40. Selena
Selena
The day has been perfect. I still can’t believe I’m saying it.
Eli left for work, and Zeke and Jay spent the morning sitting on the couch with me, making sure I ordered clothes, makeup, hair products—everything I had before the fire.
I even caught them eyeing my sizes and what I liked as they made purchases on their own phones.
I shouldn’t be here. Letting them take care of me the way they are. It’s not going to end well. With each second I spend in their presence, I grow a little more attached to them. Who wouldn’t when they’re treating me like I’m the most important person in their lives?
What I’m not shocked by is the fact that my mother hasn’t once checked on me.
“Umm, does my mother know I was in the hospital? About the fire?” I wring my hands together, as I nervously ask. “That I’m living here?”
“We didn’t tell her,” Zeke confesses.
“With the way she acted at the wedding and then dinner, we didn’t want to subject you to any negativity. You need to recover and not be criticized for bullshit,” Jay adds.
I let out a sigh of relief. Because they’re right. I wouldn’t have wanted her at the hospital. That is if she would’ve even shown up at all.
I laugh, one that comes right from my stomach. I can feel both Zeke’s and Jay’s eyes on me, eyebrows raised in confusion.
“Did we say something funny?” Jay asks, each word spoken slowly.
“No,” I say while shaking my head. Leaning forward, I place my laptop on the coffee table.
“Then what is it?” Zeke asks. “Enlighten us so we can laugh with you. Especially since I need to get ready to go to work.”
I debate letting them in on what I find humorous for a minute. Then Zeke gently cups my cheek and turns my head toward him, flashing me puppy dog eyes and I can’t help but cave.
“Just that I’m glad you didn’t call her. Not that she would’ve even shown up.” I lower my eyes for a second before gazing back up at Zeke. “I’m just glad that someone else sees the way she talks to me. Does your dad talk to you like that?”
“No.” One word is all Jay says.
“And as long as we have anything to do with it, she won’t be talking to you like that either.” Zeke barely has the words out of his mouth before he’s leaning forward, his lips colliding with mine, kissing me softly, before pulling away. “Next time I plan to kiss you longer.”
His words seem more like a promise than a statement.
My fingers go to my lips, savoring the kiss I was just given. Already missing the warmth they provided. But what hits me the most is as much as I want to fight it, all I want is for him to kiss me more. For all three of them to claim me, mind, body, and soul.
Zeke stands, and my eyes shift over to Jay, who’s smiling. There’s no hatred or anger on his face. Just longing to be able to do the same thing.
“Time to go to work, but sweet dreams tonight, Cupcake, I know mine will be because they’ll be about you.” With those parting words, he turns and heads to the door, leaving me absolutely speechless.
Jay scoots over closer to me, throwing his arm over my shoulder. “Finally, it’s just you and me.”
And something about those words make me nervous and excited at the same time.
I wake up to a strange dampness between my legs.
For a second, I'm disoriented, still caught somewhere between sleep and consciousness. The room is dark and eerily quiet. I’m not even sure at what point I went to bed. Or if Jay carried me here.
Then I feel it again. Something wet. Instantly I’m embarrassed that somehow I’ve peed on myself.
I toss the blankets off, sit up and throw my legs over the side of the bed. My eyes still aren’t fully open as I stumble my way to the bathroom.
Stepping into the bathroom, I turn on the light, and remove my pajamas. It’s then I open my eyes and look down.
Everything stops. My heart races and it takes a minute for me to process what I’m seeing.
Blood.
My vision goes hazy for a moment. This can’t be happening. Blood is bad. And I can’t be losing my babies.
"No, no, no!" My voice cracks.
My hands start shaking so hard I almost drop the fabric I'm staring at. This can't be happening. Not now. Tears instantly fill my eyes. Panic hits me so hard I can barely breathe.
I'm losing them.
The thought slams into me with brutal certainty.
I'm losing my babies.
A sob rips from my throat as I sink to the bathroom floor, my body trembling as terror consumes me.
This is my fault. I’m losing my babies and their father isn’t even going to have a chance to mourn them. He doesn’t even know they exist. Sam’s right. I should have told them.They deserve to know.
No. I push myself up from the floor. I’m not losing them. I quickly leave the bathroom and find some more underwear and a pair of jogging pants to put on.
I need to go to the hospital and I need to get one of the guys to take me, because if I’m losing my babies, I can’t do it alone.
Wiping the tears from my eyes, I make my way out of my room and down the hallway. Soft mumbled voices hit my ears as I step into the living room.
"Princess, are you okay?" I look up and see Eli on the couch, his head twisted toward me with surprise.
Jay steps into the room next, half dressed and confused. “Selena, why are you crying?”
"What happened?" Eli’s already up from the couch and heading toward me.
"What is it, Babygirl?" Jay’s already cut the distance between us, his arms wrapping around me as he hugs me tightly. "Are you hurt?"
"Talk to us." Eli’s voice comes from beside me.
I can't answer.
I can't breathe.
I can't stop crying.
"I'm sorry." The words finally spill out before I can stop them. "I'm so sorry."
Confusion flashes across their faces. Jay leans back so he can look at my face.
"What are you talking about? Why are you sorry? We need you to talk to us," Eli says softly.
“Let us help you,” Eli adds.
I can see the concern in their faces, but I still can’t form the words to tell them. Once I do, they’re going to hate me. For keeping this from them, for not being able to carry their babies full term.
I break. Completely.
"I should have told you." Fresh tears stream down my face. "I didn't know how. Everything is just so complicated."
Their eyes lock onto me.
"What didn't you tell us?" Eli asks softly.
I press a trembling hand against my stomach.
For several long seconds, there’s nothing but quiet. My tears continue to come before I finally spill the truth I’ve been holding. "I'm pregnant."
"What?” Jay asks in shock.
"Pregnant?" Eli questions me. "Since when?"
“I’m almost three months along. I don’t know which of you is the father. I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you.” I sob. There’s nothing more I can say. Right now all I can think about is the two lives that are slipping away.
They look back at me with shock on their faces.
"Oh my God." Whooshes out of Eli’s mouth. “We’re going to be dads.” His face lights up. “That’s why you’ve been so sick. We wondered how one of us didn’t catch it.”
When I look at his and Jay’s faces, I don’t see anger, but happiness. But they don’t know what’s happening now. That I’m bleeding.
"I think I’m losing them." The words come out broken.
“Them?” Eli and Jay ask at the same time.
Suddenly the fear in their eyes matches mine.
“Wait. Losing?” My words must finally register with Eli.
“I’m bleeding. I think I’m miscarrying.”
Within minutes they’re helping me out the door and into the car as we race toward the emergency room.
The drive feels endless. Eli’s in the front and I can hear him on the phone. Jay has his arms wrapped around me as we sit in the backseat.
"I'm sorry," I tell him again. I keep repeating the words over and over. I’m sorry for not telling the truth when I found out, and for potentially losing the babies.
Two words repeated over and over. Like it’s a prayer. Or a punishment. Maybe it’s God’s way of punishing me for lying. For sleeping with three men so close together.
"I should have told you," I whimper, my hand resting on my stomach, hoping with all that I am that I can trade my life for theirs.
But Jay and Eli don’t yell at me. They don’t blame me. Instead, Jay holds me tightly as Eli tells me calmly that this isn’t my fault. That our babies are going to be alright.
"You don't have to apologize," Jay tells me. “We’ll figure everything else out later. Right now, we just need you and our babies to be okay."
"Zeke’s on his way to the hospital. He’s going to meet us at the emergency room," Eli lets us know. “Princess, who’s your OB? We need to call and let them know.”
“It’s in my phone.” I hand it to Jay, unable to do it myself. “Dr. Anklan.”
Jay scrolls through my contacts until he finds the number and calls. I hear him talking to the person on the other end of the line. Most likely the on-call doctor. Jay asks me questions then relays it back to the person. It takes all my energy to give him the information and hold myself together.
By the time we reach the hospital, I'm shaking so badly I can barely walk. True to Eli’s words, Zeke is pacing frantically in front of the ER doors, an empty wheelchair in his hands.
“Are you okay?” he asks, opening the back door of the truck and helping me out.
“I’m going to park and then I’ll be right in,” Eli tells us. But Zeke is already helping me into the chair and rushing me inside. We’re met by the nurse and immediately taken to the back.
The examination room is worse. Every minute feels like an hour. Every second stretches forever. The doctor asks question after question. Does bloodwork, and now we’re waiting as the doctor gets ready to perform an ultrasound.
Even with the guys being as comforting as they are, it doesn’t ease the pain I’m feeling. But not once have they been angry at me for keeping the babies a secret.
The entire time I’m wanting to know what’s going on, I’m terrified of what they’re going to tell me.
The room is completely silent while the doctor studies the screen. Zeke reaches out and takes my hand; I squeeze it so hard my fingers ache.
Then finally, the doctor smiles. Not one where he’s trying to make you take bad news okay. But an actual smile. One that stretches from ear to ear.
My breath catches.
"Selena, the babies look fine."
"Really?" I ask.
“Yes,” he nods
“Now let’s hear those heartbeats.” He does something on the machine, and then the loud thumping of two tiny heartbeats fill the room.
My free hand goes to my mouth, happiness taking over.
My eyes drift over to the three men who have come to mean the world to me, and I see the tears of awe in their eyes.
Dr. Anklan continues. "The spotting is minor."
Relief crashes through me so hard it hurts.
“Should we be worried that she was bleeding?” one of the guys asks, but I’m so overcome with happiness I’m not sure which one it was.
"The pregnancy appears healthy."
Eli lets out a breath that sounds suspiciously like a sob. Jay drops his head into his hands. And Zeke kisses the top of my head.
For the first time since waking, I can actually breathe.
They're okay. My babies are okay.
The doctor continues speaking.
“Bleeding is common with multiple births. Not to mention you’ve been under a lot of stress with the fire at your home and the degree of morning sickness.
I want to see you in my office next week, and we’re going to do more frequent checkups.
I also need you to reduce the stress in your life and take it easy. ”
“We’ll make sure that happens. The only thing that matters to us is the safety of our woman, and our babies,” Eli announces boldly.