Chapter 12
CHAPTER TWELVE
He didn’t want her.
His words echoed through her heart’s loneliness. It was the heat of the moment. Everyone was calling for it. I’m sorry.
In other words: she’d tried, she’d done her best, but the man didn’t want her.
And while part of her respected the fact he’d made a promise to God to not get involved with a woman, another part of her hated that she’d been the collateral damage.
She’d barely slept last night, reliving that kiss. It was perfect, just as he’d said.
Then she kept reliving his rejection. That look in his eyes that said he really didn’t care.
Oh, she didn’t know how she could go on pretending that everything was okay. What would she say when he checked out today?
She must’ve somehow got some sleep, because it was just past eight by the time her eyelids opened and she realised she had to get up.
Rory was no doubt still teary; she’d gotten back late last night and it had been hard enough to hold back her own disappointment as she tried to comfort her sister.
But at least Rory knew that she and Aidan had a future.
Aisling didn’t even know if she would see Andy again.
Even if she did see him, he’d made it clear he didn’t want a relationship.
So how did any of that tie in with the Fairall legacy?
It must’ve been her stupid hormones getting carried away at the wedding and nothing else.
“You’re such an idiot.”
How could she have thought this was a good idea? Friends who kissed could never go back to how they were. It was like some unwritten code. But still, God could redeem any situation, couldn’t He? Maybe He could even redeem this.
Her heart flickered. Maybe there was a way to talk sense to Andy before he checked out from the hotel.
She got changed then hurried downstairs and found Mam at the registration desk. “Mam?”
“Oh, hello love.”
“Has… has anyone checked out yet today?”
“If you’re asking about Andy then I’m afraid he’s already gone.”
No, no, no! She swallowed. Prayed her voice would stay calm. “When did he go?” Maybe there was a chance she could still catch him.
“About half an hour ago.”
Her hopes nose-dived. She bit her lip. Promised herself not to cry. Why hadn’t he stayed to say goodbye? Had that kiss affected him that much?
“What’s wrong, pet? He did say he was sorry.”
“Sorry for leaving so early?”
“I think so.”
“I just don’t understand. Why did he need to leave so soon?”
“I don’t know. He did seem a little distracted. Was everything okay between you two?”
“What?”
“You seem upset, and now I think about it, he seemed distracted too. Did something happen?”
She went to shake her head, then nodded. “I kissed him.”
“What? When?”
“Last night.” And it had been glorious. Until it wasn’t. “And then he said he doesn’t want to have a relationship right now, that he promised God that he wouldn’t have a relationship right now. And I really like him, Mam. I felt like he was my person.”
“Oh, Ash. Come here.”
Mam hugged her, and yes, some tears slipped out. Because it didn’t matter what he’d said. What he’d done—kissing her—had said something else.
And now he’d left, she was a whirl of confusion.
But there was one thing she knew. “Mam, can you please delete his information?”
“I beg your pardon?”
She pointed to the computer. “I don’t want to know where he lives. Or his email or phone number or anything. If you can please remove him from the contacts that’d be great.”
“But we’ve had emails with him over the past years. I can’t delete those.”
“I just don’t want to be tempted to look him up and demand an explanation.”
“A man doesn’t have to give you an explanation, does he?” her mother said gently. “He’s entitled to not feel the same way.”
But not if the Fairall legacy meant he was supposed to be hers!
But how could she explain that without sounding like someone who believed in wee fairies and goblins and leprechauns?
“I don’t think we can legally delete his contact details, anyway,” Mam continued. “Besides, I think you have enough self-control you can refrain from looking him up. Can’t you?”
She swallowed. Nodded. Well, she might not have enough self-control, but perhaps God would help her via the Holy Spirit.
Mam opened her arms again and Ash let the embrace of love hold her again.
Rory came down the steps. “What’s this sad scene I see before me?”
“Your sister is sad that Andy left.”
“He left already? And didn’t say goodbye?” Rory frowned at Aisling. “He did say goodbye to you, didn’t he?”
She shook her head.
“Why not? Anyone could tell that man was into you.”
“Apparently not enough.” She tried to laugh, but it sounded more like a sobbed hiccup.
“Oh, Ash.”
Rory hugged her, and Mam soothed her back. “Chin up. You’ll see. God has good plans for you. This will all work out.”
Oh, she hoped so. Because right now her faith felt so frail.
It was one thing to keep her chin up in public places. Another to do so in the dead of night, when nobody else could see. When it was just her and God, and she was alone with her thoughts while rejection beckoned and taunted, daring her to swim in its riptide of hopelessness.
She didn’t like to feel like she was a prisoner to her emotions, so she whispered God’s promises in the dark.
It helped, a little bit. It was like her ears heard her words and paid attention more than if she’d just read it.
And doing so, often, seemed to make God’s words stick in a way that girded her up in those moments of loss, when it seemed she was surrounded by those who were in their happy bubbles of loving coupledom.
Rory was back to video-calling Aidan every day, or near enough, as time zones allowed.
Colin and Kara had dropped by after their honeymoon in Spain, taking them out for dinner as part of their thank you.
But even though they’d taken her to O’Shea’s she couldn’t sing karaoke.
She might be trusting God, she might have a smidge of hope that He could somehow work this out, but it didn’t mean she felt joy.
But, as she was learning, not feeling happiness didn’t negate God’s truth. God’s promises weren’t found in her circumstances or her emotions, but in His word. So she spent more time delving into the Bible and finding out what God said about her.
“Hey, Ash,” Colin said. “What’s been going on? You seem a little different lately.”
“How so?”
“I don’t know. Maybe a little more mature.”
Wow. It was good to know just what her siblings thought of her. She shrugged. “Apparently teachers are supposed to be mature, so I guess I figured it’s time to pull on my big girl pants and become so.”
“Hmm. It’s a good look on you.” He glanced at Kara. “Ash has always been the most emotional one of us Fairalls.”
Aisling sighed. Found a tight smile. “Well, I’m happy to pass that baton on to Fiona. Or is that pass it back to her?”
He grimaced. “She still hasn’t replied to my last text.”
“You shouldn’t be surprised. Remember, she’s in Dublin, and as we all know those who live there are far superior to us humble Kerrymen and women.” Rory rolled her eyes.
They’d come across a few of their countrymen from those parts who condescended not a little in that regard.
Aisling shrugged. “She wasn’t exactly her best self after the wedding. Remember? She and Declan seemed to have some falling out.”
“Didn’t they used to date a million years ago?” Colin asked.
“What? Why is this news to us?” Rory demanded.
He shrugged. “I don’t know. I just seem to remember something from ages ago.” He smirked. “I suppose you two being younger mightn’t have known.”
“Okay, now I definitely want to know what has gone on.”
He shook his head. “I don’t think you can press her and get any solid information.”
“And you definitely can’t from Declan,” Aisling said. “I’ve already tried.”
“In that case there is definitely something going on.”
“But she might be hurting,” Kara said softly. “And it might be more kind to let her tell you when she’s ready.”
“Oh, you’re too good for us,” Aisling teasingly complained.
“Right?” Colin kissed his new wife’s cheek. “She’s like an angel, sent from on high to remind me to live a better way.”
Kara rolled her eyes, but her small smile showed she didn’t mind his tease.
“Speaking of, where are you two going to live now?”
Colin glanced at Kara. “Did you want to tell them or shall I?”
“They’re your sisters.”
“Actually, you’re our sister now, too,” Aisling said, elbowing Colin away as she went and gave Kara a squeeze. Rory soon joined in too, group hugging them as the three of them laughed. “Say it. We’re all sisters.”
Kara was an orphan, and until Colin had been alone in the world. She needed reminders she wasn’t alone anymore.
“We’re all sisters. We’re all—”
“Okay, enough, enough!” Kara cried, laughing. “We’re all sisters, okay?”
“So, sister, where are you two going to live? In England or here?”
Colin and Kara looked at each other. “Go on, honey. You tell them,” Colin encouraged.
Kara turned to them. “Well, we were wondering how you might feel if we came here to live.”
“We’d love that! When?”
“Some time in the new year.” Kara’s smile was unsure. “I have to speak to my boss, but we were thinking it would be good to see if we could start the new year over here.”
“That’d be perfect!” Aisling clapped her hands. “I’ll be back at university in a few weeks, and Rory will be getting married in December, so we’ll need someone to be on the front desk.”
“What?” Colin’s glance swerved to Rory. “He’s popped the question? You have a date?”
Rory glanced at Aisling, forcing her to mouth an apology. Oops.
“Well, seeing big mouth over here has decided to spill my beans—”
“I’m so sorry!”
Rory shook her head. “Yes, Aidan proposed, and yes, we were thinking about Christmas, but a lot depends on his work and situation with his grandmother in Australia.”
“I’m sure he’s got a lot to figure out,” Kara said. “I can’t imagine moving that far. Coming here from England feels challenge enough.”