Chapter 28
Summer
I gently run my index finger over the ‘ property of’ on the back of the leather cut Eric gave me forty minutes ago outside my college, shocking me completely as I ignore everyone chatting around me, my heart racing knowing I’ve only got one hour and twenty to make my mind up.
Do I put it on and try or do I break not only my heart but his by walking away?
Will he even let me walk away? Probably not…
I didn’t expect it, maybe before I was taken and not carrying my rapist’s baby, but not now, not when everything is so hard for us, for me, not when I won’t.
I sigh. I have slowly let him in, but I’ve refused intimacy, and I know he says he understands, but I thought a man couldn’t go without sex, I mean, he screwed that stripper…
It was only a few thrusts out of anger and pain, the stupid rational voice in my head reminds me but I silently tell it to shut up because it still wasn’t right.
Frustration builds inside me, along with confusion as I lean my head against Hannah’s shoulder, so grateful her and Shirley, Eric’s mama who I got extremely close with before I was taken are in my life.
Becoming the female figures I never got growing up, trying to help me heal, along with Ashley who has been raped as well, the trauma causing her to lose a baby at the time and for her husband to believe she was cheating when she closed herself off, not able to deal with what happened to her and the ass cheated instead of confronting her.
I know they are good now or well, she’s slowly learning to forgive him, but after months of groveling, of trying to win his wife back round, Trigger is still in my bad books.
He tried to kill himself, which I get, the guilt, the pain was too much. I’ve wanted to do the same thing and thought about it a lot, but he had a wife and son to think of.
You had Eric, the stupid voice mutters again, and I swear…
It is right, though. I did, no, I do have Eric, and what I tried to do nearly killed him, and the fact that despite knowing I’m pregnant, I want to try again which just makes me selfish.
I slowly turn the cut around and eye my nickname embroidered on the front, making my heart skip a beat.
I thought he was going to walk away at some point, that he’d give up trying to help me because I’m too broken, until he gave me this leather and the gorgeous pink oval ring currently squeezed in my hand, most likely indenting my skin with how tight I’m holding it.
The feel of his body pressed against mine as he thrusted into me while holding me up against the shower wall flashes through my mind, and I swallow hard at how right it felt.
I didn’t freak out before we slept together, something I always wanted, and most importantly, I didn’t freak out while doing the act itself. No, instead, I relished in it, felt the pleasure, let it consume me, let him consume me.
It was afterwards that my mind wandered, my pain, the thought of tainting a man I have loved for so long with everything in me, the only man I have ever loved that sent me reeling.
Dr. Philips helped me realize that Eric is my well, funny enough, he’s my anchor.
He keeps me centered and helps me stay in reality, not in my past. When we slept together, I thought I’d transfer something to him, even knowing Doc and Tank said my test results came back clean, that despite the deep scarring of my tissue walls down below, everything is okay, which apparently is a miracle considering what I had done to me while others weren’t as lucky.
They didn’t try to kill their abusers after they hurt them once, I did, meaning they are left permanently…
damaged. I guess is the right word to use, or maybe not, I don’t know, but anyhow, some may never be able to get intimate again because of their trauma, their injuries and despite being there the longest, I came out pretty okay in that department I guess.
I mean don’t get me wrong, I’m considered high risk during pregnancy but I can still get pregnant, others can’t.
I swallow hard and grip the ring even tighter in my hand, confusion filling me.
He never slept with me back then, yet he was willing to wait for me. He bought a ring and had the leather made.
What if I sucked in bed?
What if I couldn’t get wet for him?
Well, the answer is, I don’t think he would have cared, not with everything he’s doing right now for me.
I have the urge to put it on, to see how it feels, but a part of me knows if I put it on, I’ll never take it off again, and that thought alone scares me because I still feel like he deserves more than me, than my hell.
“You know every woman in this room has dreamed of getting that leather you are contemplating not putting on,” someone says, and I look up and lock eyes with Cherry, a clubwhore who stays away from me, who also works at Rebel’s Honeys.
There’s no hate, no judgment in her dark brown eyes, only concern, which is weird because I always thought the clubwhores hated the women the brothers fall for, or well, Juicy and Pussy did before they got kicked out.
“You know Anchor won’t let you get away with telling him no, right?” Cotton says as she stands next to Cherry, and I swallow hard but nod my head.
He already mentioned he’ll fight for me until I decide to put it on. He won’t force me because of what I went through, which makes me love him even more and hate myself further.
“They are right, sweetheart,” Hannah whispers, and I swallow hard, looking back at the leather while fisting the ring even tighter.
I never wanted this kind of life, and I don’t mean the MC one.
I wanted to become a social worker and help kids and maybe have several cats like a crazy cat lady, but then in waltzes this big, bad biker, refusing to let me say no, demanding I dump a guy I was already going to, and he bulldozed into my life.
He made me fall in love with him, he made me want this kind of life, but only with him, and then I was taken. It felt like everything changed, that I wouldn’t survive despite his image alone getting me through the worst times in my life.
“He deserves more than me,” I whisper, and Hannah sucks in a breath as I choke, “I’m carrying my rapist’s baby and freak out when a male is close to me. I’m broken, dirty –”
“No!” Cherry snaps cutting me off, and I look at her as she growls, “You are kind, beautiful, smart, and so goddamn brave. You are a survivor.”
My mouth parts in shock as Cotton adds, “Anchor is lucky to have you. He’s lucky that you are willing to give him a chance, now get out of your head and put that leather on with pride.
” Her light blue eyes soften as a tear falls down my cheek, and she whispers, “Let him love you the way you are supposed to be loved.”
I look down and slowly open my hand, the ring coming into view, and everyone gasps, while I eye it, the description catching my attention yet again.
Always My Sunshine
Can I do this?
Can I bring him into my mess, my torment?
It isn’t going to be easy, he has to know that, right?
Squeezing my eyes tight, the memories of my time in the cage, the pleading, the crying, the constant fear of the unknown fill me before I feel Hanz’s hands on me, forcing me to take him, and my breathing picks up.
I can’t put this on Eric, I-I can’t…
“I’ve always wanted to use this on a woman but my wife isn’t into this kind of kink,” the naked man before me chuckles as he holds up a stick that is full of needles around the outside and I fight against the chains as where I’m forced to lay on my front, my ass pulled up in the air, and I scream against the ball gag.
The guy chuckles as he rounds me, and my fear hits me hard just as I feel him at my dry entrance.
I thrash harder against the chains, my eyes watering as he thrusts inside me just as he drags the needles down my spine and I cry out into the ball gag as so much pain hits me at once that I feel like I’m about to be sick...
“Think of Anchor, sweetheart,” Hannah whispers, bringing me out of my memory, “Think of how much he loves you, how he’ll never want to lose you.”
“I swear when I get a hold of you,” Eric growls, and I giggle as I run around my dining table, still holding the jug that I just poured over his head full of melted chocolate, cooled obviously.
The man said I burnt it, I really don’t know what he expected me to do…
I rush towards the counter, but before I can use it as a guard, a strong arm wraps around my waist and yanks me back, and I squeal out a giggle as Eric tickles me.
I squirm against him and lie, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” my laughter coming out as I turn my head and get a good look at him.
A sparkle shines bright in his eyes despite the mock glare he’s giving me before he kisses me in a hard, bruising kiss, and I laugh even more against his lips as I admit, “Okay, you were right, I did burn the chocolate,” the burnt taste hitting my senses, and he shakes his head fast, spraying chocolate all over me, and I laugh even louder.
I blink and look at the ring again, just as long red nails come into view, and I look up as Cherry kneels before me and takes the ring, smiling at it as she gently grabs my left hand and pushes the ring onto my wedding finger, and I swear everything inside me settles.
It feels right, so goddamn right.
My eyes tear up as Cherry gently holds my hand and helps me stand, just as Cotton and Skittles stop beside us. Skittles grabs the leather, then slowly helps me put it on before coming to stand before me, and she grins, her multi-colored hair actually suiting her.
“Perfect,” she whispers just as the door to church opens and Ace commands, “What is going on?”
The ladies grin before they part, ensuring I can be seen, and I lock eyes with Eric, who smiles widely, seeing his patch on me and I swear his eyes look misty.
“Well, it is about fucking time,” he whispers before he looks at the clubwhores surrounding me with a furrowed brow, his smile vanishing and Hannah quickly announces, “They convinced her to put them on, actually Cherry put the engagement ring on her and Skittles and Cotton helped her put the cut on.”
Eric nods as his eyes take me in, all the brothers watching with a soft smile, and my heart flutters at the love he’s showing me.
Can we do this?
Is it really possible despite everything?
“We’re doing this,” he confirms my thoughts as he walks over to me, “I’m not letting you go.
I bought you those because I knew you were my forever and I kept them because I knew deep down, I’d find my way back to you,” he stops before me and cups my cheek, “Let’s go home, sunshine, start our life together with a movie. ”
Damn, the intensity that shines back at me makes my stomach tighten but in a good way, the feeling of butterflies swarming me consumes me.
I nod and he wraps his arm around me and guides me towards the back door while all the brothers watch us go, and I lean into Eric, hoping he doesn’t regret this, that he doesn’t hurt me any more than I’ve already been hurt.
Wait, don’t I still need to punish him for dipping his stick?