Chapter 27
‘Is it OK I invited Carla?’ asked Kitty when they finally paused for breath.
She accepted the wine from Alice who slipped into the seat next to Sam. At this time of day, The Ship was blissfully quiet, and they had their pick of tables overlooking the beach below.
‘Of course,’ said Sam, ‘we’re intrigued to meet the mother of Nick’s child.’
‘And want to make her feel welcome in Saffron Bay.’ Alice gave Sam a stern look. ‘We’re not all village busybodies.’
Kitty laughed. ‘I doubt she’ll come, but offering the invite felt like the right thing to do.’
‘I came,’ said Carla, appearing at their table with a glass of wine in her hand.
With her back to the door, Kitty hadn’t seen her arrive. She blushed, wondering how much Carla had overheard, and slid along the bench to make room. ‘Good to see you again, Carla.’
‘And you, Kitty.’
Kitty introduced Alice and Sam, who greeted Carla warmly in return.
‘It’s lovely to meet you both, and thank you for inviting me. Kitty, I need to apologise. You shouldn’t have got dragged into our mess, although I’m not sorry you did.’ She laid a hand on Kitty’s arm. ‘From what Nick’s said, you’ve been a brilliant support for Emily.’
The thought of Nick talking about her sent Kitty’s pulse racing. She forced a smile onto her face. ‘Emily must be so glad you’re here.’
‘We both are. I’ve missed her so much.’
‘How’s your dad?’ asked Alice. ‘It sounds like such a difficult time for you all.’
Carla sighed. ‘He’s very unwell, and he doesn’t make life easy for those around him.’
‘I’m sure he’s glad you’re there for him,’ said Sam.
‘You’d think he would be.’ Carla gave a wry smile. ‘If he is, he’s got a funny way of showing it.’ She sighed again. ‘Staying with him isn’t easy, but it’s the right thing to do. And honestly, I can’t thank you all enough for how welcome you’ve made Emily. And for helping Nick look after her.’
‘He’s been doing a pretty good job by himself,’ said Kitty, feeling the need to stand up for him in his absence.
‘He’s certainly trying,’ said Sam. ‘It’s been sweet to see.’
‘Parenting is tricky,’ said Alice, ‘especially with no experience. I’m sure Nick will get the hang of it soon.’
‘Oh, he’s alright.’ Carla sipped her wine.
‘To be honest, I was terrified leaving her with him. Not because I thought she’d be unsafe, but there was a good chance she’d be miserable.
He’d always struck me as incredibly self-absorbed, and that’s a bad combination with parenting.
Thankfully, things have turned out OK. I know Emily’s been homesick and missed me, but she seems to have settled now, and other than being a bit clueless, Nick seems to be doing OK. ’
‘Clueless in what way?’ asked Sam.
‘Just the basics of adult life.’ Carla rolled her eyes. ‘He doesn’t have much grasp of how to cook a healthy meal, or how to use the washing machine, for that matter. He put all of Emily’s clothes in together, and now her whites have turned pink.’ She shook her head. ‘Not that she minds.’
‘He’s never had to step up and take responsibility for anything,’ said Alice. ‘He’s like a teenage boy trapped inside a man’s body.’
‘And a rather nice body at that,’ said Sam, wiggling her eyebrows. ‘Come on, Carla, spill the beans. What’s he like in bed?’
‘Sam!’ scolded Alice. ‘You can’t ask things like that!’
‘I’ve been with the same man since I was fifteen,’ said Sam. ‘I need to live vicariously through other people’s love-lives.’
If Carla was bothered by Sam’s candour, she didn’t show it. ‘I don’t actually remember much about our encounter. We were both drunk, and from what I do recall, it was a fumble that didn’t last very long.’
Sam spluttered into her wineglass. ‘So you’re not tempted to go for round two?’
Kitty understood the questions were all in jest. Then why couldn’t she shake the jealousy prickling her skin? Stop being ridiculous, she told herself.
‘I’m more of a girl’s girl these days,’ said Carla with a grin.
‘Oh, right.’ Sam’s eyes widened.
‘Sam hit the wine before we arrived,’ said Alice.
‘Oi, don’t apologise for me.’ Sam lightly punched Alice’s shoulder. ‘I’m only saying what the rest of you are thinking. And I’m not tipsy, just curious. Anyway, who’s up for another round?’
‘I’ll help you,’ said Alice, taking everyone’s orders and following Sam into the bar.
An awkward silence settled over the table when Kitty and Carla found themselves alone. Carla broke it by smiling at Kitty and saying, ‘I meant what I said earlier. Thank you for everything you’ve done for Emily since she’s been here.’
Kitty returned her smile. ‘It’s not been any hardship. She’s an amazing little girl. You must be so proud of her, and from speaking to Emily, it’s obvious what a great mum you are.’
Tears filled Carla’s eyes. ‘Thank you. You’ve no idea how much it means to hear you say that. I’ve been muddling along on my own for so long, it’s hard to tell if I’m getting things right sometimes.’
‘Being a mum is hard,’ said Kitty, ‘especially when you have to juggle parenthood and work. You’re doing great. You’ve no need to question yourself.’
Carla fiddled with her empty glass. ‘You sound like you’re speaking from experience.’
Kitty shifted on the bench. She’d said too much.
‘I briefly helped look after my ex-partner’s daughter.
Sadly, we’ve had no contact since my relationship with her dad broke down.
’ Briefly looked after? Kitty winced at the lie.
She blinked several times, forcing herself not to think about the child she’d abandoned in favour of self-preservation.
‘That must have been hard.’ Carla studied Kitty with an intensity she could have done without.
‘It was.’ She dropped her gaze from Carla’s scrutiny. ‘Do you mind if we don’t talk about it? I haven’t said much about my past to people here, and I’d like my move here to be a clean slate.’
‘Of course. I understand. And if anyone understands a messy personal life, it’s me.
’ Carla pointed to her chest, grimacing.
‘And I hope you don’t think I’m overstepping the mark, but if you can reconnect with your ex’s daughter, you should try.
I bet she misses you, and it sounds as though you miss her. ’
Kitty looked down at the bench and blinked to dispel the tears forming behind her eyes. Her heart burned with the loss of Rae and the shame that she’d abandoned her when the going got tough.
She remembered her counsellor’s words. It’s not your fault. He didn’t give you any choice. The words didn’t stop her from feeling like a coward, or worse. Emily was no replacement for Rae, but if Kitty could make Emily’s time in Saffron Bay easier, perhaps it would atone for some of her past sins?
Damn this Catholic upbringing, she thought. This wasn’t about sin and atonement; it was about selfishness and self-preservation, and in her experience, self-preservation inevitably left a few casualties in its wake.
When Carla placed a hand on Kitty’s, her tears might have broken free had a giggling Sam and Alice not rushed over to their table, providing a welcome distraction as they began recounting the latest piece of village gossip they’d picked up at the bar.
Kitty listened to the chatter, all the while aware of the ache in her heart.
Packing up your life and starting over wasn’t easy.