Chapter 29
Kitty’s phone had vibrated against her thigh throughout most of her meeting with Margot and Nick. She’d ignored it, knowing it could be only one of three people, the most likely of whom was her mum.
The meeting concluded swiftly, and it was only eight o’clock by the time Kitty turned the key in the lock of her cottage and stepped inside.
She closed the door behind her, a surge of relief washing through her to be safely inside her own four walls.
Within the space of a few short weeks, the cottage had become her sanctuary, and she could never thank Solly, Margot, and Suzanne enough for organising it for her.
What would she have done if this opportunity hadn’t come up?
Kitty couldn’t bear to think what might have become of her.
She pulled her phone from her pocket. Three missed calls from her mum, two answerphone messages, and five texts.
Where are you?
Are you OK?
Please reply to tell me you’re safe.
Call me when you can.
Love you, and it’s my job to worry about you.
Kitty didn’t call her mum straight away.
Instead, she went to the kitchen and filled the kettle with water.
Changing her mind, she pulled a cold bottle of Sauvignon Blanc from the fridge and poured herself a large glass.
She rarely drank alone, but tonight she felt she deserved it.
Not only had her first week teaching her new class gone better than she could have hoped, she’d also survived a dinner party, a drink with the girls, and getting dragged into the local Summer Extravaganza, all without revealing too much of herself.
Carrying her glass to the far side of the room, Kitty flopped onto the sumptuous sofa. Although in winter the sitting room would be cosy perfection, at this time of year, you couldn’t beat the light-filled kitchen. Besides, the sofa was more comfortable than the more formal ones in the front room.
Kitty sipped her wine slowly, enjoying the coolness of the liquid trailing down her parched throat, thinking over her time in Saffron Bay.
The only thing bothering her about the past few weeks was her growing affection for Nick.
It was ridiculous, irrational. There was nothing about him she should find herself attracted to, and yet her legs felt wobbly whenever she was around him.
Her heart beat faster. She should know better than to fall for the charms of a good-looking man, she told herself, and laughed.
Nick was hardly full of charm. In fact, he was quite devoid of the stuff.
No one, however, could deny he was blessed with good looks.
She took another sip of her wine. She hadn’t been single for very long. This was ridiculous. She should be able to go more than six months without needing the comfort of another human being, particularly one as hopeless as Nick Andrews.
Kitty picked up her phone, took a deep breath, a large glug of wine, and found her mum’s number.
‘Ah, Cathy, I’ve been so worried about you.’
‘Sorry, Mam. I should have messaged, but I was in a meeting.’
‘A staff meeting in the evening? Surely they’re not working you that hard, my love?’
Kitty smiled, picturing her mother in her usual telephone spot.
She would sit on a high stool leaning against the kitchen wall in the small Dublin terrace Kitty had grown up in.
For a moment, Kitty longed to be there with her, chewing the fat, comparing notes on their day.
No, despite all that had happened, Kitty didn’t regret leaving Ireland.
It had been the right thing at the time.
It was everything that had happened since that she needed to recover from.
‘No, Mam,’ she said, ‘it wasn’t a staff meeting. I’ve been roped into helping with the local Summer Extravaganza. They’re doing a condensed version of Romeo and Juliet.’
‘Oh, love, that’s wonderful to hear. I’ve always hoped you’d get back into your acting.’
‘Oh no, Mam, I won’t be acting,’ said Kitty. ‘I’m helping with the production. Things like casting and developing the performance. It’s very much a backstage role.’
‘Whatever you say, love, but I’ll never forget how you used to shine on stage. Gosh, me and your dad were so proud of you.’
Kitty smiled again, tears forming in her eyes.
Her parents had attended every single one of her performances, and she’d been lucky to have their support.
Yet, despite youthful dreams of stardom, it was her brother who had taken up that mantle.
Kitty was content using her skills in bringing to life stories for a class of five-year-olds.
‘You will be careful, won’t you, love?’ Her mother went on. ‘Appearing in the paper would be a terrible idea.’
Kitty silently agreed. ‘Don’t worry, Mam. I’m being careful. I’ve made sure I’m not in any photographs, and the school knows my situation.’
‘Do the other villagers, though?’ said her mother.
‘No, of course not. Don’t worry, Mam. There’ll be no publicity that I’ll be involved in. I promise.’
‘All right. Now you mind yourself and be careful.’ Kitty could hear her mum take a gulp of what was probably tea. ‘Thank you for sending me the photos of your cottage. What a smart place you’ve landed in.’
‘Yes, I’ve been very fortunate. Do you think you’ll still come and visit during the summer holidays?’
‘Oh yes.’ A sigh gusted through the phone.
‘I’ve tried to convince your dad to fly.
’ Mam snorted. ‘He won’t hear of it. It’s going to be that awful ferry journey for us and a long drive.
If only he could get on a plane. I keep saying to him, Roy, we’d save ourselves twelve hours’ journey time if you’d get on a flight.
Nope, he won’t hear of it. Whatever am I going to do with the man? ’
Kitty leaned against the sofa, letting her mother’s words wash over her.
Her parents’ marriage had survived almost five decades, and despite the constant bickering, they loved each other deeply.
She had always hoped to emulate what her parents had.
So far, it didn’t seem the path her life was set to take.
‘How’s Cillian?’ Kitty asked.
‘Ah, you know your brother, always jetting off around the world somewhere or other. And those hordes of adoring fans – I don’t understand it.’ Another sigh. ‘That boy should think about finding a good woman and settling down, not singing his soppy songs to a bunch of drooling teenage girls.’
Kitty smiled at the irony of her own messed-up situation meeting with more of her mother’s approval than her brother’s huge success. That was Maureen McDonaugh for you. Down to earth to a fault. ‘Cillian will settle down when he’s good and ready,’ Kitty said. ‘He’ll come to it in his own time.’
‘Perhaps, but at this rate, I’ll be dead before any grandchildren come along.’
Kitty winced and, from the sharp intake of breath down the line, her mother did the same.
‘Oh, sorry, love.’ Her voice softened. ‘I didn’t mean it like that. You tried your best in that department, and it wasn’t your fault you picked a wrong ’un.’
‘It’s all right, Mam. I understand, and I’m not exactly past it, am I? There could still be children in my future.’
‘Quite right.’ Mam’s voice became upbeat. ‘You’ve got your whole life ahead of you, especially now you’ve escaped … speaking of the devil, you’ve not had any contact, have you?’
‘No, Mam, I’d tell you if I did. I bet some of my friends in London have been approached, but they wouldn’t say anything, even if they knew where I am.’
‘What? So who knows?’
‘You, Dad and Cillian. I told my friends in London I was going to Cornwall. That’s all.’
‘Oh, Cathy, I worry it’s a lonely life for you down there.’
‘Don’t worry, Mam. I’m making new friends,’ said Kitty, surprised as she realised it was true.
New friendships hadn’t been part of her plan.
She should be keeping her head down, as she always telling herself, avoiding getting close to anyone.
And yet, and yet… when she thought about her drink that afternoon with Alice, Carla and Sam, a warm fuzziness bubbled inside her.
She had forgotten what it was like to have friends, and now she’d found some, she couldn’t bear the thought of pushing them away.
‘Is Dad there?’ asked Kitty.
‘No, he’s out at darts tonight.’
‘Send him my love, won’t you? I’d better go, Mam, ’cause I’ve got some work to catch up on.’
‘Ah, yes, of course. I’m so proud of you, darling girl, and all you’re doing. You make sure you take care of yourself, won’t you?’
‘I will, Mam. Love you lots. Speak to you soon.’
‘Speak to you soon, love, and be careful.’
‘I will.’ Kitty hung up the phone, curled her legs beneath her, and finished her wine.
She twirled the glass around, watching it catch the glint from the ceiling pendant lights.
Everything she told her mother was true.
What she hadn’t mentioned were the nightmares that still woke her each night, or the emotions Emily revived, of another child she’d once thought of as her own.
Those scars would always remain. What she needed now was to stop pretending they weren’t there, and learn how to live with them.