Chapter 37
We’re still pulsing against each other when my head clears.
I didn’t intend for any of that to happen, but the minute I touched her, smelled her skin, felt her soft hands on me—it was like there was a streak of gasoline between us.
One strike of the match was all it took to catch fire and spread out of control.
Fuck!
I slip wetly from her mouth. And she lifts off my face, leaving her taste on my lips.
Fuck!
I stare up at the ceiling as she shifts around to snuggle into my side, her arm sliding across my chest. She kisses my neck, sighing against my skin, her body melting into mine.
Fuck!
I wish everything outside of this could disappear.
But reality is relentless. No matter how perfect she feels, no matter how much I want to freeze time, the betrayal pushes in, filling the stretch of silence.
I ease away, though there’s no delicate way to do it.
Then, I head to the bathroom, cursing myself for letting this happen.
I feel like a dick for taking pleasure in her body when I’m still hurt and angry.
It solved nothing—only left me feeling even more conflicted.
Turning on the tap, I wipe myself and pull my sweats back up. How the fuck do I even face her? I pause with my hand on the door, bracing myself, then open it.
The side table lamp is on. She’s put on a hoodie and her glasses, standing at the window overlooking the harbor, her legs bare, her hair sexily mussed.
“Was that to punish me?” she asks. Her voice is tinged with sadness, but her gaze simmers as it searches mine. “Did you pull me back in just to push me away?”
Christ. “That’s not what I was doing.”
“What then?” she presses.
“I don’t fucking know.”
“I’ll go, Chaz. I’m not here to cause you more pain.” She moves past me.
“Don’t.” Instinct takes over. I wrap my arm around her waist, pulling her against my chest. “Just . . . give me a minute.”
Her body stills, but she doesn’t relax.
I hold her tighter, grounding myself in the feel of her, in the rhythm of her breathing.
“I swear, this wasn’t about trying to retaliate or just getting off.
I care about you too much for that. I needed to be with you.
I wanted the connection—to lose myself in you and forget everything else.
But I feel so fucking torn between loving you and not wanting to. ”
She doesn’t flinch at my honesty. Instead, her eyes meet mine in understanding. “I’m sorry. It’s killing me that I hurt you—that you think I deceived you.”
“Didn’t you?”
Her face crumples. “Not in the way you think,” she whispers.
“My legal name is Lexie Monroe. I changed it when I was eighteen—when I thought I could break away from my parents and reinvent myself. You know how that turned out.” She exhales shakily.
“I went right back to being their obedient daughter, doing what they expected, becoming who they wanted.”
She looks away for a moment at a spot on the wall, then back at me. “This time, I was determined to leave it all behind for good—the name, the legacy, the expectations. But I felt like I was a puzzle of fragmented pieces. And then I met you.
“You saw the pieces in a way I couldn’t. You didn’t make me feel broken—you made me feel whole. You accepted me, loved me, just as I am.”
Tears well in her eyes. “With you, I was just Lexie. No pretense. And I liked how good that felt. Alexandra was from another lifetime, and I didn’t want to bring her here.
I didn’t want you to see me as the heir to the kind of corporation you hate.
And then, when I realized your dad worked for my father.
” Her voice breaks, and she looks so devastated that I take her hand, leading her back to the bed.
We sit on the edge of the mattress, facing each other.
“How did you find out?” I ask.
“I didn’t know for sure, but the memory came back after you told me you loved me.”
“What memory?”
Her finger taps against her thumb. “This is going to sound unbelievable, but when I first saw you, there was something familiar about you. It was like I had seen you before. The feeling was so strong that I couldn’t shake it, but I couldn’t explain it either.
It was always stronger whenever I saw childhood pictures of you.
And then it hit me—in your music studio, surrounded by photos of you and your dad.
The timing just made it worse. That’s why I got sick.
It was the shock of realizing where I’d seen you and what it all meant. ”
I stare at her, struggling to keep up. “I’m not following. Where did you see me?”
“In the lobby of Townsen Industries. You must’ve been twelve. I remember how sad you looked. I don’t know why I noticed, but I did. I was with my mother and—”
“You asked her about me.”
She gasps. “You saw me too?”
“Not your face. Just the back of you—your long braid as you walked away. I remember because . . . I heard you. I don’t know why that’s stuck with me all this time. But it has.”
“God, Chaz.” Her eyes widen with the same astonishment I feel. “How is this even possible? Why were you there?”
“I was waiting for my mom.”
“Your mom?”
“Yeah, it was a couple of months after my dad passed. He had life insurance, but your—” I exhale sharply.
“The company refused to pay the death benefits. She went there to fight for what we were owed, but they threatened her with a countersuit. She’d just had Sophia and was drowning in her grief while trying to help me with mine.
She didn’t have the resources to take them on.
I didn’t know any of this at the time. She would never have burdened me with it.
But after she passed, I found the letters to Townsen and picked up the fight myself—out of principle.
And, at the time, raising Soph on my own, I needed the money. ”
Tears spill over her cheeks. “I’m so sorry for the way my father and our company treated you and your family.
” She swallows hard. “I went back to Chicago to confront my father. I wanted him to acknowledge the role he played—to take accountability. I wanted justice for you. He told me about the money and saw it as an opportunity to regain control over me. He said he would pay if I returned to work for him and cut all ties with you. I couldn’t agree to either of those things. I wouldn’t.”
Staggered, I curse beneath my breath. Beyond the loathing I already feel for her father, which is now magnified by his attempt to manipulate her, I’m floored by what she did. Lexie left that morning on a mission—a goddamn quest.
I gaze at her in wonder and then gently wipe her tears. “You did that for me?”
“Yes, but it didn’t work,” she says with deep sorrow. “I have a trust fund. I’ll give you the money from that. You and Sophia should have it. I know it’s not the same, but—”
“I don’t want your money, Lex.” Stripped of everything but my love and admiration for her, I cradle her face. “Thank you for standing up for me. That was badass.”
Then I kiss her, pouring every ounce of emotion into it. When we come up for air, my voice is raw. “I’m sorry for the shit things I said, for ever doubting you.”
“You have nothing to apologize for.”
“Don’t let me off the hook so easily. I didn’t mean those things. They came from a place of hurt, but that doesn’t make it right. I know you’re not your father.”
“But I am his daughter.” She pulls my hands into her lap. “The look on your face when I said the name Alexandra Townsen broke my heart.”
“I was in shock, Lex. I was fired up about Sophia. I didn’t expect to see you there and then to find out who you are.”
“That’s just it. Who am I isn’t a name, but that’s all you saw.”
“I know who you are, Lex. I just got lost in my own shit.”
She nods, but there’s a quiet, unshakeable determination in her eyes that I’ve never seen before.
“I’m done living in fear of their disapproval.
I’m done letting my father control me. And I’m done blaming myself for being weak and not standing up to him sooner.
I’m moving forward. And I want that for you too. ”
She cups my face, her touch soft, her gaze tender. “I love you, Chaz. You’re the best man I have ever known. You deserve to live a life free of my father. Free of that anger and hate. You don’t have to forgive him, but my hope is that you can find a way to let it go.”