12. Jack
The time between Thanksgiving and Christmas is a magical time in Bend. The city has the lights out in full force and all of the downtown businesses are decorated to the nines with twinkling lights, garland galore, and fresh wreaths that fill the air with a forest-y scent. Snow is fluttering down and making everything feel delightfully festive.
I’m hunting through the local boutiques in the hopes of finding a Christmas present for Benji but I’m not having a whole lot of luck. Still, the atmosphere is wonderful and I don’t mind taking my time moseying through the small shops. The shopping in town is pretty limited but I try to support local businesses when I can.
When the snow starts to really pile up and my fingers are red from the cold I make my way into a local coffee shop. Warm mug in hand, I slip into a corner seat and relax as the warmth slowly returns to my body. The shop has a few books for customers to peruse so I snag an old, well-loved copy of Fight Club and settle in for a relaxing afternoon.
The bell above the door chimes and my eyes instinctively flick up and I’m surprised to find none other than Eric, the last man to see my sister alive. I use the book to kind of cover my face so that he doesn’t immediately spot me and try to ignore his presence until the door chimes again and in walks Alex Callister. The two both order and then take their coffees to a table on the other side of the room.
My eyebrows are practically sky high as I watch them sit together and begin chatting candidly, smiling and acting far too familiar to be casual acquaintances. These two fuckers know each other somehow and it stirs a deep sense of dread and suspicion in the pit of my stomach. I’m positive the police have no idea that these two are friends and there’s no way it's a coincidence that the last person to see my sister, the person whose property she was found right on the edge of, is also friends with a man who wanted a relationship with her. Bend is small but it’s not small enough for me to brush this eerie sight off.
I take out my phone and act like I’m casually swiping through while I actually snap numerous photos of the two laughing and looking very buddy buddy. After I snap a few, I try to angle my body away so that if the pair looks up they won’t immediately recognize me. Detective Macy gave me his card during our interview and I quickly type his email in and sent the pictures his way.
I pause and then decide to text one of the pictures to Benji too. His reply is immediate and it reaffirms that I’m not just being paranoid.
Benji
Is that who I think it is? How on Earth would they know each other?
Jack
They’re really laughing it up and acting real buddy buddy.
Benji
WTF
We need to send these to the police. There’s no way this is a coincidence.
Jack
Already sent them to Macy.
Benji
Super sus. I’m on a job downtown right now taking some pictures of the local businesses. Should I come by after? I think I recognize that coffee shop, it’s on Broadway right?
Jack
Yeah, come by when you’re done.
My head is reeling watching these two.
Benji
Keep looking at that pic and I have a terrible feeling.
Gotta go but I’ll be by in like 45.
As much as I enjoy texting Benji, it’s not something we do a lot of, partially because these days we spend most of our free time together anyways. I’ve tried to hint about moving in together again but Benji is really quick to dismiss the idea and since we haven’t been together for long I don’t want to push him too much. Still, the few nights we do spend apart are beginning to feel lonely and I’d much rather go home knowing he’ll be waiting for me.
I continue sipping my coffee and watching Eric and Alex from the corner of my eye. They seem to have no idea that I’m here even though I’ve met both of them on separate occasions. I watch as the conversation seems to take a turn and their laughter dies off. It’s clear that whatever they’re talking about is serious because they lean in towards each other and begin whispering. Their body language is intense and I snap another picture for good measure.
By the time Benji walks in the pair is long gone and I stand up and wave him over. Once he’s seated, I slip to the register and order another coffee for myself and a peppermint latte and a muffin for Benji. As I set the cups and food down in front of him Benji mumbles a thanks and blushes. He looks around like he’s expecting the boogieman to jump out so I place my hand over his. Benji’s fingers are freezing and red so I take a moment to rub some heat back into them.
“They already left. Whatever they were discussing right before they left looked intense, they were whispering and almost seemed angry.”
“In some ways, I’m glad I missed them honestly.”
“There wasn’t a lot to see. I wish I was seated closer to them but if they had noticed me they likely would have left.”
“I wonder if the cops know they know each other. It just seems like more than a coincidence. What if they somehow set Jessica up?”
Benji slips his hand from under mine so that he can hold the wide cup and sip at his latte. He lets out a blissful sigh as he sips at his festive drink. The sun is slowly setting even though it’s only four and the lights from behind him bask him in a halo like glow. The man is so fucking beautiful that for a moment I’m struck silent. Benji stares at me expectedly for a moment and then lets out a little chuckle at my bewildered facial expression.
“You don’t think so?”
“I uh kind of lost track of the conversation for a moment there.”
Benji gives me a small smirk and takes another sip of his drink. Unable to resist, I pull out my phone and quickly take a picture of him. He looks cozy in his chunky red knit sweater and holding his mug, smirking slightly. It’s definitely my new favorite picture and I immediately set it as my Lock Screen.
“What has you so distracted?”
“Honestly, you look fuckin’ scrumptious in that sweater. Kind of took my breath away watching you. It’s hard to think when you’re looking so cute sipping your drink.”
“You’re a total sap, Jack. I look like I always do, today is nothing special.”
“And you always look distractingly beautiful so I guess in that sense you’re right that today isn’t anything special. To me, every day I get to see you is special.”
“Oh shush, Jack.” Benji’s pleased little smile tells me he’s enjoying the attention regardless of his protests.
“How do you think they would have set her up?”
“I don’t know, maybe Eric lured her out there and then they hurt her and dumped her car off that road. It would have been easier to do with two people.”
“Yeah, it would make sense but you’d think they would have dumped her car and body further from Eric’s property so it would look less suspicious?”
“Maybe they were counting on no one going down that road. It was really old and bumpy, I can’t imagine it got a whole lot of traffic.”
“True.”
We sit in silence for a few minutes, sipping our drinks and lost in thought. Before this afternoon, I assumed there was one person responsible for my sister’s murder but now it feels like there is a distinct possibility that it was the work of two people. I can only hope that the detective thinks those pictures are suspicious enough to really investigate.
I’m a bit surprised when Detective Macy calls me in for another interview. I didn’t have much information to provide last time so I’m not really sure what else I can add except some observations about seeing Eric and Alex acting all chummy. I feel like the pictures kind of show that though and since I already know Eric’s DNA wasn’t found in her car it might be hard to prove that he was some type of accomplice.
I don’t have to wait long for Detective Macy to join me in the interview room and the gruff man seems to want to get straight to the point.
“I got the pictures you sent and I wanted to ask you a few questions about what you observed. Obviously all of this is very circumstantial but it is something I want to look into further.” Macy shifts on the hard chair and I briefly find myself wondering if police interview rooms are intentionally designed to be as uncomfortable as possible.
“Uh there’s not that much to tell honestly. I was having some coffee and the two came in together. They looked really buddy buddy and were laughing for quite a while. And then the conversation must have taken a turn because it got serious and they were leaning in and whispering. It kind of looked like they were arguing and then shortly after that they both left.”
“And they didn’t seem to notice you?”
“No, if they had I think they would have left. I was over in a far corner kind of hiding behind a book.”
“It’s not much to go off of but it is a bit suspicious that they know each other. We did call Alex in for an interview but he didn’t have much to add. Do you know much about your sister’s relationship with Alex?”
“Well, to my knowledge there wasn’t a relationship. Jessica did mention she was occasionally working with another real estate agent on some deals and that they did CrossFit together but she definitely wasn’t in a relationship with him.”
“And before today the only time you had met him was at the memorial when he came up to you? You mentioned that interaction in your last interview.”
“Yeah, I didn’t recognize him that first time because we hadn’t met but I did know of him from Jess. I thought it was really weird he said they were moving towards something serious because my sister would have told me if she was actually interested in something long term. I also thought it was weird that he said they were going to start a brokerage together because Jessica loved her job and was very dedicated to the brokerage she worked for.”
Detective Macy frowns and seems to contemplate what to say. He clearly has some suspicions but I’m not a police officer and I’m sure he doesn’t want to share too much or lead the interview.
“And you’re positive Jessica wasn’t in a relationship with him?”
“I am one hundred percent positive she wasn’t. I know she told Benji she was trying to take a step back from even working out with the guy but all she told me was that she had been working on a few deals with an agent she met at the gym. She didn’t seem particularly into him when she was talking about him honestly. I’ve seen my sister have crushes and she’s usually pretty animated about it. That definitely wasn’t the case when she talked about him briefly. I feel like if she was in a relationship with him, especially if it was getting serious, she would have told me. Jessica and I have always been pretty close but even more so after our parents died a few years ago.”
“Thanks for coming in today. If we have any further questions we’ll reach out.”
I say my goodbyes and head back to my Jeep. There’s a lot of snow piled up on the ground but there hasn’t been any fresh powder in a few days so the roads are relatively clear as I drive back to the bar. I can’t shake the feeling of suspicion that I have about Eric and Alex ever since I saw them together.
At the last interview, the police were pretty candid with me about whose DNA they found and it was noticeable that Macy didn’t mention if they were going to get a warrant to test and see if Alex’s DNA is the mysterious third set found in her car.
My mind is still reeling when I pull into my parking spot and an immediate wave of relief hits me when I see Benji’s car pull in to park next to mine. I hop out of the Jeep and as soon as Benji is out of his car I pull him into a tight hug, leaning down to breathe in his scent. Today, whatever cologne he’s wearing has an almost fruity, feminine undertone and I fucking love it.
“Perfect timing, babe.”
“I uh came to ask you for a favor actually.” Benji’s nose is cold where it’s pressed against my neck and his warm breath leaves a path of goosebumps over my skin.
“Oh yeah?”
“How do you feel about wearing a Santa costume?”
Out of all of the questions Benji could have asked this one really catches me off guard and I can’t help but throw my head back and laugh. Benji looks up at me and floors me with a radiant smile, his arms still around my waist. I can’t resist leaning down to gently kiss the tip of his cold, red nose.
“You develope a Santa kink, Benji?”
“No!” Benji huffs out, sounding a bit exasperated. “Of course not. I volunteered to be an elf for a local event tomorrow but our Santa just called out and now we need to find someone willing to step in or there will be a lot of disappointed kids.”
“What kind of event?”
“It’s through a local charity and the event is for kids who are experiencing homelessness. We got a ton of donated toys and Santa and his elf hand them out after the kids sit on Santa’s lap and get their photo taken. It’s also fun because I get to use a polaroid to take the pictures.”
“You don’t think I’m a little young to play Santa?”
“Our other Santa was only like thirty-five. Once you’re in the beard it doesn’t really matter. Plus, at this point they’ll have to cancel if we can’t find someone. Come on Jack, do it for the kids.”
Benji flashes me his best puppy dog look and if I had been planning to say no that look alone would have won me over. Benji has me so smitten that I’m not sure there’s actually a favor I would say no to. I’ll have to pray he never asks me to help hide a body because I genuinely am not sure I could deny him anything.
“Okay, okay. No need to pull out the puppy dog face. When is the event?”
“It’s actually tomorrow. I know it’s really short notice but our original Santa caught some bug and had to call out.”
“That’s fine. Nice part about being a bar owner is I have managers so I have a fairly flexible schedule.” I slip my arm around Benji’s waist and lead him up the stairs and into the warmth of my apartment.
“Thank you, Jack. I really appreciate it. This is my third year doing this event and I would hate to see it canceled. Jess actually dressed as an elf with me last year.”
“Did she like it?”
“Yeah, she did.”
Once we’re inside, Benji pulls out his phone and flips to some photos of him and Jessica dressed up as Santa’s helpers. They’re both smiling brightly for the camera and Jessica looks radiant. My heart twists and I’m struck by another wave of grief. I wonder if there is ever a time where I’ll be able to look at her pictures and not feel a wave of pain and loss. I also wonder if when the grieving period does come to an end I’ll feel like I’ve lost her all over again because that means I’ll have fully accepted she’s gone and moved on in a sense.
“Fuck, I miss her.”
“Me too, Jack. Me too. Every day it kind of hits me all over again. Like I’ll feel fine and then I’ll see her photo or go do something we used to do together and I just feel like I’ve been kicked in the gut. It’s like every single day I lose her again.”
“When I lost my parents that’s how it felt for a long while. Something would remind me of them and I’d go through the process all over again. This time, it hurts more in a way. My parents were older and the car accident was just that…a terrible accident. Jess was so young and her death…”
Benji leans against my shoulder and threads his fingers through mine. Benji has been the only silver lining of this whole tragedy and I often find myself thinking about how poorly I would be coping without his support.
“You’ve lost a lot of people in the last few years.”
“Yeah, I have. I’m not sure I would have made it through all of this without you. As much as I wish we could go back and get together earlier, I also think we kind of came together at the perfect time. Like the universe knew I’d need… I don’t know… to gain someone after losing so many people that I love. Fuck, I’ve lost my entire family now and that kind of just hits me occasionally.”
“I’ll always be your family, Jack. Even if we hadn't ended up together, I would still have been there for you. And, if someday you no longer want the romantic side of all of this, I’ll still be there as your friend.”
“Baby, there will never be a day where I don’t want all of you. I know you worry I’m going to wake up and change my mind for some reason but you’ve been my dream man for over a decade.”
“Yeah, but reality might not live up to those dreams.”
“Reality is so much fucking better than those dreams. The you I dreamt of pales in comparison to the real you. You’re the sweetest fucking thing and my fantasies were so one dimensional compared to the real you.”
Benji leans up and gives me a soft, sweet kiss and even though my whole life has fallen apart and I’ve lost so many people he somehow makes everything feel a little bit closer to okay.