Chapter 38
Despite my agreement with Max to leave the topic alone, I’ve spent all day spiraling about the implications of what this all means. Why did my father feel the need to warn me about his parents? And why does Chancellor Aldrich seem to be in cahoots with them?
I ruminate on the same questions I’ve been turning over in my mind since yesterday as I turn my key in my mailbox.
I’m not expecting much, maybe a letter from my mother or an administrative notice about winter break housing, but instead, I find a thick envelope with my name written on the front and the Arcadia Academy seal embossed in dark green wax.
I frown. Why would I be getting something this official from the academy?
Unable to wait, I tear the envelope open and unfold the heavy stationery. The page swims before my eyes as I try to process the words on the page.
Notice of Disciplinary Hearing
Student: Vivian Harver
Date and Time: November 30th at 8 a.m.
Location: Conference Room A, Administrative Wing, Castle
You are hereby notified of a formal disciplinary hearing regarding your potential expulsion from Arcadia Academy. The charges are as follows:
1. Reckless and uncontrolled use of magic posing a threat to student safety
2. Potential involvement in the death of student Mitchell Hansley.
Failure to appear at this hearing will result in immediate expulsion and any additional measures deemed as necessary to maintain the privacy and integrity of the institution and the parties involved.
The Respondent may bring legal counsel at their own expense if desired.
All proceedings will be confidential and closed to the public.
I can’t breathe. This can’t be happening. I tried to do the right thing, reporting Mitchell’s death, and now they’re accusing me of somehow being involved? Do they think I killed him? They haven’t even released a cause of death yet.
But something suspicious must have happened if they’re trying to blame me.
My breath comes in short, shallow gasps as my legs give out and I sink to the floor with my back against the wall of mailboxes.
Just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse, I’m hit with something that threatens to ruin my entire life.
What happens if they do somehow manage to pin his death on me?
Will I end up in some sort of magical prison for a crime I didn’t even commit?
My vision goes black around the edges as I hyperventilate on the floor of the lobby, my hands shaking violently with the paper still gripped between my fingers. My magic threatens to break free at the sheer intensity of the emotions encompassing my body, and I don’t bother to hold it back.
Max walks into the lobby just as every lightbulb in the room shatters above us, raining down glass.
It’s dark for only a second before the sconces along the wall magically come to life, the orange flames flickering.
A faraway memory pops into my head of someone telling me that the sconces were enchanted as a sort of backup lighting system since the storms from the ocean knock out the power so frequently.
“Oh my god, are you okay?” Max rushes to my side and crouches down beside me.
I don’t have the energy to speak. I can only shake my head and hand her the letter. Every part of me is numb.
Max grabs the paper and scans it in the dim lighting. Her face pales and her jaw drops. “Those motherfuckers,” she hisses. “This is absolute bullshit and they know it.”
I stare blankly at the wall.
“Come on,” she says, standing and lifting me alongside her. “Let’s go to our room. We’ll find a way out of this.”
I wish I could believe her.
She manages to guide me upstairs to our room, where I sit on the edge of my bed and bury my head in my hands while she paces back and forth across the small space.
“You’re not getting expelled,” Max insists, her tone fierce and determined. “We’ll fight this. They have no proof of anything because obviously you didn’t do this, and you aren’t any kind of threat to safety.”
I close my eyes. “How? What defense could I possibly give besides ‘I didn’t do it?’ The hearing is tomorrow, Max. Literally twelve hours from now.”
“We’ll figure out something.” She sits on her bed, snagging a notebook from her desk and flipping it open. “Okay, so they’re accusing you of being a threat to student safety. Do you think that ties in to their accusations about Mitchell, or could it be something different?”
My voice is monotone when I answer, “My magic. The Chancellor asked me about it toward the beginning of the semester and insinuated I needed to get it under control before I hurt someone. Then, I don’t know, maybe me being reckless by going out in the woods and collecting the mushrooms.”
Max scribbles something down in her notebook.
“Okay, and let’s think of the things related to Mitchell’s death. He went missing on the night of the ball, right?”
I nod, and she writes more.
“Well, you have an alibi because we were together literally all night. Me, Delilah, Callista, and Avery can all vouch for you.”
“Will that even matter? They might not take your word for it since we’re all friends.”
“I don’t know, but it’s worth a shot. There’s no information about why they’re accusing you?” She turns the letter over, rereading it in case she missed something.
“No. I’m sure they’ll tell me tomorrow when I can’t prepare any sort of defense, though.”
Max throws her notebook at the wall, and I jump at her sudden burst of anger. “They can’t fucking do this!” Tears brim in her eyes. Then, more softly, she says, “You’re the first real friend I’ve ever had. They can’t take you away from me.”
I thought I’d cried all the tears I had left, but a fresh wave overcomes me as I watch Max show true vulnerability for the first time since I’ve known her. Despite her sarcastic, aloof attitude, she really does care about me, and that makes all of this hurt even more.
“We can still write each other letters,” I offer, trying to soften the blow.
She looks up at me with a combination of sorrow, desperation, and pity.
“No,” she whispers. “If they expel you, they’ll take your memory too.
That’s what they mean by ‘additional measures to protect the privacy of the institution’ or whatever.
If you came from a magical family, it might be different, but since nobody in your home practices magic… ”
She trails off, and the crushing weight on my chest grows heavier. “No. That can’t be right. I can’t lose this. What about my magic? Will they take that too?”
“I’m not sure. Maybe. All I know is that they’ll do anything to protect themselves, and they’ll be able to justify taking your memory by posing it as an option between that or prison if they have any sort of fabricated evidence related to Mitchell’s death.”
“I can’t believe this…” Losing my place at Arcadia would be devastating enough, but losing the future I’ve finally allowed myself to hope for, losing my memory of this beautiful place, of magic itself, is too devastating to even consider.
“How would they take my memory when my family knows I’m off at college? ”
“They probably wouldn’t erase it so much as heavily modify it. Most likely, you’d think you went to a normal college and failed out.”
My voice cracks when I say, “I’m so scared, Max.
” The idea of them reaching into my mind and tearing out every memory of magic, erasing the moments that have shaped me over these last few months, makes my stomach lurch.
It’s invasive on such a horrific level, forcibly taking something from a person that will leave them hollow and incomplete, forever missing a piece of themselves.
Max joins me on my bed, draping an arm over my shoulders.
“I know. I feel it too.” It hits me again how patient she’s with me this semester as I’ve gone through a chaotic rollercoaster of emotions.
She can’t simply ignore them with her empathetic abilities, but she’s never complained about the negative energy I undoubtedly bring into the room.
“It sounds so dumb, but… if I lose my magic and my memory, it’s going to feel like losing my dad all over again.
I never knew him and always grieved for the relationship we could have had, and when I came here, I finally found the thing that connects us.
It’s one definitive piece of him that lives on in me, and now I might lose it. ”
Max says nothing, and I don’t blame her. There’s nothing she could say that would make this better and nothing we can do to stop what’s coming tomorrow morning. I’ll fight it, but it’ll likely be my word against the Chancellor’s, and I don’t reasonably expect anyone to take my side.
We sit in the quiet for a long while, both of us quietly crying at the inevitable loss.
If I lose my memory of this place, will I go back to being the same woman I was before, the woman who was afraid to choose herself, the woman who was quietly resigned to living a life of survival and monotony?
If I forget all the experiences that have shaped me, will I revert to the person I used to be?
Nausea and dread roll over me at the thought of being right back where I started. I love my family, but I can’t go back to putting my own needs and desires on the back burner for them indefinitely.
Max and I spend the rest of the night brainstorming ways for me to argue my case, but the energy between us is weighted with the crushing knowledge that it probably won’t be enough.
I stare at the photograph of my father that I’ve had with me my entire life, apologizing in my mind for letting him down.
He tried to warn me, and I still managed to fail.
It’s still dark outside when Max slips out of the bedroom. I haven’t slept at all, knowing these might be my final hours at Arcadia Academy. A part of me wants to go see Alaric, but what would I say? I couldn’t possibly face him right now after everything that’s happened.
I do, however, write letters. I write one to Max, Callista, Delilah, and Avery, explaining just how much their friendship has meant to me in the short time we’ve known each other.
They’ve shown me what sisterhood is, what it feels like to have true friends who are endlessly kind, supportive, and strong.
I write one to AJ, explaining what’s happening to me and how much I’ve appreciated his positive energy and constantly uplifting personality. I express my condolences about his brother and encourage him to grieve but to not give up on his dreams.
I write one to Professor Showen, thanking her for her kindness in a time that’s been so difficult for me and for sharing stories about my father. They made me feel closer to him, even if I won’t remember them after today, and I’ll still have his bracelet even if I don’t remember its significance.
Finally, I write a letter to Alaric. I tell him I love him.
I tell him that I wish we had met under different circumstances, but that I cherish every moment I’ve had the pleasure of spending with him.
I tell him that despite the current circumstances, I hope his research is successful and he finds the answers to the questions that have been plaguing him.
I tell him that, more than anything, I’ll miss those soft, slow moments where we were alone in the greenhouse with the cascade of rain over glass secluding us from the rest of the world.
In the watery gray light of dawn, I get dressed and leave the folded letters on top of Max’s desk. I trust her to distribute them accordingly.
And as I walk out of my room and exit the building, my walk on the curving, paved pathways to the castle feels a lot like marching to my own execution.