Chapter 5
chapter five
jude
He caught me.
Nesto saw me running my eyes all over him and was now standing right in front of me flashing a smile which was having an unnerving effect on my knee joints.
I glanced at him, feeling more than a little mortified, and lifted my hand in greeting, “Hi.”
“Hey.”
Oh god. His voice was actual sex. I was so out of my league right now.
He smelled so good it was addling my senses, like cedar, lemon, and man sweat. He had on a long-sleeved gray t-shirt that looked super soft to the touch, and the jeans he was wearing were molded to his strong thighs and ass like they were painted on. I would not whimper.
I had more self-control than this.
I tried to focus on other things which were not his body, but looking at his face didn’t help at all. His closeness was doing things to my insides, and his skin was perfect. Light brown with a rosiness on his cheeks, like he would flush in the heat…or when he was turned on.
At this hour he was showing a bit of scruff, too, and it made his lips stand out even more. His mouth was…big. His lips broad and fleshy. I could probably suck on them for hours.
I closed my eyes for a second to try to tamp down everything that was happening inside me. When I opened them again he was looking down at me with a wicked expression, as if he knew exactly what was going through my head.
His was such an arresting beauty.
Not just pretty or handsome, but striking.
Like every single part of him was made with the utmost intent.
The more I looked at him, the more I got the feeling starting up something with Nesto was not going to allow for my usual surgical extraction.
This man could make my simple, fastidiously structured life, very messy.
I kept staring up at him, at that perfect mouth, and I let myself drift in a fantasy where I could freely walk up to Nesto and kiss his lips.
Touch his chest, run my hands up his neck and face.
I imagined he was mine, and the warmth the image brought almost sent me running.
I came back to reality when I felt a hand on my forearm and heard Nesto’s raspy voice close to my ear, asking,
“So, can I buy you a drink?”
I snapped my eyes open, intensely aware of the spot on my arm he was touching. I was overwhelmed by him, his face, his smell, his voice. I had to count to three and breathe before I could answer his question.
Do I want him to buy me a drink?
My usually honed instinct for depriving myself of anything I desired too much didn’t seem to want to kick in. So, I smiled at him and nodded. “Sure. I’ll have a Negroni.”
He grinned, looking impressed with my drink choice. “Nice. I approve. I’ll be back in a minute.”
I gave him the “no worries” hand signal and proceeded to talk myself down from whatever social anxiety rabbit hole I was about to go into.
It’s only a drink; it’s not a date. It isn’t anything.
As I watched him move up to the bar, I took a deep breath and forced myself to pay attention to my body for a second, grounded myself in the moment and listened to what was playing on the radio. It was something funky and soulful and I focused on the sound for a few seconds, breathing slowly.
I turned my head to see where Carmen had gone and noticed she was still chatting with Ted and Nesto’s cousin.
I knew she was keeping them entertained so Nesto and I could talk.
I should have been annoyed at her blatant disregard for my request she not meddle in my love life, but the feeling never came.
And what was the big deal anyway?
I let men buy me drinks all the time. I let them kiss me. Occasionally even more than that, why was I making such a big deal out this?
Because I wanted it too much.
This man could trip up my world.
I observed Nesto chatting with the bartender as he waited for my drink, and marveled at how relaxed he looked, how comfortable in his skin he was. His face open and his eyes clear. I wondered what it took to make someone move through the world with that ease.
We were so different. It had taken me months to be brave enough to go out for a drink with people from the office.
He’d just been here a day, and he was taking up space like he owned the place.
And yet, his mere proximity made me feel more alive and present in my body than I had in years.
After a minute he strutted back from the bar with a triumphant smile, handed me my drink and tipped his glass to mine in a toast.
“To small towns and random encounters.”
I tipped my glass to his. “Cheers.”
After I’d had a sip of my cocktail, I looked up at him. “Thank you.”
He waved his hand like it wasn’t a big deal and smiled. “No problem, I can sympathize with jobs that go way past five p.m. Were you able to get all your work done, or will there be more late nights in the library?”
Okay, so he was going with work talk. That I could handle.
“Unfortunately, it looks like I will have quite a few more nights like this, at least for the near future. I’m working on a project I want the board to approve, which at the moment is not looking likely.
” I grimaced, thinking about Misty and how happy she’d be to see me fail.
“If I get my wish and can move forward with it, there will be a lot of work getting it off the ground. The project is sort of my baby, so I will have to do a lot of it myself.”
Nesto nodded, looking interested. “What’s the project? Or is it like a secret campaign which can’t be discussed until it’s launched?”
“Not a secret at all. Actually, the more buzz the better,” I said, taking another drink. “It’s a mobile library for youth. A book truck, if you will.”
He laughed. “I like the idea already!”
I tried not to get too distracted by the perfect teeth he kept flashing at me and powered on with what I was saying.
Keeping my face neutral so I didn’t come off as a total dork.
Talking about this always got me excited.
Being a part of getting the project going was one of the most exciting parts of the job when I started at the library three years ago.
Finally I had an opportunity to get the board to give the go-ahead.
Unless Misty messed it for up for me, of course.
Before I started, I glanced up and Nesto’s encouraging smile got me talking.
“The idea is to get books and other services from the library to children and teens who are out in the more rural parts of the county. Our library is amazing, and there are very nice smaller ones in most of the towns, but we still have gaps in what kids can get out there. There’s also the issue of the libraries being run by people from the towns. ”
He nodded like he got where I was going.
“Checking out a book about something taboo or potentially embarrassing in a library where the entire staff know your parents can be a big barrier for kids in vulnerable situations. We just have a lot more to offer here in the big library. My hope is to make what we have in town available to all the young people in the county.”
When I stopped talking I realized in addition to Nesto’s, I had gained the attention of Carmen, Ted and Priscilla.
Carmen was giving me her “Proud Mom” face and Nesto had a weird smile on his, like what I said happily surprised him. The others looked interested in the topic, too. Of course, now I was feeling self-conscious and wanted people’s attention to be focused elsewhere.
I cleared my throat and wrapped it up. “That’s the gist of it.”
“That sounds like a great project.” Nesto said, “Where I grew up, in the South Bronx, it’s very urban, but it’s essentially a book desert. No bookstores, really.”
Suddenly he looked serious, eyebrows furrowed. “But we could walk to the library center to get what we needed, and it was a lifesaver for me and my friends.”
The thought that Nesto understood why I wanted this project so badly spread a warm feeling through my chest. When I finally spoke, it was low and a little breathless. “That’s exactly why I want to make the mobile library happen.”
He beamed at me and continued his story.
“When there was something we were too mortified to ask our parents, we would do a group trip to the library after school and do our own research.” He took a sip from his glass, looking adorably self-conscious.
“There are some conversations one can’t have with a parent, no matter how cool they are, you feel me? ” He winced at this and we all laughed.
Carmen piped in from the stool she was perched on at the bar.
“We’d wanted to get the project off the ground for years before Jude joined the library, and no one could get a viable plan going.
But he said he would do it on his interview, and he came up with an awesome proposal,” she gushed, kissing me on the cheek.
I pulled away, feeling a little mortified from all the attention. “Stop it, Carmen, it’s not like we’re giving them all scholarships. Besides we don’t exactly have a green light. I could get shot down again.” I was pretty sure I was red in the face.
She looked over at Nesto. “He’s too modest, he’s done amazing things with our youth programs since he started with us. If anyone has a chance of getting this approved, it’s Jude,” she said, wagging her finger at me. “We lucked out to get him!”
“I’m pretty impressed so far,” Nesto said, as he shot me a conspiratorial look and stepped a bit closer to where I was standing, the warmth of his body sending tremors through my own.
He put his mouth against my ear and whispered. “So, you bring the books, and I bring the Caribbean to all corners of the Finger Lakes, huh? I like that plan.”
At this point I wasn’t even sure what my body was doing.
I was hot and cold with shivers running through places.
Apparently being close to Nesto made my body think it had the flu.
Something like a mix between a gasp and a laugh escaped my mouth, which sounded pretty hysterical to me, even in my disturbed state, and I prayed Nesto’s drink was stronger than it looked.