Chapter 13
Thirteen
Rhys spent the following two days avoiding Violet.
It was not something that he wanted to do, because Violet was constantly with Lucy, and he wanted nothing more than to spend more time with the little girl who was now his daughter.
And after their moment by the pond, where she had hugged him, he felt that they had finally crossed the barrier which had once separated them.
She is starting to trust me… possibly, she is starting to love me.
Alas, to spend more time with Lucy was to spend more time with Violet, and doing such a thing was not a price that Rhys was willing to pay.
It was what had happened between them in the garden which started it. When she had tripped, and he had caught her… had held her… had looked into her eyes as his arms wrapped around her body…
They had started to become more than what he’d expected… so much more.
Two days later and he still felt her body in his arms. Two days later and he still felt that same tightness in his chest as he pictured the look in her eyes when he had caught her.
It was more than just gratitude. It was more than relief at having not fallen.
It felt like… it could only be… it was the very last thing that Rhys wanted.
This was always meant to be a marriage of convenience, and that is how it must stay.
Rhys could no longer deny that he felt a deep attraction to his wife. But that was not exactly a new revelation. Since the first time he met her, there had been something about Violet that had captured his interest, making her impossible to ignore, and even harder to forget.
A small part of it was her cantankerous, argumentative nature.
How real she was. How she cared not for propriety or what was expected of a lady of her station.
But that was no longer the case. Lately, she had calmed down towards him, willing to show a gentler and softer side to herself. She wanted to help him.
The larger part of his attraction was obviously physical. And because it was, Rhys knew that the only way he could avoid thinking about her like that was to avoid her altogether. Not what he wanted to do, but what he had to do. At least for a time.
It had been a hard two days.
He broke his fast late. He supped alone.
He rarely left his office. And always, his thoughts strayed to Violet…
forever able to feel her in his arms, just as he felt her eyes looking through him.
How much easier it would have been if they hated one another.
How much simpler things would be if they still fought with every breath?
Perhaps I should make her hate me? Will that not be for the best?
Such an idea brought Rhys little joy, and he knew it would not be that simple.
What was more, for Lucy, he knew that they had to appear happy together.
Further to that point… he wanted to be happy.
He had ruined one relationship already because he was stubborn and foolhardy. Was it really worth ruining another?
So it was that two days after the garden, and two days of hiding, that Rhys finally braved the innards of the residence, determined to see Lucy once more, and hopefully prove to himself that whatever he felt for Violet was little more than a passing fancy.
That was when he found Violet and Lucy in the nursery.
He stopped short in the doorway when he saw them, and it took him a moment to understand what he was looking at…
“Where is Rose?” Lucy asked Violet.
“Somewhere, I am sure,” Violet said as she ripped down the curtains. The effect saw the morning light spread throughout the room. “Lucy, stay away from there!” she cried suddenly.
Lucy stood by a stack of crates. They were stacked rather messily, looking like they might tumble at any moment.
“Go play in the corner,” Violet told her. “Go on.”
Lucy pouted at Violet. Violet folded her arms and raised a commanding eyebrow. Then Lucy giggled and hurried to the corner where a collection of random toys was spread.
The nursery was an absolute mess. The furniture was pushed against the walls and stacked. The curtains were now all torn down. And the walls that had previously been painted white had markings all over them. They looked like rough sketches done with paint.
Rhys gaped at the sight.
When he had finally confirmed with the orphanage that he would be allowed to adopt Lucy, he had promptly had a nursery built for her. It was a spare room, one he’d had painted white, then filled with toys and books and comfortable chairs—anything he thought a child might like.
Clearly, what Rhys thought Lucy might like was not what Violet had in mind.
“What is going on?” He stepped into the room.
Violet turned about, saw him, and smiled. “Oh, look who it is. I was wondering where you had been hiding.”
It was silly… and Rhys knew that it was.
Really, he should have been glad that Violet was doing whatever she thought was right to make Lucy feel more comfortable.
What was more, Rhys knew that he was drastically out of his element, so there was every reason to expect his initial attempts at pretty much everything to need fine-tuning.
But he was also feeling a little chastised, and a little ashamed of how hopeless he was.
He was being careful not to be too kind or grow too close to Violet.
The last thing he needed was for their relationship to develop into something more down the path where it was heading… for him to grow closer to her.
I need to keep my distance. What is more, I need to remind her to do the same.
“I said, what is going on?” he asked again, firming his voice, and being sure to show no joy.
Violet blinked in surprise. “I… is it not obvious? We are redecorating the nursery.”
“I see that,” he said. “Might I ask why?”
“Oh, well…” Violet laughed, as if misunderstanding his tone. “I found it a little plain and boring. So much white, and no color to speak of. So, I thought it might be fun to add some changes. It will give us something to do.”
“I thought it was perfectly fine the way it was.”
“There was nothing wrong with it…” Violet seemed to sense his firm tone, and she certainly saw the dark look in his eyes. “But that does not mean it cannot be improved upon. Lucy certainly seems to think it is a good idea.”
“Lucy is three,” he said flatly. “I am sure that she will agree with whatever you say to her. What I want to know is why you thought it was acceptable to make these changes without first asking me.”
It was then that Violet finally caught up to the moment. Rhys continued to look warningly at her, giving Violet no room to be dismissive or laugh her way past his glower. She frowned, reared back a little, and tilted her head as if more than a little confused by how he was behaving.
“Lucy, might you step outside for a moment?” she said to the little girl. Lucy sat in the corner, and she looked up with confusion. “It is fine, Lucy. We just need a moment to speak.”
Rhys resisted the urge to grimace with shame. He had promised that he would not fight in front of Lucy, and it had taken less than a week to break that promise.
Add it to the list of things I have done wrong.
They waited in silence as Lucy slowly stood and walked from the room. She held to her chest a wooden toy, but Rhys did not see what it was. Really, he could hardly bring himself to look at her.
Once she was gone, Violet snapped.
“I did not know that I needed permission to make such changes as this.” She scoffed. “Silly me for thinking so.”
“Of course you do,” he said. “This is my home and I do not appreciate being kept in the dark.”
“Your home, is it?” She scoffed. “And here I thought that we were married. Were you not the one telling me that this is my home too, to do with as I please? Your words.”
“Which you rebuffed,” he countered. “I offered to help you adjust into your role here, Violet. But you refused me, stating without hesitation that you did not care about any such things. All you cared about was Lucy.”
“Which is why I am doing this.”
“I think you are doing it for you,” he said.
“What?” She exhaled sharply through her nose. “That is ridiculous. I am doing this for Lucy, so that she has a nursery that she might want to spend time in.”
“Which she had,” he said back with a hiss. “And by making these changes, you undermine me. Worse, you make me look weak in front of Lucy, as if I am someone to be taken advantage of. I will not have it.”
His words were harsh, just as they were unfair.
In truth, Rhys cared little about the nursery. But he was so determined to assert himself, and to remind Violet of what this marriage was, that he got carried away.
And Violet, never one to cower back or apologize when she did not think that she had done anything wrong, certainly was not going to bow her head and submit. That was never her way… which, frustratingly, was one of the things that Rhys liked about her.
“That is not… what is wrong with you?” she snapped.
“Me? Nothing,” Rhys said.
“You hide for two whole days, and when you do finally decide to see us, this is what you focus on? I thought you cared about Lucy. I thought that you wanted to do better.”
“This has nothing to do with Lucy. “All I am doing is—”
Rhys was cut short when he felt something tugging on the leg of his pants. He started at the feeling, then looked down to see what the cause was. And when he saw it, the forced anger that had flown through him, the rudeness and hostility, faded as if it had never been.
It was Lucy.
Despite being told to wait outside, she had wandered back into the room. Perhaps she had heard them fighting? And while Rhys felt a sudden surge of guilt, it dissipated when she tugged on his pant leg with one hand, while in the other she held a small wooden horse.
“L—Lucy,” he stammered awkwardly, suddenly embarrassed by how he had acted. “What are you… what is that?”
She said nothing. Rather, she held the wooden horse up for him to take. Her big eyes had a hint of nervousness in them, but there was also hope.
“For me?” he asked, his throat suddenly tight.
She nodded and continued to hold the horse up for him.
“I…” Rhys did not know what to do, and he certainly did not know what to say. For some reason, Lucy wanted him to have that toy.
Did she hear us fighting and think this might be a way to stop it? Does she really care that much?
Suddenly, Rhys felt like a damn fool. He was a fool, and that was why.
There had been no good reason for him to act as he had done, and every reason for him not to.
This wasn’t about him, and it wasn’t about his feelings for Violet.
It was and always would be about Lucy, and he needed to remember that.
“Thank you,” he said as he gently took the horse. “That is very kind.”
Lucy beamed proudly and then looked at Violet for support.
“Lucy, do you want to show him your toys?” Violet asked. To her credit, she did away with her previous anger, now smiling, showing no signs at all of the argument that they had been having.
Lucy nodded and then held out her hand for Rhys to take.
Again, he felt like an idiot. He looked at Violet, unable to say anything, but hoping that she saw in his expression how sorry he was. She shook her head at him, but she did not scowl. Hopefully, she understood that he knew how wrong he had been, and hopefully she would not hold it against him.
Slowly, Rhys took the little girl’s hand. It was warm, and so small in his large paw. But he gripped it tight, wanting to show her that he was willing and appreciative of her gesture. And then, she pulled him to the corner where her toys were spread.
He sat down with her. He laughed as she wordlessly showed him various toys. Her excitement and confidence grew by the second. And within minutes, Rhys had forgotten about his argument, and why he had seen the need to be upset.
Behind him, he felt Violet watching them.
When he turned, he saw the smile on her face, and the way it reached her eyes. As always, she proved that she did not care about him or his tempestuous mood. All she wanted was what was best for Lucy.
I need to do better… I will do better.
There, Rhys stayed for the rest of the afternoon. He played with Lucy as Violet continued to shift furniture and draw on the walls. She could do whatever she wished with the nursery, and Rhys did not care. What he cared about… well, it was more than just Lucy.
As the afternoon wore on, Rhys started to realize what this marriage really meant. For so long, he had refused to admit that he ever wanted a wife, and he certainly did not want a family of his own. But now, in that small moment, he began to see what such a thing might look like, and how it felt.
And even he could not deny how good it felt, how right. Just as Lucy needed safety and protection, he needed the same. And perhaps he had saved her, so that she could save him right back.