Chapter 18 #3
I didn’t know what to say to that, because my family always had a lot of money.
I had no idea what it was like to struggle like that.
Patrice paused again and bent over to bring me closer to him, his strong arms lifting me effortlessly.
When he’d kissed me and I was settled with my back against his chest, he started talking again.
“The day we went to see him, my mom and I had gone to Milo and his mom’s house so we could borrow money from Dinorah to pay the heating bill.
” He scoffed then and I felt his body tense.
I also noticed that whenever he did that, he’d touch me or kiss me, as if it helped him calm down.
It didn’t escape me how free he was becoming with his touches and kisses.
So far from the man I’d first encountered, who I’d have to coax into even a few words after the sex was over.
“All the way there she kept reassuring me that it would be fine, but I could tell she was nervous. Once we got to the hotel, I realized why. My father was staying at the Waldorf-Astoria. I felt sick when we got there and I realized that while my mom had to borrow money from a friend to keep our heat on, my dad was staying in one of the fanciest hotels in town.”
“That makes me so fucking angry,” I said, shaking my head.
He kissed my neck in response and my body once again was struggling to filter all the things happening to it. “Are you angry on my behalf, Counselor?”
I turned around then so I could see him. “Of course, I am. That’s so fucked up, Patrice.”
He didn’t answer and did that silent and intense thing he always did and sucked my lip into his mouth.
When he let go and I was panting again, I let out a frustrated breath.
“It’s so fucking hard to be righteously outraged about your father’s fucked-up shit when you keep licking and sucking on me.
” I sounded aggravated and more than a little flustered, because I fucking was.
“I should not be this turned on when you are clearly telling me something that is important to you.”
He started shaking and I wondered if he was okay, and when I turned around, the asshole was laughing at me.
I knelt in front of him, trying as hard as I could to contain my own smile. “This is serious. You’re finally opening up to me, and it is not a laughing matter, Patrice Denis.”
“Okay, bébé,” he said, and I almost regretted pushing us to get back to the conversation, because he looked so content just then. At ease, and I wanted to keep him like that for a little longer.
I turned around again, knowing it’d be easier for him to say the rest if we were like this.
“So we got there, and it was so awkward. I didn’t know him very much, so the conversation went to what every conversation does with Afro-Latinx males.
He commented on my muscles, asked if I had a girl and then ignored me.
My um…” His voice changed then and his arms tightened around me, the lightness of the last couple of minutes, completely gone now.
“He asked my mother to go up with him somewhere.”
I wanted to sob for him, because I heard the shame clearly then.
“Baby,” I said as I tried to turn, but he kept his arms on me and rested his forehead on the back of my head.
“Let’s just stay like this,” he pleaded.
“She told me before we went there, she wanted to ask him for some help with money for college, and knowing her, she would do whatever it took. When she left with him, I sat there feeling like my skin was crawling.” His voice was clogged, and the need to turn around and hold him was so intense, I was shaking.
“When she came down, my father made a point of looking me in the eye, as if to let me know this was how the world worked. Right as we were about to leave, I saw a woman and two teenage girls coming into the lobby, with a ton of shopping bags. He walked right over to them like we didn’t exist. My mom and I just stood there until they went up to their room. ”
He sighed then, sounding exhausted. “My mom and I didn’t say a word on the train, but a few days later, she left a bank statement on my bed.
He’d wired fifty grand to her, which in the end was not even a third of what we needed.
” He exhaled, voice strangled again. “For my college expenses. As far as I’m concerned, he never gave me anything.
My mother paid for every cent we ever got from that man. ”
“Can I turn around now?” I asked, needing to look at his face. He let go and I turned around so fast I almost elbowed him in the face.
I kissed him and wrapped my arms around his neck. “You’re amazing and so is your mother. Rising above so much. I can’t even imagine. I’m so sorry my father disrespected you and your mother today like that.”
“Bébé, don’t look so sad. It happened a long time ago. It’s done. I just wanted to tell you.” He laughed then, and it was surprisingly carefree, lighter than I’d ever heard him before. “I hadn’t told that story to anyone, not even Camilo, and that little fucker knows all my secrets.”
“Thanks for trusting me with it.”
The possessive way he pulled me to him, made it so hard to tamp down the urge to tell him everything I was feeling. Instead I smiled and nodded and kissed him again. I told him how much it meant to me that he shared that with me.
As we wound down and he fell asleep with his strong chest plastered to my back, my skin seared by the heat from his, I thought about the one thing I didn’t say.