Chapter 31
Jake
“Dad! It’s me,” I hollered from the side door as I stepped inside.
“Jake. Thank God you made it.”
I detected urgency in his voice, so I picked up my pace, taking my shoes off at the mat just inside the mudroom.
“What is it? Dad, are you okay?” I rushed to his side and instinctively picked up his wrist to measure his pulse. I may spend my time doctoring family pets, but I was a trained medical professional at the base level.
“What? Oh. Yes, son. I’m not having a heart attack,” he said as he pulled his arm away and waved me off. “I just need you to help log me into the streaming channels. I’m missing all my shows.”
I pinched the bridge of my nose.
“Dad, you said it was an emergency. I thought you were having a health crisis,” I said.
“Well, it’s a crisis, just not a health crisis,” he replied, a look of deer-in-headlights on his face. “Oh damn, you were at the meat auction, weren’t you? How’d it go? Did you win anything?”
“We had just made it back to the hotel. And no, we did not win anything.” I wiped my face with my hand. “Yeah. Okay. I need your remote to input the information,” I said, changing subjects back to his so-called crisis. “I thought I showed you how to do it.” I was reaching for the remote.
“Eh. You did. You did. But it’s not working. And since you’re close by . . . Can you just show me again?” He sounded timid. I hated making my dad feel like a burden, and honestly, he wasn’t. He was just a man living alone. He might even be lonely.
I softened my attitude and walked my dad through the log-in steps and let him input the characters so he’d, maybe, remember how to do it next time.
“Where’s Ali? I was hoping to see her with you,” he said. “Did she have fun tonight?”
“I left her at the hotel. When I got your text, I didn’t know what I would be walking into. And she seemed like she could use a breather,” I said, as if that explained anything.
“How was the auction?” he asked. “Did Dave get the pork chop party pack?”
I laughed a little. “You know . . . I think he did win it.”
My dad made a fist in a quiet cheer. “That means he’ll host his annual pork roast next weekend.”
“Does he still do that?”
“It’s gotten bigger,” Dad said with a nod.
“Well, we also ran into Charlotte tonight. Did you know she moved back?” I asked him.
“No. She’s back?” he said, considering. Then with a shrug, he said, “Well, good for her, I guess.”
“You don’t care? She would have been your daughter-in-law.”
He shrugged again.
“Do you care?” he asked, settling back into his recliner.
“No. I mean, of course I wish the best for her,” I started. Then stopped. How much of this was I going to divulge to my dad?
Oh what the hell. “It was good to see her, but I think it didn’t sit well with Ali.” After a few beats, I continued, “I was consoling Charlotte with a hug while Ali was in the bathroom, and I think Ali may have read something into it. She walked over and things got weird.”
“Oh, son. You screwed up.” He started to chuckle.
“What do you mean, I screwed up? I was in an impossible situation. Charlotte was emotional. I’m not a jerk. It was a natural response. Ali is just so infuriating when she shuts down. She feels one tingle of insecurity, and poof, the armor goes up.” I slumped back on the couch.
“Hmm. Armor is designed for protection,” he said.
“She doesn’t need to protect herself from me,” I retorted.
“Says you,” Dad said.
“Dad, you know I would never do anything to hurt anyone—especially not her. And she’s . . . she’s fearless. About everything. I’ve never met anyone like her. She is extremely independent and self-reliant. It’s frustrating sometimes how much. She keeps me at arm’s length. I just want to be let in.”
“Hmm. I wonder . . .” He trailed off. “Nah. Listen to me. I don’t want to butt in.”
“No. Dad. Say what you were going to say. I want to hear it. I’m at a loss,” I said.
“Do you think it might have anything to do with how you showed an intimate level of care and affection toward another woman tonight? And not just any woman, but . . . Charlotte. Right in front of Ali,” he said slowly.
“There’s nothing left between Charlie and me. Ali knows that,” I said. “I show care and affection every day to patients and their humans. Tonight was just like that.”
“Maybe Ali just has a hard time trusting. Period. And maybe she’s been let down so many times in her life that when she detects even the smallest clue that she’ll be let down again, she immediately armors up.
And please tell me you did not call her Charlie in front of Ali,” he said, a look of caution on his face.
I took a second to think about it.
“I did.” I groaned.
“Really, son?” He sighed, letting his head drop and shake. “How did Charlotte act?”
“Charlie was fine. She shed a few tears and might have mentioned that she missed me.” I groaned again.
Saying all this out loud was helping me see where I went wrong.
I couldn’t stand to watch some dude in tight Wranglers tap Ali on the shoulder and talk to her for two minutes without wanting to kill him, and here I was making Ali sit through an intimate moment with my ex where I was hugging her.
It didn’t mean anything, but how was Ali supposed to know that?
I dropped my head in my hands. “Shit . . . what do I do?” I finally asked.
“To start, you need to apologize. Tell Ali how you really feel about her. After that, do better. Keep showing up. Never give her any reason to doubt you,” he said.
We were quiet again, the sound of the sports teaser at the header of the Netflix app the only sound.
“Be very clear with Charlotte too. Don’t leave any room for misinterpretation with her either.”
I took a second to think about his advice. Flashes from the night when I definitely went wrong flipped through my thoughts. I sighed, so mad at myself.
“That’s good advice,” I said. “Thanks, Dad.”
“It’s all I got. Now. You need to leave me to my shows. And sounds like you have a beautiful woman to reassure.”
“Yes.” I stood up and placed my hand on his shoulder. “Thank you.”
He grabbed my hand and slapped the back side of it with his other hand.
“You’re a good man, Jake. I’m glad you found happiness with Ali. Don’t screw it up. I love ya.”
“Love you too.”
When I got back to the room, Ali was sitting on the bed wearing my fun run T-shirt. Her legs were bare, her hair gathered at the top of her head. I smelled the lavender scent of her lotion and closed my eyes to savor it.
“Hey,” she said. “Your dad okay?”
“Yes. He’s helpless with technology. He called me all the way over there just to log him into his streaming networks.”
“Hmm,” was all she said. Had she been crying?
“I think we should continue where we left off in our conversation.”
“What conversation?” She looked down at her nails.
“Don’t do that. Ali. Please don’t shut down on me.”
She got up from the bed and crossed the room, but I stepped in front of her path. I needed her to stay in this with me.
“I’m sorry you saw Charlotte and me hugging. I promise you it was not the same. Not the same between her and I . . . and certainly not the same as when I hold you,” I said. The words were falling from me. She needed to hear them. Really hear me.
“Jake, this is dumb,” she said. She made to cut away from me, but I wouldn’t let her pass.
“Dumb?”
“Yes. Dumb. Pointless. Whatever. We’re just a fling, remember?
I’m leaving in a few weeks. This is all just random and .
. . and . . .” I moved closer, directly in front of her.
I wanted to crowd her. Make her say these things to me with a straight face.
Even though all my insecurities about not being the man for Ali were being pawed at repeatedly, I wasn’t going to let her drift away from me.
“Stop saying that.” I said it a little too loud. “This is not just a fling. This . . . I’m . . . Ali, you make me a better man. I feel—I don’t know . . . a side of myself. A wild side of myself with you,” I said with my hands cupping her face and looking directly into her eyes.
Her face jerked back out of my hands.
“I don’t want to make you something you’re not.”
“No. That’s not . . . I love the way I am with you. You make me feel more whole. More complete. I’m . . . I’m falling in love with you, Ali. I am all in. This. Is. Real.
“You can trust me.”
Her breath caught in her throat.
“You think that now, but—”
I cut her off, not wanting her to finish that statement. “I’ve thought it for a long time.”
I dropped my hands by my sides. We both plopped on the edge of the bed. “Is it me? I know I’m not exciting or part of some wealthy elite. Like you’re used to. I’m nothing like a Wyatt Sinclair or Ryan Glenn . . .”
“And I’m not a Charlotte. I’ll always be a lot to handle.”
“Thank God you’re not a Charlotte. I can handle you. I want you exactly as you are.”
“You holding her. It reminded me of signs I missed. Between Ryan and Molly. It looked like you’d kept a spot for Charlotte in your arms for a long time. I may be keeping it warm now, but she was there first.” Her chin quivered.
“You want to know what I felt being close to Charlotte again?” I didn’t give her a chance to respond.
“I felt gratitude for what she did. I was grateful that she had the courage to stop us from making a huge mistake three years ago. If she hadn’t .
. . God, Ali. I wouldn’t have been able to know you.
I’d be married to her. I’d be unavailable.
You would’ve come into town and some other lucky bastard would have had to help you break into your cabin. ” We both smiled at the memory.
“If she hadn’t made that hard choice, I would have missed this. I would have missed you. And would have lived with this inexplicable ache in my chest and never understood why.”
I felt her breath catch again at her diaphragm.