Chapter 41
Breaking.
That was this tortuous ache. This soul-deep rupture.
The Issaraeth had already maimed me; I didn’t think he could have hurt me any worse before. But as he walked away from me then, having threatened to fuck his betrothed instead of me, I knew we were doomed.
At the thought of him touching her, lightning shattered through my veins, white-hot and merciless. I clutched my hands over my chest, pressing into my heart like I could put the pieces back together.
Why did I feel this way?
I should have wanted him to want her instead of me.
Instead, I was a jealous, weeping mess. A fool.
Because even though he’d hunted me down, even though he’d killed people right in front of me, he’d protected me time and time again. Given me daily doses of virelthorn because he knew I would rather die than See.
And for whatever fucked up reason…that weighed more heavily than most of his sins against me.
Because it was what I had always wanted and never had.
That safety. That devotion.
I hobbled back to my room, the healer forgotten when agony lived where I used to.
“Sylaira,” Heraphia breathed, racing into my room as I closed the door behind me with a sob.
I reached for her. We collapsed together like birds with broken wings, feathers soaked in sorrow instead of rain.
Only she had the strength to guide us to a chair. “What happened?”
“He’s–he’s,” I choked out, unable to continue.
“Breathe,” she soothed, the familiar warmth of her skin anchoring me. She smoothed her hand over my unbound hair, working out the tangles as I gathered the ability to speak.
I inhaled—shaky, jagged. “He’s going to sleep with Dasha.”
“What a prick,” she scoffed, holding me tighter. “He doesn’t deserve you, Sylaira. I don’t know why the Goddess bonded you to him. But it’s abundantly clear it was a colossal mistake.”
“You’re right about that,” I sniffed, snatching for threads of calm. But my head was clouded, thick with the fog of fury and heartbreak. “I want to go home.”
But what was home, truly?
We’d left that place long ago, always running, always hiding from the crown because of our power.
The barrier to keep the Issaraeth out of my head held strong, firm and unyielding. He didn’t get to feel everything he’d done to me.
But it didn’t shut out the tempest that raged from his side. Not that he ever showed those emotions to anyone other than me. It was difficult to believe he truly possessed them.
Fuck him. He wasn’t allowed to be upset about this—not after what he said.
“I do too. I miss Zuriel so much.” Heraphia’s voice fractured on her husband’s name.
I lifted my head and met her gaze. “Then let’s go find him.”
Her brows shot up her forehead. “You can’t be serious.”
“Oh, but I am.” It was reckless, trying to escape here. But this maelstrom inside me was self-destructive, and rationally cowered beneath it. What did I have to lose at this point, really?
And it would only serve to tarnish the Issaraeth if we escaped out from under his nose.
“All we have to do is wait in the garden until the guards pass by. Then we run for the wall. We’ll fly over and up into the canopy. The forest is thick on the west side. We’ll lose them easily.”
“What about Vaeron?” she asked.
Because, of course, our bond would lead him straight to us.
“He hasn’t chased after me yet. He won’t now that he knows he has a more willing female to warm his bed,” I said, nails digging into my palms until that pain grounded me against his betrayal.
“We go at dusk then,” Heraphia said, backing away from me and toward my wardrobe. I joined her there, shifting through all the clothes provided to us and finding the darkest fabric.
“Yes. And we eat dinner like normal. We can say we’re going for a walk after since I didn’t make it to the healer today and need to strengthen my knee. They won’t deny us.”
Truly, the Sightkeepers and servants allowed us free reign of our space. With so many of them around, watchful eyes were ever present. For our protection of course.
My best friend nodded along as we worked through the rest of our plan.
We kept our cool all the way through the evening meal, even laughing along when another Seer told a joke. Lyriasthe suspected nothing as she bid us a good turn through the lush garden.
Sunlight struck the sentinels’ armor like divine judgement, momentarily blinding me, as we stepped outside.
We nodded to them and looped our arms together. I leaned on my friend for support as we strolled toward the fruit trees a short distance away. Even exaggerated my limp for good measure.
“They won’t suspect we’re trying to escape if I can scarcely walk on my own,” I muttered under my breath when Heraphia shot me a concerned look.
“Smart,” she laughed, though it was forced and threaded with strain. “They’ll think you’re harmless. Little do they know.”
A giggle joined her mirth, further masking our escape. Let them think we were two silly females out for a stroll. Their assumptions would be their downfall.
We paused, bending down to pick up a few battered oranges. Then, we tossed them one by one into the underbrush. A Sightkeeper emerged from between a group of massive palms at the sound.
“Sorry, we were trying to get them out of our path,” Heraphia apologized, eyes widening and lower lip sticking ever so slightly out.
The male raked his gaze over our forms in a way that made my skin crawl. I resisted the urge to adjust the straps on my dress.
“Carry on,” he ground out eventually.
We wasted no time in getting away from him. My best friend glanced over her shoulder before we rounded the corner toward a small pool in the center of the garden.
“He’s not following us,” she whispered.
Yet the tension in my shoulders didn’t ease. I didn’t trust that there weren’t others around, keeping a close watch on us.
The sun softened further, casting the gazebo in a golden haze. A wide, stone staircase led down to the water. Once again leaning on my friend, we approached the still pond. Lilies floated on the surface, their fragrance curling in my nostrils and taking root.
I glanced up, finding two males chatting as they made their rounds.
Neither paid us much attention as we settled on a bench beneath a few low trees, their limbs reaching for the water.
“There should only be one more group,” Heraphia stated, blinking rapidly.
Without virelthorn suppressing her visions, her intuition was sharper than mine. It didn’t take much for her to peer into the near future.
I was immensely grateful for her sacrifice, to continue to wander into the violent darkness so that I didn't have to.
True to her word, three more sentinels passed by a minute later. They took a harder look at us, but they didn’t stop.
“Now,” I hissed once they were out of sight.
In a blink, we crouched and dipped our hands into the silt of the pool. Slapping handfuls over our hair, we darkened the telltale gleam of silver and pearl. Then, we rubbed more on our skin to blend in with the twilight.
The sun disappeared over the horizon, casting an eerie, haunting glow over the garden.
I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply, diving into the undulating well of light in my chest. As I tugged the threads and wove wings at my back, I offered it a silent plea to aid us in our escape.
Heraphia pulled hers into existence too, a few light flaps lifting her off the ground. White feathers glittered as she spun a slow circle, head turning on a swivel.
Once she gave the signal, I joined her in the sky. We dove into a thick part of the garden, impassable except for the path cutting through it.
Sharp thorns battered my exposed skin. Feathers snagged on branches like the palace trees didn’t want to surrender me to the cloud forest beyond. I gritted my teeth and kept pushing through. We had to reach the treetops and fly over the walls.
I checked behind us for any sign of pursuit.
There was none.
A grin bloomed on my face, the taste of freedom on my tongue.
The high marble came into view a moment later. Heraphia sailed toward it, only her wings visible in the dark.
A torch flickered to our left. I flapped hard and grabbed her ankle, hauling her backward. Deftly, she snatched a thick bough and banished her feathers. I did the same, the two of us hanging a hundred feet off the ground.
The muscles in my shoulders quaked from the effort as a sentry passed below us. My hand slipped, slick with moisture. I slammed my lips shut to keep from crying out as I righted myself.
The moment he was out of sight, I called on my power and released the branch. Heraphia and I sailed toward our liberation again, heads pivoting in all directions to ensure our surreptitious escape.
Hope starleaped in my chest as we cleared the stones.
“We’re really doing this!” Heraphia celebrated, her voice no louder than a whisper. The widest smile I’d seen on her in ages shone in the pitch.
I couldn’t help but mirror the expression.
An image of Heraphia racing toward Zuriel, of him capturing her in his arms and twirling her with unbounded love, rose. The clarity was almost a prophecy, and my heart ached for the happiness I could almost reach out and touch.
I wanted that so badly for her.
For myself.
I slapped the thought away before it could take root.
We banked right, toward the Skala Mountains, toward the Demon Realm. And far, far away from the male who was my ultimate villain. The stories our parents told us as children had nothing on the reality of my mate.
Tears blurred my vision at the thought of him again.
Surely, this torment belonged to our connection. Not to me. Not to that spark that still reached for him.
At the thought of the beast in my chest, it awoke. Angry. Gnashing its teeth.
A cry slipped from my throat as an invisible rope yanked me backward.
Heraphia spun, concern etching a deep line between her brows. “What’s wrong?”
“Bond,” I gasped, forcing a few more flaps.
This is better, you stupid, stupid magic. He doesn’t want us anyway. His betrothed is much better suited to him.