Chapter 26
Anchor
“Summer, baby,” I say as I cup her cheek, trying to keep her with me, but she’s already gone, her eyes rolling as she passes out from a panic attack, and I grit my teeth, anger at myself for giving in like that, knowing she wasn’t ready.
Fuck what have I done?
My eyes tear up as I turn off the shower, and keeping a tight hold on Summer, I climb out of the shower just as the first tear falls.
Idiot, idiot, idiot…
With my body trembling full of regret, feeling like I took advantage of my vulnerable girl, I grab the towel and carry her into the bedroom and quickly lay her on the bed before drying her.
Her breathing now evened out, thank fuck, though the fact she doesn’t flinch as I dry her scares the fuck outta me.
I probably just brought every fucking traumatic event back to her.
What in the fuck did I do?
My tears fall hard and fast as I throw the towel across the room and grab the fresh shirt on the end of the bed before I gently put it over her head, and dress her, then ever so fucking slowly I pull the sheets from beneath her and cover her up as I take in her sleeping form.
I’ve always wondered what she’d feel like, how I’d feel when I finally had her, and it was amazing, she was all I could think about until reality came back and bit me in the fucking ass.
Fuck, fuck, fuck!
Running my hand through my wet hair with frustration, I turn away from Summer and go to my drawers.
I grab a fresh pair of boxers, a pair of sweats, and a shirt before I quickly change, throwing my wet boxers into the bathroom.
I drag a chair to the edge of the bed and take a seat, my eyes instantly going to my girl as my heart breaks.
What the fuck did I fucking do?
Clamping my teeth on my bottom lip, I decide I’m not moving. She’ll use this as an excuse to leave me. She won’t over the fuck up I did, but she would with this.
She’ll think I’ll need more, but I don’t. I just need her.
I just wish I had given her time to fucking heal before I let my emotions take over like a prick.
***
Four hours, I don’t fucking move for four hours, and neither does Summer, who is still passed out, and my head has been fucking swimming.
The guilt is too much for me to handle.
I should have pulled back. Why in the fuck did I not pull back?
My phone vibrates, but I ignore it like I have the past ten times it's buzzed, not moving from my spot, refusing to take my eyes off my girl.
I feel like I’ve taken advantage of her.
A soft knock echoes on my door, and Summer stirs slightly before going back into a deep sleep as the door opens and a presence enters the room but I don’t turn around.
“Brother?” Tank whispers as he walks over and crouches down near my chair, as I keep my eyes on Summer, her chest lightly moving and he admits, “I tried calling and I was worried when you didn’t answer.”
“We had sex,” I admit quietly, my heart fucking breaking at the fear that shone in her eyes after she realized what we did.
I did that to her by not pulling back, by giving into my urges that I’ve only felt with her.
“She freaked?” he confirms, and I nod once.
“She passed out,” I choke, “She wanted a shower and I kept my boxers on. I planned to just help her, but she kissed me, and fuck, I blacked out, brother. All I saw was the woman I fell in love with, wanting her, and I-I… fuck…”
Frustration builds through me as my tears fall yet again, and Tank grips my arm.
“She initiated the kiss, brother, meaning she wanted to try with you. Don’t beat yourself up,” he whispers, and I shake my head as I wipe my hand over my mouth, keeping my eyes on Summer, needing her to wake up and not look at me with disgust.
I spoke to my mama about this, scared about taking the next step with her, and she said, "Give her time," but I’m pretty sure she meant more than three fucking weeks!
Fuck she can’t even be near the brothers or any man for that matter.
“You didn’t take advantage of her, brother,” Tank says firmly, reading my mind, “She wanted you and you were there for her just like you are going to be there for her when she wakes and every single day after today, proving to her that you love her and that you are there for her especially while she goes through this pregnancy which will be extremely difficult for her.”
I nod as I bite my bottom lip hard, trying to take his words in.
I know he’s right, I know she wanted it during the act, that her memories took over, but fuck, the guilt man...
“I’m going to come and check on you every ten minutes, keep your door unlocked, brother, or I’ll break it down,” he rasps, and I nod again, not surprised.
What Trigger did scarred us all…
Giving my arm one last squeeze, Tank stands and walks out the door, but leaves it open slightly, and I wipe my palm down my face, and I take a deep breath as I lean my head back.
I’m tired, so fucking tired.
“Eric?” I hear the sweet voice that has always made my heart race, and I open my eyes and look at Summer, whose eyes are on me, her head still on my pillow, and I suck in a breath at not seeing disgust or fear, but sorrow and love.
“Hey sunshine,” I croak, giving her half a smile, and a tear falls from her beautiful dark blue eyes, breaking my fucking heart.
“You should leave me,” she whispers with a little cry, and I instantly shake my head as I push off the chair and storm over to her, refusing to allow her to think I’m better off without her.
I tried living without her around, and I failed.
Knowing she could go into another panic attack, knowing this could go very wrong, I do something very fucking stupid and I climb on top of her, lying in between her legs as I cage her in, my arms bracketing her head, the duvet the only thing keeping us apart.
Her eyes widen, but no fear shows in her eyes, so I gently give her some of my weight, and I lower my head and press my lips against hers cautiously and give her a little kiss, and as I pull back, she kisses me back hesitantly, and everything inside me relaxes.
I didn’t fuck us up.
“I love you, Summer,” I repeat for the millionth time in the past few days, our lips just touching. I admit, “I can’t live without you, I can’t imagine you not being here by my side.”
“Love isn’t always enough, Eric,” she chokes as she cups my cheeks, and I close my eyes, enjoying her touch as I hear the click of my door, and I know Tank has shut it to give us privacy.
“Love with you is everything, Summer,” I whisper, “Sex isn’t everything, you are.”
Her grip tightens on my cheek, and I press another kiss on her lips, missing her taste so fucking much.
“I’m pregnant, Eric,” she chokes, “I-I tainted you…”
Ah fuck.
My eyes widen slightly at the realization of why she went into a panic attack and I kiss her again, harder this time, shocking her and I growl against her lips, “You didn’t taint me, you made me fucking whole, sunshine, and what we did, it was everything, it completed me, so no, get that shit outta your head, because you didn’t taint me and as for the baby, I have told you I will be there for you every step of the fucking way and if you decide you want to keep it, I’ll get adoption papers drawn up, I’ll be its dad because I love its mama more than anything.
If you want to place it with another family far away from here, away from you, then I’ll help,” I place my forehead against hers, “I will do anything you fucking ask of me, Summer, because you are my forever just like I’m yours. We were always meant to be.”
Her tears fall as she wraps her arms around my neck and holds me close to her.
I press my face into the crook of her neck and hold her tightly, allowing my own tears to fall at her heartbreak and pain, and I repeat, “I love you,” over and over again, so she can get it in her head because I meant what I said, sex isn’t everything, and besides I have a right hand.
As long as I have her, nothing else matters.