Chapter 23
After spending Sunday evening telling Max about my meeting with Jenny, I’m eager for Tuesday to arrive so I can spend more time with Alaric and tell him about the developments in the situation.
Monday passes with the same frenzied energy permeating campus as midterms loom closer, and I decide to take advantage of the rare sunny day in the gap between my afternoon classes.
After dropping my backpack off in my room, I head outside and toward the forest trails, breathing in the crisp autumn air.
Despite my anxiety about midterms, there’s a lightness in my chest that I’m trying to hold onto for as long as I possibly can.
It feels as if things are finally clicking into place for me, and working towards a goal gives me a sense of purpose that I hadn’t even realized I’d been missing.
My days are segmented into neat sections, and the routine is calming despite the heavy workload.
On top of that, I’m constantly buzzing with a secretive sort of thrill at knowing I’ll be spending alone time with Alaric every Friday.
We haven’t broken any rules, but the lines have become blurred between professional mentorship and personal interest. The lingering touches, the magnetic energy pulling us closer together, the softness in his voice when he instructs me, the way he looks at me as if he always wants to say more…
it’s intoxicating. We’re hovering in the space between desire and action, and I’m breathlessly waiting for the drop.
The forest trails are more populated than usual given today’s good weather.
I meander, allowing myself time to think as I watch red and gold leaves hurtle from the trees to the ground.
It’s only when I come to the round in the bend and see the subtle distinction of the unmarked trail through the woods that I remember the odd clearing I had found in the forest and the uneasy feeling I’d gotten there.
And maybe it’s because of the sunshine or the lightness in my chest or something else, but my curiosity and bravery win out over caution.
I glance over my shoulder to check that the coast is clear before hopping the old wooden fence and rushing into the forest just enough so that I won’t be seen from the main trail.
I slow once it’s out of sight and allow myself to appreciate the beauty of what’s around me.
The underbrush and foliage are more sparse now that fall has descended, and the sweet scent of wet decaying leaves pervades the air.
It takes longer than last time for me to find the clearing, partly due to the fact that fallen leaves cover areas of the footpath.
The area looks the same as it did before, except this time, there’s something in the center.
As I approach it, I realize it’s ash with a few half-burned logs still on top of it.
Interesting. People must be having secret bonfires out here.
It makes me wonder if they’d been out here before and if that’s why I felt like I was being watched.
It’d make sense for them to hide if they heard someone coming.
I decide to explore further, taking the path that continues on the other side of the clearing. If people have been spending time out here, I might discover more secret hideaways.
I walk for close to twenty minutes before the familiar disquieting sensation settles over me, but I push through it.
There are no signs of predators out here, and if someone were following me, I’d hear them due to the dead leaves blanketing the ground.
Again, I wonder if my overactive imagination is playing tricks on me since I’m not used to being so isolated.
I slow down, taking in the details of my surroundings and keeping my head on a swivel to stay vigilant. The forest seems to grow quieter and darker the deeper I go, intensifying the discomfort churning inside me.
Out of the corner of my eye, I notice a tree trunk with peeling bark and a grayish hue speckled with black.
I move to get a closer look. The coloration is unnatural, unlike anything I’ve seen.
I make a mental note to research pathology for this particular type of tree and continue walking, where I note a few more trees that look the same.
As I roam amongst the trees, stepping over the underbrush, I notice that the colors of the forest seem to fade.
The main trail was a kaleidoscope of green, brown, red, and orange, but out here, the colors seem dull and unsaturated until I end up in a circular area where the floor of the forest is strangely bare.
There are no plants besides trees, and the plants that border the empty area seem to be dying, but not in a way that seems natural from the cold.
Maybe it’s because there’s less light out here, I try to reason with myself, but it’s clear that’s not the case.
My stomach knots with the primal awareness of there being something very wrong out here. I know I should turn back, and I almost do before I catch sight of a texture on the ground only a few feet away.
Upon closer inspection, I realize the texture is, in fact, hundreds of mushroom pins poking out of the ground.
They’re small, only half a centimeter or so, but there are a few growing faster than the rest where I can make out the start of distinctive features.
The caps and stems are a stark black, and at first I think they might be blackening waxcaps until I remember that those only turn black with age, and they’re not the right shape to be the other common black mushrooms in the Pacific Northwest.
I’m certain my eyes are playing tricks on me when I stare at them for long enough that they seem to cast a faint glow. I close my eyes, shake my head, and open my eyes again, and the visual sensation that I’m certain was a hallucination is gone.
Unable to identify the type of mushrooms before me, I decide to use my Affinity.
I calm my body as best as I can and open my mind to the life before me.
I’ve been able to identify species multiple times now through my magic, or at least come close, but when my consciousness connects with that of the mushrooms, it’s as if a dark shadow pierces my mind, and the unease I’ve been feeling morphs into a primal panic.
I shoot up and run back in the direction I came from, feeling only slight relief when I find the large clearing and see the path back to the main trail.
There are couples and individuals walking on the trail, but I don’t even glance in their direction.
I need to get out of here. I slow from a run to a speedwalk, only managing to find a normal pace when I’ve made it out of the forest entirely and am in sight of campus.
The next day, I still can’t shake the feeling I’d had in the forest. I spent all night trying to reason with myself about what might’ve been wrong with that area. It’s autumn, so things are dying, but natural death is simply a part of the lifecycle. This didn’t feel natural. It felt sinister.
I’m barely able to concentrate in my classes because the only thing I can focus on is talking to Alaric about what I experienced. Surely he’ll have some sort of insight.
I’m planning on talking to him after the lab, but to my surprise, he pulls me aside beforehand.
“Are you alright?” he asks. “You seemed distracted during class today.”
“Umm, kind of. Something weird happened yesterday that I was hoping to talk to you about.”
He cocks his head to the side. “What happened? Are you okay?”
I nod. “I’m okay. It was just startling.
I was walking off the main paths in the forest, just trying to explore a little—” his eyes narrow at me in disapproval, but I continue, “—and I went out pretty far out. There have been multiple times I’ve been out there and felt a weird sort of uneasiness, like I was being watched or something, but I could never figure out why.
Anyway, I pushed past it yesterday and came across an area of the forest where everything was either dead or looked… wrong.”
“Wrong how?”
I explain the odd tree trunks, and he frowns.
“Otherwise, the only thing growing in that circle were black mushrooms, but they don’t look like any of the ones I’ve studied in Mycology class.
They just seemed off, and when I tried to use my Affinity to identify them, it was like I sensed something…
dark, I guess. It scared the hell out of me. ”
Alaric is silent for a long moment before he speaks. “Would you be able to show me where you found these?”
“I think so.”
An hour later, after the lab concludes, Alaric follows me down the familiar path and hops the fence behind me so we can head into the depths of the forest. We walk in silence, and I navigate to the main clearing where the remnants of the bonfire still sit, then pass through to the other side to continue through the trees.
But the longer we walk, the more I begin to doubt myself.
At some point, I realize we should have found the mushrooms by now, and even though that heavy, dark energy pervades the atmosphere, I can’t quite find what I’m looking for.
“It must be around here somewhere,” I mutter. “I remember passing this bush and turning right a few steps later…”
But it feels as if I’m walking in circles, and no matter how much I try, I can’t seem to find them. Frustration bubbles up inside me, and after almost an hour of searching, tears brim in my eyes. I try to wipe them away subtly, but Alaric notices anyway.
“Are you crying?”
“No,” I lie.
“Vivian.” He gently grasps my elbow and spins me to face him, stopping my pointless traipsing through the leaves.
I breathe out a long, slow breath and stare at the outline of the key under his shirt, too ashamed to make eye contact as tears spill onto my cheeks.
Crying in front of your professor who you also happen to care about entirely too much is one thing, but crying in front of him due to sheer frustration about something so trivial is another.
His voice is gentle when he asks, “Hey, what’s wrong?”
“I can’t find it. I know it’s probably not a big deal, but I’m really frustrated and wish I could just do something right for once, but apparently I can’t.” With every word, I’m crying harder and unable to hold back the tears.
“Vivian.” He places his fingertip under my chin and raises my face toward his. I wait for him to give me some placating words, but instead, he leans down and kisses me.
Shock and desire make my heart race when his lips find mine.
He’s gentle at first, almost hesitant, before he wraps his arm around my waist and pulls me closer, his lips stealing away every word I want to say.
I drape my arms around his shoulders, slipping them under his jacket and feeling the ridge of muscle beneath the soft fabric of his shirt.
Alaric radiates heat, and I press myself harder against him as he simultaneously tightens his grip on my waist.
The kiss is soft at first, but the energy that’s built up between us for so long erupts. His fingers thread through my hair, tugging gently at my scalp, and I bite his lip gently. He groans as he kisses me harder.
When he finally pulls away, I inhale a shaky breath. “What was that for?” I ask in an attempt to lighten the heavy tension between us.
He smirks. “I figured it was the best way to get you to relax,” he teases. “And… I care about you more than I should. I’ve been wanting to kiss you for a very long time, and my restraint finally snapped.”
“Oh. Well, uh, thank you for helping me stop crying.” I laugh awkwardly, wiping away the remnants of the tears drying on my cheeks.
“No need to thank me. That was mostly guided by my own selfish desires.”
Smiling, I reply, “Well, I’ve been wanting the same thing since the night I met you, so I suppose we’re on the same page.”
“I suppose we are,” he agrees. “We probably shouldn’t have done that, but I assume you can manage to exercise discretion with this situation?”
“Yes. I won’t tell anyone.” His phrasing makes me wonder if he means for this to continue between us, which I certainly wouldn’t object to, but I don’t ask at the risk of looking foolish.
I’ve been able to tamp down my feelings for him thus far, but only because I was functioning under the assumption that he’d never allow for things to go further.
Now that my assumption has been proven wrong, my dismissal of my own desires won’t be nearly as effective.
“I’d also appreciate if you could keep this information about the forest to yourself for now as well,” he adds. “This includes other professors as well as other students.”
“Not even my Mycology professor?”
He shakes his head. “Not yet. I’d like to see if I can do some investigating first. And I’d encourage you not to walk through the forest alone anymore, but you seem to be prone to putting yourself in questionable situations sometimes.
” The slightest curl of his lips shows me he’s not entirely serious about the last part, but I don’t blame him for worrying about my safety when it comes to this.
“I’ll try to behave. And I’ll hold off on telling anyone for now, but please tell me if you find anything out, okay?”
He nods in response then grabs my hand. “Come on. Let’s get you out of here. If I were a better man, I wouldn’t have kissed you at all, but if I acquiesced to the selfish part of myself, you’d be alone with me for the rest of the day in significantly more compromising circumstances.”
My heart skips a beat at his words as he all but confirms that he wants more from me. At this rate, our constant proximity will only continue to fuel the fire burning between us, and even though I know it’s a dangerous game to play, I have neither the self-control nor the desire to stop it.