Chapter 13
SANTIAGO
Thanks to Robertson, today had turned into a complete and utter shit show. We’d lost five cadets because of the simulation, and at least one would still have been here if it hadn’t been for that stunt he’d pulled.
After I’d gotten away from the pool, he and I had gone a few rounds and he’d received an official reprimand, but as far as I was concerned, that wasn’t enough.
He’d left his post after three out of four had gotten free.
It had been an irresponsibly awful thing to do, and even though he knew it, he was refusing to take accountability for it.
As I shoveled the last of my chicken into my mouth, there was a quiet knock at my open door, and when I looked up, I saw it was Layla reporting. “Come on in and close the door behind you.”
Moving stiffly, she did what I’d said but stood rigidly right inside the now shut door. “Sir, if this about earlier, you need to know that I did try to signal for help.”
I pushed the plastic container that had held my dinner away and leaned back in my chair, beckoning for her to come closer. “Sit down, Perkins. Make yourself comfortable, and then tell me exactly what happened today.”
Blinking rapidly, she nodded and moved further into the office, sitting down right at the edge of the chair with her back so straight it looked like her spine had been replaced by a broomstick.
“Hanna was really nervous before we started, sir. I tried to talk her through it, but I think she was still in a bad place when we hit the water.”
She stopped to take a deep breath, and I saw the fear darkening her eyes when she refocused on me. “Everything was fine at first. Evans and I were at the front. We both got free just fine. He turned to check on me, and we waved at each other. It wasn’t his fault.”
A slight crease formed between my eyebrows. “No one is saying it was his fault.”
She nodded swiftly. “Good. I just wanted to clear that up. Anyway, so I swam to the door, and when I got there, I realized I hadn’t seen Hanna yet.
When I looked back, she was petrified. She wasn’t moving at all.
I stuck my head out the door, but the instructor wasn’t where he needed to be so I went back to help her.
At the time, I realized I was disobeying a direct order, but with respect, sir, I didn’t care.
I did some quick mental math, but I stand by my decision.
She wasn’t going to make it if I hadn’t gone back. ”
I exhaled audibly through my nostrils. “Yeah, that’s about what I thought had happened. You got stuck on your way back to the door?”
“Yes, sir,” she said softly. “I was running out of breath fast and I guess I must’ve been swimming lower than I realized.
The latch on Hanna’s seatbelt refused to come free, so it was a bit of a struggle getting her loose.
In the panic, I didn’t realize I was swimming that close to the seats, and when I got stuck, I was too close to passing out to figure out how to free myself. ”
I nodded. “As soon as she broke the surface, she yelled something about the latch getting jammed, then she looked for you and screamed, which was about when I knew something had gone wrong.”
For a moment, her eyes locked on mine. “Thank you for getting there so fast. I’m pretty sure I’d have blacked out if you hadn’t.”
The sincerity and honesty in her voice made something inside me ache. I was almost entirely sure it was my heart, but that made no sense. My heart was never involved in anything except my job. On the other hand, what I’d done had been my job, so maybe it made sense after all.
“Were you scared?” I asked instead of responding.
Her eyes widened a bit, and she tucked her bottom lip between her teeth as she nodded.
After staying quiet for a beat, she finally let out a deep breath and nodded again.
“Yes, sir. I was scared. It scared me when I realized I wasn’t going to be able to make it out by myself, but I was also just happy that Hanna was okay. ”
As I looked back at her, I realized that she was being completely honest with me, and that answer more than anything else she’d done convinced me that she was made for this. She wasn’t weak and being broken just wasn’t in her blood.
So this was what Ron meant about applying the necessary pressure to make her into a diamond. Obviously, he knew his daughter. He’d known she’d do well enough in the program, but he also must’ve seen this inside of her.
She was meant to be here, but to be the best she could be, she couldn’t keep floating around in the middle of the pack. She couldn’t keep scraping by and completing all her tasks okay but not at the top of her class.
Those soft green eyes remained on mine. “Are you kicking me out, sir?”
“No,” I said quickly. Too quickly, but hey, I really wasn’t kicking her out. “Why, do you want me to? Do you want to quit?”
“No,” she replied just as fast, and then I saw some of that fire returning to her eyes. It heated them to mercurial levels, the green somehow getting brighter as she stared me down. “Permission to speak freely, sir?”
I blinked, taken aback by the request from the cadet, but I nodded anyway. “Sure thing, Layla. Permission granted. Say what you need to say.”
Her shoulders opened up and her chin rose slightly into the air.
“I don’t know why you want me to quit, but it doesn’t matter what your reasons are.
What matters is that you’re not going to succeed.
I have been waiting for this opportunity my whole life, and I know that I’m going to have to work hard, but I’m not going to give up. ”
Since she just seemed to be getting started, I simply motioned for her to keep going by dipping my chin in a nod instead of interrupting. She clearly recognized the gesture for what it was, and I almost smiled because of how impassioned she was getting.
In truth, although I’d never admit it to anyone, she reminded me of myself in this moment, and I wasn’t going to lie. It was a damn sexy sight to see her getting as worked up as only one other person I knew tended to get about this job—me.
“I know that I’m a woman, and I know there aren’t many of us who do this, but this is what I was born to do.
This is in my blood, and I’ve known it from the first moment I saw what my father did for a living.
This is the only thing I’ve ever wanted to do with my life.
While other little girls were pretending to be princesses, I was trying to design a pulley system that would take my weight so I could rappel off our roof.
You can do whatever you deem necessary to do to me, but I’m not going to quit and I’d really appreciate it if you stopped asking. ”
I let her have her moment, watching with a smile I couldn’t quite hide on my face as she caught her breath. Those eyes were dancing with indignant flames and her cheeks were beautifully pink, but when I saw her chest cave in a little, I realized she was done.
Just in case, though, I decided to check. “Have you said everything you wanted to say?”
“I’m still speaking freely, right?”
I nodded. “There’s really more?”
She tilted her head to the left, studying me from beneath those thick black lashes that I’d never seen so much as a speck of makeup on. “Well, whether there’s more depends on if you’re going to stop asking me to quit just yet.”
To my surprise as much as hers, a chuckle came out of me. “I’ve never asked you to quit, Perkins. Never have. Never will. All I asked was if you wanted to, but I think I’m clear on that now.”
“Are you?” she asked, still not looking away from me. “Does that mean you’re going to stop trying to force me out?”
I frowned, my brows inching up when I realized she was being serious. “Do you honestly think I’ve been trying to force you out? Why the hell would you think that?”
She sank back in her seat, shrugging even as her gaze remained locked on mine. “I’ve just been getting the feeling that you don’t want me here and that you’d prefer it if I was gone. Hanna had the same feeling, and now she is gone.”
“Hanna quit of her own volition,” I said, not quite protesting, but not quite agreeing either.
“Did I foresee the possibility that she wasn’t going to make it through?
Yes, I won’t deny it. I didn’t think she was going to make it, but I haven’t done anything to either of you that I haven’t done to anyone else.
I don’t want you to quit and I never wanted her to either.
The difference is that she did it anyway. ”
Layla kept staring back at me, but I saw the fight melting out of her until she finally nodded. “Where does this leave us, then?”
“Come with me,” I said as I shoved my chair back and stood up. “If you’re done, that is. If there’s anything else you’d like to say, now is the time to do it.”
“No, I’m all good,” she said, her voice smaller than usual. She got up and glanced at me curiously when I opened the door. “Where are we going?”
“You’ll see.” I motioned for her to precede me, then shut the door behind us and led her down the corridor and out the door to the outside.
We kept walking side by side until we reached the obstacle course. When we got there, she frowned up at me. “What are we doing here? Are you going to punish me for disobeying your orders by making me do this in the dark after dinner?”
I chuckled, feeling my insides warm a little as I shook my head at the petulant, distrustful pout on her lips. Instead of annoying me, I found it kind of adorable, which was annoying in its own right but it somehow still made me smile.
Fuck me. This girl has me all twisted up inside, but I’m going to have to deal with that on my own time.
“No, I’m not going to punish you, Layla.
You disobeyed a direct order, but in this instance, I’m going to let it slide.
Just don’t do it again, but you’re right about what might’ve happened to Hanna if you hadn’t gone back to get her.
Robertson is the only one who’s going to get punished for the events of today. ”
“Okay,” she said slowly, turning those big eyes back up to mine. “What are we doing here, then?”
“I’m going to help you with this.”
She frowned, glancing at the first obstacle. “Uh, thanks, but I think I’m okay with this one.”
“Not that one.” I took her by her shoulders and turned her until she was facing the wall that was barely visible in the distance in the dark.
“That’s what I’m going to help you with.
I’ve been watching you and I know what you’re doing wrong.
It’s still up to you, though. Do you want my help, or do you want to keep trying to figure it out by yourself? ”