Chapter 28
“I’ve ruined you.”
This is a fun way to wake up. Especially since I’ve been ruined, in the sex-shamey sense of the word, since freshman year of college. I could also do without the regret in his voice.
I had what was the best sex of my life, and I don’t need it ruined with his regret.
“We should get married?”
I freeze in the act of pulling my chemise over my head, blood running cold at the thought of making a permanent step to a life here. Which would be admitting I’m never going home.
Also, and this is a small but important side note, I don’t love that phrasing.
Should is reserved for all sorts of things I don’t want to do, like I should eat more vegetables.
I should exercise more. I should go to bed at a reasonable hour and not stare at my phone until I’ve lost all chance of getting my recommended sleep hours in.
And then he makes it a question to boot, which is just insulting.
The bigger point is that I can’t marry him because I’m from the future. The petty reason is that I’m mad he isn’t more excited about the prospect of marriage to me.
He would be so lucky to be married to me.
The level of confusion needs to be buried under a full English breakfast. I don’t think that includes baked beans yet, which is a tragedy, but I think I can still get eggs and sausage out of this.
They can keep the cold kippers. Oh, maybe he’ll have kedgeree.
They’ll be spices in there I can relate to, even if the Brits do have their own take on the Indian dish.
Yes. I can think about food. It’s better than wanting to kick Leo right in his pale and shapely butt. Incidentally, the main body part I can see as he gets out of the bed and tries to find his clothes.
“I shall need to obtain a special license from the archbishop, but I believe I have enough pull and enough funds left to get it without much issue.”
“We aren’t getting married!” I yell out. Okay, I’m not getting food before we have this conversation. I was so hopeful for the delay. And the sustenance it would give me. “We don’t need to get married just because we had sex.”
“I shall do the right thing.”
“The right thing is to feed me breakfast. And then we’ll go back to our lives. Me trying to get home to mine, you trying to save yours.”
“But we had intercourse.” Leo looks at the bed as if there’s still evidence there that he can see. Or like he’s imagining us doing it in that spot again.
“Yes. But you’ve had sex before and you haven’t married any of those women.”
“But…” Now his eyebrows are drawn low over his eyes. “It is different.”
“It’s not. I’m not a princess or lady or whatever.
I’m not even a knight’s daughter. And I’m poor.
This won’t ruin my reputation any more than the fact that I’m lying to the queen will.
Less, probably. Even if I stay in this time, I won’t be in the ton.
So, no worries. It’s been great. But you have responsibilities. ”
“You are right,” Leo says with a sigh, instead of the denial I thought he would keep throwing at me. “Those responsibilities are not compatible with me doing what I want to. And I cannot be like my father.”
Ouch. I have never been this livid at someone agreeing with me.
I think the hit to my head did more damage than just sending me back in time. I think it knocked the common sense out of me and left it in the future without me.
“Good. I mean, yeah.” I rummage around my trunk for clothes to wear today. It’s not like I could put them on myself after I get them out of the luggage, but it’s something to do while Leo escorts himself out of the room.
Leo grabs my arm as I walk back to the bed, his strong grip closing around my forearm and immediately sending me back to last night, in the best way.
“Though I wish I could have what I want.” His eyes bore into mine. So much heat being conveyed that I clear my throat in response.
There’s no doubt that he’s talking about me being the one he wants. No looking over my shoulder to see who he’s talking to. He wants me.
“I know. I wish…” There’s too much to articulate. Too much that can’t happen. I settle on the most general phrase I can. “I wish things were different.”
“I shall send Anne up to help you get ready.” Leo slides his hand down my forearm until he gets down to my fingers. Which he then raises to his lips, in order to kiss the back of my hand.
And then he’s gone, while my hand stays up where he left it, hovering in the air.
I’m glad he didn’t push on the marriage front. I don’t know that I would have been able to keep saying no to him.
And that’s terrifying.
* * *
The trip back to London is uneventful. Somber, too. A lot of far-away stares outside of carriage and train windows. Even Anne feels it, and she’s probably disappointed that she failed in her chaperone duties. A fact she could tell right when she walked into the room.
I’ve spent the morning avoiding thinking about what gave me away.
At the palace, I give Leo an awkward goodbye, waving at him since I don’t think awkward side hugs are acceptable yet.
I get back in time for lunch with Queen Victoria and her daily lunch curry.
I’m so exhausted from the nighttime activities it’s very hard to keep track of what’s going on, and I’m glad Charles didn’t come to visit.
Abdul is bad enough, giving me slight side eye when I let some slang slip.
Lucky for me Victoria thinks it’s some “Hindoostani” which is really Urdu, that she hasn’t gotten a chance to learn yet, and doesn’t question it.
“How was the trip?” Victoria asks.
“It was really good, thank you. I got to see so much of the English educational system. Quite impressive. I’ll have plenty to report back to Suniti Devi on things she can implement in her school.” There. Everyone loves being complimented.
It works, and Victoria spends the rest of the time talking about India with Abdul. I nod a lot but keep actual contributions down since I only have tangential knowledge about India during this time.
Then I get some time alone in my room. No callers, no monarch and no Leo. No Anne, even. I open my notebook and go back and forth between adding notes and observations from my trip and brainstorming more ways to get home.
But now I have to give serious consideration to knocking myself out. I haven’t even tried it since the first day, because making myself unconscious seems like a poor decision. But there might not be any other way.
Whether or not the time travel works again, my time is nearing its end.
The letter proving I’m a liar should be arriving soon and I should be gone from the palace before that happens.
I could go to Limehouse first and get a room at one of the boarding houses until I figure out my next steps.
Although it is the obvious choice, it may be crowded enough to provide some protection.
Then maybe I’ll try America, in Victorian times. Home, but not. I can steal something from the palace to fund my travel and new life there. Call it reparations so I don’t have to feel bad about the theft.
But Leo did want to take me out on a cheer-up day. So I’ll refrain from giving myself a brain injury for at least another day. It would be rude to leave the time or the country when I’ve already made plans with Leo, is all.
Okay, decided.
One more day. Then I leave.
* * *
The next morning, Leo picks me up early and comes with a present.
He hands me a bouquet of roses, which gets him a smile and a genuine thanks before I hand it to Anne.
I don’t know where the flower vases are in this palace, but I don’t think Her Majesty would appreciate me putting flowers in one of her many Sevres vases.
Then Leo hands me something else, a twinkle in his eyes that he didn’t have when he gave me the flowers. I open it, and gasp in excitement. It’s the cutest, tiniest little notebook with a small pen to match. The notebook is a beautiful brown leather, with a floral pattern embroidered on the front.
“I know you will appreciate these flowers.” He points to the notebook cover. “More than the first ones. And that you might want something a little smaller for our touring today.”
“I do.” I hold the treasures closer to my chest. “I mean. The real flowers are lovely, too. It was very kind of you to bring them for me.” Wherever they are.
But I’m not handing this notebook off to anyone. I tighten my grip just in case anyone tries to take this and put in some water.
“Where are we going today?” I ask.
“The places that you talked about wanting to see. Mostly. With one surprise at the end of the day.”
“A surprise?” I groan.
“I know how you feel about surprises, but you know how I feel about surprises. I want to see your face when we get there. I think you will appreciate it, in a way that no other woman that I know would.”
“Cryptic.” I let him have it for a second. Then my natural impatience wins out. “Is it a museum?”
“Maybe in your time. But no, it is not a museum now.”
I look around to make sure Anne hasn’t gotten back from putting the flowers away.
She’s not in sight and the footman is too far away to hear me, so I relax.
“Hmm. In my time, we have a game called twenty questions. One person chooses an object, person, or place in this case, and the other people get to ask twenty yes or no questions and then try to guess what the item is. Can we do that? To guess what my surprise is?”
“You may ask one question an hour until we go there. It is not twenty, but you are smarter than the average person, and I do not want you to guess it too easily.”
“Agreed. Is—”
“You have already asked your first one, and I have answered. About it not being a museum.”
Drat. So I have. “All right. That’s a start.”
“I will tell you where we are going now—the Palace of Westminster and Westminster Abbey. This is going to be a busy day, so if you want to skip something or end the day early, it is all up to you. I will not be offended. I want you to have a good day.”
“Oh, you sweet summer child.” I pat him on the shoulder. “I always travel like I might never go back to a place so I have to see everything all at once, exhaustion not allowed until the end of the day. So I will happily go anywhere and everywhere you can stand to take me.”
“And we need to leave your chaperone behind. Hence the flowers.” Leo gets up and urges me to do the same, checking to see if Anne is coming back yet.
“I’m in.” I’m still not used to having to have a chaperone, so I don’t mind ditching her. Even though she’s been nothing but nice to me. Didn’t even snitch about that whole sex thing. But I’ll be gone soon, so even if she tells on me now, it won’t have much effect.
“Excellent. Just remember, the longer you stay, the more I can show you.” Leo takes my hand and kisses the back of it as we walk quickly to his carriage, smiling so earnestly I swallow back the truth.
Because no matter what happens with my temporal location, I won’t be with the sweet man next to me.