Chapter 20
chapter twenty
nesto
We were going to open almost two hours late.
That was the only thing running through my mind when I jumped out of the truck and saw the whole crew eagerly waiting for me.
As my feet hit the ground my mom and Minerva came rushing toward me, her face in a grimace.
I waved her and the guys over, so we could start unloading the truck.
It was almost eleven at this point and I was starting to wonder just how badly I’d fucked myself over this morning.
“Mamí! Can you call Tía Maritza and ask if she can bring us some more water bottles? I realized I didn’t ask Jude to pick some up and my phone is dead.”
She took her phone out of her pocket as she reached me. “Ernesto. ?Dondé estabas, m’ijo? We’ve been waiting on you for over an hour.”
I moved to the back of the truck where Ari, Yin, and the guys were already busy unloading stuff, and noticed Jude was nowhere to be seen.
“I stopped to help this girl who had a couple of flat tires on that back road.” I shook my head as I got down to start connecting the grill to the truck’s gas line.
“You know how bad phone signal is out here. She was by herself and had no way of calling for help, so I gave her a ride back to town. That set me back like forty-five minutes. I was so stressed out not wanting to get here too late, I passed her at first. But then I felt guilty and went back.” I looked down at what I was doing before I continued talking.
“I wouldn’t want someone to do that to Minerva, you know? ”
My mom’s eyes immediately got that look like she was going to fawn all over me.
“That was the right thing to do, Nesto.” Yeah, except I probably fucked myself over in the process.
“I was just freaking about not being here if Mr. Sheridan stopped by.” At the mention of Mr. Sheridan my mom’s face paled, and she looked like she was going to be sick.
Fuck.
I stood up feeling like someone had punched me in the gut. “Did he come?”
She didn’t have to say it, the regretful look on her face was answer enough.
“I’m sorry, baby. He came by like fifteen minutes ago. We tried to call you, but it went straight to voicemail.”
I turned around and slammed my hand against the side of the truck. “?Mierda! Did he say if he’ll be back?”
She shook her head again and with that all my hopes for this weekend went up in flames.
“What did he say, Mamí?” I snapped, but the look she gave me made me check myself. “Sorry, but this really fucking sucks.”
“Ernesto, watch your language. He didn’t say anything.
Just that he was looking for you and when I said you weren’t here, he left.
” She moved to reach for me and I let her, but I couldn’t even hug her back.
I was so mad at myself, the opportunity of a lifetime squandered.
Because at the end of the day I knew. No matter how much I killed myself, I would never be able to take OuNYe to the next level on my own.
My mom pulled back and looked up at me, her face fierce.
“This is only a stumble, papí. A setback. You’re on your way. You can still do this.” I didn’t have the energy to reality check her right now. I felt defeated, the only thing I wanted was to put this whole fucking day behind me.
Then I looked around and saw my friends and Ari and Yin hustling to get everything ready. They were here for me, to push my business forward. I couldn’t sit here and mope.
“Let’s get to work, Mamí.” She tightened her arm around my waist and nodded. As I glanced around again I noticed there was still no sign of Jude. It was past eleven and he was nowhere in sight. “Did Jude go somewhere?”
My mom shook her head, looking confused. “He’s not here. I haven’t seen him. We figured you went back to get him and that’s why you were late.”
“No, the plan was for him to come straight here. He was supposed to be here like an hour ago.” I got my phone out of my pocket and remembered I still hadn’t charged it. “Mamí, do you have a charger? My phone’s dead.”
She nodded and moved to grab her purse from somewhere in the tent.
“Here you go.” I grabbed the cord and started moving to the truck where I could plug it in.
“I’m going to see if I have any messages from Jude, then I’m going to go get started with the grill. We might be able to start serving in like thirty minutes if we hurry.”
“Okay, m’ijo.”
As soon as I powered on my phone I saw I had a voicemail from Mr. Sheridan.
My stomach dropped and I almost trashed it without listening to it, because I knew what he would say, and knowing it and actually hearing it were two completely different things.
Once I’d heard the message, then it would be real.
I tapped on the screen and closed my eyes; I could hear the background noise of the festival as his voice came on. “Ernesto. Looks like we missed each other.”
That was it. No, “I’ll stop by later,” nothing.
He just hung up. For the second time in three days, I felt like crying from frustration.
I’d done this to myself. I lost my focus, prioritized other things and I missed a chance I would probably never get again.
I looked around wanting to talk to Jude about it, and then remembered he wasn’t even here yet.
I scoffed as I jumped off the truck. He was late, and now we’d be shorthanded. I needed to remember what I was here to do, and it wasn’t to chase after Jude. I was here for OuNYe, I seemed to have forgotten that in the last twenty-four hours, but that stopped now.
This day had to be a test on how much stress I could handle before I finally lost my shit.
On top of blowing it with Sheridan, we’d now been serving food for almost an hour and Jude was still MIA, and we needed him here to help.
Despite everything, the truck was still doing great business after the boost from the food critic, and we were shorthanded.
It wasn’t like him to drop off like that, but he knew how much I had riding on this day.
I was seriously wondering if something had happened to him when I finally saw him walking toward the tent.
I reminded myself that it wasn’t Jude’s fault everything had gone to shit today and tried hard not to scowl at him as he got closer.
He looked up at me and instead of his usual shy smile, he stared at me blankly, like he could see right through me.
Still I told myself, I needed to chill out, because Jude was here as a favor.
Before coming into the tent, he stopped by the truck where Yin was working on preparing food and leaned close to tell him something.
His already serious expression turning into a frown from whatever Yin told him, then he came toward me. I put down my spatula for a second.
“Hey, did something happen to you? I was worried.” My tone wasn’t exactly warm, and Jude took a step back when he got a look at my face. He seemed sad, and when he spoke I could barely hear him.
“I’m sorry about Mr. Sheridan.” He looked down then and there was something definitely off. “I hope it wasn’t because I made you late.”
But I was deep in self-loathing and acted like a complete asshole. I shrugged off his concern for me, and turned around as I answered him, “It is what it is.”
He stiffened and moved away, then tried to smile, failing completely. “I’m really sorry, I’m late, I—”
I barely acknowledged what he was saying and spoke over him, “Well there’s a lot to do, so if you’re ready to help, go and see if you can give my mom a hand.
She’s been running the front on her own all morning.
” His face had paled in the last few minutes, but I didn’t make a move to reach for him.
In the back of my mind something niggled at me about how Jude was acting, but I was too caught up in my own misery to ask.
I turned my back on him and started working the grill again.
He just stood there looking a little lost, as I flipped meat with a scowl on my face.
“Hey, Jude. You made it!”
My mother. I cringed at the thought of what she’d do if she knew the way I was treating him. But at this point the people who were disappointed in me today could just take a fucking number.
“Come over here! Let me give you a hug. I heard about your library, and that the lady you helped yesterday turned out to be a big food critic from New York Magazine!”
Milo called out from the other end of the tent.
“Congrats, Jude! Good work man.” Patrice, Juanpa, and Ari all called out some encouragements, too.
I didn’t say a word and kept working. In my peripheral vision I could see Jude walking over to my mom.
She gave him a one-armed hug as she took a card from a client.
“Thanks, Mrs. Maldonado.”
She shook her head clicking her tongue. “Nurys. Honey if you have to put up with that boy over there, you can at least call me by my first name.” She winked at me, but then frowned when she saw my face, but kept talking to Jude in a cheery voice.
“Because I know what a nuisance you’re dealing with.
Pobrecito, Jude,” she said, and he chuckled quietly.
“He’s not so bad.” He looked over at me for a second, then his eyes widened like he remembered something, and his face changed into an expression I’d never seen before.
He looked brittle.
When he realized I was staring, he shook himself and pasted on a smile which would not reach his eyes.
Moving away from my mom, he said, “Let me take over for you, Nurys, sorry I’m so late, you must need a break.”
“Oh, I’m fine, but if you come here, I’ll go back to help Nesto with the food. Thanks, sweetheart.” My mom came over to me and gave me a worried look.
I said nothing. I couldn’t be bothered to reassure anyone right now.
The afternoon moved fast but things were tense in the tent.
Jude forgot to put in an order and a customer lost it because he’d already been waiting for ten minutes.
We apologized and comped him an order of tostones, but he left unhappy, and that’s something a business starting out cannot afford to do.
Jude was flustered and apologetic, but he was more and more distracted as the afternoon went on.
I was on edge already and started to feel guilty about how shitty I’d been to him all day.
I was so distracted running scenarios in my head of how I’d fucked up everything, I burned my forearm on the grill.
“Dammit!”
“Ernesto!” My mom quickly grabbed the spatula I dropped. “?Qué te pasa, m’ijo?”
She looked over at Jude who was once again looking at his phone. She grimaced and turned my arm to see how bad it was.
“This doesn’t look too bad. Go and clean it up and put a bandage on. There’s stuff in the truck.”
“I know, Mamí. It’s my truck. I put it there! Fuck!”
She put her hand on my chin, a worried look on her face.
“Ernesto, calmate. Go take a break and come back in five minutes, and then maybe you can start acting like a human being again. I know this day has been hard, but you’re not helping anything by acting like a jerk to people who love you and are here to help you.
Go.” She waved her hand toward the water, the look on her face a mix of concern and disgust. “This tent can survive without you for that long.”
“Fine.” I walked out, convinced now I’d ruined things with Jude, too. What if he’d been late because he’d been reconsidering things with us? Maybe the comment from Patrice about me leaving if things with the truck didn’t work out had turned him off?
I should have said something about it afterward, but I got too caught up in preparing food and then when we got to his place I’d been all over him. We barely talked last night, because I had my tongue down his throat practically the minute we got to his house.
I walked to the edge of the water trying to cool myself off when I checked the time.
It was already five p.m. The festival only went until six today and cleanup would be fast. If I could keep my shit together for a couple more hours then I’d talk to Jude.
This day literally could not get worse. Because no matter how many times I told myself OuNYe was the only reason I was here, I knew the truth.
Jude was too important to me to just walk away from.
But what did I do the moment things went awry?
I’d acted like an asshole to him. If he ghosted me after today, I wouldn’t blame him.
I was walking back to the tent when I saw Carmen leaning over the counter talking with him, a worried look on her face. I came up to them and he stopped talking. Carmen turned to me with a forced smile. “?Y que, Nesto? ?Como estás? Sorry about Sheridan.”
I leaned over to give her a kiss hello.
“Thanks.” I shrugged, trying not to be too transparent about how fucked-up I felt. “Are you here for the festival? It’s kinda late.” My tone was a bit shorter than called for and from the look she gave me, she didn’t miss it. What the hell was wrong with me?
She looked at Jude again, he shook his head and she sighed.
“Oh um, yeah. Actually I’m here because Jude is giving me ride. Ted had to go back home early.”
I was starting to get pissed, because there was obviously a problem and Jude was just sitting there like he wasn’t part of the conversation.
I took a deep breath and looked from Jude to Carmen, then spoke. “Jude, if you have to drive Carmen back now you can take off. No worries.”
He nodded taking off his apron. “Yeah, okay. It’s not like I’ve been any help. I’ve been messing up all day.” His voice was completely flat, and he wouldn’t look at me.
This was all wrong. All wrong. How had things derailed so badly. And instead of fixing it I just made it worse.
“We have things covered here. Thanks for coming to help. I’ll call you later, okay?” I tried to squeeze his shoulder and he flinched, so I turned around and walked off before I said or did something I’d regret.
Jude left without even saying goodbye, which I probably deserved. It seemed like every time I felt closer to being able to confess to Jude how I felt, something happened to send me back to square one. But I couldn’t dwell on any of this right now though. I had work to do.
I could fall apart later.