Chapter 24
SAMANTHA
Ifelt horrible for my behavior. So horrible, I had not even been able to talk or look at Mitch.
I had ignored his calls and texts. I made damn sure I avoided him at all costs.
My blowup on Saturday embarrassed me. I had completely lost my shit.
Never in my life had that ever happened before.
Never had I let my emotions take control.
I prided myself on being calm, cool, and collected. I had to be in my job.
And then I go and lose it in front of my boss and a handful of people I worked with.
Not only did I lose it, but I sounded like an emotional wreck.
There was no good explanation I could come up with for blowing up at a pilot I was supposed to have a professional relationship with.
If they didn’t suspect something now, it would be a damn miracle.
The things I said to Mitch were awful. True but awful.
I knew he was sensitive about his back and the incident that caused those scars.
It didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out he didn’t like talking about it.
I wasn’t even sure if anyone else knew about the accident.
I threw it in his face like it was my story to tell.
I was embarrassed for myself and him. He probably hated me.
His texts said he wanted to talk, but I had a feeling that also meant he wanted to let me know just how disappointed he was with me. I didn’t blame him.
After my appointment this morning, I would track him down and apologize.
I realized I was putting a lot of weight on this appointment.
It was going to hold all the answers I needed.
Answers and solutions to every problem. In reality, I knew the appointment was going to be pretty basic.
I just needed real confirmation from an actual doctor.
Putting everything on a cheap test felt wrong.
I grabbed my wallet and key and quickly rushed out of the hotel.
I had no idea if he was in his room or already at the airport going over plans for the next show.
Medusa’s aircraft was still being repaired.
It was supposed to be done today and then we were flying to San Diego.
There wouldn’t be time to have a conversation before we got to San Diego, but after, we’d have some downtime and I would find him. I had to. I owed him that much.
My Uber was waiting for me when I emerged from the front of the hotel.
The clinic I was visiting wasn’t like a real doctor but directed more toward women with unexpected pregnancies who probably didn’t have a regular doctor.
I filled out my paperwork and took my seat in the waiting room filled with young women from all walks of life.
There was a woman about my age with three children all under the age of five. She looked exhausted.
“Reid,” a nurse called my name.
I got up with nerves making me feel shaky. It wasn’t like I didn’t know the outcome of the test the receptionist had told me they would give. It was just getting it confirmed. This was the second point of no return on this journey I was on. A solo journey at that.
Medusa knew about the appointment and had offered to come along, but she had things to do.
I could do this by myself. I knew there was a good chance I would be on my own for the next seven and a half months.
May as well start now. I wished I was home with my regular doctor in familiar surroundings.
I wished I had someone to share this moment with.
My dad would have been with me—at least in the waiting room.
I went through the process of getting weighed and my blood pressure checked. I waited in the room alone with various pictures and charts. I stared at a chart with the various stages of growth of the fetus. It was still hard for me to believe there was a baby in my belly at all.
A female doctor came in, and after some questions, it was confirmed I was pregnant—duh. “You knew you were pregnant,” the doctor said. “How are you feeling about this?”
“Terrified.” I laughed nervously.
“Do you have a partner to go through this with you?” she asked gently.
“I’m not sure yet. I haven’t told him. I wanted to make sure I was truly pregnant. And I wanted to make sure everything was okay.”
“Well, I don’t have a crystal ball, but things appear to be fine,” she said. “You’ll need to get an OB you can see regularly. There are a few tests that your doctor will do. You’re healthy from what I can see. Would you like to hear the baby’s heartbeat?”
“You can do that?” I asked. “I read it may be too early.”
“You noted you were certain of the conception date, correct?” she asked.
I nodded. “Yes. One time. One time in months. There is no other chance before or after.”
She smiled and patted my arm. “Let’s see what we can find. If I can’t find the heartbeat, don’t panic. It’s very early. I’ve been doing this a while and I tend to have pretty good luck finding the baby in there.”
I lay on the table with my belly exposed. She rubbed a little wand over my belly. Whooshing sounds filled the room. “Hold on,” she said and pushed a little harder. “I’m going to find you, little one.”
She stopped moving, made a few adjustments, and then smiled at me. “There you go. That’s your baby.”
I listened to the rapid swooshing sound. I couldn’t stop the tears. “That’s the heartbeat?” I whispered.
“Yes, about one twenty,” she said.
“Is that normal?” I asked. “That’s so fast.”
“It’s normal,” she said.
“You actually found it,” I whispered.
“You’re one of the lucky ones.” She laughed. “It’s not always possible. I guess he or she just wanted you to know all was well.”
I wiped my face. “I needed it. I really did.”
I cleaned up and pulled my shirt down.
“Get some of those prenatal vitamins. Rest, drink lots of water, and get to your regular doctor as soon as possible.”
“I will,” I said. “Thank you. Thank you for putting my mind at ease.”
“You’re welcome.”
I left the doctor’s office with a sense of excitement and fear.
Things were good. My baby was growing. There was a weight lifted from my shoulders.
Now that I knew for certain there was definitely a baby and it appeared to be healthy at this point, I had to tell Mitch.
I wasn’t sure how to start that conversation.
Would he even believe me? I bet there was probably more than one woman who tried to trap him with a baby.
He was an attractive, successful man. I was sure there were plenty of woman that wanted to have his baby.
When I got back to the airport, there was a sense of urgency. Fat Albert was being loaded. Medusa was just coming away from her aircraft. She was smiling, so I hoped that was a good sign. “All good?” I asked her.
“Yes, we’re waiting for you to give us the all-clear to get this bad boy to the west coast,” she said.
She gently grabbed my upper arm and pulled me away from the group. I didn’t see Mitch anywhere. As usual, I was always looking for him wherever we were. “What’s wrong?” I asked. “Did something happen?”
“How’d it go?” she asked. “I’ve been freaking out. I’m going to assume it’s real, right?”
I laughed. “It is definitely real. I got to hear the heartbeat.”
She squealed and clapped her hands. “No way!”
“Yes. She said it was rare and I was very lucky.”
“Because that’s a little Mitch in there, always has to be a showboat.” She laughed.
“Is he out here?” I asked.
“He was earlier, but I think he went back to the hotel to get his bag,” she said.
“How is he?” I asked.
“You still haven’t talked to him?”
I shook my head. “I feel like I’m an emotional wreck. I want to talk to him and explain why I flipped out the other day. I’m hoping he’ll give me a bit of a pass for doing that to him. Is he mad at me?”
“We haven’t really talked about it,” she said.
“Is he okay?” I asked.
“Yes, he’s fine,” she said. “You don’t need to worry about him. Worry about you and that baby. Mitch is a big boy. He knows he screwed up. He might never admit it, but he knows that was a risk.”
“But you’re still in the tell him camp, right?” I asked nervously.
“Yes,” she said. “It might stress him out and he might panic, but he made his bed. He needs to lie in it. You shouldn’t have to be doing this alone. Who cares if he freaks out? It isn’t like you weren’t freaked out.”
“True,” I said. “But I’m also not behind the proverbial wheel of a massive machine going six-hundred miles an hour.”
“Mitch is a pilot first,” she said. “He can handle that thing in a hail of fire directed at him. Who knows? He might just be thrilled to know he’s going to be a daddy.
There’s one thing I’ve learned about Mitch, never expect anything.
He will always surprise you. I think that has been proven again and again. ”
“True,” I said. “And honestly, when it’s just the two of us and we’re talking, there is a different man in there.”
“I believe it,” she said. “I’ve only gotten glimpses of that man.
He’s reckless, but he’s not careless, if that makes any sense.
He does care about people. He cares about you, me, the rest of the team.
This news might be what he needs to hear to pull back a little.
He needs to realize people care about him.
He needs to understand that these stunts scare the living hell out of the people that want to see him living.
He’s always had this idea he’s expendable.
He thinks he should make the sacrifices because no one cares about him.
No one is going to miss him. You have to be able to make him see that he’s wrong. ”
I nodded in agreement. I saw that too. “I’ll talk to him once we’re settled at our next stop. For now, I better get busy signing off on that engine or we won’t be going anywhere.”
She laughed. “I won’t be going anywhere. I have no doubt in my mind I will be left languishing here while everyone else moves on.”
“We’d never move on without you,” I assured her.
I grabbed my clipboard and flashlight and headed out to inspect the aircraft.
The crew was just finishing up. They went over what they’d done while I made some notes.
I trusted them, but I also needed to verify.
Trust but verify had been my motto throughout my career.
I was an inspector, not a listener. The inspection was relatively quick.
I had been all over the jet yesterday going over every other detail to make sure the accident hadn’t resulted in more damage we didn’t immediately see.
I stood back while they fired up the engines.
I gave the guy a thumbs-up and let him know everything was good to go.
I turned over my report to the crew chief and headed back to the hotel to finish packing.
While I packed, I ran through various conversation starters.
How did I tell this man he was going to be a father?
It wasn’t exactly something you opened with.
Would he be angry? He really had no reason to be mad.
We both screwed up. But this baby was not going to be treated as a mistake.
Now that I had come to terms with the situation, I was looking forward to the future.