Chapter 15 #2
I thought about that for a moment as I drove up to the turn for the stable.
I didn’t want him to think I didn’t value his thoughts on this, but I wanted him to know I didn’t think it was his job to enlighten me on things that was my job to be aware of.
“I want to come to you when I feel like I have more knowledge about the things I need to understand.” I looked at him then.
“The more I’m with you, the more it’s sinking in that I could’ve lived my whole life being a quote unquote good guy, without ever having to think about the true history of my own country, and the privilege I walk with,” I scoffed, feeling embarrassed, but compelled to continue.
“If you don’t have that luxury, then neither should I. ”
He swallowed hard and then in a very quiet voice said, “I think you’re a good prosecutor, Easton, and I’m glad you’re doing this. It’s necessary.”
I did turn to look at him for what I wanted to say next. “There is too much I’ve not thought about enough and it embarrasses me because I wonder how it’s impacted my ability to do my job.”
“You’re doing it now, and that matters.” That was all he said, but there was a relief in his voice, like this had reassured him of something.
I didn’t quite know what that meant, but thankfully our arrival at the stable put the conversation to rest.
“We’re here.”
Patrice still had a faraway expression as I powered off the car. As soon as we stepped out, I knew that my big plan was going to be a bust. I looked over at Patrice, whose teeth were chattering despite being bundled up in a heavy coat, gloves, scarf, and hat.
“Shit, I think it’s too cold,” I said, looking around at the stable parking lot and noticing that other than the owner’s truck, it seemed no one else was here.
Patrice, who was now shivering so hard he was vibrating, raised an eyebrow while taking in his surroundings. “So I’m taking it part of our romantic date involved the outdoors.” I groaned and he pointed at the barn longingly. “Maybe it’s warmer in there.”
I sighed and nodded as I grabbed the saddlebags I’d prepared with some snacks and spiked hot cocoa for us to drink at some point during our snowy trail ride.
“Yeah, but it’s going to be a challenge being on a horse in this weather.” I grimaced again as we stepped into the less cold, but not nearly warm enough, barn. The weather outlook had been good, but around here, a squall could hit at any time.
“Horse?” Patrice asked, sounding more than a little freaked out.
Fuck, maybe Patrice didn’t like horses.
I put down the bags on the floor and turned to find him looking completely miserable. It was still freezing even inside the barn, and he was looking around the stable like he expected a wild horse to break free from one of the stalls and trample us to death.
“So I take it you’re not a fan of horseback riding?” I asked and watched him stiffen with every word.
“I’ve never ridden a horse before.” He shrugged and tried to smile, but I could tell he was embarrassed. “It’s not like there’s a big riding scene in the South Bronx you know?”
I couldn’t tell if the humor in his voice was real or if it was just his way of trying to not make me feel like a jackass. Why did I assume that Patrice would be up to gallivanting on a horse in the snow like we were in a fucking Disney movie?
“Hey, what’s all that glaring about?” Patrice’s light tone went a long way to make me feel less like a clueless moron. “It’s a little cold, but we can still have a good afternoon.” Now he was talking to me like I was a hurt kitten.
I exhaled through my nose as I stiffly returned his embrace. The only thing that was keeping me from being completely flustered was the fact that Patrice seemed to think that my utter failure was adorably funny.
I looked up at him and saw that he was smiling so big his eyes were crinkling, and I could see his molars.
“Why are you smiling? You’re usually somewhere between solemn and full on rage-y.
But me bringing you out here to freeze your balls off on my pretentious faux date has you downright giddy.
” I huffed as he laughed again. “What the fuck, Patrice?” I could not for the life of me avoid sounding like a whiny baby.
Patrice gave me a rueful smile and tightened his arms around me, his mouth so close to my ear his warm breath made me shiver.
“I kind of like this pissed off you. It’s nice not to be the moody asshole for once.
Besides, we can still have a nice time, we can just eat in the car, there’s heating in there. ”
I rolled my eyes, but it was hard to stay mad when he was like this.
“Well, for the record, it stinks to know that my idea to sweep you of your feet was stupid and poorly executed, even if you seem to be weirdly happy about my failure.”
More smiling and acting delighted. “We don’t have to give up on this totally, and knowing how busy you are right now, I do appreciate that you went to the trouble of planning something.
Besides, it’s not your fault it’s unseasonably cold today.
I’d still like to see the horses. I haven’t really been to a horse farm before. ”
He was beaming.
I angled my head and tried not to sound too annoyed when I spoke again. “So wait, you can barely muster up a smirk ninety percent of the time, but this utter fiasco is somehow the most fun thing ever for you?”
Again with the smiling, but his eyes were telling me that there was a lot more to his mood. He was seeing something. The way he was looking at me, holding me, it felt different. It was like he was fully there with me for the first time.
“I’m not sure what’s happening right now,” I said, genuinely puzzled.
He took my hand and, without answering, started moving to the stalls.
The smell of hay, manure, and horseflesh was overpowering with all the ventilation pretty much closed because of the cold.
I found the smell comforting, since horses had been one of the few things I’d had growing up that my parents actually approved of.
But I knew it wasn’t something most people found pleasant.
He seemed fine though, looking around, taking everything in, a contented smile on his lips.
When we got to the bay, he asked in a low voice, like he was afraid of disturbing the animals, “Which one is yours?”
“How do you know I have one?” was my evasive answer.
His exaggerated eye roll was almost comical.
I pointed at my guy, who had been fretting since he’d heard my voice.
“That’s him,” I said, pointing at my black Percheron that was now openly demanding my attention, snorting and bumping his nose on the door of his stall.
I walked over and gave him some love while Patrice watched from a distance. “This is Justice.”
He laughed and shook his head at that. “Subtle.”
I dipped my head, sure I was blushing at his teasing tone. “So much about me is understated.”
I actually got a snort out of Patrice Denis.
“He’s beautiful.” He inched toward where I was standing petting Justice’s big head. “And large.”
I smiled at Patrice’s very cautious tone and movements. “You can move closer, he thinks he’s a dog. He’ll probably try to lick you, but other than that, you’re pretty safe.”
We stood there for a few moments petting Justice and feeding him an apple I’d brought for him, while I thought of how to salvage this afternoon. I was running scenarios through my head when Patrice tugged on my scarf.
“Hey, no fretting. We’re having a nice a time.
” He hiked his thumb in the direction of the parking lot.
“Let’s finish visiting with Justice then go warm up a little in the car.
We can drive back home after.” The word home was uttered in a very suggestive tone.
The way he was looking at me made me feel like my clothes were going to disintegrate from by body.
After giving a last pat to a very unhappy Justice, I let Patrice pull me out of the barn, and we walked to my SUV. I said in genuine amazement, “This zen thing you’ve got going is quite remarkable. I’m not sure I can handle it.”
He laughed again as we got into my frigid car and I immediately blasted the heat and turned on the seat warmers. As we sat there thawing out, I saw Patrice was mulling over what I’d said.
He leaned down to get the thermos I’d brought with me and opened it. When he sniffed it, he raised both eyebrows. “Is there liquor in here?”
I grinned at his surprised expression. “Just a touch of bourbon.”
He shook his head and closed it up. “Maybe just water, then.”
I just nodded, still waiting for his answer about my previous comment. After taking a long drink of what had to be icy water, he looked at me and I could tell he was still considering how to approach the conversation I’d just reopened.
“It’s not zen.” He shook his head as he bit the side of his mouth.
“My utter lack of chill doesn’t exactly allow for that,” he said ruefully, then let out a long breath and pressed his head to the back of the seat and turned those almost-black eyes on me.
I couldn’t stay away when he was this close, so I leaned in to him and pressed a kiss to his mouth.