Chapter Twenty-Four
RYAN
As we walk up toward the building to head in for our first round of Yoga in a while, Tillie pulls up her bag, frantically checking inside for something, but it seems she’s coming up short.
“Dammit,” she calls out.
I furrow my brows at her. “What’s up?”
“I think I left my cell at home.”
I shrug. “That’s okay, use mine.”
“But mine has all the login details and stuff. It’s only a few minutes away. You go up and get started. I’ll be right back.”
“I’ll come with you.”
She shakes her head. “No, don’t be silly. You go and get started. I won’t be long.” She leans in, hugging me, and plants a chaste kiss on my lips. “I love you.”
Smiling, I wink at her. “Love you right back.”
I hand her the keys, watching as she jogs across the lot toward the car. She waves once, grinning as she tucks her hair behind her ear before sliding into the driver’s seat. The sound of the engine turning over echoes faintly through the quiet night.
I linger for a moment, watching the taillights glow red as she shifts into gear, the low hum of the engine vibrating through the still air.
Only when she starts to back out of the space do I finally turn toward the building.
I pull in a slow breath, adjust my jacket, glance at my watch, and start up the steps, my thoughts already drifting to the meeting ahead and the dozen things I need to handle before morning.
Suddenly I hear a sharp rev—too fast, too hard—echo from down the street. My body tenses as the sound builds, then the screech of tires cutting hard into asphalt.
Every nerve in me goes rigid. The deafening crunch of metal against metal, the sharp crack of shattering glass, and the silence that follows is heavy and absolute.
My stomach churns as I hesitate to turn, but when I do, my feet move before I even register the sight before me. I’m running and pushing as hard as I can to get to the intersection where Tillie’s car is on its side, and an SUV is completely crushed in at the front.
“No, no, no,” I call out through staggered breaths. “God, please, no!”
Katie was taken from me in a car wreck.
Tillie can’t be too.
Surely, fate wouldn’t be this cruel?
My feet feel like lead weights when I finally reach Tillie’s car. It’s a mess, and I stop, in shock, to take in the crumpled metal.
“Tillie!” I call out, my eyes frantically searching.
For what, I’m not sure. I’m running blind as I race to the broken windshield, my heart all but stopping when I see her hanging on her side, still strapped in by her seatbelt.
“Someone call 911!” I don’t hesitate to climb in and grab her bleeding face. “Tillie, baby?”
She murmurs, and her eyes flutter open. “Ryan, what the…?” She looks around, and panic etches on her face as she begins to struggle.
“It’s okay, baby. You’ve been in an accident, but people are coming,” I say as my stomach flips. The blaring sirens down the road knock me back into gear, keeping me from spiraling. “Are you hurt?”
She moves her hands out to the side, holding her up. “No, I don’t think so.”
“Good. I’m gonna undo your seat belt. You’re probably gonna fall.”
She nods nervously, taking in a few breaths and bracing herself before I reach up and undo the seat belt.
She falls, but I grab her, pulling her toward me and the broken windshield.
We fall back with a huff, and I wince as she lands on my side.
A sharp pain rips through me, but I try not to let on.
Bystanders are quickly at our sides as Tillie rolls off me, and I struggle to stand.
“Are you okay, miss?” someone asks.
And now that I have her in my arms, the adrenaline of the moment waning, I feel myself shutting down.
Everything rushing back to me in an instant.
The sounds.
The mangled mess.
An echo of a child crying startles me, and I look up to see a woman step out of the other car and grab a young toddler from the back seat.
My body shakes violently, and bile creeps up my throat as I look at her comforting her daughter.
My mouth floods with saliva while a ringing sound starts in my ears, so loud I can’t stand it.
My stomach lurches, and I hunch over, expelling the contents of my stomach all over the ground.
A hand is on my back, rubbing and soothing, but the wrenching continues.
My side hurts.
My chest is filled with agony and regret.
My head is swarming with a thick fog.
Tillie could have died.
That mother and child could have died.
Just like Katie and Maddie.
Hot tears prick my eyes, and my breathing becomes rushed and hard. Cold sweats rush over me, but I’m boiling hot at the same time, and my fingers feel numb. Heaving, I hunch over, grabbing my knees, trying to get in some much-needed air, but nothing is working.
Suddenly, someone slaps a mask on my face, and a rush of oxygen pummels my mouth and nose.
It’s enough to shock me back to the present, to stop me thinking of how they died, and to focus on Tillie, on the here and now.
My eyes flick up to an EMT, and next to him is Tillie, who’s watching me with a furrowed brow.
My breathing calms as everyone studies me, and I come down from the panic consuming me.
“Ryan, are you with us?” the EMT asks, and I nod. “Were you in the car?”
“No,” I reply.
“I fell on him. He had liver surgery twelve weeks ago. I’m so sorry, Ryan. Are you okay?” Tillie asks, obviously thinking the pain in my chest is a reaction to my side. It is… just not liver pain. This pain is more toward the centre and over to the left. This pain is firmly in my heart.
“How is Tillie? Is she okay?”
“Just a bruised shoulder from the seat belt and a couple of gashes from the glass,” the EMT replies.
Nodding, I exhale, slumping my body in relief.
She’s okay!
“Let’s get you to the hospital,” the EMT says, and I nod, taking in some deep breaths through the oxygen mask.
He leads Tillie and me over to the ambulance, and we climb in. Tillie grabs my hand as he hooks me up to a bunch of beeping shit.
“I’m so sorry. I’m sorry…,I didn’t mean to fall on you.” Her eyes fill with tears.
“It’s okay, don’t worry. I pulled you onto me. It’s my fault. But what happened with the crash?”
Tillie exhales. “The lady ran a red light. Hit me right on the side and flipped the car.”
“Glad she didn’t flip hers with the kid in the car,” I murmur, and Tillie nods.
“Me too. I hope you’re okay,” she whispers.
“I’m so tired,” I admit.
“Close your eyes,” she says, so I do.
***
In the emergency room, I wake to a doctor looking over me while Tillie is on what looks like my cell.
“Sorry to wake you, Ryan.”
“It’s okay, Doc. Have I done any damage?”
“I don’t think so, just some bruising. I want to keep you in overnight to be sure, but you should be able to go home tomorrow.”
“Great, thanks.”
He walks out, and Tillie gets off the cell as Danger and Lunar walk in.
“You big cock! Going and rescuing damsels in distress, only to ruin all your good progress in the process. What will we do with you?” Lunar says, and I want to laugh, but I’m drowning in memories of Katie and Maddie.
Their faces are all I can see, and Tillie’s is joining theirs in a mishmash kaleidoscope of fucked up images.
Then, an image of her headstone next to theirs chills me to the core.
Losing her would end me.
And I nearly lost her today in the exact same way.
I can’t let that happen.
I can’t be around to watch her leave too.
So I have to do the only thing I can think of to save myself.
“Tillie,” I murmur.
She steps up to me with a smile and caresses my face, but I flinch away from her, gritting my teeth. “Yeah, baby?” she asks.
“Leave,” I demand.
Danger looks at me, shaking his head like he can already read my mind.
“What? Why?” she asks, sounding shocked.
“I don’t want you here.”
“Ryan,” Lunar chides.
“Stay out of this, Lunar!”
“Ryan, I don’t understand,” Tillie says as I turn my face from hers.
“It’s simple, Tillie, we’re done. I don’t want you anymore. Now go! Get out of here. Now.”
She takes a step back, and a small sob escapes her mouth. “You don’t mean that. You’re just high on painkillers.”
“They haven’t given me any, and I’m seeing the clearest I have in months. This isn’t a joke. Get. Out!”
She steps back so harshly that she bumps into a tray, and the instruments fall to the floor. She turns and rushes out.
My stomach twists as my chest tightens, knowing I’ve just ended a really good thing.
But it’s for the best…
Isn’t it?
TILLIE
With my heart shattering into a million pieces, I rush out of Ryan’s room. Tears gush down my face as I scurry through the maze of the emergency department.
This morning, we were happy. We were in love. What the hell changed?
“Tillie?” Danger’s voice echoes down the hall behind me.
I stop and turn, waiting for him to catch up to me, even though I’m a sobbing mess. He grabs me, pulling me in for a hug, and I fall into his grasp, hugging back, needing comfort.
My heart is breaking, and I see no logical reason as to why it should be. “I don’t understand?”
Danger pulls back, looking at me, and sighs. “I do. But it’s not your fault, Tillie, just know that.”
“But why? Is he mad ’cause I fell on him and hurt his liver again?”
Danger shakes his head. “No. Car accidents are a sore point for Ryan. It brings back bad memories. I think he’s shutting you out rather than dealing with the memories.
Don’t worry. I’m going to try to sort him out.
He needs to see sense in this, or he’s going to waste away. I won’t let that happen again.”
“Should I stay away from work?” I ask through a sniff.
He shakes his head. “No. He needs to see you, to know you’re not giving up on him.”
Sighing, I swallow hard. “Okay, just take care of him at the house.”
“I will, don’t worry. And, Tillie, I’ll work on getting him to tell you everything.”
“That would be nice.”
“For now, go home, try to get some sleep and rest. You’ve had a massive day.”
“Thanks, Danger.” I hug him once more and turn, walking out of the hospital, feeling completely lost and out of reality.
Heading for a cab, I slide into the back seat and tell the driver where to take me.
The entire ride home, I’m numb. I have no idea what’s going on with Ryan.
I wish he had the balls to tell me. I feel like there’s this huge secret he’s keeping from me, and there is this side to him I know absolutely nothing about.
It makes me question whether I even know him at all.
When I arrive home, it feels empty. Piper isn’t here, nor is Hunter. They’re still at Roxie’s, and with my cell still at Ryan’s house, I can’t call Roxie to bring them over. I was using Ryan’s cell at the hospital to call everyone.
So not only am I now single, I’m entirely alone.
As I curl up in bed, lonely and emotional, I cuddle into my pillow, letting silent tears fall into the crisp white fabric as I let myself wallow for the night.