Chapter 36
Iwas ruined, completely and utterly destroyed.
Never before had sex been that amazing, and I was pretty sure sex with anyone other than Liam could never be that amazing.
Intense, passionate, and absolutely consuming.
And that was just the first round in the gym. After we’d caught our breaths, Liam had lifted me into his arms and carried me to his bedroom, where he kept his promise and worshipped every single inch of me.
Slow, gently, and so achingly tender.
After a few hours of sleep, I woke to his big hand leisurely working between my legs. He’d pushed me over the edge so easily, then settled his hips between my thighs and had me screaming his name again in an embarrassingly short time.
I hadn’t been able to sleep after that. My brain was too busy analyzing. Without planning or meaning to, I’d fallen hopelessly in love with my husband. My heart overflowed with everything I felt for this man, and I wasn’t entirely sure what to do with it.
Especially with how strained things were with my mom. We hadn’t talked again, and it hurt. It hurt so freaking much. Even more when I had to find out from my sister that my dad was finally healthy enough for his operation.
I wasn’t blameless. I could’ve just as easily picked up the phone and called or even texted my mom. Truth was, I was afraid. Scared of her anger. Terrified of her disappointment.
“Why aren’t you sleeping?” Liam’s hot breath fanned over the back of my neck.
I pushed my hips back, snuggling closer to him. He liked that. A low hum rumbled through his chest, and he buried his nose in the crook of my shoulder.
“How did you know I was awake?” I whispered.
“I just did.” His hand smoothed up over my middle to cup my breast.
A shiver ran through my body, and even though I ached in places I’d never ached before, heat rushed through my veins and settled between my thighs.
“Wanna tell me why you can’t sleep?”
His voice held the tiniest bit of apprehension, but it was enough for me to turn in his arms. The moment my gaze locked with his, my heart squeezed tight behind my ribs. He was afraid.
Dragging my hands over the scruff on his jaw, I threaded my fingers through his hair. “It’s not about last night…well, it is. It’s just not regret if that’s what you’re thinking.”
His entire frame visibly relaxed at my words. Only this man, this wonderful, wonderful man, would be concerned about me regretting our night together.
His eyes searched mine. “I was afraid it might’ve been too much. Especially the way I woke you.” Throat bobbing, he swallowed hard. “I don’t know how to do any of this, Snow. I just know I want to do it with you.”
“You were perfect,” I assured him. “Everything was perfect.” A small smile tugged at my lips. “Even waking up with your very talented fingers between my legs.”
“Good to know.” Liam brushed his hand down my side, curling his fingers over the curve of my hip. “Tell me what’s keeping you up, Snow. Tell me so I can make it better.”
If only he could.
Parting my lips, I prepared to spill everything until I remembered his reaction when I’d confessed to not telling my family about our marriage. He hadn’t been happy, and things were still very much fake then.
How much worse would he feel now after things between us had grown into something so very real? My heart squeezed again. I didn’t want to hurt him. But I also didn’t want to lie to him.
“My parents still don’t know about us,” I started. “It’s not because I’m ashamed…or maybe it is. I’m the older, dependable child. No one will ever admit it, but Cece got away with a lot more than I ever did.
“I didn’t mind. There’s honestly no greater gift than knowing you’ve made your parents proud. It’s something I’ve always strived for. It didn’t matter how bad things got; as long as my mom and dad were proud of me, everything was good.”
My nose tingled, and a very unwelcome sting behind my eyes made itself known. I didn’t want to cry. Especially not after the passionate night we’d just shared. Sucking my lip between my teeth, I took a few breaths through my nose until I was sure it was safe to open my mouth without a trembling chin and tears running down my cheeks.
“I hate that I’ve disappointed my mom. Hate that for the first time in my life it feels like we barely know each other.”
Liam’s brows drew together, and I knew where his mind had gone before he even said the words.
“I’m sorry, Snow. You’re going through this because of me.”
“I don’t hate what I’ve done,” I told him. “I’d march straight back to that courthouse tomorrow and marry you all over again.” Even without the hefty paycheck. “I hate my mom doesn’t understand and refuses to see reason. I hate my dad is sick, and I really, really hate I miss them so terribly, but I’m too afraid to pick up the phone and call.”
I hadn’t meant for the words to come tumbling out in such a big rush. And for a second, I thought I might have freaked him out. But then Liam banded his arms around me and crushed my body to his in the tightest, most comforting hug.
He held me like that until my heart settled and my limbs relaxed.
“You should call your mother,” he said when we drew apart. “I bet she misses you just as much as you miss her.” Brushing his lips over my cheek, he pressed a gentle kiss against my mouth. “Sometimes doing scary things can lead to life-changing outcomes.”
His gaze held mine, serious and intense. “That immediate attraction I felt for you scared the shit out of me. I figured it was because I was afraid of becoming my father, but now I know it’s not. I was—am—afraid, yes. But not of becoming a monster. I’m fucking terrified of feeling the same hurt I used to see in my mother’s eyes.”
He dragged his thumb across my bottom lip, those blue eyes steadily following his touch. “I’m afraid love will ruin me.” His gaze snapped back to mine. “That you’ll ruin me. And yet, not chasing it feels impossible.”
He speared his long fingers in my hair, and tugged my mouth to his. He didn’t kiss me. Lips hovering over mine, he breathed me in. One, two, five seconds ticked by before he whispered against my skin.
“Ruin me, Snow.”
There was no time to process the magnitude of his words. He stole my breath with a bone-melting kiss that curled my toes. A kiss that turned my world upside down and righted it just as fast.
But before I could even think about deepening it, he pulled back. His thumb was back on my bottom lip again, gently sliding over my skin. “Go call your mother.”
Then he got out of bed and strode to the bathroom, leaving me to stare at the masterpiece that was his ass.
It was only when the door clicked shut that I snapped out of my stupor. I huffed out a laugh, then immediately covered my mouth with my hands. Did Liam really tell me he loved me?
Closing my eyes, I replayed his words over and over again. And the more I thought about it, the faster those butterfly wings fluttered against my insides. How did we get to this? How did we find each other when everything around us was falling apart?
The sound of the shower turning on drew me back to the present and Liam’s request. Maybe he was right, and she missed me, too. And both our stubbornness was keeping us from contacting each other.
I slipped out of bed, and with a sheet wrapped around my body, padded back to my room. I grabbed my phone from the bedside table and almost groaned at the number of unread messages.
I’d get to them later.
First, I had to call my mom while I still had the courage. Heart hammering against my ribs, I scrolled down to her name and tapped the call button.
It rang and rang and freaking rang. Disappointment flooded my veins, and just as I was about to hang up, the call finally connected.
“Hi, Mo—”
“I asked you not to do this, Everlee. And yet you did it anyway.”
The ice in her tone chilled me to the bottom of my soul. “Wha—”
“And to make matters worse…” She didn’t even give me time to get the word out. “You go and fill your sister’s head with your nonsense, too. I know I raised you better than this.”
Touching a hand to my forehead, I sank onto the edge of the bed. “I don’t understand, Mom. What’s going on?”
“What’s going on?” my mom snapped with an unfamiliar sneer. “Your sister seems to think that me wanting my children here with me, where they belong, equates to me being a control freak…her words, not mine. Or maybe they’re your words.”
Venom dripped from every syllable leaving her mouth.
“And then,” she went on, voice all high and pitchy. “I had to find out through an article Bessie at the bakery sent me that my older, supposed-to-be-smarter-more-responsible daughter married for money. For money!”
Two big claws of ice wrapped around my throat and squeezed.
“What article?”
She made an incredulous noise. “You’re not even denying it. And I wasn’t wrong, was I? You said vows to a man who pays women for sex!” A harsh breath left her mouth. “I’m so incredibly disappointed. Did you do this to punish me for asking you to come home? Is that what this is? One big temper tantrum?”
Something inside me snapped. “I am home. New York is my home, Mom. Maybe it’s not yours, and that’s okay. What’s not okay is you, the woman I admired and aspired to be like my whole life, suddenly becoming this judgmental, controlling person I don’t even recognize.”
My mom sucked in a sharp breath, but I wasn’t done.
“I’ve always been open and honest with you, Mom. I told you I wanted to do this. I never hid it. I didn’t make up some elaborate story about how I suddenly fell in love and decided to get married. I was honest. Because I trusted in your unwavering support. In your unconditional love. You’re not the only one disappointed, Mom.”
I’d never spoken to my mom like that. It was an awful, awful feeling. Tears ran down my face, and I didn’t do a damn thing to stop them.
“I didn’t fill Cece’s head with anything. She makes her own decisions. You know why? You raised us to be strong and open-minded. I’m sorry you’re hurting or that you feel helpless because the person who’s been your rock is tied to a hospital bed right now. I’m sorry about all of it. But I’m not sorry for what I’ve done.”
My voice broke in the last few words. Pain seared my chest, going deeper with every moment of silence that stretched between my mom and me.
“I don’t know who you are,” she finally whispered solemnly.
My lips trembled. “I’m still me, Mom. Your daughter.”
She was quiet for so long, I wondered if she was still there. I started to pull my phone away from my ear to check when she spoke in a soft, broken voice.
“You’re no daughter of mine.”
The line went dead.
Through the heavy silence, I heard my heart break. Felt the million tiny shards shred through my ribs. It hurt. It hurt so freaking bad I could hardly get air into my lungs.
I had no idea how long I sat there holding on to the pain ripping my body in two. At some point, my phone fell to my lap, and it was the insistent buzzing of it that finally snapped me back to the present.
Hope my mom understood immediately blossomed inside my chest. I swiped my screen to life and couldn’t stop disappointment from washing over me.
Until I saw my sister’s name.
And the four unread messages from her.
Cece: Mom and I had a massive fight. Huge. Call me when you get this.
The first one was time-stamped the previous night. Guilt churned my insides. I’d been having my world rocked multiple times while my sister needed me. My throat felt thick and heavy. My eyes stung.
Blinking away a fresh batch of tears, I moved on to the rest of her messages.
Cece: HOLY SHIT, EVIE!
Cece: Why didn’t you tell me?
The following message was a link.
Fingers trembling, I clicked on it.
UNLOVEABLE NOUVELLE FEMME CEO RESORTS TO DESPERATE MEASURES TO KEEP COMPANY.
I wished I’d stopped reading after the big, bold headline.
If I had, I wouldn’t have known that the reporter thoroughly threw Liam’s skeletons out of the closet. Or that he compared me to the women Liam used to see. The man literally called me a hooker.
Not even a high-class one, he’d written. Because at least they have the decency not to act like a toddler throwing a temper tantrum when they don’t get their way.
He’d interviewed Fiona, who’d happily informed him of the stapler incident. Weirdly enough, my former boss refused to comment, only stating that he’d lost a good employee.
Compared to the rest of the article, his words weren’t nearly enough to redeem me.
I felt sick.
The more I read, the more my stomach churned. Bile rose up my throat, and it was all I could do not to throw up. Because shit, this guy had serious issues with me. He called me every name he could think of, making me out to be this horrible person who’d do anything to make a quick buck.
He was nasty and mean. But…was he wrong? Really wrong?
Liam had paid me to be there. And we’d done things, intimate things, which we probably never would have done if it wasn’t for our situation.
“Oh my gosh.” I slapped a hand over my mouth to keep the choking sob from escaping.
I was no different than those women Anthony spent his time with.