Chapter 19 #2
Their experience here and now is so different from the experience of early Indians I’ve studied in books, even from before the East India Company started taking India over.
The early Indians could define their own identity here, because Britons didn’t have any knowledge of them.
I read about Emin, an early immigrant, who was constantly asked where he was from, and one confused Briton said that as long as he wasn’t French, everything was fine.
Things changed, and became harder, after colonialism.
An Indian identity was set by the government, and it involved making England the heroes, and India in need of their “saving,” and “less than.” As hard as it was, and as many people were miserable, many also had good lives here and were successful.
Because no group of people’s experiences are the same.
Because history is complex and has so many nuances it can never be distilled into one sentence.
Leo relaxes enough to get food next to me, probably bored now that this has turned into long set of interviews in languages he doesn’t understand. When they’re in English, Leo looks interested in hearing people he’d probably never meet otherwise. Good. Maybe he can help. In Parliament.
Once the sky starts to get darker, Leo taps on my elbow. “We should probably head back now. Someone will be very mad if you do not get back before nightfall.”
“You’re probably right.” I don’t have to agree with a curfew to understand I don’t want to be kicked out of the palace.
We get up to leave. “Thank you, everyone, for your time.” A cheer goes up as we leave, since we’ve been buying drinks for the past few hours, and we’re very popular around here.
“We’re buying a meal for everyone as thanks,” Leo says on our way out, dropping money at the bar to pay for it to a chorus of cheers.
“That’s kind of you,” I say as we leave the pub. “Can you pay for that?”
“As I keep saying: I am already going down. That amount was not likely to save me.” Leo shrugs.
“It was interesting hearing their stories. I never thought how hard…or how they lived…well, I just did not think about the lascars or other Indians at all, I suppose. Even though they are the reason for most things I touched today, from the linen of my shirt to the tea I drank waiting for you.” At least he sounds chagrined by that.
“And they come from the same place as Mother…” He trails off, probably thinking that but for a few twists of fate, he would have been in Limehouse and not in his English country estate. Or in India.
“Maybe you can introduce bills in the House of Lords to help?” It’s changing the past, but he probably won’t be able to get it passed anyway. And it’s important to try.
“Yes.” He’s quiet. He keeps looking back to the pub, uncomfortable confronting his privilege. As most people are. At least he didn’t lash out like people tend to.
We get back in the carriage and I immediately start looking over my notes. But then the setting sun and low light in the carriage makes me admit defeat and I close the book. I look up to see Leo staring at me.
He shakes his head. “Such a curious woman.”
“Thank you for today. For bringing me here and staying with me. And being generally accepting about my…curiousness.” I remember last minute that we still have a chaperone and I can’t say, “Thanks for being cool about the whole time travel thing. I thought for sure that would scare you off. But it didn’t.
Must be that stiff upper lip those posters that haven’t been drawn yet talk about. ”
“You’re welcome.”
“Maybe tomorrow we could do another London day so we get seen out and about, and then the day after, we could go to Cambridge? Her Majesty’s all right with you taking me, as long as I take Anne to chaperone.”
“Let’s go!” Anne says, still a little drunk from her day of doing nothing but drinking.
“We have a plan then. I know just where to take you tomorrow. You will enjoy it immensely,” Leo says.
“And you’ll be seen carting around a temporary royal ward, right?”
Leo rolls his eyes, like he’s exasperated that I’m thinking about the deal. One of us needs to be concerned with him getting what he needs.
“Yes. I will take you to places other than my bedroom. There will be other people around to see us together.” His voice is a little sharper than necessary.
“I’m just making sure you get something out of being my guide. I know it’s a lot I’m asking.”
“What about the pleasure of your company?”
“It’s not enough.” I hunch my shoulders by my ears, not wanting to list all the reasons I’m not enough. “My bank account isn’t enough.” Not only is it not enough, it’s also in a bank that doesn’t even exist yet.
“Damn the bank account!”
“You don’t mean that. And my home is…” I look at Anne. “Far away.”
Leo hangs his head in defeat. “We shall be seen by everyone. You will be happy to know I danced with multiple heiresses last night, at the ball you were not at, that had only mildly objectionable fortune origins. And with Miss Chilcott twice.”
“That’s good.” Even though the churning in my stomach suggests my body thinks it’s the opposite of good news.
“But you should have called on her today.” The churning gets worse when I keep pushing him toward other women.
Acid fighting regret and whatever else is down there to make me as miserable physically as I am mentally.
“You can stop shoving me off on other women. I know exactly what is at stake here if I fail to make a good match. I look at my sister’s face every day and answer her questions about what is going to happen to her if we lose the houses and if she needs to marry.
I hear her worry. I even hear the worry of my tenants, wondering the same thing, minus the marriage issue.
” His voice rises with each sentence, leaning forward over the middle of the carriage to emphasize his words.
I sink farther back into the carriage cushions. Because I don’t like Leo being upset at me. So I fall back into old patterns of retreat at a confrontation. Ones I thought I had actually been doing a good job getting over, since I’ve had to assert myself more here than I ever did at home.
“I’m only trying to help. The way you’ve helped me.” Even though it’s not easy to watch him be with other women when I’m this attracted to him. When I want to pound my fists and jump up and down, demanding he get a real job and sell off some shit and be with me.
But I’m not a permanent feature here and have no right to be making demands.
Leo deflates as well. “I’m sorry, I did not mean to snap. I do not like thinking about what I have to do. But you are right; it needs to be done. I should focus more on the task.”
“So tomorrow we’ll do see-and-be-seen things around London. And then we’ll go to Cambridge the day after.”
“Yes.” There’s the slightest hint of regret in his voice.
Which I ignore. If I can ignore the fact that it should be impossible to time travel and hang out with the Queen of England in 1895, I should be able to ignore the allure of the attractive man sitting across from me. Who I’ve already kissed.
It can’t be harder than ignoring the fact that I’m living in one of my own academic journal articles.
Yet…it kind of is.
* * *
The next morning, I know what to expect with my callers. I grit my teeth and smile even though everyone in the drawing room is still staring at me like I know the location of Alexander the Great’s tomb at a Classics convention.
It’s been days. How are they still so interested in me? Although this may be more a result of no social media than my sparkling personality.
But Leo comes inside this time, now that he knows we have plans and I’m not a flight risk, which makes the circus more bearable.
He’s born to do this, to charm everyone around him. They obviously know his family’s scandal and should avoid him, but they still laugh openly with him, no sign of condescension or awkwardness.
Or maybe our plan is working that well, and a royal stamp of approval can override anything.
He cuts the length of visits down more efficiently than I ever would have, being firm but polite to everyone while he kicks them out of the room like he owns the palace.
Must be an aristocrat thing. They had to have some skill set, and it definitely wasn’t working.
Soon after everyone leaves, he’s rushing Anne and me into the carriage. I’m still a little dazed and a lot grateful at how much smoother the visit went with him by my side.
“Where to today?” I ask, shaking off the effects of being surrounded by too many damn people against my will.
“You are going to enjoy this. We are going to—no. It will be more fun to surprise you once we arrive.”
“But I hate surprises.”
“Who hates surprises?” Leo openly laughs at me.
“They’re stressful. What if I don’t like surprise? What if I don’t adequately show how excited I am about the surprise? Then how do I reciprocate for the surpriser to show them they are just as appreciated? It’s too much responsibility.”
Leo laughs harder. “A surprise is for your enjoyment. It is not the beginning of a contract. Or a tactic for manipulation.”
“Naive.”
“Curious.” But he says it with a wink this time. Because he knows exactly why I’m so “curious” now. “Tell me, how did Her Majesty react when you told her where we went yesterday? She did not lock you away, so I assume all is well.”
“I didn’t tell her.” I performed verbal gymnastics to avoid telling her exactly where we went when she asked at dinner. I think she thinks we went to Hyde Park again, but I’m too afraid to ask outright.
We both look to Anne.
“And admit I let you go to Limehouse? That’s more than my job’s worth. And nothing happened anyway, so no need to tell,” Anne says.
I smile at Anne, sure I’m growing on her, my curious ways and all.
The carriage stops in front of a row of terraced houses.
On the other side of the street is a large green square, filled with leafy trees and birds singing a cheery hullo to us.
Leo helps Anne and me out of the carriage and leads us to one of the houses in the row.
It’s a four-story house with large windows overlooking the street we’re standing on, white stone covering a layer of brick that I can see on the fourth floor.
On the third level, two classical statues of women look down at me and the street-goers.
I rack my brain, trying to think about where we are, but nothing around me gives me any answers. We’re still in the fancy part of London; that much I can tell. “I give up. Where are we?”
“You will see when we go in. You will like it, though,” Leo says with confidence.
“You can’t know me well enough to know that.”
Leo raises an eyebrow to taunt me. “Would you like to wager on it?”
“Didn’t wagering get you into this mess?” I ask gently.
“Yes,” Leo answers immediately, without taking offense. “But this is not hazard. I have done the work, researched the issue, and I am confident that you are going to like this. So confident I know I will not lose. It is not even gambling at this juncture.”
His confidence is infectious and stirs a competitive side I didn’t even think I had. “Sure, let’s wager. What are we wagering for?”
“If I win, you must wear what I pick for you tonight’s ball, without question.”
“That sounds dangerous. And if I win—”
“Let’s not spend too much time worrying about that. On the off chance you win, you can have whatever you want.” Leo snags my arm and starts up the stairs.
“This is the sort of reckless tomfoolery that got you—”
“Speaking of reckless tomfoolery, the surprise is deep into the house, so I must request you walk with purpose through some rooms.” I open my mouth to respond to that, but Leo keeps talking.
“You can go back and look at them all you want, but the best part is the third room in. That is the one I want to see your reaction to. That room that will win me this wager.”
Okay, so he does sort of know me even though we’ve only met a few days ago, if he knows I’m going to linger in the rooms. I do love a good historic house (or just a house, as they would call it right now).
I don’t know if that means he’s a very perceptive man or if I’m very predictable, but either way, it makes me worry about the wager.
I’m beginning to think I’ll be wearing whatever he wants me to, and I can only hope it’s not Princess Leia’s gold bikini or Princess Jasmine’s turquoise crop top. My only saving grace is that neither of those things exist yet to give Leo ideas.
This is why gambling is bad. There’s no such thing as a sure thing.
“Fine. We’ll move with purpose to get to the special room of wonderfulness.”
Leo opens the door and leads me through a wood-paneled hallway, then a nicely decorated room with a fireplace.
I would love to see what period the pieces are from and the overall theme of the house, but Leo is firmly tugging me along.
Forcing me to ignore all the furniture and sculptures on the way, like a monster.
And there’s a lot of furniture and sculpture to ignore here.
Each room is packed with stuff. And I love stuff.
“But we’re right here, I can take a quick—” I crane my neck back and slow my pace to soak in as much as possible while still technically moving forward.
“We shall come back.” Leo doesn’t sound mad or annoyed. More amused that I keep trying to ruin his surprise even after I agreed not to do this. “It has been there for decades, so it is unlikely that everything will up and disappear on us at this late stage.”
“So you’re saying there’s a little chance?”
Then Leo stops. I don’t realize it until a second later when his arm pulls me to a stop as I keep walking forward.
And then when I finally turn my head around, I gasp.