Chapter 33
MITCHELL
She said she was pregnant. After the initial shock of hearing the words, I realized it was a joke. I turned to look at her and immediately started laughing. “You had me going there,” I said.
“What?” she asked.
“I screwed up. I should have used a condom. I get it. This is another one of your hard lessons.”
“Uh, all of that is true, but it doesn’t change the facts,” she said.
“Oh, you’re pregnant.” I laughed. “Sure. Did Medusa put you up to this? She’s always lecturing me about how one of these days I’m going to find out I have a bunch of kids.”
“No, Medusa didn’t put me up to this.”
“I usually wear a condom,” I assured her. “I don’t pick up random woman and go raw-dogging. You were different. I understand it was just another one of my reckless choices. I’ll do better. Although I feel like that’s closing the barn door after the horses have escaped.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” She scowled. “Yes, we both should have been smarter and stopped things before they got too far along. I don’t do whatever it is you said either.”
I grinned and nudged her arm. “You do like to scare a man. You ground me and then you tell me you’re pregnant. I must really be thickheaded if you have to resort to such extremes to make me listen. I’m sorry about that.”
“Mitch, this isn’t me being extreme,” she said. “It is extreme, but it’s not a joke. It’s not meant to make you listen. It’s real. I’m pregnant. I’ve been to the doctor. I’m about two months along.”
She sounded very serious. Could she be telling the truth? I looked into her eyes and felt my heart stop, drop, and roll. “You’re pregnant,” I said. My voice was harsh and my throat raw. “Pregnant.” I tried to get out the word again and it was just as raspy.
“Yes,” she said. “I’m pregnant. The first time we were together, I got pregnant.”
I shook my head to dislodge the words. My brain had stalled out. My thoughts were jumbled and messy. “You got pregnant? One time.”
“That’s all it takes,” she said.
She wasn’t kidding. She was pregnant. With my child. “Holy fuck,” I breathed. “You’re sure?”
“I’m sure. That time I was sick, when you beat the hell out of PitA, I took a test.”
“You’ve known for almost a month?” I asked.
“Yes,” she said.
“You’ve known and you didn’t tell me,” I said. “You’ve been lying to my face. We sat and talked and you never said anything. We talked about our future but you conveniently forgot to mention you were pregnant with my child.”
“I wanted to make sure the pregnancy was real,” she said. “I kept thinking the little test was wrong. I went to the doctor and had the pregnancy confirmed. Everything was okay. I did get to hear the heartbeat.”
I shook my head as she talked. “Wow. We’ve seen each other how many times and you never mentioned anything.”
“I didn’t know how you would take it,” she said. “I was worried you would find out and run in the opposite direction. You still might. I wanted to get to know you a little better. We finally seemed to find a middle ground and I was enjoying it.”
“You were interviewing me to see if I was worthy of being my child’s father,” I said.
She hung her head. “It wasn’t that. I didn’t want to worry you before sending you up. I had no idea how you were going to react to the news. I was trying to digest the information myself.”
“You were trying to decide if I was worthy,” I said again. “You must think pretty highly of me. I’m good enough to fuck around with, but I’m not quite your cup of tea when it comes to being a father.”
“Stop,” she frowned. “It wasn’t like that. I didn’t want to intrude on your life.”
“You’re having my baby!” I practically shouted. “Don’t you think that’s something that requires my attention?”
“I’m sorry,” she said again. “I was selfish. I panicked. I didn’t want you to think I did this on purpose.”
“Why would I think that?” I asked.
“Because you’re this hotshot pilot with a fan club,” she sighed.
“You actually have a fan club. You’ve enjoyed your freedom.
Your lifestyle is one of freedom and fun.
You fly like you don’t care if you ever touch your feet on the ground.
I took a look at your love of flying and you’ve made it pretty clear you don’t want to slow down. ”
“That’s why you’ve been freaking out every time I pull a move?” I asked.
“Not just because of that,” she murmured. “I really don’t want to see you crash. I don’t want to see anyone crash. I just hate the idea you are putting your life at risk. You weren’t planning for a child. Neither was I, but it’s happening. I’ve made the choice to keep the baby.”
“Sounds like you’ve made a lot of choices,” I said.
“I only mean to say, you can choose to walk away,” she said. “I know you’ve got a career to think about. You love flying and I can’t be the person that steals that away from you. I just can’t be the person on the ground watching the man she cares about putting his life in jeopardy.”
“So if I don’t stop flying, you want nothing to do with me and will keep my child from me?” I snapped.
“No! God, no. If you want a relationship with your child, I will make sure it happens.”
“But not you and me,” I said.
“I’m not saying that either,” she sighed.
“I don’t know what you want. I know this is huge.
If you want to walk away, I’ll understand.
I won’t be back next season. We only have a couple months left on this tour.
I’m pretty sure I’ll be able to keep the pregnancy a secret.
No one will have to know. I’ll go back to my life and you can go on with yours. ”
“You’ve certainly got me all figured out,” I muttered. “Sounds to me like you’ve already decided what I’m going to do. You’ve already cut me out of the picture before I even got the chance to figure it out.”
“No, I don’t have you figured out,” she said.
“I just don’t want you to feel pressure to do anything you don’t want to do.
I came down pretty hard on you the other day.
I don’t want you to think that’s what I’m doing with this situation.
You have the choice to do what you want.
I am not going to pressure you either way. ”
I rubbed a hand over my face. “This is a lot to take in.”
“I know,” she said. “I get it. I just dropped a bomb on your life. Trust me, I felt the same way.”
“You’ve been dealing with this for a month on your own?” I asked.
“I told my dad when I went home,” she said.
I groaned. “Great. I’m sure he’s thrilled with the dude that knocked up his daughter.”
“My dad is the one that encouraged me to tell you what’s going on,” she said. “And, well, Medusa knows.”
“Medusa knows?” I repeated.
“She’s the one that figured it out before I did. She bought me the test.”
“Fuck,” I groaned. “She knows. No wonder she’s been on my ass.”
“What do you mean?”
I shook my head. “Nothing. She just wanted to make sure you and I talked. I guess I know why.”
“I trust Medusa not to say anything,” she said.
“So, do I, but that’s not really the point. You told everyone but me.”
“That’s not entirely true,” she replied. “Medusa was there. I told my dad because I needed to tell someone. He’s going to be the one that helps me through this.”
“Because you’ve already decided I won’t be a part of this equation.”
“No, because in case you chose not to be, I needed to be ready to do this,” she said.
I suddenly got up. “I need to go.”
“Go?”
“I need to figure this out,” I told her. “I can’t deal with this right now.”
“I understand,” she murmured.
“I don’t think you do,” I said. “You’ve already written me out of the picture.”
“No, I haven’t,” she insisted. “I’m just trying to give you the space to figure out what works best for you.”
“You’re pregnant with my child,” I reminded her. “I don’t get to figure out what works best for me. No matter what you might think of me, I’m not someone who runs from my problems. I don’t cut and run. I just need to figure out what comes next.”
She looked down at her feet. “I understand.”
“Are you at the hotel?” I asked.
“Yes.”
“I’ll get you back there,” I said to the mother of my child.
That was going to take a minute to get my head around.
We left the base and caught a ride to the hotel.
I walked her to her room with neither of us saying anything.
She paused at the door and looked up at me.
Her eyes shimmered with unshed tears. “I’m sorry for insulting you by assuming you wouldn’t be able to handle this news. ”
“I guess you had nothing else to go on. We made a baby and we don’t even know each other.”
She smiled. “My dad said the same thing.”
“I guess I should have done a better job showing you I wasn’t the kind of man that ran from his problems,” I said.
“I didn’t think you were running from the problem,” she said.
“I told you and now the ball is in your court. Pick it up, or don’t.
I’m not going to impose on you. I’m here if you want to talk.
I know it’s a lot to take in. It’s taken me a while.
I’m not sure I’ve fully accepted it myself.
I’m not telling anyone else. We’ll go about our business and that will be that.
I’m not going to say anything more about your flying. You do you and I’ll do my job.”
“Thanks,” I said. “I’ll see you around.”
“Okay,” she whispered and a tear slid down her cheek.
“Hey,” I said when she stepped inside her room.
“Yes?”
“Do you need anything?” I asked.
She smiled and shook her head. “No. I’m good. Thank you.”
She closed the door and I walked away with the weight of the world on my shoulders.
She had dropped a bomb on my life. It wasn’t her fault.
I should have known better. She had me so worked up, I couldn’t think straight that night.
I had let my dick lead the way. That one moment of ecstasy had changed both of our lives.
Regardless of what happened between us, I knew she was going to be a good mom.
Our child would be well taken care of. I didn’t know if I was daddy material.
I was probably better suited to being an uncle.
I did live my life in the fast lane. I didn’t spend a lot of time thinking about other people.
I didn’t think about my future. If I was being honest with myself, I never imagined myself growing old.
It was just something I had accepted a long time ago.
I figured one of these days my ticket was going to get punched and that was that.
I wasn’t going to shirk my responsibilities.
No matter what, I was going to make sure I did my part to support the child.
My role in the child’s life was yet to be determined.
I wasn’t sure I was qualified to be a father.
What could I teach the kid? Go hard? Screw the rules?
I didn’t know the first thing about raising a baby.
I wasn’t exactly nurturing. What did I have to offer?
If she did let me be around the kid, I would have to change. I couldn’t bring my baggage into an innocent child’s life. I just didn’t know if I had what it took to change. I wouldn’t even know where to begin.