Chapter 47
NATALIE
Igroaned and rolled over, pulling the blanket over my head. I was dead asleep, but something woke me up. Something loud and irritating. The noise came again. I threw off the blanket and sat up. It was someone banging on the door.
I grabbed my phone to check the time. “Three o’clock,” I whispered.
My first thought was my aunt had a booty call. My second thought was the cabin was on fire. I got out of bed and opened my bedroom door. My aunt was standing in the hallway.
“Is that someone at the door?” I asked.
“It is,” she whispered.
I wasn’t sure why we were whispering. “Is that normal?” I asked softly.
“No,” she said. “Who would be at my door in the middle of the night?”
“You’re never going to find out if you stand up here asking,” Mom said from the other end of the hall.
“Wait,” I called out when she started downstairs. “You can’t go down there by yourself.”
“I’m not going to lay in bed listening to the person knocking.”
“I’ll go with you,” I said.
“Me too,” Aunt Linda chimed in. “Let me get my phone just in case.”
“Just in case what?” I asked with fear.
“Well, you just never know,” she hissed.
Mom didn’t seem to share the same concerns. In many ways, she was fearless. I was right behind her with my hand on her shoulder. She crept across the floor with me and Aunt Linda right on her heels. The person knocked again. We all froze.
“Who is it?” I asked.
“I can’t see through the door, Natalie,” Mom snapped.
“I’ll check,” Aunt Linda said.
She tiptoed to the small window next to the door and peeked out. “It’s a man,” she whispered.
“Oh no!” I gasped. “Do we call the cops?”
“Nat,” I heard a male say.
Both my aunt and my mother looked at me with accusation.
“What?” I asked back.
“Natalie, it’s me, it’s Hudson.”
That was when I realized I was dreaming. I understood why Hudson had such a hard time with his nightmares. This all felt very real. I looked down at my bare feet and rubbed my toe across the wood floor.
“Natalie!” Mom gave me a gentle shove.
“What?” It certainly felt like a real shove. Again, I understood a little more of what Hudson went through.
“Answer the door!” She put her hands on her hips.
“What?” I asked again.
“Hudson is at the door,” she said. “Linda, let’s go back upstairs. There’s only one reason a man would be knocking at the door in the middle of the night. Especially a man that traveled almost three-thousand miles to see a woman.”
“Hudson is here?” I gasped.
Aunt Linda walked to the door, unlocked all three locks, and jerked it open. “Come in, Hudson,” she said. “We’re going back to bed. We’ll talk in the morning about proper etiquette.”
I was staring at Hudson. My brain was just not computing. I couldn’t believe he was standing in my aunt’s house. In Montana. He was in Montana. I actually reached out and touched his arm. “This is real,” I said.
“It’s real,” he said, smiling.
“Lock the door,” Aunt Linda called out as she hit the top of the stairs.
I quickly did as she asked. “What are you doing here?” I asked him.
“I wanted to talk to you.”
“You couldn’t call?” I asked.
“No, your phone is off,” he said. “And I wanted to talk to you to your face.”
“Hudson, it’s three o’clock in the morning,” I groaned. “You really have the worst timing.”
“Sorry,” he muttered. “This couldn’t wait. I got a little lost trying to get out here.”
“Come in and sit down,” I said with disbelief. I turned on one of the lamps that was made out of a deer antler. “Do you want to crash on the couch? We can talk in the morning.”
“No,” he said and grabbed my hand. “I really want to talk now. I need to say this before I lose the courage.”
“The courage to do what?” I asked.
I was a little groggy and wasn’t sure my brain was comprehending everything he was saying. He looked rough. There was scruff on his jaw and his eyes were red.
“I wanted to tell you how I feel,” he said. “I should have said it before. I didn’t know how I felt. Then you left and I don’t know. Things weren’t right.”
“What are you talking about?” I asked him.
He rubbed his hand over his face. “I’m sorry. I’m exhausted and I’m not making any sense.”
“Why are you here?” I asked.
“Because, I, well, I’m trying to say, I care about you,” he said.
“No, I really care. I mean, this thing between us, I didn’t understand it.
It happened so fast. I’ve never felt anything for anyone before.
I keep things at arm’s length. People. I keep people away, especially women.
My team were my brothers. They are my brothers, but they aren’t here.
I felt alone. I know I had my brother and sister, but I was still alone. ”
The man was struggling. I wanted to help him, but I had no idea what he was saying. He sounded like he had twenty cups of coffee and no sleep. I wasn’t used to him being so scattered.
“You’re not alone,” I assured him.
“No, I’m not, but I am now. The whole time I was in the military, I was always surrounded by people. We slept together, ate together, marched together. But I was still alone. I never had a connection like the one we had. You made me feel like I wasn’t alone, even when I was.”
I understood what he was trying to say was important. I took his hands in mine. “I’m glad I was able to do that for you.”
He closed his eyes and let out a breath.
“This is what I mean. You have a calming effect on me. You stripped away everything I thought I knew about myself. I realized you had become a big part of my life. That terrified me. I’ve lost a lot of guys.
Sometimes to death. Sometimes to career-ending injuries.
Some of them just finished their time and went on with their lives.
When you’re in that environment, you prepare yourself to lose those people from your life.
You came into my life and I had no time to prepare.
I panicked when I realized I cared about you.
I didn’t know how I was going to deal with losing you.
So, I pushed you away before it could happen. ”
“Why would you lose me?” I asked.
“I don’t know.” He shook his head. “I just got it in my head that you were going to go away. Ultimately, I’m a coward. I wasn’t brave enough to love you.”
“Love me?” I whispered.
“I know me showing up here in the middle of the night and telling you how I feel is probably a little ridiculous,” he said. “It sounds ridiculous to me. I just had to tell you how I felt and apologize for not being brave enough to love you fully.”
“Love me?” I repeated. “Hudson, what are you saying?”
“I’m saying, I love you,” he said. “I know what I did. I know I pushed you out of my life and practically ran you out of town. I’m so sorry about that. You said you cared about me, and I didn’t say anything. I wanted you to know that I care about you.”
I couldn’t stop smiling. “Really?”
“Really,” he said, nodding. “I don’t blame you for wanting to tell me to kiss your ass.
If you don’t want to have anything to do with me, I get it.
I’ll leave you alone. I just need you to know that you were a big part of my life, and although it may not seem like it, you helped me in a lot of ways.
You helped me overcome, and I got to find another part of myself I didn’t know existed. ”
“I don’t want to tell you to kiss my ass,” I said. “No way.”
“Will you give me another chance?” he asked. “I still have the nightmares and I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to sleep in bed with me, but I was hoping we could still try and make a go of it.”
“I would like that very much,” I said.
“I promise, if you give me another chance, I will do my best not to hurt you in any way,” he said. “I will try to be the best man I can for you. Again, I’ve got zero experience in that department, but I will try.”
“And you do very well at anything you put your mind to,” I said, laughing.
“I can’t promise you I will never have another nightmare, but I’m going to keep working with the counselor,” he said. “I want to be able to hold you in my arms all night. I’ve missed that with you. I’ve missed so much about you. I miss being able to just hang out with you.”
“I’ve missed you,” I said. “I want to be with you. I don’t care if you’re the perfect boyfriend. I don’t want any of that. I just want you and all your flaws.”
“Are you sure you know what you’re asking for?” he said.
“I do,” I said, nodding. “I know I’m willing to go through all those hard times with you because I love you.”
His face lit up. “You do?”
“You had to know that,” I said, laughing. “I think I’ve probably loved you since I was eight.”
“Wait, are you saying you love me like you love Hux?” he asked.
“Ew, no.” I cringed. “I would never kiss Hux. I would definitely never do some of those other things we do with Hux. I love you in the same way you love me.”
“Thank God,” he groaned.
I grabbed his face with my hands and kissed him. “I cannot believe you are here,” I said. “How in the world are you here?”
“I was sitting at the pub with Teresa and Hux. They told me I loved you. We all decided it would be best if I got my ass on a plane and flew out to tell you right away. I would have been here sooner, but damn if there are no road signs out here. I was beginning to think I wasn’t going to make it.
That would have been an embarrassing failed mission. ”
I kissed him again. “You are here. This is just wild. My mom and aunt had a very similar conversation with me.”
“Did they tell you to run the other way?” he teased.
“Nope.” I shook my head. “They said I should club you over the head and drag you back to my bed. Well, home, but bed is basically the same thing.”
He got a twinkle in his eye. “Is your aunt the kind of lady that’s going to make me sleep on the couch?” he asked.
“I don’t think so,” I said, smiling. “She’s probably going to be up soon. Let’s go upstairs. We’ll be very, very quiet.”
I got up and noticed he didn’t. “Are you okay sleeping with me for a couple of hours?” I asked. “If not, I can make the couch up for you, or we can just stay up.”
“No, I’m okay,” he said. “I’m tired. I could use a couple hours of sleep.”
I shut off the light and took his hand. We quietly crept up the stairs and into the guest room I was using. “Shh,” I whispered as we lay down in bed together. “I’m right here.”