Chapter 1 #3
Easton was so lighthearted, like he’d never known pain.
The guy’s job was to prosecute SVU cases.
I knew he saw heinous shit day in and day out, and yet his face was always as open as a blue sky.
No hurt, no bitterness. Such certainty everything would be all right.
That if you fought the good fight, you’d take the day.
Like he could show what he felt and didn’t fear anyone would come back later and use it against him.
I didn’t know what to do with that.
Me, I was painfully aware of what it took for me to get the job I had.
What I’d had to do, ignore, let go of, overlook, or just bury down until it burned out in my gut.
I could work ten times as hard as anyone else, get as far ahead as possible, and the feeling like it could all be taken away was ever present.
That was something I never seemed to shake off. Closeness was not something I could do easily. I’d practically given up on getting it from anyone other than my best friends and the family members who continued to speak to me after I came out.
That was until last summer and Easton. As soon as I set eyes on him walking toward Nesto’s truck, those impish green eyes and that perfect smile lured me in. I was still trying to let go. With Easton, it was like my heart and my body were working together to override my entire approach to life.
Nesto just shook his head like I confused the fuck out of him. “So?” he said, circling a hand in the air to get me to come out with whatever I was not saying. “How’s he?”
I knew the smile on Nesto’s face when I mentioned Easton was genuine.
Easton had been a good friend to Nesto since he’d arrived in Ithaca.
My friend looked out the window, his eyes trained in the direction of the county courthouse where the District Attorney’s office was.
“He’s been busy since he started the interim DA gig.
Hasn’t stopped by as often. He usually comes here for lunch a few times a week. ”
I nodded, thinking about what Easton had said last night. “He mentioned that. Said he’s not sure about the politics.” Easton’s answer had been ambivalent, which was different for him, at least when it came to his job. “Sounds like he’s thinking about it, though.”
Nesto nodded, eyes interested. “He’d be good for this town.”
I blinked at that, because Nesto was not one to get political.
Jude, on the other hand, did not mince words when it came to opinions about bullshit happening in town.
Once again, I smiled at all the changes love had made in my friend, but before I had a chance to detract the conversation, Nesto called me out.
“Yeah, you’re not getting me off your run-in with Easton to talk about politics. Spit it out.”
I shrugged, feeling stupid, because I wanted to spill my feelings all over this floor and that was so not the norm for me.
“He was fine. It’s not like we had a heart-to-heart,” I said, lifting a shoulder like an asshole. “I was getting some snacks to bring to the office and ran into him. We only talked for like five minutes.”
Nesto just stared at me, waiting for whatever else I was going to say to come out of my mouth. After fidgeting with my pocket square and generally acting like a preschooler, I finally said it. “He said his building had some vacancies when I told him my apartment might not work out.”
Nesto’s eyes widened at that. “I actually thought about him, he told me he’d been fixing up those two units after the tenants left. He wanted to do something to the floors.”
He must have noticed the confused look on my face, because he angled his head before asking cautiously, “He didn’t tell you he owns the building?”
“No, he sure as fuck did not tell me he’d be my landlord!” I said, annoyed. “You know what, forget it.”
Nesto was not done, though, he flipped his hand and pointed two fingers at me.
“He probably didn’t mention it because you would have told him no and pulled that judgmental stank face you’re rocking right now.
” He twisted his mouth to the side before really going in.
“P, what the fuck is your deal, my dude? I mean, I know why you may be all cagey with him, but why are you doing this shit with me?” He gripped the edge of the bar he was standing behind, as if it would somehow help him get ahold of his patience.
“Come on, son. Even if you won’t admit to your damn self, I know your ass is up here at least partly because you’re thirsting after his dick.
Don’t deny, because I know the jobs you turned down to take this one.
Not that I’m not fucking elated to have you here, because you know I am. ”
I frowned as he spoke because he was telling the absolute truth, but still, the frustration bubbled up.
“Okay, let’s say it’s true. Let’s say I do like him, what am I going to do with that, Nesto?
I have literally spent the last ten years of my life studying and writing about how the system that Easton works every day to uphold is weaponized to keep people like me in chains.
How do I reconcile that?” I gripped my hands together and pressed them to my chest, my voice strained when I finally spoke.
“I mean really, I’m asking, because I have no fucking clue how to do that. ”
Nesto sighed and looked at me like I was too fucking difficult to deal with this early on a Monday.
“I don’t know, pa.” Nesto exhaled, deflated, because in the end he knew my struggle all too well.
When he spoke, the frustration was all gone, and all that was left was a kindness and understanding that was somehow even harder to hear.
“I got no pearls of wisdom to bestow upon you. All I know is, life is too fucking short—and frankly fucked up—to dismiss someone who makes you happy out of hand, just because your jobs put you at odds. I mean what do you really even know about Easton? Other than he’s fine as fuck and a generally pleasant guy.
” He was ticking his fingers at this point.
“And that he can obviously work his dick in a way that totally does it for you.”
I rolled my eyes at that and Nesto chuckled, holding up his hands to concede some kind of point.
“I know you’re gonna keep agonizing over this, and I understand it’s more than your jobs being at odds.
Being with a man like Easton feels like compromising.
I get that. I know it’s not anything to take lightly.
So take your time and do what you need to.
But just chill out a little, okay? Let your guard down for once. Some people are worth it.”
The beatific look on his face let me know Nesto was probably talking about Jude again.
They’d worked hard at their relationship and their devotion for each other was plain to see.
Getting together hadn’t been easy for them either.
Jude had a hard past, which had made the early stages in their relationship complicated, and Nesto almost let his workaholic ways ruin things for them, but they’d powered through it.
Nesto had the life he always dreamed of.
He knew what he was talking about.