Chapter 41
Ali
“Girl, have you lost your mind?” Betsy grumbled as I stumbled into the Corner Market dragging my rolling suitcase behind me.
“Sorry, Betsy. I found these little guys behind the bus depot.” I opened the suitcase lid to reveal the litter of dewy-haired cuties. They were squealing and squawking.
“I think they’re hungry, and there was no mom around.”
Betsy peered over the counter at the contents of the bag.
“Why did you bring them here? Couldn’t you have called someone? Like your neighbor? A veterinarian?” She moved out from behind the counter. She still needed a cane to help with balance, but otherwise she was getting around great these days.
“I can’t call him,” I said.
“Why not?” Betsy asked.
“Because . . . because . . .”
His ex-girlfriend answered his door in my T-shirt and nothing else, clearly having slept with Jake, and I never got to tell him how I felt, was what went through my head.
“I dropped my phone in the storm drain right next to where I found the puppies,” I settled on instead.
“Well for goodness’ sake. I’ll call him,” Betsy said, fishing her phone out of her shopkeeper’s apron.
“No! Don’t!” I shouted.
“Don’t be silly. These babies need a doctor.
” Betsy turned away from me and held her phone out like she was dialing Jake’s number.
I reached down and picked up one of the squirmers.
From the sounds she was making, we both needed some comfort and .
. . food. I too was starving. Her little lioness roar was fierce despite how weak I could tell she was.
Suddenly, Jake burst through the door and sailed into the lobby, nearly tripping over my suitcase. At the sight of his face, I exhaled in relief. There he was. I smiled. I couldn’t help it. Seeing him was exactly what I needed.
Three figures walked in behind him: Misha, Eric, and . . . Charlotte. My face dropped again.
“Wow, that was fast, Betsy,” I said, trying to avoid an awkward greeting with Jake and his ex-slash-current girlfriend. At least she wasn’t wearing the T-shirt anymore.
“I didn’t even hit call yet,” Betsy said, sounding a little bewildered by how fast Jake had materialized.
“What’s going on?” Jake asked. He looked confused by the scene in front of him.
“I found these puppies abandoned behind the bus depot. They are hungry and sad and motherless and they needed me. So I emptied my suitcase and got them here.” Heavy tears pooled in my eyes. There was no way I could hold back any longer.
“They need you now. I don’t know how to care for them.” I shoved my little buddy toward Jake; he took the little one and handed her off to Eric.
“Let’s just all take a beat.” It was Misha. “Babe, are you okay?”
“Mm-hmm,” I responded between shaky breaths that were threatening to become sobs.
“I’m crying because of the puppies. It’s just so sad.
” And there it went. The damn broke and my ugly cry flooded the Corner Market.
There was no shutoff valve for these waterworks.
I was tired, hungry, and completely destroyed.
I saw Misha nudge Charlotte from behind her and make a face at her, their familiarity catching me off guard.
“Oh no you don’t!” I hollered at Charlotte as I did what only can be described as slurped my snot. “I may not have any claim on Jake, but Misha is mine and you cannot have him too.”
Charlotte blinked rapidly. “Oh, Ali. I am so sorry. I am not taking either of them from you.”
“Well, I know that. I pushed Jake away, so I know it was me that sent him your way. But Misha I can and will fight for. He’s not on the market for you to swoop in and take.”
“No, Ali.” She paused. “What I mean is, Jake and I are not together. And I just met Misha. We’re not friends.” She turned to Misha. “No offense.”
Misha shrugged.
“You’re not together?”
“No. We’re not,” Jake said.
“Oh, okay.” Then I remembered Charlotte. Pantsless. The fun run T-shirt.
“Well, you are free to do what you want, of course. It’s really none of my business if you’re keeping it casual.” I looked at Jake now. His face was scrunched together. He looked tired. Probably from the long night Charlotte claimed they’d had.
“And I know I left you. And said I wasn’t coming back. And said goodbye. And I know you have needs and that you’re really good at sex and so of course you have every right to sleep with whoever you want. Her included.” I heard myself sound like the tornado I always claimed to be.
“Ali—” Jake tried to cut me off.
“But I cannot believe you gave her my shirt. Jake . . . the fun run? The twenty-fourth annual fun run.”
“Wow, she was really attached to that event,” I heard Betsy mumble.
“Ali. Stop. I’m trying to tell you. We didn’t sleep together. And I didn’t give her the shirt. She went through my drawers and just grabbed one. I didn’t even know you put it back in there,” he said.
“Well. Why is she even here?”
“I’m just here to make sure you believe him. He’s telling the truth. We didn’t sleep together. We’re not together in any way,” Charlotte said.
I could feel Jake looking at me. I turned back toward him. Desperate to be seen by him.
“You came back,” he said quietly. Amazed.
“I . . .” I started to rummage in my purse, which was still on my shoulder. “Well . . . I . . .” Where was it? Where was my paper with all the things I wanted to say in case I froze? Like I was right now. It was gone.
“This is all going so horribly.”
“What are you looking for?” Jake asked.
“I wrote it all down and I planned to tell you all of it at your front door, but now I lost the paper and can’t think of what it said.” My face scrunched and I let out a loud, obnoxious wail.
“You mean this piece of paper?” Jake asked, holding it up.
“Yes. You found it?”
“It was on my porch,” he said.
“Did you read it?”
He nodded.
“Do you have a response?”
“I need you to say it.”
My breath stuttered and hitched from crying.
“Okay.”
I unfolded the paper and began.
“Jake, I wrote down my feelings because I know I will freeze up when I see you and forget everything I wanted to say. I love you . . .” I looked up at him and let more tears fall down my face. I took in his face. His smile. His eyes. Eyes I didn’t think I would have a chance to look into again.
“Was that it?” Betsy mumbled under her breath behind me.
“Shush . . .” Misha hushed her.
I cleared my throat and continued to read.
“You are compassionate and kind, patient and thoughtful. I love your attention to detail and your bottomless support and encouragement of everyone you care for. I love that you’ve made a home for everything that exists in your world, even your toothbrush. And . . . me.
“I was lost in my old life for so long, Jake. I didn’t even know I was lost. I was wandering through a world that never felt stable or real.
I never planted roots. I never found home.
I was always too much for anyone. Until you.
Until here.” I continued, the words flowing now.
“Until you, Jake. Until Lakeside. I am not the same person I was before I got here. I don’t think I even knew who that person was.
I was always seeking. And then I found you. I found myself. Here. With you.
“You feel like home. And I’ve never had that before.
I’m sorry it took me so long to say these things to you.
It was scary and overwhelming. But I’m ready now.
I’m ready to love you the way you deserve to be loved.
I’m ready to make my life—my real life—here, now, together.
With you.” I folded the paper and looked up.
Silence.
Another breath caught in my chest.
“Jake. Please forgive—” I wasn’t able to finish because that’s when he pulled me in for a kiss that made my toes curl and my body sigh.
Applause erupted all around us.
I hadn’t noticed the audience that formed.
It was just Jake and me in that moment.
“I love you so fucking much, Ali,” he said as he moved his hands to my face, cupping my chin and holding my gaze. “There is nothing to forgive. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. I never was.”
I brought my hands to the outside of both of his. Holding on to our connection.
“I love you too, Jake,” I said into another kiss. Gentle. Meaningful. Grounding.
He pulled me into his chest and kissed the top of my head before leaning down and whispering into my ear, “So what was that part about me being good at sex?”
I felt my cheeks burn red. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, sir.”
He was sure to remind me later, though.