Chapter 28 #2
“We should talk.” Now that we finally had a moment to ourselves. Privacy was limited, with only canvas walls between us and the soldiers. It was better when they were distracted with their nightly chores.
One silver brow raised. “About what happened with you? Absolutely.”
“Where are Lyriasthe and Maelsar? I only want to go over this once,” I sighed, rubbing the back of my neck.
“Getting us all food. We wanted to wait for you to…finish what you were doing before we ate.” She wrinkled her nose. “But they’ve been gone a while, and I figured they made a detour before stopping at a dining station.”
I huffed a small laugh. “I’m inclined to agree with you on that.”
She shuffled to the side of the log, and I settled beside her. Energy crackled under my skin as we remained an inch apart from one another.
“How are you feeling?” I ventured, studying her for the slightest shift.
A frown tugged down the corners of her mouth, and she stared into the fire again.
“Like I’m no better than the people I hate.
I knew, I fucking knew.” She swallowed, a tremor wracking her frame.
She fisted her hands at her sides. “I knew that if I dared surrender my pacifist beliefs, I’d end up here.
Like this. And yet now that I’ve arrived, I can’t seem to find it within me to care.
And that’s what makes me hate myself most of all. ”
“Rage, little fugitive. You don’t have to hold back with me.”
She flicked her gaze in my direction, a heaviness to her that I’d yet to witness. “What if I can’t hold it back once the storm starts?”
“Then I will stand beneath its downpour and welcome every drop that strikes me.” I took her hands in mine, her skin so smooth beneath my callouses.
“For so long, duty has ruled my life. Until you crashed into it and washed away everything I’d ever known.
” I tucked a lock of her hair behind her ear, revealing the studs embedded in the point.
“I thought that was all I was meant for. But now I know I am meant to guide you, to be the sword at your front and the shield at your back. You are not meant to be a killer. Save that for me.”
Her breath hitched as I cupped her cheek. “But if I am not there, you fight for your life. You protect yourself. You protect those you love. Helene was not innocent. She was a shackle. A threat to us. And right now, little fugitive, my goal is to remove every single one.”
A tear rolled down her cheek. “Thank you.”
I caught it with the tip of my finger and brought it to my mouth. “At least, for once, these are tears of happiness.”
“I never said I was happy with your words,” she protested, but her lips twisted into a smile.
I pressed my hand over the well of magic in my chest. “You didn’t have to. I feel it.” Leaning in, I slanted my mouth over hers. The scent of crushed ghostflower enveloped me, and I groaned, pulling her closer. Savoring that she melted into me instead of shoving me away.
Until someone cleared their throat.
With a snarl, I broke away from her, finding Maelsar and Lyriasthe with plates in each hand. At least after restocking our supplies in Vyss, they were full. It was the only good thing that came out of stopping in that city.
“We can take another lap if you want. I know you only need two minutes,” Maelsar ribbed. Beside him, Lyriasthe’s shoulders shook like she was holding back a laugh.
“Fuck you, Maelsar,” I grumbled, gesturing for them to join us around the fire.
He handed me a plate while Lyriasthe offered one to Sylaira. Once she settled, Lyriasthe flicked out her magic, forming a shimmering ring around us.
“While Lyriasthe holds the Illusion, I’ll send everyone away with my Mirror if they get too close,” Maelsar said, digging into a pile of mashed oats. “There’s no fucking privacy in this whole camp. I’m tired of it.”
“As am I,” I agreed, biting into a hunk of game. Truly, even though we’d need to move on quickly from Eloi, I welcomed a room with real walls, down a long hall where I’d hear someone approach.
The food should have been delicious, especially after surviving on gruel for so long. But each bite was ash in my mouth. I had to drain an entire waterskin just to force it down. And the moment I finished, Maelsar insisted I speak.
I dragged my gaze up to the stars like the Goddess would appear and tell me that my oldest friend wouldn’t look at me like a monster after I confessed.
When I told Sylaira I’d consumed Demon blood, she hadn’t run screaming from the room.
But she’d also been drowning in grief with no space for anything else.
“You remember how my mother died,” I said softly, locking eyes with Maelsar.
He nodded, continuing to chew.
“I didn’t tell you the whole story.” A muscle jumped in my jaw. The scent of apples emerged along with the memory. “The Demon who gave me this,” I gestured to the scar over my eyebrow, “gave me another gift too.”
Maelsar and Lyriasthe went still, focus locked on me.
“I swallowed some of his blood while I killed him. It was an accident,” I added in a rush. “By the time I reached my father, my hair had changed to an iron gray.”
At the time, Maelsar had thought the difference strange. I’d told him it had been too long since we’d seen one another and he’d forgotten what I looked like. Here we were, centuries later, and now he finally knew the truth.
His face remained impassive, and my stomach twisted. If I couldn’t trust him with this, I’d never be able to allow him close again.
“Did Iaoth know?” he asked, his tone even and betraying nothing of his internal state.
“Yes,” I admitted.
“She held this against you, didn’t she? All those times I questioned why you’d obey her when she was so cruel to you…”