Chapter 26
HUDSON
After tying up the boat and making sure it looked exactly the way it looked when we took it out, we slowly walked back toward the office.
I wasn’t ready for our day to be over. I had such a good time when I was with her.
She made me feel like a normal person. The scars and memories didn’t bother me.
“Let’s go get a beer,” I said.
“I can’t,” she said, sighing.
“You can’t, or you won’t?” I asked.
I wasn’t going to hide my disappointment.
I hated to think she was going right back to the way things had been before our little tour on the boat.
She took my hand in hers and kissed my knuckles.
“I can’t,” she said. “I was with my mom all day yesterday. After the long week at work, I’m so behind on my basic housework.
I need to do laundry or I’m going to be wearing dirty, stinky shirts to work. ”
“I could help you,” I offered.
“Thank you, but that’s not necessary,” she replied. “You go on ahead. If you come home with me, I have a feeling I’m not going to get much work done. And I do need to go into work early. I have some updates I want to make to one of the designs I’ve been working on.”
“Ah, you’re inspired after being out on of your boats,” I teased.
“Yes, I suppose I am,” she said, smiling. “I guess I should have done this a long time ago.”
“You’re doing it now, and that’s what counts,” I told her. “I’ll leave you alone to do your thing. I’ll walk you home.”
“No, it’s out of your way,” she said and patted my chest.
“I don’t mind the walk,” I insisted.
“I’m fine,” she said. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
She wasn’t going to change her mind. I gave her a kiss and we went our separate ways.
When I got to the pub, Gus was sitting at the bar with a glass of beer and talking with Teresa.
My sister was leaning on the bar and appeared to be enjoying her conversation.
I couldn’t remember ever seeing her so enthralled with anyone.
“Hey,” I said and took the seat next to Gus.
He jerked back. Teresa stood. They both looked like they’d just been caught with their hands in the cookie jar. “What’s up?” I asked.
“I wasn’t sure I would see you tonight,” Gus said. “We missed you at the meeting.”
“I was dealing with stuff,” I said, shrugging.
“What stuff?” Teresa asked and put a beer down in front of me.
“Nothing much.”
“Whatever,” she muttered and walked away.
“What’s with her?” I asked. “You guys looked like you were having a pretty good conversation. Did I interrupt?”
“No, no.” He shook his head. “We were just talking.”
“Is she still pissed at me?” I asked over the rim of my glass.
“Not that she told me. Did you talk to her?”
“Natalie?” I asked like there might be another her.
“You were with Natalie?” Teresa asked. She was at the opposite end of the bar, but her bat ears picked up on it. She was back at our end in a matter of seconds.
“I was,” I said, nodding.
“What’s going on there?” Teresa questioned. “You two were together last night too. I noticed. Hux said you guys were a thing.”
“I don’t know if I would say we were a thing,” I said, shrugging.
“But you sorted things out?” Gus asked without revealing anything.
“What happened?” Teresa asked. I was used to my little sister nagging and questioning me. She’d been doing it all our lives. Where was I going? What was I going to do? What did so and so say?
“Nothing,” I replied.
“Something happened,” she insisted. “Gus will tell me if you won’t.”
“No, I won’t,” Gus said with a shake of his head. “That’s something Hudson has to be willing to share.”
My sister glared at me. “What did you do?”
“I didn’t do anything,” I insisted. “I had a nightmare.”
She waved her hand. “You had a nightmare? That’s it? I think there is more to the story than that.”
“Natalie was in bed with me,” I answered.
“Did you hurt her?” she asked softly.
“No,” I answered right away. “It wasn’t anything like that, but she was worried. I thought she was overreacting, and things got a little tense. It’s cool now. We talked.”
“Are you okay?” she asked.
I offered a small smile. “I am. I’ve been having some rough nights.”
“I think we already knew that,” she said.
“I have a feeling it’s going to get better after today,” I said confidently.
Gus rested a hand on my shoulder. “Good. Talking it out usually helps. At least for me it did.”
“I’m glad you’re talking to her,” Teresa said. “And Gus. But I think you should keep going to the meetings. Hux and I are here as well. We don’t know what you’re dealing with, but we can listen. You can’t get too much support.”
“I appreciate that,” I said. “I really do.”
“Where is she now?” Gus asked.
“She needed to go home,” I answered. “We had a nice afternoon.”
“Gross,” Teresa groaned.
“We went sailing,” I said.
“Who went sailing?” Teresa asked with confusion.
“Me and Nat.”
“Nat went sailing?” she repeated. “Where were you, Hudson? I know Natalie doesn’t sail. You forget, we’ve been here. We know her. She doesn’t get near the water. Did something else happen you don’t want to tell us?”
I laughed. “No, we were on a boat. We went sailing. We went swimming. It was a good day.”
Teresa was staring at me like she actually thought I was lying. “No way.”
“I’m serious,” I said, smiling. “It was nice.”
“She went on a boat?” Teresa repeated.
“Is this the girl whose father drowned a long time ago?” Gus asked.
“That’s the one,” I said, nodding.
“She builds boats?”
“Yep,” I said. “And now, she’s going to be a whole lot better at it. We went out for a bit. It got hot and we went for a swim.”
“That is crazy!” Teresa was in disbelief. “Does Huxley know?”
“I don’t think so,” I said. “We just got back.”
“You look like a new man,” Gus said. “Amazing what a few hours can do for a guy.”
“I told her about losing my friend. She took it much better than I thought she would. She didn’t ask a bunch of questions.
After I told her, there was a moment. I can’t say what it was, but there was a shift in the universe.
I could practically feel the weight of that day being lifted.
I never realized just how much it was weighing on me. ”
Teresa patted my hand. She was aware of Murray’s death only because I had come home for a couple days after the incident.
I’d been recovering from my injuries. She, along with Hux, had been very worried about me.
They knew the basics of what happened, but I had never talked about it with anyone that hadn’t been on the mission.
“Good,” she said, smiling. “You’re healing.”
“Thanks,” I said.
“You’re home,” she said with a sigh. “Sounds like you came home at just the right time.”
“What do you mean?” I questioned.
“I mean you came home and saved Nat and yourself.”
I rolled my eyes. “I think you’re reading into this a little more than necessary.”
“I’m reading into it just enough,” she said. She walked away to take care of another customer.
“You really do look good,” Gus said. “Does this mean the two of you are going to continue seeing each other?”
“We didn’t actually talk about it,” I said. “I’m going to assume we are, but I know how dangerous it is to assume anything.”
“She’s not here.”
“She had a lot to get done,” I said. “I’m not going to read too much into that. I think she had a really big day and just needed to process everything. I don’t blame her.”
“How long has it been since she was on a boat?” he asked.
“Twenty years,” I answered. “She had a serious fear of the water.”
“And you helped her overcome it,” he said. “That’s got to make you feel good.”
“I’m glad I could help her, but I’m not patting myself on the back.
We helped each other. I think one of the things I was always concerned with was what a normal woman would think about who I was and what I’ve done.
You know how it is. You can’t talk about shit.
You can’t expect anyone to understand things happened that can’t be talked about because of security.
People aren’t going to get it. Even my brother and sister can’t really understand.
I don’t think I want them to, but I also don’t want them to let their imaginations run wild. Does that make any sense?”
“It does,” he said. “I know a lot of guys do talk to their wives, even about things they probably shouldn’t. It’s all about finding a person you can trust. Having that person you can spill your guts to and still crawl in bed with at the end of the day is a sweet setup.”
“You don’t have one of those situations?”
“I had a wife, but she was not prepared to deal with me and my bullshit,” he said. “Like so many others, we divorced.”
I nodded with understanding. I had heard the story a hundred times.
It was one of the reasons I didn’t dare get involved with anyone.
I was certain it would never last. I couldn’t imagine finding someone I would love and that would love me in return.
I finished my beer and decided to call it a night.
“I’ll see you around,” I said to Gus.
“I hope you’re able to get some good sleep tonight,” he said.
“You know, I think I just might,” I said, smiling. “It feels different. I feel settled. I’m looking forward to closing my eyes and staying in bed all damn night.”
“Are you leaving?” Teresa asked.
“I am,” I said, nodding. “I’ll see you tomorrow probably.”
“Sleep,” she said. “You look good, but you still look tired.”
“I know, I know,” I muttered and left the pub.
I knew everyone was worried because they cared.
I appreciated it, but it didn’t help to be reminded I was exhausted.
I pretty much knew that already. I was the one suffering.
I walked home and took a shower to wash away the sea.
I took a minute to make up the air mattress before going into the kitchen to find something to eat.
I couldn’t wait to get a real bed. If I was going to be inviting Nat over for sleepovers, I needed to provide something a little more substantial than a mattress tossed on the floor. It was time to settle in. Things were never going to change if I didn’t actively change them.
I ate the two sandwiches and thought about my future. Where was I going? The arrangement I had with Huxley wasn’t going to pay the bills. If I was going to really do this, I needed to do it the right way.
Tomorrow, I was going to do some research on what I needed to do to start an agency of sorts.
I was certain Nat would help. And Hux. It was another step into my new life.
A life that wasn’t filled with violence and death.
I was getting the chance to be normal. And maybe, just maybe, I would get a chance at love.