Chapter 11
Eleven
Rhys felt like a damn fool.
He sat alone in his office with no work to be done. It was only him and his thoughts… which were as depressing as they were revelatory.
Even when I try to do the right thing, I end up failing.
And to think that he had been so proud of himself too. When he had told Violet of the governess whom he hired, the plans that he had made, he had pictured her gratitude, as he had imagined that she would be beside herself with pride.
Typically, as he should have guessed, her reaction was the opposite of that. She had not been impressed. She had not been elated. She had pointed out, rightfully, that he was completely missing the point of what he and she were trying to do. How wrong he was!
It reminded him of an early conversation that they had, where he had argued that children needed safety and security, and she had refuted his claim by stating that love and warmth were what was best. At the time, he thought her idealistic and foolish. Now, he could not help but agree with her.
A lesson I wish I had learned years ago…
What might have happened if he had treated Eleanor with love, rather than rules? What might his life be like now, had he tried to nurture her impulses, had he shown her that he cared for her, rather than making demands and forcing his strictness onto her? She would likely still be alive.
He sank down in his chair, depression setting in, just as he began to wonder if this whole thing was not a horrible mistake. Sometimes, a person was simply too far gone to be fixed…
A knock at the door forced him to sit up.
“Rhys…” Another gentle knock and the door popped open. “Might we speak for a moment?”
He thought to bark at her, to send her away. The last thing that Rhys wanted was to look weak in front of Violet. But the moment that she poked her head through the door, the second that he saw the sadness in her eyes, he found the fight leaving him.
What good was strength if you were alone? What was the point of power and safety if there was nobody to keep safe?
“What is it, Violet?” he sighed as he sank back in his chair. “If you have come to accuse me further of wrongdoing, I would prefer it if you kept such opinions to yourself. Your point was well made.
“No, it’s nothing like that.” She gently closed the door and then approached the desk. She walked with her hands clasped before her, and there was no sense of self-righteousness or pride in her. “I have come to apologize.”
“What for? You were right in what you said just now. My efforts to force rules and discipline onto Lucy are misguided and will likely have the opposite effect of what I intend.”
“But your intentions are right,” she said. “Even if there are a little…” She smiled gently. “As you said, misguided.”
“I do not know what I am doing,” he said. “Nor will I ever, I think. From now on, Violet, you do as you think is best with Lucy. And I will stay out of your way. Then, at least, she might at least stand a chance of being happy.”
“I do not believe that.”
“I am sure you do,” he scoffed.
“I was wrong just now,” she said, firming her tone. “That is why I am here. What I said….” She bit her lip, and she truly looked upset. “I did not mean to throw it in your face…” Her chin wavered. “What you told me yesterday, of your sister. It was wrong of me to even think of bringing that up.”
He appreciated her kind words. Truly, that she would think of coming up here to apologize… she was a better person than he deserved. And although she had almost gone too far, she was still correct in what she said.
Rhys might have liked to have been angry with her, but he simply could not bring himself to feel that way.
“Perhaps,” he said. “But that makes your words no less true. Although I do appreciate the apology.” He was sure to smile, even if it was weak. “Thank you, Violet.”
Her expression hardened. “Your sister’s death was not your fault.”
“It was,” he said.
“No,” she pressed. “It was not. While I will not stand here and claim that you are a warm and loving person…” She laughed gently.
“Nor will I pretend that you are the type who inspires such feelings. I see now that you do mean right by Lucy, as I am sure you meant right by your sister. Whatever happened there, you meant to do the right thing.”
“And yet, the wrong thing happened. My fault.”
“So, what then? You mean to give up? One mistake and that is it?”
“It is not one mistake,” he said. “You heard me just now. I…” He groaned.
“Even when I try and do the right thing, I have a tendency to make things worse. I want to do right by Lucy, but whatever I do is bound to push her away. But you…” He shook his head.
“She loves you, she trusts you, and she wants you to be in her life.”
“As she wants the same for you.”
“That is a lie.”
She sighed. “Do you know what Lucy asked me just now? As soon as you left the room?”
“If I was leaving for good?” he said darkly.
“No,” she said as she looked down at him. “She asked if you were upset. Despite everything, she was worried about you, Rhys, and I know that she was sad to see you leave as you did.”
“That…” Rhys blinked as he searched Violet for what he was sure to be a lie. “You are lying.”
“I am not,” she said rightly. “I know Lucy as well as anyone—as well as I know myself. She is scared, but not of you. She is just a little girl, this world is new to her, and she does not know how to act in it. But I know too that she sees what you have done, and she will appreciate it when she is a little older. She wants to care for you, Rhys. She wants to grow close. I know it.”
Rhys felt something that he did not expect. It was hope. Like a candle sparking deep within his conscience, it pushed back the darkness that he assumed had long since taken him, never to leave. It was a weak flame for now, barely there, but he felt it.
“She… she does?” he asked, letting that hope shine.
“She does,” Violet said. “So, the question is, do you still want to grow close to her? Do you want to be there for her? To give her a home?”
“Of course I do.”
“Good.” She nodded once. “Then prove it.”
“But how?” he asked desperately. “You heard me just now. I know not what to do. I am a fish on land, unable to breathe, but desperate to prove that I can, anyway.”
“Be patient,” she said to him. “Might I suggest something?”
He laughed. “I am sure that you will.”
“Take the day,” she said to him. “Tomorrow, I will take Lucy and Rose for a walk, and you can join us. When you do, you need to not try so hard. Forcing her to listen or trying to pull her toward you, will only scare her off. But if you are there, merely existing, that will be enough. That will show her that you care.”
Rhys nodded along as he felt that hope grow.
“Yes, that…” He allowed a smile. “That makes sense. Not trying so hard… letting her come to me.”
“It will work,” Violet assured him. “I promise.”
Rhys looked at Violet, searching her as if he did not understand what he was looking at. She was being so kind, so caring, the complete opposite of the woman he had married just one day ago. He did not understand it.
“Why?” he asked her. “Why are you helping me?”
“Is that not obvious?” she said simply. “You trusted me yesterday, even when you did not have to. And now, I am returning that trust.”
“For Lucy,” he nodded along.
“No,” she said, shaking her head, letting her smile grow. “Not just for Lucy.” With that, she turned and walked away, leaving Rhys to consider her words and their true meaning.
He had been depressed just moments ago, certain that there was nothing that he could do. That depression was now a thing of the past, and he breathed in deeply as if buffering the flame of hope that grew steadily within.
What he could not escape, and what he would not ignore, was that it was all thanks to Violet. Whatever their marriage might be, and whatever she thought of him, he knew then that he had misjudged her completely, just as he knew that he would never do such a thing again.