Epilogue
Selena
Three months later
It’s my wedding day. It feels so strange saying that.
As happy as I am, there’s still sadness pitting in my heart.
I miss my dad. He’s not going to be here to walk me down the aisle.
One of the happiest days of my life and I have to do it without him.
I know he’s looking down at me, proud of the three men I’m marrying.
My sweet babies pick that moment to scream, alerting me to their need to be fed.
“I hear you, Dad, you’re making my babies remind me to not be sad. They’re proof that you’re always here with me,” I whisper.
It’s been three months since our daughters came screaming into the world and turned our carefully balanced chaos into something even more beautiful.
They're finally sleeping longer at night, and we’ve found a happy rhythm.
One of the perks of being in a poly relationship is the ability to divide and conquer.
Since there are more of us, no one is stuck not being able to get sleep at night.
I step over to the fridge and take out the bottles of breast milk. I pumped enough so that I didn’t have to worry about anything and take my time feeding each of them. Once they’re done, I burp them and place them back in the pack and play and finish getting dressed.
I stare at myself in the mirror, smoothing my hands over the simple ivory dress that hugs my body without hiding the evidence of carrying two babies. My hips are softer now. My stomach isn't perfectly flat. Yet, I wouldn't change a single thing.
A quiet knock sounds against the door.
"You decent?" Sam asks.
I laugh. "You've seen me naked."
"Fair point," he says, as he steps inside.
He's wearing a charcoal suit instead of a tuxedo because none of us wanted this to feel like some grand production. He’s my best matron of honor today while Jose is going to walk me down the aisle.
His eyes immediately gloss over.
"Oh no," I groan. “Is something wrong? Do I not look okay?”
"You look beautiful.” He steps up to me and wraps his arms around me. “I’m so happy for you.”
“Sam, don't you dare cry before the ceremony."
"I'm not crying."
"You absolutely are."
He wipes at his eyes with exaggerated offense.
"It's allergies."
“Liar.” I walk over and straighten his tie. "You look handsome."
“Not too handsome, I hope. I’m not supposed to outshine the bride.” He hugs me tightly. “Are you ready to get married?”
“More than you know.”
The venue is exactly what we'd wanted. A quiet garden tucked behind a little historic house. Rows of white chairs and string lights hanging from the trees for the evening.
It’s nothing expensive and nowhere near as extravagant as my mother would’ve planned. But to us, it’s perfect. We’re surrounded by the people we choose to be our family and who support and love us.
Our closest friends. The girls' godparents. My best friend, beaming so hard I'm afraid his face might split.
Our twin daughters sleep peacefully in matching cream dresses in the pillow padded wagon blissfully unaware they're attending their parents' commitment ceremony.
Their gunkle already has a diaper bag packed and ready and milk stored in his freezer since proudly announcing he'll be kidnapping his nieces for our honeymoon tomorrow.
"You four deserve forty-eight uninterrupted hours," he insists.
"We're only twenty minutes away," I remind him for the tenth time.
"And?"
"And I'll probably cry."
"You definitely will."
"I definitely will."
He grins.
"I've got them." And I have no doubt that he does. It's taken three months before I could even imagine leaving them overnight. Now, I’m not sure if we’re ready to be away from them, but we’re doing it.
“Okay, bestie. It’s time.”
The music begins, and Sam steps out of the tent, wagon handle in hand, as he not only walks down the aisle as my best matron of honor but also carries our flower girls. He pulls the string attached to the boxes on the side so flowers slowly fall as he moves down the aisle.
My heart pounds so hard I can hear it.
I turn toward Jose who is looking forward at the man he loves. He turns to me and extends his arm when the wedding march starts.
"You ready?"
The question almost breaks me because there was a time when I didn’t want this. Now I can’t think of any other men I’d want to marry.
I loop my arm with his. "I am."
"I'm honored to walk you down the aisle."
"Thank you for doing it for me."
When we step onto the path together, every conversation stops.
Everyone stands. My eyes are on the altar at the three men standing there waiting for me.
"You look beautiful."
"So do you."
"You know that's not how this works.”
When we reach the end of the aisle, I step in front of my men. Zeke is in the front, and Jay and Eli stand just slightly behind him.
The officiant smiles.
"We're gathered today not because love needs legal recognition…
" He looks at all four of us. "But because sometimes love deserves witnesses. Selena, Eli, Zeke, and Jay have written their own vows. While this is a wedding ceremony between Zeke and Selena, it is also a commitment ceremony between Selena, Eli, and Jay. If anyone objects, now is the time to speak or forever hold your peace.”
I hold my breath for a second, afraid of my mother running in to voice her repulsion. But it doesn’t happen.
Then Zeke speaks.
"I don't stand here because I won.” The guys laugh at his words. “But in truth, I did the day I met you. I know you didn’t want to legally marry one of us and not the others because you didn’t want to choose.
But we knew that there was importance to being married legally, and we never want you or our children to suffer should something happen to us. ”
I reach up and carefully pat away the tears.
“But I was the lucky one when we did our rounds of Rock Paper Scissors.”
He earns another round of laughter.
"I stand here because I choose you." He reaches out taking my hand in his. "I choose you every day. Not because I have to. Because I want to. I choose our daughters and these two idiots behind me. There’s not a life where I won’t choose this family we’ve built.”
I can't even see him through my tears.
Zeke steps back and Eli steps forward, taking my hand in his.
"I don't need paperwork to know you're my forever. I've loved watching you become a mother. I've loved watching you heal, and I'll spend the rest of my life making sure you never question whether you're enough again." Eli kisses my hands before stepping back, allowing Jay to take his place.
"I've always believed love is a choice." He looks directly at me. "And you are my choice. Our meeting wasn’t conventional, but I wouldn’t change it. So every morning for the rest of my life, I’ll be choosing you. When life is easy and when it’s hard.
When we’re exhausted and when we’re old.
You and our family are always my choice. ”
Then it's my turn. And I’m almost speechless.
“I spent most of my life thinking I had to earn love. That I had to be perfect. The three of you taught me I didn’t.
You’ve been there for me when I needed you most. You even saved my life.
” My eyes drift to the front row where Mrs. Hinkle sits beside Jose, each of them holding one of our babies.
“You showed me I am seen and accepted. You even managed to save something so special of my father’s.
” My lip begins to tremble, and I have to swallow the sob that wants to break free.
"I don't choose one of you over the others.
I choose all of you. I choose growing old beside all three of you. "
Zeke steps forward and slips a band on my finger.
Then I take the three rings from Sam and slide one on each of their fingers.
The officiant smiles. "Then let it be witnessed. Your commitment is complete. You may kiss your bride.”
Eli, Zeke, and Jay each take a turn kissing me.
“I pronounce you husbands and wife. Ladies and gentlemen, may I present to you Zeke, Eli, Jay, and Selena Carter.”
We're halfway through taking pictures when Abel steps up to us. We invited him, but made it clear my mother was not welcome. We weren’t sure if he’d show, but he did.
"It was a beautiful wedding."
“Thank you.”
He reaches inside his jacket and pulls out an envelope and hands it to me.
"This is for you."
Me? My hands shake as I accept it. Inside are house keys and paperwork. I unfold the top page and the world blurs.
"The house?" I whisper.
He nods.
"Your childhood home. It legally belongs to you now."
I can't process the words.
“Dad?” Eli asks as he takes the papers and looks at them.
“I know how much it meant to you. When Julia mentioned selling it, I should’ve made sure she gave it to you. I went to the owners and purchased it and had the deed transferred into your name."
My fingers tighten around the papers.
"I don’t know what to say.”
"I thought you deserved to decide what happens to it. Whether you move into it or not. I also hope that I can spend more time with my granddaughters. I want to be a part of their lives, and I have no problem with your restrictions. I know I need to earn back, not only my sons’ trust, but yours as well. ”
“I’m okay with that. We never wanted to keep you from them,” I tell him.
"I know, but I hurt people I should have protected." He glances toward his sons. "All of you."
“Thank you again for this.”
“I need to go. I wanted to let you know that your mother is getting therapy."
That is unexpected.
"I appreciate you telling me. But, I don't know if I'll ever be able to have a relationship with her." The words hurt. Because they're true. "I don't know if I can forgive what happened. How she treated me."
He nods immediately.
"I understand. I just felt you should know. I'd like to get to know you," he says softly. "If you'll let me."
I look around. At my husbands. At my chosen family.
"I'd like to try. But I’m not promising anything.”
His eyes shine.
"Thank you."
It's not forgiveness. Not yet. But maybe it's the first step in building the bridge.
For so long I believed family was something you were born into. Something you survived. Something that hurt. Now I know better. Family is also something you build. Something you protect. Something you choose.
And as I look around the table at the people here celebrating with us, I realize I’ve finally found what I spent my whole life searching for.
For the first time in my life, I know exactly where I belong.
Here with my husbands and my beautiful daughters.