Chapter 26 ~Velra~
~Velra~
“What’s this about us moving to a frost castle?”
I smiled as Lazriel walked back into the kitchen. He looked a little more relaxed.
As much as any of us could actually be knowing Sylas was going through a worrying necromantic core transplant right now.
Lazriel’s father had sent a feeder to the apartment, both to satiate his hunger and clearly as a means to help calm and soothe him as well.
I’d heard the apartment door lock a few moments ago as Lazriel had finished and sent the guy off—not without having a whole conversation with him, though.
They’d been talking for about ten minutes.
That was how sweet Lazriel was about feeding, how new to it he was as well.
Then again, he’d always been very respectful of people giving themselves to him in any way.
He’d been very gentle with me, especially when I’d been struggling to feel safe to connect and see past my trauma enough to move forward with him.
I closed my notebook where I’d been taking down everything Nyx and I had discussed on our call.
With Blackline Protocol in effect, Crossborn hadn’t been able to meet in person and Nyx hadn’t been out in the field as much as he’d liked working on Crossborn Refuge System, which now had three facilities that helped hybrids—bringing them in out of hiding and the proverbial cold, helping them to join supernatural society, providing resources, trauma counseling, opportunities, a whole lot.
Nyx had been at the third facility tonight and we’d been talking on the phone as we’d brainstormed some improvements and ideas that we wanted to put to Warlow and Crossborn as a whole with a meeting we had planned a few days from now that Nyx would facilitate with his dreamwalking so we didn’t all have to risk convening in person with the current threat out there making that beyond dangerous.
We’d discussed the notion of fast-tracking a fourth facility.
Now with everything that was going on, we were both entrenched in that idea more than ever.
It was needed. Hybrid beings needed it and Puritas also needed to see that they couldn’t make us crawl, couldn’t stop progress through fear and savagery.
Lazriel’s gaze dropped to my notebook and phone on the kitchen table. “How did it go with Nyx?”
“We’ve got everything down. I’m going to put an official proposal together over the next couple of days, then we’ll both present it at our next meeting.”
“You want my help with it? I know CRS isn’t my initiative, but I can lend a hand.”
“Actually, yeah, that would be really nice.”
He smiled, then shifted his weight and remembered his original question when he’d first walked in. “So, as I was saying, I was in with Ketheron before Chris—the feeder—showed up and he was talking about us all living together in a frost castle?”
He’d clearly been distracted with everything weighing so heavily on us all that he hadn’t listened to all the details properly, or hadn’t absorbed them well.
“I made a frost sculpture of a castle when I was at Haven Initiative with Cassius one day recently. Ketheron came over and we got to talking about the possibility of maybe all of us living together in a castle—an actual solid castle.”
He grasped the back of the chair opposite me where I’d been nibbling on some cinnamon cookies that Cassius had made when we’d arrived back earlier, and he studied me curiously.
“What?” I asked, flinching under the deep scrutiny that felt like he was trying to reach into my soul or something.
“So you have talked about that sort of stuff then? Our relationship developing? Building a future together.” He shook his head. “Just not to me, Sylas, or Cassius.”
I tensed. “Lazriel—”
“Don’t do this.”
“I’m not doing anything.”
“I recognize the signs better than anyone. And I don’t know how the shit you’re hiding it from Cassius with the Soul Brand in play, but you somehow are.
” He accused, “You’re shutting down again, pulling away.
” He rolled his eyes. “Not physically, because you’re comfortable with that aspect, especially now you can control your abilities really impressively, especially in that setting and situation. ”
This was because I hadn’t responded when he’d told me he loved me that morning.
“My abandonment issues are well known, but you also suffer from that. It’s why you’re so possessive.
Giving Sylas that Nexus Band. Making me that bracelet.
Taking it so painfully during the time when Cassius cut himself off from you beforehand.
Then you wearing my hoodie constantly while I was gone.
And, by the way, me being gone, I get that would have likely triggered all this for you, so it’s also on me.
But now us being attacked by Puritas. Repeatedly.
You and Sylas dying. Morien Morgrave in the picture.
Me with my dad and The Shadowed and all the complications that come with that. Sorin and—”
“I know what the complications are!” I burst out with, raising my voice, and even slamming my fist down on the table.
I jolted as a blast of frost spread over the tabletop. Crap.
“Lazriel,” Cassius rumbled, and I swung my head in surprise to see him now standing in the doorway. I’d been so immersed that I hadn’t felt him approach.
“We agreed to keep things light,” Cassius reminded him.
“I know what we agreed to, Cas,” Lazriel snapped. “Easier said than done, though, isn’t it?” He gestured at me. “Especially with this lingering.”
“Allow it breathing room.”
“You mean, allow her breathing room. I can’t.” He squeezed the back of the chair and it cracked in several places. He grunted and jerked back. “I did that before and she—” He looked at me. “You pulled away. You ran, actually. I can’t… I can’t fucking do that again.”
I shot from my seat. “You’re in my fucking veins!
” I yelled. “Do you understand that? There is no pulling away! It’s not possible for me!
It’s done… the four of us… that’s it for me.
” I stormed around the table and shoved my hands into Lazriel’s chest, knocking him back against the wall.
“This is my family! You are my family! Something I’ve always wanted!
If you think I could or would leave that behind—fuck you!
” I shoved harder against him. “Take it back! Take it back!” I screamed, pushing at him.
His chest heaved against my palms, his eyes wide.
“I didn’t say those words back to you because…
because look at what’s surrounding us right now!
Hell! War! It’s all… wrong. It’s wrong! And saying that…
those special words… I don’t want it poisoned.
By all this madness! By Puritas! By that maniacal Halrow!
Now Morien!” I shoved him again, but this time his hands came up and gently grasped mine. “That’s why! Do you hear me?”
In my peripheral vision, I saw Cassius standing steadily and looking on.
He hadn’t intervened and I knew why—he figured I needed to get it all out.
And that Lazriel had also needed me to get it all out.
“I take it back,” Lazriel spoke softly, and I looked to see emotion welling in his eyes, as he started stroking my skin.
Cassius came over then and fondled my hair. “Do the circumstances actually matter when the sentiment is just and true?” He smiled. “Having something so powerful like that to hold onto through awful, straining circumstances would seem like the perfect salve, hmm?”
“The goal to life is happiness. To see and feel beyond the pain that’s afflicted us.
It doesn’t just feel good, it sticks it to those who’ve harmed us and tried to keep us in that pained state,” Lazriel uttered, quoting himself from many weeks ago when he’d encouraged me to try to adopt his philosophy of enjoying and reveling in things, rather than remaining in the pain and trauma.
I beamed out at the both of them.
They were amazing.
I sank into Lazriel’s chest and grasped Cassius’ arm, taking him with me, and they both wrapped themselves around me. “I’m sorry,” I murmured into Lazriel’s tank.
“It’s all okay,” he said, stroking my hair. “I’m sorry too. I came in way too hot.”
“No, I get why you did.”
“So volatile when you love so deeply,” Cassius chuckled against us.
A thud sounded and I pulled from Lazriel, all of us swinging our heads toward the kitchen entrance as Ketheron scanned us rapidly. “What has happened? I heard yelling through my dream.”
I winced. “It was me. I just got a little upset. I’m so sorry I woke you.”
“I don’t care about that. I’m not even tired, but Cassius insisted I sleep.”
“Your mind needs time to heal through sleep, more so than normal after what you experienced today,” Cassius told him.
Ketheron was too focused to pay that any mind, and asked me, “Are you well now? Do you still hurt?”
“I’ll be fine.”
“It’s all good, Keth,” Lazriel reinforced. “Just a little dust up.”
Ketheron frowned. “A relationship disagreement borne from all the stress of late?”
“Right,” Lazriel confirmed. “That sums it up really well.”
“Well, that book you bought for Cassius is rather useful for these matters.”
Lazriel grinned at Cassius. “You actually unwrapped it? Does that mean you read it, too?”
Cassius sighed. “Yes. Try not to make a meal out of it.”
“A meal out of it? Damn, you’re starting to sound like me.”
I chuckled. The look on Lazriel’s face… he enjoyed that immensely.
“Hades help me,” Cassius said with a good-natured grin at Lazriel.
A sharp ringing cut through the levity and it took me a moment to realize that it was my phone.
I stepped back from the guys and pulled it from the pocket of my leather pants to see that it was Nyx calling.
I frowned. Nyx was much more of a texter than a caller. At least that was how our friendship had been.
“One second,” I told the guys, walking to the other side of the kitchen, and answering.
“Hey. Did we forget something for the proposal?”
“Something’s happened, Velra.”
A rush of adrenaline rolled through me.
Nyx was a big fan of small talk.