Chapter 49
They were down to their underwear when Nick sensed the change in Kitty. He pulled back, searching her eyes. ‘What’s wrong? Have I done something wrong?’
She reached up and kissed him deeply. A different kiss from the brutal longing of moments before. There was something more to this one that he couldn’t identify. When she pulled away, her eyes were glistening with tears.
‘I want to keep going, you have no idea how much I want to, but I can’t.’
‘You can’t?’ What the hell? ‘I’m sorry, maybe I misread the signals.’
‘No,’ said Kitty. ‘I wanted this as much as you do.’
‘But?’
‘But… It’s a mistake.’
‘I’m not good enough for you.’ Nick climbed off Kitty and pulled his T-shirt over his head. He should have known. He’d been a fool to think someone like her would be interested in someone like him.
Kitty’s laugh surprised him.
‘You can be ridiculous sometimes,’ she said, buttoning her shirt. ‘This has nothing to do with you. This is about me. Or, more specifically, about my past.’
The past she avoided speaking about, had told him not to ask her. Was she going to tell him now? Nick needed to understand, for his own sanity. ‘I’m listening.’ He sat on the sofa to pull on his shorts.
Kitty finished dressing and sat down beside him. ‘My ex has found me in Saffron Bay.’
The sentence prompted so many questions. Nick kept his mouth closed, sensing Kitty needed space to tell her story. Instead of speaking, he took her hand in his, running his thumb up and down her palm in a move he hoped was reassuring.
‘I came here to escape a toxic relationship,’ she said, not moving her palm from his thumb.
‘It was vital no one knew where I was. It took every ounce of strength I had to walk away from my life in London. I gave up everything: my home, my job, my friends. Shit, Nick, I even gave up my name.’ Kitty pulled her hand away and offered it to Nick to shake.
‘Catherine McDonaugh. Pleased to meet you.’
Nick shook her hand. ‘I won’t pretend you’re the first woman I’ve made moves on without knowing her name.’ He smiled briefly. ‘Even so, I’m shocked.’
‘As you have every right to be.’ She looked away, across the inky ocean, and back again. ‘I’m sorry for lying to you, but I couldn’t risk using my real name. And anyway, James is the only person who called me Catherine.’
‘What do your friends and family call you?’
‘Cathy has always been the name my immediate family calls me and my oldest friends.’ She gave a secret smile. ‘When I first moved to London, my new friends used to call me Kitty, and it felt right using that name again.’
‘What would you like me to call you?’
‘Kitty. Kitty is my name now. I don’t ever want to be called Catherine. Catherine has too many bad memories.’
‘I’m so sorry you’ve been hurt in your past, Kitty.’ Nick reclaimed her hand. ‘I’d never hurt you. I’m a lot of things, most of them not too good. There’s one thing though I can guarantee, is I would never hurt you.’
Kitty arched her brows. ‘Hurting me is the one thing you can’t guarantee, although I appreciate the sentiment.
’ She took her hand from his and intertwined her fingers, bunching her fists against her stomach.
‘The thing is, Nick, this isn’t about me getting hurt. It’s you and Emily I’m worried about.’
Nick frowned, missing the touch of her skin against his. ‘I don’t understand.’
‘James has found me. He left photographs of my stepdaughter on my windscreen and—’
‘You have a stepdaughter?’
‘Had, not have.’ Her fingers tightened, the knuckles whitening.
‘Rae was everything to me, and it broke my heart to leave her. She’s the reason I stayed with James as long as I did.
’ She bit her lip. ‘In the end, even my time with her was being restricted. I had to get out while I could. There’s no way James would allow me to be part of Rae’s life now, much as I’d love to. ’
‘Sorry,’ said Nick, ‘I shouldn’t have interrupted. Carry on.’
‘Yes, so as well as the photos, I found a note stuck to my windscreen. All it said was “miss me”, but I know James, and it’s exactly the kind of thing he’d do to mess with my head. And tonight someone followed us home from the hospital.’
‘Tonight?’
‘Yes. I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to worry you.
I’ve no idea what James is planning, except he’s bound to show up sooner or later, and I can’t drag you into my mess.
’ She grabbed both of Nick’s hands and peered at him with anxious eyes.
‘If anything happens between us and he finds out, it’ll put you in the firing line, and that wouldn’t be fair to you or Emily. ’
‘But, Kitty,’ said Nick, squeezing her hands, ‘something has happened. You can’t deny what’s between us.’
‘Yes,’ said Kitty. Her voice was so small, so sad, all Nick wanted to do was wrap her in his arms. She was biting her lip, blinking tears from her eyes, and from the way she removed her hands from his and folded her arms, he understood she needed distance.
‘And it can’t happen again.’ She shifted away from him on the sofa and stared again into the night.
‘I hoped, wished, I’d be free coming here.
I’m not. I might be forced to move again, and you have to be here for Emily.
’ She twisted to face him. ‘Trust me, Nick, you don’t want to get involved with me.
My life is a mess, and I need time on my own to sort it out. ’
It wasn’t him. The problem was this bastard ex. Nick wasn’t going to let this wonderful woman, who apparently cared for him, go easily. ‘I’ve never met anyone like you, Kitty,’ he said. ‘I’m willing to wait as long as it takes.’
‘Like me?’ Kitty laughed. ‘I’m a woman scared of my own shadow, who let a man strip me of everything that made me me. I’m a shell of the woman I once was, and I’m not sure I’ll ever get her back.’
‘What were you like before?’ asked Nick. ‘Because the person sitting beside me is pretty special.’
Kitty ignored the compliment. ‘I used to be outgoing, brave, the life and soul… I’m not sure I’ll ever see that part of me again.’
‘Brave?’ Nick raised his eyebrows. ‘You don’t think you’re brave?
’ He put his hands on her shoulders. ‘Kitty, you moved to a brand new village and started a brand new job without knowing a soul. You made friends within hours of arriving and won the heart of Saffron Bay’s most eligible bachelor the second he laid eyes on you.
’ He smiled to show he was joking, about the eligible bachelor bit, anyway.
‘Really?’ Kitty gave him a hard stare.
‘OK, maybe you didn’t win me over that quickly.
’ He grinned. ‘The rest of it’s true. You’ve settled into the school like you’ve been there for years.
Everyone there loves you. You’ve signed up to take on the leading role in the village play, and to top it all off, you’ve helped the village idiot navigate his way through the most stressful time of his life. ’
‘You’d better not be calling yourself an idiot,’ said Kitty, in a tone Nick suspected she used on the naughtiest members of her class.
‘Sorry,’ said Nick. ‘Did you listen to what I said about you?’
‘I did, and I’m very flattered, thank you.’
‘You don’t need to thank me,’ said Nick. ‘I need to thank you.’
Kitty looked down at her lap. ‘Nick, I can’t ask you to wait for me. I need to figure out what to do next alone. Do you understand?’
‘Yes, no, sort of…’ said Nick. ‘I respect your wishes. Just…’ He leaned forward and kissed her again, his heart breaking as he wondered if it would be for the last time.
Kitty pulled back, gave Nick a longing glance, then stood and walked away.
Nick leaned back against the sofa, his heart plummeting as he heard the gentle clunk of the front door closing.
The sky glittered above him, the air filled with the sound of gentle waves lapping against the shore and the beginnings of the dawn chorus.
What should have been a perfect beginning to a new day had been destroyed by the spectre of Kitty’s ex.
This James person had better not turn up in Saffron Bay. Nick wasn’t sure he’d be able to stop himself from doing something stupid if their paths crossed.