mine. The plan hasn't really changed.
I'll beg if that's what it takes. I'll kidnap her to the damn courthouse if I have to do it.
Anything it takes to get my ring on her finger and my last name added to the end of hers.
"Ridley!" A shocked laugh erupts from her lips.
"I wasn't taking chances, Dimples. If I ask, you can say no. But if I don't ask…" I shrug, smirking. "Well, you can't break a motherfucker's heart if he doesn't give you a choice in the matter."
"You really think I'd say no?"
I roll her beneath me, crawling over her. "You're the only thing in this world that I've ever wanted. Do I think you'd say no? I sure as hell hope not…but I'm ignorant, not stupid, Dimples. Why chance it?"
She loops her arms around my neck, my favorite sweet smile playing at her lips.
"Then let's not chance it," she whispers, pulling my head down to hers.