Chapter 16
Jamison
"Why are you so tense?" Carmen asked. Then, without waiting for an answer, she adjusted my elbow and Tallulah's posture. "This is not a business meeting. This is dance. You must feel the movement."
"I don't really do feeling things," I groused.
She stepped back, eyeing us critically. "You will have to learn... Jamison, is it?"
"Yes," I answered, feeling properly chastised.
She studied us, then lifted her hands, measuring the distance between our bodies. "I need you closer together."
"But you said we shouldn't be too close," Tallulah reminded her.
Did I hear panic in her voice?
"I did, but there is no need to act as if you're maintaining social distance protocols. I need you a little closer together, please."
Tallulah shuffled closer, and so did I. Now there were only inches between us, and my nostrils captured the distinctive fragrance she wore. It was sweet, not cloying like the overwhelming perfumes some women tended to wear. A warm, sweet, inviting fragrance. Dangerously so.
A smile swept across Carmen's lips. "Much better. Now, Jamison, I need you to close your eyes, please."
I swung my head in her direction. "What did you say?"
"Close. Your. Eyes. Trust me."
Obviously, I didn't trust her, but I reluctantly did as she asked, feeling absolutely ridiculous.
"You too, Tallulah."
I tried to relax, but I couldn't. I was acutely aware of every point of contact between me and Tallulah. My hand on her back, her hand on my shoulder, our palms pressed together in the air.
"Good," Carmen said, her voice sounding closer and softer. "I want you to sway back and forth. Gently. Don't move from your position. Just sway. Jamison, you start and guide your partner."
Once again, I did as she asked.
"Good, good. Just like that. Continue to move, don't think about it too much. Feel the motion and let your body guide you. Now, add the steps. Remember, Jamison is leading. One, two, three. Yes, yes. One, two, three."
Behind the darkness of my eyelids, I was not allowed to overthink the mechanics of the steps, and it made a difference.
Tallulah followed me naturally, responding to the smallest pressure of my hand on her back.
When I stepped forward, she stepped back.
When I shifted right, she glided right along with me.
"Now, open your eyes," Carmen continued in the same soft voice.
I opened my eyes, and Tallulah was looking at me, her expression unguarded. Similar to how she had looked in the bakery when we were both high. Her lips were slightly parted, and her turquoise earrings swayed with our movements.
"There you go," Carmen said, backing away. "Continue to dance like that. One, two, three."
We shuffled across the floor, maintaining the connection we had found when our eyes were closed and we were entrenched in darkness.
"You're not doing too badly," my partner remarked.
"You're doing a good job yourself. I think your family was wrong about you."
"You think so?"
"I know so."
Her smile carved warmth into my chest.
We continued to execute the box step, and now we were more relaxed, she seamlessly followed my lead.
Every now and again, her hand tightened on my shoulder, especially during the turns.
I remained acutely aware of the warmth of her back under my palm and noticed how the skirt swirled around her calves. But we were doing much better.
Carmen clapped her hands to get our attention, and everyone in the class stopped dancing.
"Well done. Now, we're going to add music.
" She floated over to the sound system with an elegant walk.
She twisted a knob, and a gentle tune flowed through the speakers, a classical song I didn't recognize but which settled in my muscles.
"Same movements," she instructed. "Remember to let your male partner lead. From the top! One, two, three."
After an awkward start, Tallulah and I waltzed in place, using the music as our guide.
We danced to multiple songs, performing the same steps over and over.
With each repetition, the movements became easier and more natural.
After a while, I realized I had stopped counting.
Carmen wasn't counting either. She moved between us, occasionally repositioning the hand of one student or fixing the posture of another.
But ultimately, she allowed us to become one with the music.
Since I wasn't concentrating as hard, I noticed other aspects of Tallulah's appearance.
The ring in her nose wasn't a diamond. Upon closer inspection, it appeared to be another type of stone, as it lacked the brilliance of the more expensive gem.
I also noticed she bit her bottom lip when she was concentrating, and every now and again she looked up at me and smiled, as if to reassure me that I was doing a good job.
Whenever she did, I wanted to close the distance between us and finish what we had started at the bakery. A problem, I know. A huge problem.
Because Tallulah was the opposite of everything I had convinced myself I needed in my life.
I was a planner, but she was someone who went with the flow.
She used intuition to make decisions, whereas I relied heavily on data.
She was too much like Maria, my ex-wife.
Carefree, unconventional, and living by her own set of rules.
Was she really like Maria, though?
Life with my ex had been chaotic, and she tended to make impulsive decisions without considering the consequences. Tallulah, on the other hand, despite her unconventional beliefs, had built a successful business and raised a well-grounded daughter.
She didn't seem as careless as my ex-wife. Her behavior, though different from mine, seemed grounded in intentional actions, and those unconventional beliefs had helped me get the best sleep I'd had in months.
I wanted to know her better, but would it be strange for us to get involved when our kids were marrying each other?
"You're doing it again," Tallulah said.
I blinked. "Doing what?"
"Grinding your teeth and overthinking. A crease appears right above your nose." She lifted her hand from my shoulder and gently tapped the space between my eyebrows. "Right there, when you're thinking hard."
"I think hard a lot."
"Must be exhausting."
"Not really. It's my normal state."
The music ended, and Carmen gave the class a round of applause.
"Wonderful job, everyone! I am so very proud of you.
Well done. We've come to the end of our first class.
The next one is on Thursday, but I recommend you practice at home tomorrow night so you don't lose what you've learned this evening.
The more you practice, the easier the steps will become—like second nature. I'll see you all in two days!"
The other couples began gathering their belongings, chatting and laughing. Tallulah and I stepped apart, and longing surged through my chest as I missed the warmth and softness of her body close to mine.
"The class wasn't as terrible as I thought it would be," she said, picking up another one of her colorful bags from against the wall.
"I agree. I'm glad I didn't leave."
She slung the bag across her body and looked at me questioningly. "You were going to leave?"
"Right before you arrived. When I saw you, I changed my mind since I was basically caught."
"Well, I'm glad you stayed."
We said goodnight to the instructor and some of the other students who hung back chatting in the room. Walking down the stairs together, we made our way to the parking lot. Night had fully fallen, and the streetlights cast a golden glow on the cars and buildings around us.
"Thank you," I said.
"For what?" Tallulah asked as we strolled toward our vehicles.
"For not getting angry when I stepped on your foot. For not laughing at me for being incredibly awkward."
"I was laughing on the inside," she said flippantly.
"I figured."
She laughed out loud, the sound as beautiful and engaging as when I had first heard it at the bakery. Something inside me loosened and warmed. Her laughter had been burned into my brain since I first heard it, and I had relived the sound multiple times since then.
She unlocked her car but didn't climb in immediately. Standing beside the door, she held her keys and watched me with an expression I couldn't quite read.
"I heard you were nauseous the day after the bakery incident."
I nodded. "I've never been high before, and after what happened, I don't plan to ever be high again."
"Either you have a low tolerance or you had a bad reaction because you hadn't been exposed to cannabis before."
"I heard you didn't do so well yourself."
"Sadly, I have a low tolerance for weed. I tried it in my twenties and did not fare well. I'm one of those people who have a very intense reaction to it."
"Tough lesson to learn."
"Tell me about it. Well, sir, I enjoyed our dance tonight," she said, speaking in a formal tone.
I followed her lead, speaking in a formal tone as well. "As did I, milady. I'll see you on Thursday."
"So you're definitely coming back?"
"Only if you are." My response seemed to take her by surprise, her mouth falling partially open.
"I do plan to return. I don't want to embarrass my daughter at her wedding."
"I don't want to embarrass my son, but that won't be the reason for my return on Thursday."
"What will be the reason?" Her eyebrows came together.
"My dance partner. So I'll see you on Thursday."
"Yes, you will."
She bit her bottom lip like she had done when we were upstairs dancing and she was concentrating really hard. But this time it wasn't because she was concentrating. She was trying to hide the smile creeping into the corners of her mouth.
"Good night, Jamison."
"Good night, Tallulah." It was the first time I had said her first name out loud, and a spark lit in her eyes. I have to admit, I liked the way her name sounded on my lips.
After she climbed into the car, I backed away and walked to my own vehicle, lighter and more alive than when I had arrived. Rather than pessimistic dread, optimism flooded my veins.
Because despite knowing Tallulah was the opposite of the kind of woman I believed I needed in my life, I looked forward to seeing her again. I looked forward to holding her again.
I looked forward to what was happening between us.