Chapter 10
HUDSON
“Teresa,” I said and tried to stop her from kicking my ass.
“Don’t,” she warned. “Get out. The pub is closed.”
“I’ll pay for anything that’s broken,” I said.
“Damn straight you will,” she spat. “Get out.”
“Teresa, I’m sorry.” I tried to help her right one of the tables.
“You get your ass out of here or I will throw you out,” she growled. “Trust me, I can do it.”
That wasn’t even a question. I knew she could do it. “Fine,” I said. “I’m sorry.”
“Take a napkin on your way out,” she snapped.
I snatched a few off the table and threw open the door. The crowd was gone. But not Hux and Natalie. The two of them were sitting on a bench with Natalie tending to his bloody nose. They looked over when they saw me.
“What the hell?” Hux asked with disgust. “You couldn’t go a week without getting into a brawl.”
“The guy pushed her,” I argued.
“He fell against me,” Nat shot back. “He was drunk. Shit happens.”
“The guy was drunk and disrespectful,” I replied. “He was spoiling for a fight.”
“And you just had to rise to the occasion,” Hux spat.
I approached them both. “Are you okay?” I asked Natalie.
“I’m fine,” she shot back. “Look at your brother. He’s the one that’s bleeding.”
“What happened?” I asked.
“What the hell do you think happened?” Hux growled.
“Are you okay?” I asked again. From what I could see, he was just fine. His nose wasn’t broken. It didn’t look bad at all.
“That’s not the point,” he answered. “What the hell? Why would you do that? In Teresa’s pub of all places. This is what you always do. You can’t just let shit go. One of these days it’s going to get bad, real bad.”
“It was a scuffle,” I argued. “No one was hurt.”
“That guy was hurt,” Nat said. “His nose was bleeding. I wouldn’t be surprised if his friends took him to the hospital. Then you’re on the hook for his medical bills. Teresa could be liable. All of this was very avoidable.”
“I didn’t hurt him that bad,” I said. “You two are being dramatic. The guy is fine. He got exactly what he deserved. If he never gets taught a lesson, he is going to keep disrespecting women. That was completely warranted. I guarantee you he will think twice the next time. He’ll remember me hitting him before he starts running his mouth. ”
Hux jumped to his feet. “I’m going to check on Teresa.”
I stood in front of Natalie. She looked up at me with the streetlight casting a yellow glow over her skin. “Are you okay?” I asked again.
“I’m fine.”
“I’ll walk you home,” I offered.
“No thanks,” she spat. “I’m done with whatever this was.”
“What are you talking about?” I asked.
“You were flirting earlier, right?”
I smirked. “If you have to ask, I was probably not doing it very well.”
“This isn’t funny,” she said. “Not even a little. I don’t know where this was going, but it’s at a halt now. This is dead in the water. Not that I believe you were actually serious.”
“I am very serious,” I said.
“Whatever,” she said with disgust. “It doesn’t matter. I have to work with you. You’ll be around and that’s fine, but I’m not getting mixed up in this mess.”
“What mess?” I asked with confusion. “Me? I kissed you and you liked it. Don’t act like you didn’t. Before that guy pushed you, we were onto something really good. I felt it. You felt it. Let’s forget any of that happened.”
She got to her feet and looked up at me with what looked an awful lot like fear. “No.”
“Sprite,” I teased and tried to touch her face.
“Don’t,” she said. “You and I have to be around each other at work, but that’s where it stops.”
“It was one little scuffle,” I said. “No one was seriously hurt. A bloody nose isn’t sending anyone to the hospital.”
“No thanks.” She shook her head. “I’ve dealt with enough bullshit in my life.
I’m not about to hook up with someone who jumps into a fight every time some cocky kid looks sideways at him.
I’m not twenty. I don’t want to date a child.
At my age, I expected to be in a new dating pool with men.
Men that don’t have to flex their muscles and get into a dick-measuring contest with every male they encounter.
That was cute twenty years ago. I’m over it. ”
“Natalie,” I said and once again tried to calm her down.
“Don’t,” she said. “I don’t want to hear it.
Go home. Get some sleep. Seriously, get some sleep.
You need to get your shit together. Take a few days off to settle in.
You jumped from your job there to life as a civilian.
Take a minute to reprogram your brain. No one is trying to kill you here. No one is trying to attack you. Or me.”
“I know that,” I said.
“Goodnight, Hudson,” she said. “I hope you are able to sleep and unwind.”
She turned and walked away. Huxley came out just as she was leaving. “Nat!”
She put up her hand and waved. “Goodnight!”
“What the fuck?” Huxley asked me. “What is wrong with you?”
“Not you too,” I said.
“Teresa is going to kick your ass,” he said. “She’s pissed at me because I tried to stop it. Thanks for that.”
“It’ll blow over,” I told him. “It really wasn’t that big of a deal. It’s only a big deal because this place is small, and no one is ever up to no good.”
“Whatever,” he said. “You better apologize to Teresa. She’s pretty fucking steamed. I’m going to walk Nat home. I’ll see you Monday. I hope like hell you pull your shit together because, if you’re doing this, how are you going to keep your guys on the straight and narrow?”
“My guys are just fine,” I said.
“What happens if one of them says something you don’t like?
What if they push Nat or give me shit? Are you going to fight them?
Are we going to have a brawl in the shop with heavy equipment and volatile chemicals?
Seriously, Hudson, you have to get your temper in check.
You’ve always been hotheaded, but this hair trigger nonsense isn’t going to work. Not in the real world.”
“You don’t know shit about the real world,” I shot back. “Trust me, this ain’t it.”
“You know what I mean,” he said with a sigh.
“We’re all glad you’re back. We all want you here, but you can’t do this.
You have to slow down. Breathe. No one is an enemy here.
Guys are going to get drunk. You know how it is every summer.
We get the rich kids on vacation and looking for trouble. It happens. Just let it go.”
“I’m sorry you got hit,” I said.
“Yeah, me too,” he said. “I’m going home. Go home. Take the weekend to just chill the fuck out. I’ll talk to you later.”
He crossed the street and left me alone in the dark.
I glanced over my shoulder and caught a glimpse of Teresa in the pub.
I knew better than to go back in there with her.
She was pissed. Her temper was just as volatile as my own.
We were not going to get anything productive accomplished tonight.
It was better to just let it go for now. I would grovel tomorrow.
I hadn’t been prepared for the fiery response from the people that were closest to me. One opinion might have been easy to dismiss. Two, three, and four people all saying the same thing meant I needed to take a step back and reevaluate the situation.
I walked across the street and headed for the beach.
I stripped off my shirt and tossed it on the sand.
I kicked off my shoes and took off my jeans.
It was almost two in the morning and those that were still up were otherwise occupied.
I had the beach to myself. It was where I found my center.
I walked into the water up to my knees with just my briefs on.
I stood with the water sloshing around my legs.
The moon was just a sliver in the distance.
This particular area of the beach was pretty desolate. It was perfect.
I inhaled deeply before diving into the water. It swallowed me whole. I used my arms and legs to propel myself deeper. I came up for air, testing the depth. When my toes didn’t hit the sand, I bobbed up and down with my arms cutting through the water. I could feel the tension ebbing from my body.
I shouldn’t have hit the guy. I could see that now.
It was gut instinct. Hit before getting hit.
Attack before getting attacked. But that was my old world.
I wasn’t in that world anymore. That was my old life.
It was time to start thinking about my future away from the violence.
This was smalltown America. Not everyone was out to get me.
Conversations I had with some of my fellow SEALs bubbled to the surface.
Old COs had warned me I’d been in too long.
They tried to tell me it was going to take a while to get back into the groove of things.
I honestly could have never predicted just how hard this would be.
I knew quite a few guys that left for a few months and we’d run into each other on base.
They reupped because it was all they knew.
Some compared it to convicts reoffending just to get back inside.
I wasn’t going back. That chapter of my life was closed for good.
I knew it. I had felt the shift in me and knew it was time to exit stage right.
That left me only one option—I had to acclimate.
This was my life now. I either changed or I got chewed up and spit out.
I would find myself struggling like the guys I wanted to help.
I dove back under the water and swam out a little farther.
The water had always been my touchstone.
Our parents had us in the water from birth, from the way they told it.
The weightlessness the water delivered was cathartic.
I could feel the stress and negativity draining from me.
If my body would tolerate it, I would spend days in the water.
I swam until my arms and legs finally started to get tired. I wasn’t on a suicide mission and knew when it was time to head back to shore. On legs that felt weak, I crossed the sand and picked up my clothes. I didn’t care who saw me walking in my skivvies.
Once I made it to the street, I stopped long enough to pull on my jeans and carried the rest of my stuff in my arms. I walked into the apartment, dropped my stuff on the floor, and grabbed one of the three towels I owned.
I stripped naked and wiped away the sand before collapsing onto the air mattress.
I prayed the exhaustion would be enough to let me sleep through the night without the nightmares that had been plaguing me.
They had always been there, but since I got out, they felt much louder and stronger. It was too quiet. The quiet let in the memories.