35. Selena
Selena
Ivaguely remember Heather coming in and telling me they were moving me to a new room. Everyone says in a hospital, being moved from the ER to a private room is supposed to be an improvement. Better bed, quieter.
I have to agree to disagree on that point. Because in my opinion, they're wrong. You’ve just transferred into the same chaos with a prettier picture. Just when you drift off to sleep, someone’s opening your door, turning on the light, waking you.
Every couple of hours, someone slips into the room. A nurse checking my blood pressure. Someone drawing blood. Always taking blood it seems like. Medications being given. The interruptions never stop. Still, I'm so exhausted that I barely register them.
I wake just long enough to feel a cuff tightening around my arm or hear someone speaking softly before darkness pulls me under again.
And every time I drift off, I dream about the two small lives growing inside me.
I imagine what they'll feel like nestled against my chest. Tiny fingers wrapping around mine. Their first smiles. First steps. First words. If they’ll have my eyes or their father’s.
But there’s always the nagging thought lingering, waiting for me to find the answer. Who is their father? Is it Eli? Or will it be a toss up between Jay and Zeke? An answer I’ll never know. The same question follows me through every dream, through every restless stretch of sleep.
When I finally begin to surface for real, the first thing I feel is an urgent need to pee.
My eyes feel so heavy and I know I can’t get out of bed without help.
My hand moves along the bed, searching for the handheld call button to get assistance from the nurse.
Before my fingers can find it, another hand is placed over mine. A very large, warm hand.
My eyes slowly flutter open, fully expecting to see a nurse. I haven’t had a male one yet, but there’s always a first.
Instead, I'm staring up into a pair of stunning, warm brown eyes that I know well. A familiar scar just above his right eye.
Zeke.
He stands beside my bed looking exhausted but relieved all at once.
"Are you okay?" he asks quietly. "Do you need something?" He squeezes my hand gently, most likely afraid of hurting me.
I have to be dreaming. This is just a dream. I close my eyes, pressing them firmly together, before slowly opening them.
But he’s still there. He’s not some figment of my imagination or a dream.
"What are you doing here?" My voice cracking it’s so weak.
His eyebrows raise, like I’ve asked the dumbest question in the world.
"Where else would we be?" But Zeke’s lips didn’t move. So he didn’t ask me. I look away from him and see Eli and Jay standing just past him at the edge of the bed.
My chest tightens and my heart beats faster. All three of them are here.
“Shhh, calm down, Cupcake. You’re okay,” Zeke speaks, keeping his voice calm. “What do you need?”
I want to tell him that I need them to leave.
But that’s also a lie. A part of me wants them here.
To have them comfort me, make me feel the way they did when I met each of them.
To tell them I’m pregnant because the truth is, I’m scared of going through this alone.
Yes, Sam and Jose will be there, but it’s not the same.
The overwhelming need to pee wins out over any other decisions.
"I need the nurse," I mumble. "I need to use the bathroom."
Jay rushes around the bed, nearly shoving Zeke out of the way. “I can help you.” He reaches to take hold of my blanket.
Using all my strength, I place my hand over his, stopping him. “No,” comes sternly from my mouth. “I need the nurse.”
"I’ll go get her, Princess. I just saw her out in the hallway right before you woke up.”
He’s out the door before I tell him all I need to do is push the button. The one that was just out of my reach.
Zeke shifts closer.
"Are you sure, Selena? We can help you." He gives me a wide smile. “We are firefighters.”
Is he for real? My head jerks over to him, the movement so quick it makes the room spin. I close my eyes, taking a deep breath, waiting for the uneasiness I’m feeling to subside.
"Absolutely not," I say firmly, opening my eyes to see the two of them staring at me intensely. "The three of you can go. I'm sure you have work. You don't need to be here."
"Not happening, Cupcake." When I look at Zeke he’s grinning from ear to ear. Like he knows some big secret that I don’t.
"We don't have work today." Jay adds, "And before you ask about tomorrow, we've got that covered too."
"Huh?" What the fuck is he talking about? There’s no way I can handle them being here with me. Not with the huge secret that I’m keeping from them.
Not to mention I need to worry about what I’m doing when I leave here.
I don’t even have any fucking clothes to wear.
No place to go. And I need a phone so I can contact all my clients.
"Our captain adjusted our schedule," Jay tells me.
I stare at him like that’s supposed to tell me anything.
"And, what does that have to do with me?"
"So one of us can stay with you while you recover," Zeke adds.
The words hit me like a punch in the nose. I sit there waiting for one of them to tell me they’re joking. But they don’t. I swallow hard.
"Again.” I pause for a moment, making sure I have both of their attention just as Eli steps back into the room. "I don't need any of you to help me. I'll be fine on my own. So don’t rearrange your schedules for me."
"How do you plan to do that?" Eli questions me, his voice stern.
I look away before I have to answer. Because the truth is I don’t know.
But I’ll figure it out. I always do. The most important thing I’m worrying about at the moment is somewhere to stay, and thankfully I know I have a place to go at Sam’s.
If finding an apartment takes longer than expected, I can find a hotel.
Fortunately, the nurse chooses that moment to walk into the room, saving me from having to give them any more answers.
"I heard you need to use the bathroom?" she asks cheerfully.
"Yes!" I exclaim.
I don't look at the men as she helps me sit up. The moment my feet touch the floor and I try to stand, I can feel my body giving way to the weight. My legs feel like jello, wobbling beneath me.
The nurse wraps an arm around my waist, helping me stand. Eli steps over to help, but I shake my head at him. Nope, you are not getting the satisfaction of being smug, confirming that I need help.
"Easy," she tells me. “One step at a time. You’re a lucky lady having three men here ready to help you.”
“Want to trade positions?” I ask sarcastically as we step inside the bathroom.
I hate how much help I need. I hate how fragile I feel.
She helps me sit on the toilet then steps out the door, pulling it shy of being shut. For the first time since waking up, I can breathe. I handle my business then slowly stand, taking a small step to the sink. It’s taking all my energy, but I need to show I can do something on my own.
I grip the sink after washing my hands and stare at my reflection in the mirror.
Holy hell. I look like shit. I can see why they think I need help, because the woman staring back at me doesn’t look like she’s capable of handling anything. She looks one more disaster away from having a mental breakdown.
The door slowly opens behind me and the nurse steps inside. I hate that I don’t even know her name.
“Let’s get you back to bed. Your doctor’s on the floor and should be in shortly.”
“Thanks.” I don’t know what else to say because all I can focus on is getting the three men who seem to have taken up residence in my room out of it.
The nurse takes my arm and helps me back to my bed. Once I'm settled, she checks my vitals.
"Everything looks good," she tells me with a smile.
"Thank you."
After she leaves, silence settles over the room again. Well, for about three seconds, max.
Eli clears his throat as he sits on the edge of my bed, placing his hand on my feet.
"Your apartment is destroyed."
I close my eyes. A huge part of me already knew that, but hearing it only makes it real.
"Unless you want to stay with your mom," he continues, "it looks like you're staying with us."
"No." Three pairs of eyes lock onto me. "I can stay with Sam."
The second the words leave my mouth, I know I've lost.
"By yourself?" Eli asks. “And before you answer, remember you couldn’t even make it to the bathroom by yourself. So that’s not even an option.”
I roll my eyes because I don’t have the strength to fight with them, but they have to know I’m not going with them.
“I am. You’re not my husband, nor my boyfriend. If I recall, his name is Sam. If I say I’m going there, then I am.” Crossing my arms over my chest I glare at them.
They don’t say anything, then Eli steps up beside my bed. “Then I guess we’ll be staying at Sam’s until he gets back with you.” I open my mouth to protest when he turns his attention to Zeke. “Why don’t you give him a call, or text him and let him know.”
What? Call him?
It’s then I see Zeke pull out my phone and begin typing on the keyboard. Then it dawns on me. They called Sam. It’s how he knew about the fire.
“Give me my phone!” I growl through clenched teeth.
“Admit you need help and that you’re going to come back to our place when you’re released. When Sam gets back, then he can take care of you.”
Every fiber of my being wants me to say no. But they have my phone. How do I know they haven’t read my messages or answered any of my calls? What if my OB called?
Finally, I relent.
“Fine.”
“Glad you’re seeing it our way,” Eli says and I hold my hand out for my phone.
“Nope. I’m going to hold on to it until you actually go to our house. Then I’ll give it back to you,” Zeke says as he slips the phone back in his pocket. “Don’t worry, we haven’t snooped or answered any calls. We just used it to call Sam in case there was medical information that was needed.”
“I do have something for you,” Jay says, as he steps over to the chair in the corner and opens the bag that is sitting on it.
When he turns around, he has something in his hand.
He steps back over to the bed and holds it out to me.
“I was able to take it off the wall before we took you out of the apartment.”
The picture of me and my dad. I hold it close to my chest as tears stream down my face. The fire didn’t take the last thing I had of him. Jay saved it for me. And I don’t know how to process that kindness.