Chapter 5 #3
I’m startled at his observation. “What makes you say that?”
“Your tone and expression.”
“We’re not close,” I admit, twisting my napkin.
“My parents have certain expectations of me. My mother wants me to be a socialite like her, and my father values professional success. He saw my interest in art as frivolous and pushed me into business like him. It wasn’t what I wanted, but I didn’t have the courage to stand my ground. ”
“But that’s changed?”
“It seems ridiculous to admit that at thirty-two, I’m finally trying to make my own way and live my own life.”
His face softens with a smile. “It sounds like a brave step to walk away from the life you know without knowing what’s on the other side. You’re giving yourself a second chance, and I think that says more about you now than anything else.”
“Thanks for saying that.”
“It’s true.” His look brooks no doubt. “How has your leaving affected your relationship with them?”
“They take the cold shoulder to an Arctic level.” We both laugh, finding humor in a bad situation.
“I suppose they think icing me out will break my will like it has before. I’m a people pleaser.
I hate being a disappointment, but I just can’t do what they want anymore.
Even if it forever damages our relationship. ”
“As bad as that?”
“It could be.”
“Damn, Lex. I’m sorry.” He shakes his head. “You’re doing the right thing for yourself, but it comes at a cost.”
I nod, grateful for his understanding, and straighten the crab bowl. We fall into another silence. It’s not awkward—just pensive on his end.
“You seem deep in thought,” I say, noting his brow is creased and his mouth—usually ready with a smile—is pulled into a tight line.
“Hmm.” He sighs. “What you said has me thinking about Sophia.”
“In what way?”
He pours me more wine. “I was nineteen and Soph, seven, when my mom got sick. I was all set to follow my dream—go to Atlanta and pursue a recording contract. But my world fell apart. I lost the most important person in my life, and I didn’t know what to do.
I was so fucking scared.” His tone is gritty.
“What did I know about raising a kid? But I wasn’t going to let Soph or my parents down.
I could hear my dad saying: La familia lo es todo—family is everything. ”
The weight of his sacrifice has my eyes stinging with unshed tears.
At that age, my biggest problem was being forced to change my college major while Chaz was navigating real-life responsibilities.
The more I learn about him, the more I realize how amazing he is.
“Out of tragedy, you’ve built an incredible life for you and your sister. ”
“But I brought a lot of baggage into that life,” he confides.
“Sophia recently got her marketing degree from UIC. She has her heart set on working for a big advertising firm. I know what it’s like to have dreams and what it’s like not to be able to pursue them.
But I haven’t gotten behind hers. I don’t want her chasing the same life my father had—burning herself out, or worse, working for some big firm that takes advantage of her. ”
I can feel the guilt gnawing at him. “It makes sense that you would worry, Chaz, after what you saw happen with your dad.”
“Yeah, but is that an excuse? I’ve asked Sophia—no, I’ve badgered her—to stay in Bayside and use her education to help run and grow the café with me.
To build something of her own.” He blows out a breath.
“I’ve been harping on it for months, even though it’s caused some friction between us.
Now I realize that I’ve been doing to her what you said your father did to you. ”
“No, you’re not,” I say adamantly. “There’s no comparison. Your concern for your sister is out of love, not an attempt to control her.”
“I’m not sure Sophia would see it that way. She’s headstrong. She’s going to do what she wants, but having me constantly in her ear on this could ruin our relationship.”
“It won’t.” Without thinking, I place my hand on his. “You care. Sophia knows your heart. She knows you want her to be happy.”
“I appreciate you saying that, but I could do better.”
“And that right there is the difference. You’re willing to reflect and make changes. My father would never do that. You’re a good brother. You’ll figure out how to find the balance.”
He glances down at my hand on his. He turns his over, linking our fingers. “I haven’t talked about any of this—not in this way.” He looks into my eyes with that intense, singular focus of his. “It’s easy with you.”
“It’s easy to talk to you too.”
“I’m going to be completely honest,” he says, brushing his thumb over the inside of my wrist.
“Okay.” Heated tingles spread up my arm, and the air thickens around us. “What is it?”
“I made up the tour-guide thing to spend more time with you.”
“I kinda figured that out.” I smile.
“Then you know I don’t just want to be friends.”
“I got that impression, yes.”
“And?” His hopeful grin crinkles the corners of his eyes.
I feel my guard slip. For one dangerous moment, I want to toss all my caution aside and go for it.
But after a lifetime of self-restraint, I slide my hand from his.
“I like you, Chaz. You’re generous, kind, and fun to be around, but I came here with a purpose. I need to put all my energy into that.”
Disappointment fills his gaze, but it’s better to let him down now than later.
He’s the type of man who would expect me to respond to him in ways I know I can’t.
My past failures are too big for me to overcome.
They overshadow these foreign sensations he’s stirring in me.
A montage of disasters plays in my head, reminding me of how anything sexual always goes wrong.
“I’m sorry.” I tap my finger against my thumb—one, two, three, four . . . “If you don’t want to remain friends, I’d understand.”
“You’re not getting rid of me that easily.” He says with light humor, erasing any weirdness between us. “I have other places to show you.”
My relief is instant, but so is the tug of something deeper—something restless. And that’s the real problem. How am I supposed to stay resolved if I keep spending time with him, getting more caught up in the attraction, more caught up in him, and the way he looks at me like I matter?
“So, tomorrow,” he coaxes, his tone warm and playful. “You up for another adventure?”
No would be the smart answer. Practical and sensible. But even as the warning bells clang in my had, I ignore them all and say, “Yes.”