Chapter 13
LINCOLN
One of the first and only luxury items I’d purchased once I’d been able to afford any at all had been a boat. Eden had called me crazy, but he hadn’t been able to talk me out of it.
Fishing was a transcendent experience for me. It was the one link I had to my childhood and the person I used to be. The boy Mom had known was long gone, but fishing allowed me to reconnect with my past and glimpse who I hoped I’d be in the future all at the same time.
My upbringing hadn’t been one of luxury, opportunity, opulence, and the romance of living in a fishing town in Maine. Mom and I had worked hard and went to bed early. No rich man had come to town to sweep her off her feet and love her son as his own.
That last fact was one I was immensely thankful for. I’d have fucking hated if some dickhead had come and lured Mom away from our home. Love wasn’t something either of us had ever wanted from anyone else, yet I’d caught her once or twice reading sappy romance novels about small towns.
In the years that had passed since, I’d wondered about those books. I’d wondered if she’d held out hope until the end or if she’d been as at peace with our lives as I had been.
Then again, I’d only been at peace with our lives until I’d learned about the Navy. I’d never have joined up while Mom had still been around, but then she hadn’t been, and I hadn’t looked back since.
Talking about my childhood with Sofia had triggered a need deep within me to get out on the water, though. It wasn’t nostalgia or sentiment driving me, but the way the potentially turbulent waters could also provide such infinite calm.
There was only one other thing that did that for me, but since going into battle was out of the question, fishing would have to do. After I’d thrown some supplies into my ratty cargo backpack, I put in a call to Eden.
My best friend answered groggily, which made sense considering it was hours before sunrise. “What the fuck do you want now?”
“I’m going fishing. Want to come?”
“Right now?” He groaned, then replied to his own question. “Of course, you’re going right now. Give me twenty and I’ll meet you in the lobby.”
Sooner or later, Eden and I would have to take up more permanent quarters again. We’d been in and out of the country so much the last year that we’d given up the place we used to share to some friends.
Our minimal amount of stuff was in storage. The clothes we needed from day to day remained in the hotel between trips, and our vehicles had spaces on the base.
My boat was really the only possession I cared about. There was some old stuff of Mom’s in my storage unit, but I hadn’t seen any of it in years.
As I closed my room’s door behind me, I vowed to at least check up on the storage unit soon. I owed my mother so much more than that, but that was all that was left I could do for her.
Eden somehow beat me to the lobby. Probably because I’d been spending so much time in my own head this morning. He narrowed his eyes when he saw me.
“What’s up your ass?”
“Nothing.” He was one of the only people in this world who really knew anything about my past. If anyone would understand the memories my conversations with Sofia had stirred up, it would be him.
But that didn’t mean I wanted to fucking talk about it. My life wasn’t a talk show, and I wasn’t a host.
The corners of his lips turned down, but he didn’t question me any further. Eden could always tell when to keep quiet, and this was one of those times. Which was why he was also the only other person who had ever stepped foot onto my boat.
Silent companionship and someone to shoot the shit with when the mood struck was really the only thing either of us wanted out on that water. Eden actually hadn’t grown up very far away from me. Also a Maine boy, he’d grown up fishing, too.
While he hadn’t agreed with my purchasing a boat because of the maintenance and the frequency with which it would be left without, he understood my compulsion to get out on the water. He’d suggested at the time we look into renting a boat, but that hadn’t been good enough for me.
Sure, my little sailboat would never be featured on the cover of a magazine, but she was sturdy and reliable. Somewhat reliable anyway. I needed to get a few things repaired, but I hadn’t had time before.
Maybe that’s something I should look into doing while I’m not really working. Hopefully, though, this whole not-going-on-missions thing would end soon. Either way, I made a mental note of looking into local shops that might have what I needed.
Eden and I spent the next hour preparing ourselves and the boat for the day. Once we were headed out of the marina, the sun was just starting to rise.
The ocean glittered beneath the hull, gulls squawking overhead as they zoomed through the early morning air. There were a few other boats around, but we soon steered clear of them.
Once we were out on the open water, Eden handed over a thermos of coffee he’d picked up earlier and shot me a wide grin. Standing beside me, his short hair barely moved in the wind but his cheeks were pink and his expression open and happy.
“I’m glad we decided to do this. I fucking needed it after the time we’ve been having.”
I nodded, my knuckles whitening around the ancient steering wheel. “It’s way past due.”
“Agreed, but it’s not like we’ve had tons of time on our hands since getting back.
” The grin slid away from his face as he gave me the side-eye.
“Are you still seeing Charles’ daughter?
Maybe that’s why we haven’t heard anything yet.
They’re searching for perfectly sized apples to stuff in our mouths before they roast us. ”
A bark of laughter came out of me, but the sound was humorless. “I’m not seeing her, and I doubt it. We haven’t heard anything because they’re stringing us along.”
He dragged in a deep lungful of fresh, salty ocean air, shaking his head. “If you’re not seeing her, please tell me you haven’t seen her again? I think the only thing worse than seeing her is just seeing her when you fuck her.”
“I haven’t fucked her.” I tilted my head. “Well, not since the first time. We hung out a few days ago, though.”
The sky had lightened above us, that pristine perfect dark blue and orange mash-up that only ever happened at this time of day, but my friend barely seemed to notice.
“You hung out? Dude, you know this is a death sentence for both of us, right?”
“If he finds out, it might be a death sentence for me. I’d never let Charles know that you knew about it.
” I ground my teeth together. “I hardly think it matters what I do or do not do with his daughter. The man hates me regardless. That’s why I figured it was okay to hang out with her.
There’s literally nothing I could do to make him hate me more. ”
Eden tucked his chin close to his chest, giving his head a firm shake. “Not true. If he finds out you’re fucking his daughter, that’s it for us, man. I’m telling you.”
“Maybe for me, but not for us. You’re fine, bro. Charles will never know that you knew.” I’d protect Eden with my life. I had done it before and would do it again and again. “You have nothing to worry about.”
He grunted something unintelligible under his breath before speaking up. “Don’t be an idiot. I wouldn’t want to go back without you.”
“Then I’ll be fine, too.”
Technically, I wasn’t sure that was true. Compared to how much shit was on my record, Eden was clean as a whistle.
The only marks he had on an otherwise spotless record were ones that had been made there while he’d been on missions with me. They’d tried separating us, but the asshole had insisted on transferring back to my team.
If my career was over, I doubted Eden’s would be unless he ended it himself. I’d have to work on that, though. No way was I dragging him down with me. I never had. He simply jumped when I did, trusting me to know we’d land safely.
Unlike me, he even had an interest in climbing the ranks. So far, he was refusing to do it unless I did it, too. But I’d been pushing him to go on without me.
I was perfectly happy where I was. Not because I lacked ambition, far from it, but because I actually liked it where I was. Becoming an out-of-the-action officer and paper-pusher wasn’t exactly what I wanted for my future.
Eden’s quiet voice broke into my thoughts, a hint of worry thickening his tone. “Do you think we’ll get the news soon?”
“I don’t know.” I sighed into the warm yet crisp air, my eyes on the glowing orange ball that was slowly making its ascent into the sky.
“You need to let it go for now, man. We’ve done what we could.
We just need to make the best of our time off and hope like hell they’ll be calling us to board a plane soon. ”
His gaze followed mine almost wistfully. As if he, like me, was wishing we were watching the sun rising from one of the rounded windows of a plane while being carried to some far-off place.
Kicking ass, taking names, bringing home hostages. Those were just some examples of things we should have been doing.
Yet here we were, chasing the sunrise to our favorite fishing spot. Still, if we had to be anywhere other than doing the job we both lived for, I was glad we were doing this.
Until Eden made one final comment on the subject that I couldn’t shake, no matter how hard I tried. Much later in the day, long after we’d stopped talking about work, Charles, or our fates, his words still rattled around in my head.
“Charles may have used his last days to lobby that you be demoted or worse,” he’d said. “What will we do if that ends up happening?”
His question had been earnest, and I’d given him the best answer I had. I just wasn’t sure that it had really been an answer at all. “If that’s my fate, I’ll be fine. Let it go, bro. We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.”
I’d only realized later that I’d said “when” we got to it and not “if” we got to it. I was hoping the slip of my own damn tongue didn’t turn out to be prophetic.