Chapter 32
SAMANTHA
Iwalked beside the Hornets all lined up in a row on the tarmac.
I ran my hand across the nose and smiled.
I had missed them. I missed the excitement of preparing for a show and, of course, the shows themselves.
The time away from the squad and him was exactly what I needed.
It gave me clarity. My father’s advice and support had restored my strength.
I felt like I could breathe again. I knew exactly what I needed to do, and I wasn’t going to back out. I was ready.
I heard voices and found my way to the men hanging around together.
I recognized Mitch’s laugh right away. I slowly approached the group.
I’d only been gone a few days, but I already felt like an outsider again.
I could only imagine the gossip that had been swirling since I left so abruptly after a blowup.
It was my dad who encouraged me to come back.
I had been leaning toward hiding my face for good.
But that was not what he advised. He had decided I needed to get myself together and right back on the horse again.
“Brace yourselves, boys. Hurricane Sam is about to make landfall on Dice’s ass again,” I heard one of them say.
I stopped walking. Of course, I deserved that. I had given myself quite the reputation. I was a little embarrassed and reconsidered my mission. I could meet with Mitch later. I slowly turned to leave when I heard Mitch speak up.
“Shut the hell up,” Mitch growled. “I deserved what I got. You deserve whatever she decides to give you as well.”
I hid my smile. Mitch turned to look at me, and despite all that anger that had been bubbling between us, I wanted him. One look was all it took to melt it all away. My heart did a little flipflop. His face looked like he had run headlong into a wall. That was new.
“Do you need something?” he asked and took a few steps away from the group behind him.
“If you’re busy, I can find you later,” I said.
“I’m not busy,” he said.
“Do you have a few minutes? I was hoping we could talk.”
He looked hesitant. “I have time.”
“Would it be okay if we went somewhere private?” I asked.
“It’s probably for the best, given the way our conversations usually go,” he muttered.
That was deserved. I was willing to take a few digs.
It wasn’t like it wasn’t true. I had to swallow my pride and tell him about the baby.
He deserved to know the truth. My child deserved to have a father in his life.
If Mitch chose not to be a part of the child’s life, I wouldn’t hold it against him.
I had my dad to help me. I would find a way to make it work. The child would be loved and cared for.
We found a quiet spot on a grassy area to sit down and talk.
“Mitch, I feel like we keep having this same conversation. I’m sorry.
Again. I was out of line. I overstepped and I embarrassed you and myself.
I felt horrible after it was all said and done.
I don’t know what it is about you that just makes me lose my cool.
I’m sorry I overreacted. I had no right to ground you. ”
“No, you didn’t,” he said.
“I was wrong, and I’m sorry,” I said. “I’ll talk to Honcho about it.
If he wants to let me go, I’ll accept it.
I deserve it after what I did. I had no right to disrupt a show because I got worked up.
I cheated the viewers out of a good show.
They all came out to see you and I took that from them. I am truly sorry.”
“I don’t want you to be fired,” he said. “You were definitely wrong, but I don’t want you to lose your job.”
“Thanks, I appreciate that.”
“Sam, I know you’re good at your job. I appreciate what you do, but you have to understand I need to maintain a certain respect from the people I fly with. When you do that, people question me. They doubt my ability.”
“I know,” I said. “I can’t and will not do that again. I honestly don’t know what comes over me. I just absolutely lose my mind. I see you doing those maneuvers and I panic. The panic is probably unnecessary but that doesn’t make it go away.”
“I’m a good pilot,” he insisted.
“I know,” I said. “You’ve told me enough times. And I’ve seen it with my own eyes. I’m never going to be okay with you taking risks, but it’s not for me to decide.”
“I like that you care,” he said. “I’ve never really had someone worry about me like that. My CO worries because he knows it would be his ass on the line if I slammed into the ocean.”
“Watch Dog and Medusa care,” I insisted.
“Not like you,” he replied. “I hate that you kick my ass so publicly, but I also like that you care enough to do so. But that doesn’t mean I want you to do it. This is my career. I’ve got an untarnished record and I would like to keep it that way.”
“I understand,” I said.
“I owe you an apology,” he said. “I said some things I shouldn’t have.”
“We were both angry,” I said.
“I’m glad you came back,” he said and took my hand.
“I was never going to stay gone,” I said. “Did you think I was?”
“I wasn’t sure,” he said.
“Do you want to tell me what happened to your face?” I asked.
“I was wondering if you were going to say something.” He laughed.
“I didn’t want to be rude, but it’s kind of hard to miss.”
“You should see the other guy,” he joked. “Technically, there were a couple of other guys.”
I reached up and touched the cut above his eye. “What happened?”
“I got in a fight.”
“With?” I pressed.
“A couple of drunk Marines,” he answered.
“On base?”
“No,” he sighed. “The bar. I got a little drunk. Okay, a lot drunk. I don’t know if I started the fight.
I probably did. I didn’t start it with both of them, but that’s what I got.
They came at me and I was too drunk to properly fight back.
I got my ass handed to me. Watch Dog pulled me out of the bar before things got bad. ”
“It looks like things got pretty bad.” I pointed to his cheek. “When did this happen?”
“Saturday.”
I nodded with understanding. He went out and got drunk and in a fight after our fight. After I grounded him. I clipped his wings and devastated him. I felt horrible. “I’m really sorry,” I whispered. “I can’t imagine what this looked like a few days ago.”
“It wasn’t pretty,” he said.
We had made up, but there was still one major issue I had to get out. I was stalling. I liked these moments when he and I could just talk. There was something so calming about having a conversation with him. Just being near him made me happy.
“Was there any real damage?” I asked.
“I’ve got some bruised ribs,” he said. “How was your visit home? Did you get to see your dad?”
“I did,” I said. “It was good to be home in my own bed. My dad and I talked and he helped to set me straight.”
“Set you straight?” he asked.
“I told him about the fight,” I said. “He let me know I was in the wrong. He sent me packing back here.”
“You didn’t want to come back, did you?”
I looked down. “No. I wanted to run away and hide. I was embarrassed and felt horrible. I wasn’t even sure I would have a job to come back to. I thought maybe you’d told Honcho about the situation. I worried you might have told him I grounded you without real cause.”
“I knew there wasn’t real cause,” he said.
“Yes, you did.” I laughed. “I swear to you, I’ve never done anything like that.”
“Not even with PitA?” he questioned.
I laughed and realized I really had made some mistakes. “Technically, I did have cause to keep him down. I inspected his jet. I found enough wrong with it to keep it grounded.”
“I guess I have to forgive you,” he said. “But you know what the hardest thing to forgive was?”
I shook my head. “I have no idea.”
“It was skipping that night,” he whispered. “You made a lot of promises. Promises I had been looking forward to more than you can ever know. And then you ripped it away.”
I did feel bad about that as well. “Mitch, I had to come back because there is something I have to tell you. I’ve been putting it off, but I can’t anymore.”
“What is it?” he asked.
My stomach was in knots. My palms were sweaty and I worried I might have a heart attack.
I felt like I was standing on the side of a cliff.
This momentary calm wasn’t going to last. I was about to change the man’s entire world.
It would surely rock him. Would he be mad at me?
Would he freak out and accuse me of lying or setting him up?
“Do you remember our first night together?” I asked him.
He flashed me a smile. “I wasn’t drunk. I remember it.”
I nodded and gulped down the lump in my throat. “I, we, uh, we didn’t use anything,” I said.
“Use anything?” he asked.
“Condom.”
He narrowed his gaze. “I guarantee you I don’t have anything. Is that what you’re suggesting?”
“No. Not really. Yes.”
“Yes, you have an STD?” he asked with a hint of anger.
“No! I’m not on the pill. I was taking the shot, but I missed my last dose. I’ve been on it for a while and just lost track. It didn’t occur to me I was past my next dosage until a while after we’d been together.”
“Okay,” he said and was clearly still not understanding what I was getting at.
“Mitch, I’m pregnant,” I blurted out the words.
I took the leap off the cliff. It was out there now. There was no taking back the words. I stared at him in an attempt to read his expression. I wondered if he heard me. He wasn’t reacting. There was no change in his expression. Nothing.
“Mitch?”
“What?” he asked.
“Did you hear me?”
“You said you were pregnant?” he questioned.
I nodded. “Yes.”
Again, there was dead silence. This was really not the way I pictured this going. I expected some kind of reaction. I expected him to deny it or try to tell me I was wrong. Instead, he was looking at me like I had spoken in a foreign language.
“I know this is a surprise,” I said. “I was surprised as well. It apparently happened the first night we were together.”
He still said nothing. I began to worry I had stunned him to the point of being catatonic. This was not the way this was supposed to go. Regret washed over me once again. This was all wrong.