Chapter 24
My room looks like a bomb went off. Between my own coursework, teaching, and slipping into a rabid fugue every so often, I haven’t been able to keep a damn thing clean around here. It’s pissing me off to the point that I’m practically irate.
Or could it be that Paxton came home smug as hell for the first time in his life and smelling like the sweetest omega slick?
No, it’s most definitely the messy apartment.
A knock on my door drags me away from sorting my weeks’ worth of laundry. “What?” I bark, not in any sort of mood to deal with my pack mates and their blissful happiness.
Mack opens the door and scowls at me, crossing his beefy arms like that will intimidate me. He may have four inches and sixty pounds on me, but I still remember that he used to cry if someone stepped on a butterfly at recess when we were kids. He doesn’t scare me.
“Do you need something?” He ignores the question, silently glowering like I pissed in his snack stash. “If you don’t need anything, go away. I’m busy.”
“What I need is for you to stop being a stubborn fucking alphahole and spend some time with our omega.”
“Your omega.” I correct automatically. Though every day I’m subjected to her scent and sweet voice in class weakens my resolve a little bit more.
I’m not ready to admit it to Mack yet, but her scent has been helping my symptoms, even more so now since I found her gift.
When I got home from class yesterday afternoon there was a small bag with a J on it outside of the apartment door.
Naturally, I was wary. I’ve had infatuated students leave creepy gifts for me before. One male beta left me a dead butterfly inside of a shadow box with a lock of his hair, and poor Mack found it. He still hasn’t recovered from that particular incident.
But this wasn’t a butterfly or hair. No, this was so much worse. It was a scarf. The softest black scarf I’ve ever felt in my life. Clearly handmade, though very skillfully, and branded with the letter J in a light cream color. And the worst part? It was positively drenched in Posey’s scent.
I didn’t want the guys to ask about it so I brought everything to my closet with the intent to hide it in the depths, never to be seen again. But then somehow, completely by accident, the soft fabric ended up under my pillow, tucked away for later.
Blame it on my alpha instincts being all fucked up from the rabidity, but having her scent on my bed felt imperative to my sanity.
All of those feelings compounded and made me feel ill at ease, which is why I’ve been cleaning the apartment for the last two hours.
There’s something soothing about cleaning that helps me relax when the outside world gets too loud.
The methodical movements, attention to detail, and the fact that my alpha pipes the fuck down so I can think without his influence fueling the rabid anger on a constant loop in my mind.
Mack snarls menacingly, moving further into my room and slamming the door. The sound makes me wince, but he doesn’t even pause. “You are the only one in this pack who hasn’t even tried to get to know her, Jude. Do you know you made her cry?”
My head whips around, stomach dropping to the floor. “What the fuck do you mean? I’ve barely spoken to her!”
“And that’s part of the problem!” He shouts.
“She overheard us talking in your classroom this morning. None of your health stuff, but she heard you basically admit to knowing she’s a scent match and still not wanting her.
She was crying because she doesn’t understand what she did to disgust you so much that you would reject her on sight. ”
He takes a deep breath, and that’s when I notice his eyes are glassy.
Mack isn’t great at understanding other people’s emotions, but he feels them more deeply than anyone I’ve ever known.
For him to be so upset over this… “I thought pushing her away would be easier,” I whisper.
All the fight leaves my body, and I collapse onto the edge of the bed.
Mack sits next to me, one giant paw engulfing my shoulder. “Easier for who?”
My shoulders sag, the weight of months of loneliness and fear practically crushing me.
I hate that I don’t even have a good answer for him.
Logically, I know the cure for my Rabidity is to bond with a compatible omega, but I know what the late stages of Alpha Rabidity look like, and I’m terrified to subject Posey to that if being around her doesn’t work.
The guys don’t know about my dad, but maybe it’s time to come clean.
“Can we grab the others for this conversation?” And he must be able to hear the exhaustion in my voice, because he nods and leaves without another word.
I decide I don’t trust myself not to overreact having other alphas in my space right now, even if they are my pack mates and best friends, so I grab my new scarf and move out to the living room, collapsing into the overstuffed chair that faces the sectional.
The scarf goes around my neck and chin so Posey’s scent is all I can smell.
Hopefully it keeps me clearheaded enough to get through this.
Talking about my dad seems to bring on the fugue quicker than anything else, which is why I haven’t told my pack what happened or why I came to this school of all places.
Parker comes storming in sporting his own scarf and a stormy glare. “I swear to god, Jude. If this is some ambush attempt at an intervention about our girl, I’m going to kill you and feed your body to the crabs.”
My expression doesn’t change, not even when Paxton places a hand on his twin’s shoulder and shoves him down to the couch.
It’s rare that Pax steps in to quell his brother’s ire, so whatever he sees on my face must give at least some of my thoughts away.
He follows his twin and nods encouragingly, offering a small smile.
Mack takes a seat on the arm of my chair and crosses his arms, somehow instinctively knowing I need the support but can’t handle another alpha touching me right now.
“Do you remember when I showed up to school with a black eye my senior year of high school?” Mack was a sophomore and the twins were only freshmen, but we were already friends because we lived on the same block growing up.
I was always a careful kid, and even more so as a teenager, so showing up with such a large bruise garnered a lot of attention.
All three of them look confused, but it’s Parker that nods. “Said you got clocked with a rogue ball during gym class the day before.”
My chest rises with a deep breath and I hold it for a count of three before letting it out slowly. “My dad threw a mug at the wall and missed.”
Mack goes rigid next to me while the twins just stare in shock.
My father was one of the gentlest souls before his diagnosis, and they know that, so I’m sure hearing this is a shock to them.
I shake my head, sadness turning my normally sweet kettle corn scent to ash.
“Dad was diagnosed with Alpha Rabidity the same summer he and mom split. He got into treatment right away, but after a while… it stopped working. By that point he had had the disease for so long that once the treatment stopped working, it progressed extremely quickly. The day he went into a rage and threw that cup at the wall but accidentally hit me instead, he was horrified. The very next day, he checked himself into a live-in facility for alphas with his specific condition. I was already eighteen and there was no need to loop anyone in on the issue, so he just quietly left. I chose this school because I managed to get him in to a clinical trial that claims to slow down the progression of Alpha Rabidity and wanted to be nearby to support him. That’s where I go in the mornings.
I walk to the facility, visit with Dad, and then run back here. ”
I’m not sure my pack mates have ever been quiet for this long, but it must still only be less than a minute before the room explodes into a maelstrom of shouted questions and frustration.
“Why didn’t you tell us?”
“We would have helped!”
“Can we help now?”
“Is the trial working?”
The last one is a quiet question from Mack.
I shrug in response, bringing my scarf up and taking a deep inhale when I notice my vision going hazy at his proximity.
It helps, and my vision clears up immediately.
I’m stunned, but don’t have time to dwell on it right now.
“Yes and no? I think it’s slowing the progression.
He has more lucid days than not lately. But when the fog slips in, he’s completely unrecognizable as the man who raised me. ”
“Why are you telling us this now?” Parker’s tone is laced with suspicion, and I can’t say I blame him after my recent behavior.
This is the part I was really dreading. I don’t know what I’ll do if they ask me to leave. I thought about it, for Posey’s safety, but selfishly I couldn’t make myself leave my best friends. Leave her. “I was diagnosed with AR almost four months ago.”
Understanding dawns on Paxton’s face, quickly followed by devastation. “That’s why you won’t get near Posey? Why you don’t want us bringing her around?”
I shouldn’t be surprised he got to the heart of the issue so quickly, but I am.
Maybe because I haven’t been willing to admit it, even to myself.
It’s never been about not wanting her. I’m just fucking petrified of hurting her.
My nod is slow, but admitting it releases the weight that’s been sitting on my chest. I feel like I can breathe for the first time in weeks and my nose stings as tears prick my eyes.
“I couldn’t live with myself if I slipped into a fog and hurt her.
And unless we bonded right away, there’s a very real chance of that happening.
It might be cliché, but I pushed her away to protect her. ”
Parker snorts, drawing my attention. “Isn’t the cure for that literally contact with a compatible omega?”
My arms cross as I raise a brow at him. “And what if during that contact a fugue state takes over anyway? Can you honestly say you’d forgive me if I hurt that sweet little doll?”
His mouth snaps shut, shoulders sagging.
The room is a repulsive combination of four distinctly distressed alpha scents that makes me want to gag.
I bring the scarf to my nose again and breathe deeply, holding it as long as I can before I exhale.
Parker’s gets even worse when he hangs his head and fiddles with his nose ring.
That’s his nervous tell. Has been since he was eighteen and freshly pierced.
“I—I don’t know.” He rubs his chest like he’s trying to dispel an ache, but his words don’t hurt me.
I would hate myself enough for all of us if I hurt Posey.
I nod, glad to finally have gotten my point across.
“So you don’t be alone with her,” Mack says quietly.
He’s been stock still next to me, but now he turns so we’re face to face.
“Not yet. You need to grovel after the way you’ve treated her, but she still wants you, Jude.
Her omega knows you’re hers, and she was devastated thinking you didn’t want her.
It’s fixable, but only if you pull your head out of your ass and try.
” He glances at the other two who nod resolutely.
My chest tightens, something like hope sprouting for the first time since my diagnosis.
My friend stands from his perch and places a hand on my shoulder. “And we’re going to help you.”