Chapter 36
HUDSON
How in the world did I stumble into this woman’s life? Yes, she’d always been in my life in some way or another, but now she was in my life. She was too good for me.
“Nat, I cannot tell you how good that makes me feel to know you feel that way about me,” I said. “I never expected it. When we started talking, I didn’t think anything would come of it.”
“I see,” she said in a tight voice.
“Wait—”
“No, I understand,” she said. “I get it. I just wanted to let you know how I felt.”
“And I’m glad you did,” I quickly said. “I wish I could be in the same place you are. You’re an amazing woman. You are the kind of woman any man would love to come home to every night. I just don’t think I’m deserving.”
“What?” she said.
“You and I both know I’m not in a great place,” I said. “I’m going to do what I can to get better, but I’m not there now. I don’t want to scare you. I have a lot of work to do on myself. I can’t be the man you need or deserve.”
She nodded. I could see the hurt on her face. “Because of what happened before,” she said quietly. “Is that why you think we can’t be together?”
“It’s more than that,” I said. “I’ve never been in a relationship. I don’t know how to be a part of a whole. I’m probably going to fail miserably. I don’t want you to be collateral damage.”
She frowned again. “It sounds like you’ve decided what is best for me.”
“I’m not deciding anything. I want you to be happy. I don’t want to scare you again. I would never be able to forgive myself if I hurt you, physically or emotionally.”
She tapped her fingers on the table. It was an act of irritation. “Do I give you the impression I’m some young, na?ve female who doesn’t know her own mind?”
“No,” I said. I felt like I was going down a dangerous road.
“Then why do you presume to decide what I can and can’t handle?
” she asked. “I think it should be my decision if I take that risk. I know I’ve come across as maybe being a little weak and a Nervous Nelly, but I’m not just the girl that’s afraid of the water.
Water might be my nemesis, but I can tackle the rest of the world. I’m not afraid of being hurt.”
“You made it very clear you didn’t want anything to do with me after that first nightmare,” I reminded her.
“I was afraid because I didn’t understand,” she said. “I didn’t really know you. I know you now. I’m not afraid of you. Yes, the nightmares are a little intimidating, but I think that’s just a risk I have to take. A risk I’m willing to take.”
I leaned forward, reaching out to cup her cheek. “Why are you so good to me?”
“Because you deserve it,” she said.
I was nearly naked, and my hair was still a little wet, but I wasn’t cold anymore. “Want to shower?”
Her face lit up. “A nice hot shower?”
“The hottest.”
“I’ll lead the way,” she said.
She stood and took my hand. I followed her down the short hallway and into her bedroom. It was a very girly bedroom with a lavender comforter and sheer lavender curtains hanging over her blinds. Candles and a bottle of lotion sat on top of a nightstand.
I followed her into the adjoining bathroom. “The hot water doesn’t last long, but I think it will be enough to warm you.”
“I’m not all that cold,” I told her and shrugged off the blanket she’d draped around me.
She pulled off her shirt while I helped her get her pants off. Her clothes were damp and her skin was cold. “I think it’s you who needs to be warmed up,” I told her.
“I have no doubt you are going to do that in a hurry,” she said, smiling.
She reached in and turned on the water while I took advantage of her exposed body. My hands ran down her back, cupping her ass and squeezing. I leaned forward and nibbled at her shoulder. My erection was alive and well and begging to be inside her tight sheath.
“Get in,” she murmured.
“It’s like you read my mind,” I whispered close to her ear.
“The shower,” she said, giggling. “Get in the shower.”
She stepped into the small shower. The water was perfectly hot. That was when I realized how cold I had been. It felt like getting hit with a million needles. I flinched and arched my back as the spray washed over me.
“Are you okay?” she asked. She turned to face me in the tight space. Her breasts brushed against my chest. I felt her nipples harden almost immediately. “Oh shit,” she said, laughing. “You are freezing.”
“Not for long,” I said.
I dropped my mouth to hers and pushed my tongue inside.
I tasted the liquor and the chocolate. It was delicious.
Her breasts brushed against my chest. My arms wrapped around her, holding her body tight against mine.
Her hands slid up and down my arms and then around my back.
She was trying to warm me up, even while kissing me. It was sweet and endearing.
“Turn around,” I ordered.
“I want to kiss you,” she pouted.
“I want to fuck you,” I replied without missing a beat.
Her smile slowly spread over her face. “Okay, tell me how you really feel.”
She wanted to play. I was going to show her what happened when we played.
I spun her around and put her hands against the wall.
She gasped and looked over her shoulder at me.
It was the hottest thing I’d ever seen. Her lips were parted, and her eyes were heavy lidded.
I never wanted to fuck a woman as badly as I wanted her in that moment.
“Open your legs,” I ordered.
She did as I asked, spreading her legs and arching her back.
My hand cupped her pussy. She moaned and rolled her head back and forth.
I brushed her hair to the side to expose her neck.
I sucked on the silky flesh with my cock pushing between her legs.
My hand wrapped around my dick and guided the tip to her opening.
She was primed and ready for me. I pushed in, released my hand from my cock, and grabbed her hip.
“You are so fucking hot,” I murmured. “I’m not cold anymore.”
“I want you,” she said. “I need you.”
I pushed inside her a little deeper. She whimpered as I thrust once.
Her hand slapped against the shower wall.
I thrust again and pulled a loud groan from her.
She was on fire. Her pussy was liquid heat swallowing me.
I thrust again and again. There was a ravenous need for her.
Today when I walked out of the shop, I thought it was a done deal between us.
I assumed I would never get the chance to be inside her again.
“I’m close,” I whispered. “I can’t hold back. You are too hot. Too wet. Too fucking tight.”
“Harder,” she demanded. “Fuck me!”
Like I would ever deny that request. I reached up and covered her hand with mine. “Hold on tight, sweetheart,” I said.
“Less words, more action,” she growled.
I dropped my hand to her jaw and turned her head to meet my hungry mouth.
I grabbed her lower lip with my teeth and gently tugged.
She responded with a hand over her shoulder grabbing my hair.
She pulled at me while our mouths slammed together.
My hips jerked and rocked inside her. I thrust again, pushing her forward.
I pinned her against the wall with me balls deep inside her.
“Enough?” I asked.
She looked me in the eyes. “No.”
I anchored my arm around her waist and pulled her back and away from the wall. “Hold on,” I warned.
“Do it,” she hissed. “I’m ready. I want it. I want it bad.”
With my hands holding her hips, I pumped inside her.
Over and over my body slammed against hers.
The water splashed up with every slap of my body against hers.
She was whimpering and crying out. I could feel her pussy squeezing tighter.
I knew it was coming. I squeezed my eyes closed to try and hold out just a little longer.
“Come, baby, come,” I chanted. “I can’t stop. I can’t hold back.”
“Hudson!”
My name echoed around the shower. My shouts of pleasure joined her cries of ecstasy. The water was quickly losing heat. The last thing we needed was to stand in a cold shower.
“We need to get out,” I said. I stepped out of the shower and pulled her with me.
She was shaky and unsteady on her feet. I pulled her close. “Where are the towels?”
She reached into a closet behind me and pulled out two. I wrapped her in a towel and patted her down. “Stay with me tonight,” she said.
“You’re sure?” I asked.
“Yes, I’m sure.”
After drying off, we climbed into her bed naked. She added an extra blanket and snuggled up close to me. I wanted to hold her and cuddle her all night, but there was still that fear I would wake up in a nightmare. I was worried I might hurt her with her being so close.
“It’s okay,” she said and patted my chest.
“I’ve got to say, this makes me nervous,” I told her.
“I think I’ll wake up if you start moving around,” she said. “I’ll get out of your way.”
“I am going to see a counselor,” I told her. “Gus gave me a number of a guy.”
“Good,” she said. “I’m happy. I hope it helps. We all want the best for you. None of us wants you to suffer alone. We’ll all be here to support you in any way you need.”
“I appreciate that,” I said and kissed the top of her head. “Get some sleep. It’s late and I know you’ll be up early.”
I lay perfectly still with her naked body curled up against mine.
I was afraid to fall asleep. She might be confident she would wake up before I could hurt her, but I wasn’t.
I wanted this with her, but I wasn’t sure I was ready for it.
She was talking relationship, and while it sounded good on the surface, I wasn’t sure I was the right man for her.
I was flaky and unsteady. When I thought about my life a month down the road, I couldn’t see anything.
I couldn’t see a future. Before, I always knew what I would be doing.
Now, I was unsteady. The future could go so many different ways.
Listening to her soft breathing and feeling her body so relaxed against mine terrified me.
She trusted me completely. Her trust felt tenuous.
I knew it would only take one more outburst for her to leave me for good.
She thought she was making this decision to be with me, but I didn’t believe she understood just what that meant.
I was a broken man. I wasn’t the hero she kept trying to make me out to be.
Getting involved with her now could end badly for both of us.
I would be crushed if she left me, but I wouldn’t blame her if she did.
Part of me was leaning toward pushing her away to save the both of us.
It would save us both a lot of heartache and trouble.
It wasn’t just the two of us that were involved in this relationship.
Hux would experience the fallout as well.
As much as I knew this was probably a bad idea, I couldn’t help but want it. Moments like these were so good. For her, I was going to try. I was going to do my best to be the man she deserved.