Chapter 22 #3
He gasped as our mouths touched and without hesitation, kissed me deeply.
He was gentle, too, careful not to press too hard on my belly.
He managed to somehow watch the places I ached at the same time he touched and licked me just how I craved.
When he lowered his mouth to kiss my neck, he let out a groan that I felt in my own gut.
“You feel so good, Pris.” The yearning in his voice, the deep longing there, made my knees weak. “You always feel so good.”
I covered his mouth with mine, trying to stave off whatever words were primed to come out and break the spell. I wanted to stay like this, feel the rasp of his tongue on my neck. His teeth grazing my ear until I shivered. The way his touch filled places that no one else ever could.
“Juanpa.” I didn’t even know what I wanted, I just had to say his name.
“Nena.” He slipped a hand down my back and gripped my ass hard as I panted, the cramps and pain forgotten for these few seconds.
Just as I was starting to wonder what exactly I’d started, my phone started buzzing against my thigh.
I sighed, pushing back from J and pulled the phone out of the pocket in my leggings.
When I looked at the screen, I saw that it was my mother’s number.
It was almost 11:00 p.m. and she knew I was off.
“It’s Mamí, you know she’ll get worried if I don’t answer,” I muttered tiredly, as J tried his best to get himself back in control.
“Sure, tell her I said hi.” His voice sounded resigned, he knew better than to expect I’d pick up where we left off after I talked to my mother.
But I let it go to voicemail as I considered what I was doing.
I’d had an emotional day—hell, an emotional week, month—and everything I hadn’t let myself feel was sitting right under the surface.
I kept feeling like all my priorities were out of whack.
That the things I seemed to have valued above everything were smothering me, and if that wasn’t enough of a mindfuck, it seemed like the only person I could talk about it with was the man I told myself I needed to stay away from.
I sent a text to my mother, without any indication that I was at J’s house.
He’d gone into his bedroom, so I just stood there waiting, I wasn’t sure for what.
No, that wasn’t true, I was waiting for him to come out of the bedroom and try to convince me to stay, so I could tell myself I was just being nice.
But he didn’t come back. I waited for a minute, then two until I went looking for him.
I found him sitting on the bed with the hot pad in his hands.
He turned to look at me and smiled sadly, his lips still a little bruised from my kisses.
“We’ll take this as far as you want, Pris.
” He shook his head, and heaved out a tired breath.
“I want you in my life. I’m not going to lie and say I don’t want a repeat of the other night.
” As soon as he said that, he widened his eyes, as if seeing the hot pad for the first time.
“I mean obviously not today, but like anytime. I am open to whatever you want.”
My laugh at his attempt to work in the appeal for more sex was shaky, but the cramps were coming back, so I wasn’t sure if it was because of J’s words or my own body.
I stood, letting what he said, the obvious want in his voice, wash over me.
To be wanted like this, desired, just as I was, had always been a heady thing.
And I’d always struggled with believing it. Believing him.
He looked down at the floor, shaking his head and when he looked at me again, I could see in his eyes that he was desperate for me to see how much he meant every word. And when in the past I’d harden myself to his promises, this time I just didn’t have the strength to walk away.
“I swear I will not fuck this up.”
I shook my head and came to sit with him on the bed. “I was the one that kissed you, J.” I took the pad from his hands, just to find something to do. “I don’t want to mess this up either. It’s been nice hanging out today. I’ve missed you, too.”
He dipped his head and looked at me again, looking more serious than I’d ever seen him. “We’ll make it work. Figuring out a way to be around each other cannot be harder than staying away.”
I laughed and ran a hand over his fade, running the pad of my finger along the sharp angles of his lineup.
I was so mixed up about this man, and about myself.
I wanted to let whatever was starting to brew between us happen and deal with the consequences later, but as if to remind me just how bad things had gone the last time, a sharp pain shot through my abdomen, making me double over.
“Shit.”
With that, Juanpa stood up and waved a hand at the bed.
“Get in there. I’ll go get the tea and heat this up.
” He rushed out of the room with the pad in his hand and I curled up under his covers, amazed to realize that even though this was the first time J had ever done any of this stuff for me, he still knew exactly what to do.