Chapter 31
SANTIAGO
“Cortez?” Neil’s disbelieving voice rang out just after I’d finished pulling on my pants. “What the fuck? Is that really you?”
Shit. Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.
“Yeah.” I cleared my throat. “It’s me. What’s up, Patton? What’re you doing all the way out here?”
Hopefully, my voice didn’t betray it, but my heart was beating so hard that it felt like my eyeballs were hopping.
My friend moved the flashlight that had alerted me to his presence slowly from side to side.
“What am I doing out here? I think the better question is what were you just doing out here?”
“I, uh, I came to think.”
He lowered the flashlight enough that I finally saw his features, but I kind of wished I hadn’t looked.
He had a dark expression on his face, a knowing scowl that spelled trouble from where I was standing.
“Cut the shit, Santiago. I know there was someone down here with you, and I also know it was one of ours. I saw the outline of the emblem on the back of her shirt just before she disappeared around the bend.”
Ah, fuck.
Since the guy was military police and my friend, I knew there was no point in trying to convince him that he was wrong. He was as eagle-eyed as they came, and for all the comic relief he’d provided to my life in the past, there wasn’t a hint of humor or laughter on his face right now.
“Okay.” I lifted my hands in surrender. “You’re right. There was someone down here with me, but she’s gone now, so let’s leave her out of this.”
“Leave her out of it?” he snapped. “Are you insane? Look, I know you’re not interested in anyone who remains from our class, which means you’re fucking someone either up or down the chain of command. Do you know what will happen if I turn you in for this?”
“Yes, I do, which is why I’m going to ask you to keep it to yourself for now.”
He let out a stream of muttered curses longer than the length of my arm before he shone his flashlight straight into my face.
“You know there’s a reason for those regulations, right?
I mean, I may not care much about my job and I’m definitely not as gung ho about the service as you are, but I still know what’s right and what’s wrong, and what you’re doing is wrong, man.
Whether it’s up or down the chain of command, it’s still wrong. ”
“I know. I won’t argue with you on that.” I stared straight into the light, slowly lowering my hands back down to my sides. “Can I buy you a beer? I won’t tell you who she is, but I’ll tell you anything else you want to know.”
He kept the light where it was for a few more seconds, but then he cursed again and finally switched it off. “Sure, but you better be honest when you answer my questions.”
“I will.”
“Good. You might want to shake the sand out of your hair. Jesus, it looks like you’ve been buried and you just crawled out of a shallow grave. The hell is wrong with you? What happened to getting a nice room if you wanted to hook up so badly?”
I chuckled, nodding my agreement as we took off toward the path. “Believe it or not, I didn’t actually plan for this to happen. A hotel is too risky for our particular situation, but I still didn’t plan it. I don’t know if I would’ve come down here if I’d known she was already here.”
“You don’t?” He glanced at me, then groaned and rubbed the back of his head. “You promised you’d be honest with me, dude. So why am I feeling like that was a lie?”
“Because it probably was, but it’s the same one I’ve been telling myself.”
He sighed. “Let’s just get to Lucky’s. I’m going to need a beer for this.”
“Yeah, same.” I was thanking God it had been him instead of anyone else who had found us, though. A beer would get me through this conversation with him, but it would’ve been straight to the firing squad if he’d been anyone else.
After we got to the bar, I ordered a round from the bartender and then went to join Neil where he was staring sullenly into space at our usual table. “Okay, shoot. What do you want to know?”
“Superior or subordinate?” he asked as he took his beer but without looking at me.
“Going directly for the jugular, huh?” I sighed. “Subordinate.”
His gaze flicked over to me. “How far?”
“Far enough that I definitely shouldn’t be doing it,” I said, which was about as close as I could get to telling him she was a cadet without actually saying it.
“Fuck,” he muttered, and I nodded.
“Tell me about it.”
“If you know you definitely shouldn’t be doing it, then why are you?”
I took a long sip of my beer as I thought it over. “To answer that, I need to give you details that might give you more information than you might want to know regarding her identity.”
“Might?”
I shrugged. “Definitely. Trust me when I say that you don’t want to know who she is.”
“Okay, keep it light on the identifying factors, then.”
“That’s, uh, not really possible. You have more than half a brain. If I tell you the whole story, you’re going to figure it out even if you try not to.”
“So don’t tell me the whole story.”
“Okay. In that case, the long and short of it is that I’m doing it because I can’t seem to stop. No matter how hard I’ve tried, I don’t want to stay away from her. What I said earlier was true, though. I didn’t know she was going to be there tonight.”
“This wasn’t the first time? It’s not just a one-night slip-up kind of situation?”
I shook my head. “After the first time it happened, I told myself that was what it would be, but it, uh, it didn’t quite work out that way.”
“Bullshit, Cortez.” He finally turned to scowl directly at me. “You’re not one to peddle that I couldn’t stay away bullshit.”
“I’m not usually, but right now, that’s exactly what I’m saying.
You asked me to tell you the truth and that’s the truth.
I can’t stay away because I don’t want to.
I’m drawn to this woman like I’ve never been drawn to anyone before.
The first time we got together, I promised myself that would be it, but I couldn’t stop thinking about her and it turns out she couldn’t stop thinking about me, either. ”
His brow smoothed out when he kept staring at me. “Wait a second, are you telling me you actually care about her?”
I considered it for a short moment before I nodded. “Yeah, I really do. I like her, Neil. A lot, and as much as I want to be able to promise you that it won’t happen again, it probably will.”
He lifted an incredulous eyebrow at me. “Regardless of the fact that it puts you both in danger? Because it does, you know. There’s more to those regulations than just being afraid of accusations of harassment or quid pro quo.
It’s also because people react different when they’re romantically entangled with someone.
You tend to put yourself in situations where you and they could get hurt if you get involved. ”
“I know.” I squeezed my eyes shut. “Trust me, I know. I think about it every damn morning of my life. Is this the day I’m going to do something stupid to save her if she’s in danger?”
He cursed. “Did you really have to say that out loud? Because that makes me think that you’ve already done the stupidest thing possible and that you’ve gone and fallen for a cadet.
Of which there are only two. And one of them is the Perkins girl.
” He paled as he said the words. “Cortez! No. Please tell me it’s not her.
Please, for the love of God, tell me that you have not fallen in love with Ron’s daughter. ”
“I’m not telling you any of that. I said I wasn’t telling you who she is, and I’m still not telling you who she is, so I’m not answering that question. Not positively or negatively.”
“Fuck,” he muttered. “Okay. Okay, just don’t say anything else that might confirm that suspicion, okay?”
“Okay.”
“Good.”
“Great.” I grinned. “Does that mean we can put this behind us now?”
“No,” he said immediately. “How did she find your thinking spot?”
“I took her there the first time we hung out together.”
“So why was she there tonight?”
“To think,” I said. “Then I showed up there wanting to do the same thing and one thing led to another.”
“Do you know why I went down there tonight?”
“No, but it would be nice if you told me.”
He sighed and gave me a pointed look. “I was walking back to Station from here and I heard moans. Moans, bro. That’s how loud you guys were being. I wasn’t sure if it was sex or trouble, so I went down to check it out.”
“Shit.”
“Fuck is more accurate than shit, but whatever floats your boat.” He paused, his gaze completely locked on mine. “This is really more than just a fling to you?”
“I don’t know what it is or what it can ever become, but it’s definitely not just a fling.”
Hanging his head, he buried his face in his hands and released a long, loud groan.
“Fine, I’ll keep my mouth shut then, but you better figure it out, my friend.
I won’t say anything, but the Station is small and news travels fast. This is bound to come out sooner, or later and when it does, you better be ready. ”
“I’ll try my best,” I promised. “Thank you for not turning me in. I won’t put you in this position again, okay? You have my word.”
“You better fucking not put me in this position again,” he grunted, then lifted his bottle and waited for me to clink against it before he said his toast. “It was great knowing you, Cortez. I really hope she’s fucking worth it because there’s no beer in the brig and that’s where you’re going, brother. ”
Unfortunately, he was probably right. Whatever happened, though, it had been worth it. Every minute I spent with Layla was.