Chapter 29
On Tuesday, Alaric shows up to class with dark circles beneath his eyes, wrinkled clothing, and a lack of the usual sharp intimidation factor he usually has.
He loses his train of thought mid-sentence multiple times before recovering, and he cancels our lab with the excuse of not feeling well.
Thursday is the same, and he instructs us to write a research paper about environmental light quality and photosynthetic adaptation, providing us with the prompt and requirements before dismissing us ten minutes early.
AJ makes more than one joke under his breath about how “Dr. Vale must be getting some gnarly hangovers,” but I ignore him.
I’m consumed with worry about Alaric, as he’s grown more and more distant with each passing day this week. It’s clear he’s not sleeping, and I’m certain I know the reason why.
I don’t linger after class, instead using my time to form a plan and put it into action. It takes me an hour to get what I need, and I come to my tutoring session on Friday prepared.
But when I show up to Alaric’s office, he’s not there.
I check the greenhouse first, but the doors are locked and there’s no light emanating from inside the glass structure.
Heading back into the building as a last-ditch effort, I make my way down the dark, empty stone hallways toward the science labs just past Alaric’s usual classroom, and sure enough, there’s one door with a sliver of light spilling beneath it onto the dark stone.
It’s locked, so I knock. When there’s only silence on the other side and no indication that the door’s going to open, I call out, “It’s Vivian.”
A few seconds later, the lock turns and the door opens a few inches. Alaric peeks out, his expression bordering on manic. There’s a coffee stain on his shirt and stubble on his cheeks.
“Are you alone?”
“Of course I am. I’m coming in,” I say, pushing past him.
He opens the door just enough to allow me to squeeze through before shutting and locking it again. The blinds are drawn, and all the tables are empty aside from one that holds a microscope, the mushroom jar (only one of which is inside), a notebook, and a microscope slide.
“What are you doing here?” he asks.
“It’s Friday. You’re supposed to be tutoring me.”
He sighs, closing his eyes for a couple seconds before looking directly at me for the first time since I’ve been here. “Shit. I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay, but you do need to take a break from this. Have you been sleeping at all?”
“A little.”
I glare at him, and he launches into a barely intelligible explanation about his research on the mushrooms, explaining how he used a spell to slow the decomposition rate substantially so he could study it longer, then rambling about the organization of hyphae, the spore ornamentation, and his running theory about magical energy potentially being distributed through the mycelium networks.
Even despite my advanced mycology course, I can barely understand what he’s saying, partly due to the content and partly due to the sheer incoherence of his rapid-fire speech.
As grateful as I am that he’s sharing information with me after being so secretive, I’m more concerned by his current mental state than anything else.
“Put your stuff somewhere safe. I’m taking you out of here,” I tell him, leaving no room for argument.
He deflates, exhaustion marring his features. “Okay.”
I wait as he cleans and returns the microscope to its place and gathers up the rest of the items. We stop by his office so he can hide them in a locking cabinet, then he looks at me expectantly.
“I’ll be honest, I haven’t prepared anything for your tutoring tonight.”
“I know. Good thing I anticipated that. Put on your coat and follow me. Try not to be seen.”
He furrows his brows, but I don’t explain as I lead him out into the night and hug the walls of the buildings as we walk toward the library.
When we reach the small door tucked away near the back, Alaric stares at me. “Why are we at the library? It closes early on Fridays,” he adds, as if I can’t already tell that by the dark windows and the fact that we’re standing at a locked door.
“I have something specific in mind that I’d like to work on tonight, since I knew you wouldn’t be in the right mind for tutoring.”
I pull the key from my pocket that I’d managed to convince AJ to give me earlier after bargaining with him for an hour.
He ended up conceding, giving me the key he uses to lock up the library when he works the closing shift once I promised to get him an entire bottle of Fae wine.
I’m not entirely sure how I’ll do that yet, but I imagine Callista can help me out.
I unlock the door while Alaric glances warily over his shoulder. But he follows me in, and I lock the door behind us.
The door closes with a gentle click, and then we’re enveloped by silence and the scent of old books.
Leading the way, I walk across the massive room and up the stairwell.
Our steps echo, bouncing off the walls, until we reach the third floor and walk out onto the main floor.
Shelves tower in every direction, looming in the dark library.
I hadn’t anticipated how eerie it would be here after closing hours.
Anything could be hiding amongst these shelves…
I shake my head, clearing the uninvited thought from my mind, and take Alaric’s hand to drag him between the nearest two shelves. A large window occupies the wall space between the shelves, allowing us to overlook the quiet campus.
“What are you—”
I stand on my tiptoes and kiss him, cutting off the question. He kisses me back, hesitantly at first before wrapping an arm around my waist and pulling me into him to deepen the kiss.
When I finally pull away, Alaric’s dark eyes are fixed on me with a combination of lust, affection, and curiosity.
I flash him a small smirk before sinking to my knees before him. “Let me take your mind off things, at least for a little while.”
He nods slightly, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallows.
Slowly, I reach up to unbuckle his belt, letting the black leather fall to either side while I move on to his button.
I take my time, wanting to draw this out and give him something to focus on that has nothing to do with his research or work.
He needs to know that he deserves pleasure and relaxation too, and that the world won’t end if he takes a break for a little while.
Alaric reaches down, gently running his fingers through my hair before resting his hand on my head. He doesn’t push or grab; he simply cradles the back of my head.
The gentle touch makes my stomach swoop, and when I free his cock from his slacks a few seconds later, the swooping sensation in my stomach turns into a full-blown somersault.
Slowly, I lean forward and run my tongue along the underside of his erection, and he takes in a shuddering breath. I repeat the action, loving the way such a simple movement can affect him so strongly.
I suction my lips around the base of his cock and suck hard, moving from base to tip and back again.
“Fuck,” he groans as I take the full length of him over and over again. His fingers tighten in my hair. “You're going to be the death of me.”
I pull back just enough to look up at him. His head is thrown back against the bookshelf, his jaw clenched, and he's never looked better than he does right now.
Except for maybe when he’d been on his knees before me…
With that thought, I’m overwhelmed by the desire to give him the same pleasure he gave to me last week, and I suck his cock with fervent need, gripping the base in my hand and swirling my tongue around the sensitive head.
“If you don’t stop now, I’m going to come,” he warns in a gravelly voice.
I don’t stop.
Seconds later, he grips the bookshelf behind him to stabilize himself as he groans out his release, and I eagerly swallow every drop of his cum.
Alaric extends a hand to help me up off my knees, and it takes a moment for both of us to return to breathing normally. He leads me to the nearest couch along the wall and pulls me into his lap.
“I don't deserve you,” he says. His tone is a combination of reverence, endearment, and the tiniest hint of sadness.
“You deserve everything you could ever want,” I reply. “I just…”
“You just what?”
“I just wish I didn’t have to be your secret.”
My confession hangs between us, and Alaric places a gentle kiss on the top of my head then murmurs, “One day, you won’t be.”
“One day, two years from now when I graduate?” I can't keep the resignation from my voice. I'm not mad, not really, because I don't want him to risk losing his job for me. But for once, I just wish I could be someone's highest priority and not a convenience.
I guess by now I should be used to coming in second to someone or something more important.
That's been my entire life thus far, playing the role of someone who’s secondary, someone who sacrifices what she wants to help someone else.
Sometimes it’s necessary, but that doesn’t make it any less disheartening.
“I'm sorry,” Alaric says, holding me tightly. “I know this isn't fair to you. And I know that it seems like forever until you graduate. But I promise, this isn’t just some secretive distraction for me. I wouldn’t be risking my career for you if I didn’t think you were worth it.
I’d just prefer for both of us to make it out of here with our reputations intact. ”
“I understand,” I tell him, because I do. This relationship needs to stay a secret, but it doesn’t change the fact that being someone’s secret is demoralizing when all you want is to shout it from the rooftops. Still, his reassurance provides some comfort.
After we sneak out of the library and are walking back across campus, Alaric asks, “Are you going to the Samhain Ball tomorrow?”
“Yes. The girls convinced me to go. Are you?”
“I have to. Faculty are required to attend and supervise, so I’ll see you there.”
“I'll look forward to it,” I say, even though I know we can't go together, even though I know I'll have to watch him from across the room and pretend he's nothing more than my professor and that I’m not falling for him more every day.