Chapter 31
“Holy shit!” Jordyn’s voice cuts through the car’s Bluetooth speaker, sharp and incredulous. “You just left?”
My fingers tighten on the steering wheel, my eyes are gritty from crying. “I had to.”
“Had to? What are you even doing? This is madness! And you know Dee would say the same. Let me conference her in.”
“No,” I protest. “She’s probably been up all night with the twins.” Through the windshield, the early morning light is just waking the night sky. It reminds me of the lyrics from his song—my song—and fresh tears threaten to fall. “I . . . I needed to talk, and I knew you wouldn’t sugarcoat things.
“Meaning you wanted someone to beat you up,” she says with knowledge from fourteen years of friendship. “But that’s not what I’m going to do. I know you’re a mess right now. Pull over, and let’s talk this out.”
“I can’t.” I exhale shakily, my eyes straining to navigate the slushy road. “I have to get answers.”
“The man you left has the answers! How about: Did your father work for Townsen Industries?”
“It’s not that simple.” My voice wavers, betraying the uncertainty that’s been tearing at me since I drove away. “I have to speak with my father first. I need to know what happened with Chaz’s dad and why Chaz was there that day.”
“You’re basing all this on a vague memory from over twenty years ago.”
“It’s not vague,” I argue, my voice firmer now.
“I couldn’t place him at first, but then it hit me—clear as day.
I read up on it, Jord. This isn’t uncommon.
Something can trigger a memory out of nowhere, and it takes you right back to that time and place.
That’s what happened. It was the worst time possible, but it happened.
I saw him. That boy was Chaz. He said his father worked for a big company in Chicago. It all adds up.”
“Maybe it does.” She allows me that much. “But you could still be mistaken. There are hundreds of big companies in Chicago. This could all be for nothing.”
“I’m not mistaken,” I insist, knowing it with every fiber of my being.
“Okay, then, let’s say you’re right. What exactly do you expect to accomplish? You think your father is going to admit anything? Like, come on, Lex, he would never. And even if he did—what then? What’s your plan?”
“I don’t know!” My words are filled with anguish.
“You and Dee were right. I should have told Chaz the truth as soon as we started getting close. It would have all come out then, and we could have dealt with it one way or the other. But I was selfish. I wanted to live in this happy bubble where he saw me as only Lexie Monroe with all my messy pieces and still wanted me. But now . . .” My throat feels raw as I blink back the tears.
“Now it’s so much worse. My sin is bigger than not telling him my full story.
I could have explained it before I knew—when I didn’t remember. Now it feels . . .”
“Feels like what?” she presses.
“Like I’m complicit,” I choke out, my tears falling again. “That’s why I need to know everything—to do something—so I can face him again.”
“Babe.” Her tone softens, her frustration giving way to that tender side she has.
“You are in no way complicit. You were a kid. You had no part in your father’s operations.
Whatever happened back then has nothing to do with you.
But leaving Chaz this way—with some cryptic note. You know that’s not right.”
“Nothing about this is right.” I want to scream. I want to rewind time. “What would staying accomplish when I can only give him words and no retribution?”
“Is that what you think you can accomplish?” she balks. “Justice for Chaz?”
“Yes! Maybe. He needs someone to be held accountable.”
“Listen to yourself. Do you honestly think there’s a snowball’s chance in hell that Theodore Townsen will let that happen?
What do you imagine him saying? Oh, I’m so sorry, Chaz.
I’m responsible for your father’s heart attack.
I’m a terrible person and business owner; I spend every day regretting my choices and wishing I had done better by your father.
That’s never going to happen, Lex. Your father’s not about to have a Scrooge moment. ”
“Okay, you’ve made your point,” I say, my chest tight.
“He’d never go that far. But I can still get his admission.
I have to. Chaz has never had acknowledgment of any kind—none.
He lost his dad! He’s spent twenty years loathing a man who’s never been taken to task, who just keeps getting richer and richer on the backs of people like his father. And I’ve been a part of that.”
“You are taking this on because of a guilt that isn’t yours,” Jordyn says firmly.
“Instead of chasing closure you’re never going to get, you need to turn your car around.
Go back and tell him the truth. He loves you, Lex.
I’m not saying it’ll be easy or all rainbows and sunshine right away.
This is some complicated, crazy shit, but I don’t believe Chaz is going to blame you for your father’s wrongdoings. He will blame you for leaving, though.”
I’m so tempted to do what she’s saying and head straight back. I know what I’m risking. As the Chicago skyline looms closer, I make my choice. I have to do this. I have to stand up to my father—for Chaz.