Chapter 29
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Mac
O livia and I skipped out for the rest of the day. I took her home and made love to her, using our bodies to show her how much I treasured her. Cherished her.
She looked defeated and so damn sad.
I left her curled on the couch, with a cup of caramel-bourbon-laced hot chocolate while Buster and I went to pick up Rosie from school.
“Is Mom okay?” Rosie’s brow furrowed in concern. “How did it go today? Did they fire her?”
“No, Buttercup. It wasn’t pretty, but nothing has happened yet.” And I was determined to do whatever it took to get us both what we wanted.
“Thank God. She’s worked so hard and finally made chief. It would be terrible if she lost this job.”
I hated that my baby girl was concerned over this. She should be worried about regular kid stuff, and this whole situation was worrisome even for adults. It didn’t sit well with me.
For so long, I’d only had to consider myself. And I thought I’d been okay with that. But the moment they came back into my life, I realized how wrong I’d been. I was so in love with them and couldn’t imagine even a day without them.
Guilt and this sense of failure roiled around in my chest.
If it weren’t for my stupid need to hit that retirement goal, none of this would’ve been an issue. The Watkins attack and the courthouse fire would’ve still happened, but this fallout wouldn’t be an issue.
“Plus,” Rosie continued, absently loving on Buster, who sat behind her with his head propped on her seat. “I really like it here. What if mom loses this job? We’d have to leave and move somewhere else. Moving sucks. I’ve just now made friends.”
I glanced to see her cheeks a bright pink.
“That’s selfish, I know. But it’s the truth. Plus, Mom’s happier than she’s ever been. And then there’s you. I wouldn’t want to leave you.”
The more Rosie talked, the more she drove home that it was up to me to fix this situation. Olivia would only leave if she had to. And if she left, she’d be taking Rosie. And that was not going to happen. I didn’t care what decisions had to be made. I’d find a damn way to keep my family together.
When we got to the house, Rosie flew through the door. Olivia was at the kitchen table scrolling on her laptop. I dropped my keys in the basket they’d bought to collect my things and leaned down to drop a kiss on her head.
On the laptop screen was a web page for job postings .
“What the hell is that?” I didn’t even pretend like I hadn’t snooped over her shoulder.
Olivia squared her shoulders, the ice queen preparing to go to battle.
“Nope, don’t even go there.” I stopped her before she could start. “Don’t tell me you’re thinking of leaving NFD. That’s not going to happen.”
“Mac, we have to be reasonable about this. Smith isn’t done with his tirade. I’ve already hurt the department enough.”
“How?”
“By casting us in such a negative light.”
Her words felt like a slap across the face. That’s what we were? That’s how she felt? That we were negative.
I clenched my teeth, biting back the hurt and anger.
And then reality sank in. She was planning to leave.
Her goals and dreams meant so much to her that she was willing to leave. Sure, she could try and find something close. But we both knew fire chief positions didn’t come easily. And it was likely that it would mean relocation.
I stood stock-still, the truth of it staring me in the face.
I wanted to pitch a fit. Yell. Ask her what about me? What about us? What about Rosie?
But the truth was… she didn’t love me enough to stay and make it work.
I turned on wooden legs and stumbled out the door, walking aimlessly toward the shop, then past it, Buster hot on my heels.
One thought going through my head.
She didn’t really love me, and she was leaving. And my whole world would crumble when they left.
I dropped to the grass on the bank of the pond, the emptiness in my chest a void greater than I’d ever known .
I’d been through this before. I’d faced a quiet house for so long because it hurt so damn bad to know I wasn’t worth fighting for.
I sat there until the sun began to set, an orange glow across the water that usually brought me peace. I couldn’t look at the house that would be empty. I couldn’t think of anything beyond how quiet it would be without them. How lonely I would be. All the nights I’d been here, alone, had never mattered until they came and filled up the space. My life.
My whole fucking body hurt at the thought of losing them.
A shuffle behind me brought me back to the present. A blanket landed on the grass next to me, and then Olivia sat. I couldn’t look at her beautiful face anymore, so I stared out over the water.
“Hey. You okay?”
I couldn’t believe she was asking me that. “No, I’m fucking not okay.” The words came out gruff, laced with hurt and anger.
“Mac. Talk to me.”
Good God, would I ever get over hearing her voice? I swallowed thickly, still searching the water, unable to conjure a response.
“Mac, hey.” She dragged my hand off my knee, gripping it with both of hers. I stared at the place we were connected, not understanding how we could fit so well together and still seem so far apart.
“Mac.”
I watched as her hand squeezed mine. Strong, capable hands, with fingers that knew when and how to be delicate. Fingers that were now shaking. Fingers with busted knuckles because she’d fought like a champ. I imagined those knuckles healed, and those fingers decorated with my ring.
Then she pulled my arm aside and slipped over my legs, straddling me. Releasing my hand and cupping my jaw, her thumbs tracing over my cheeks. I closed my eyes because she was just too beautiful to look at when my heart was so raw.
“My sweet man,” she whispered, dropping a soft kiss to my lips. “I love you so much. You have the biggest heart of anyone I’ve ever known.”
I swallowed thickly, realizing she was wiping tears from my face, feeling like the biggest fool in the world.
Her arms slipped around my neck as she pulled me close.
Finally, my body responded, my arms wrapping around her. I buried my face in her neck, breathing her in like she alone could sustain me.
“Liv,” I choked out. I didn’t know what I wanted to say—so many things, but none of the right words to say them.
I squeezed her tighter, unable to stop myself from clinging to her. Her head fell to mine, her gentle breath providing the calm that eventually seeped into me.
She shifted, her lips trailing my ear. “Sweetheart,” she whispered. “Tell me what it is. What’s wrong?”
“You can’t—” My voice broke on a sob. Fuck, I couldn’t even say the word.
She squeezed me tighter. Her body shaking against mine. Was this unbearable pain something we shared?
Her breasts rose on an inhale. “You think—” She paused before continuing, “Of course it is. You thought it meant that I wanted to leave.” Her palm skimmed my face, and she pressed a kiss to my forehead like the fucking child I was. “Mac, I’m so sorry. It’s killing me to see you so upset. ”
I pulled back, the need to see her eyes urgent. “You’re not going anywhere,” I declared. “We’ll figure it out.”
Something slipped through her eyes as she leaned in to kiss me. “Come on back to the house. Rosie is worried.”
I let her pull me to my feet and walked arm in arm with her back to the house. Rosie had set the table and prepared supper and was oddly quiet. Buster lay at her feet.
Under her watchful eye, I forced myself to eat her meal, having to chew each bite twice to get it to go down. But I couldn’t get the image of the three of them driving away out of my head. Because I knew that if they did leave, I’d send Buster with Rosie.
We watched a little TV and spent a quiet night with the three of us snuggled on the couch, one under each arm, stretched out with our feet kicked out in a line on the ottoman. I couldn’t quite make it past the two smaller sock-clad feet flanking mine to pay attention to whatever show they’d picked.
My mind spun the whole time.
When we went to bed, Olivia made love to me gently, sweetly. My heart decided it was another goodbye.
We dressed, me in my sleep pants that she loved so much, her in her silky nightgown. When she curled up next to me, pressing her back to my front, I held her tightly in my arms and lay there listening to the sounds of her deep breathing, sifting my fingers across the soft fabric of her nightgown as she drifted off to sleep.
The glow of the moon lit the bedroom enough for me to tell when the door opened quietly. Rosie peeked around the doorway. I lifted my head to let her know I was awake.
She padded closer, fidgeting.
Without a word, I rolled to my back and lifted an arm out to her. She curled up, head on my shoulder, her body giving a soft shudder every once in a while.
The vise grip on my heart tightened even more. My girl had been crying, and I hated knowing it.
Buster jumped up and, after his three requisite spins, curled at Rosie’s feet. Only then did she fall asleep.
I lay there for I don’t know how long, just listening to the sounds of the ones I loved most in the world sleeping. Comforted by their nearness.
I didn’t know how I’d manage it. Maybe it would mean giving up the seniority I’d built and starting over. I would sell the lake house and the boat, or maybe even go work for another fifteen or twenty years somewhere else. Maybe we’d eat ramen and not take vacations.
One thing was certain, I’d give up everything I owned, but I wouldn’t give them up.
And if Olivia keeping her position was the thing that would make her happy and keep them with me, then I would make it happen. I’d do anything to keep us together.
I swallowed thickly. On the one hand, I wasn’t ready. Wasn’t ready to say goodbye to the career that had defined me. The family I’d made with my crew.
On the other, it was time.
The all-night calls, the twenty-four-hour marathons.
The adrenaline highs and lows.
Leaving my shift would be hard. But being with Olivia and Rosie would be worth it. This was what it meant to be loved. Sharing dreams, sacrifice. Sticking around in the hard times.
Love wasn’t just kept in memories and old houses. Love was in the foundation of the family that lived in the house.
And these two loved me.
Despite my grumpy nature. And my solitary habits .
These two made my world brighter. So bright, there would only be darkness if they weren’t in it. So it was up to me to keep that brightness. To prove myself worthy of their love.
My mind made up, I drifted to sleep as the night sky faded and the sun began to rise.
Around mid-morning—after too few hours of sleep, even if I was surrounded by the loves of my life—I made a phone call to Trina, Olivia’s HR attorney. Her excitement at going against the city was palpable even through the phone, and I found her waiting outside city hall by the time I got there.
Together, we stalked down the long hallway to the Human Resources office, where I was informed that the director was in a meeting with the mayor and city manager.
“You can’t go in there!” Her words bounced off my back as I pushed through the door.
“I don’t care what the handbook says…” The mayor, red-faced, with spittle gathered from the corner of his mouth, loomed over the desk.
“Tsk tsk, Mr. Mayor. Now, I know you don’t want to violate your adopted Human Resources handbook and open yourself and the city up to litigation.” Trina sounded almost gleeful at the idea. The woman was a shark. “Generally speaking, of course.”
“What in the hell are you doing here? You can’t be in here. I’m calling the police and will have you escorted out of here,” he blustered, jowls wobbling as he aimed his furious words at us. Mr. Bloom audibly groaned, and the HR director looked defeated.
I had a feeling I knew why the man would be willing to risk breaking their own handbook. Was it legal and enforceable? I had no idea, and that’s why I’d called in Trina. And I hoped that by the time I walked out, we’d have some resolution.
“I have a proposition for you, Mr. Mayor.”
An hour later, I walked out feeling lighter than I had in years. After leaving Trina at her car, I stood on the sidewalk, looking out at the park in the distance. The artwork that had been destroyed in the tornado was starting to be replaced, slowly and surely, with new pieces. I strolled down the block to get a better look. Someone had created a chalk drawing on the concrete at the entrance to the park, the image of a beautiful sunrise over the city.
I didn’t know what direction my life was about to head in, what career I might find. I just knew that Olivia and Rosie would be with me.